“Ugh, this is impossible,” I huff, ripping yet another blouse off over my head and flinging it across the room. I’m never that picky about what I wear, always been a jean and t-shirt kind of girl, but the fact that I still have no idea what I’m wearing tonight is stressing me the fuck out. I mean seriously, shouldn’t they make how-to books for this?
What To Wear When Meeting The Woman Your Now Kind-Of-Boyfriend Used To Love And Probably Still Does.
Yeah, they should definitely make one of those.
I sigh, defeated, and pull a coral v-neck over my head before pulling on my favorite pair of distressed skinny jeans. I’m supposed to meet Tanner at the hospital in an hour, so my time to look for something decent to wear tonight has expired.
“Hey,” Trista knocks softly on my doorframe before leaning against it and crossing her arms. “You heading out to see lover boy?”
I smile, wishing I could at least pretend like he isn’t affecting me the way he is. “Yeah. He wants me to meet him at the hospital before our…” I pause, contemplating what to call it. “Thing, tonight.”
Trista rolls her eyes, “I still can’t believe he’s got you meeting his ex.”
“They technically never dated,” I try to defend myself.
“Whatever, close enough. He’s lucky you put up with the shit he asks you to.”
I grab my jacket and slip it over my shoulders, “If I didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t. He doesn’t own me or anything.”
“You sure about that?” Trista’s eyebrows shoot up and she props her foot on her knee like a fucking flamingo. She always stands like that when she’s cooking, too. Weird, but a little endearing,too.
I give her the “Pah-lease” glare, but inside I’m not so sure. I know he doesn’t own me, but he does do something to me – something no one else ever has.
Ugh. I sound like a bad romance movie.
I sling my purse over my shoulder just as my phone rings, my Mee Ma’s face illuminating the screen. Thank God, I could use a voice of reason right now.
“I’m heading out. I’ll be home a little later to get ready for tonight, but I have absolutely nothing to wear. Will you help me?” I poke out my pouty lip and bat my lashes at Trista.
She laughs, “Yes, I’ll help you. But just so we’re clear, I’m not sold on this ‘thing’ tonight yet.”
“You don’t have to be sold, you just need to make me look hot.”
“Now that,” she waves her finger at me and smiles. “I can handle.”
“Thank you, I totally owe you. I’ll text you on my way home.” I offer her one last smile before slipping out the front door and quickly answering my phone, balancing it between my ear and shoulder as I turn the key, “Hey, Mee Ma.”
“Hi, sweetheart!” she exclaims, her warm voice soothing my nerves. I swear it’s like an instant feeling of calm washes over me the second I hear her voice. “Oh, it’s so good to hear your voice. How are you, Peaches?”
“Much better now that I’m talking to you, Mee Ma. How’s Seth? How’s Dad?”
“Oh, they’re fine. Boys being boys, as usual. Your dad is trying out some new invention he conjured up that makes fresh orange juice. I tried to tell him to just get a darn juicer from the store, but you know how he is.”
I laugh, thinking of all the years I’ve watched my dad think up his crazy inventions. We have a whole garage full of junk that’s accumulated from projects gone wrong. He did make me a pretty awesome Barbie doll house one year, though. “Yep, sounds like dad. And how are you, Mee Ma? Anything new at the church?”
“Same old same, dear. Pastor James gave a great service last week and had three new people come down to get saved. It was simply wonderful,” her voice fades off a little and I can hear her smiling. Church has always been important to my Mee Ma, and she’s always been important to her church. “Now enough with our boring lives, how’s my city girl? What’s been keeping you so busy these past few weeks that you couldn’t answer an old woman’s phone calls?”
“Mee Ma, I would probably need a whole hour to tell you everything that’s been going on, but I don’t have much time. Are you ready for the vague and condensed version?”
“Vague? Why vague?”
I sigh, struggling with the words to explain. “Let’s just say that right now, it’s a complicated…thing – and kind of on a need to know basis.”
“Oh honey, you’ve got me cracking my old knuckles over here. What’s going on?”
I run through as much as I can in the twenty minutes I have on the subway, being careful not to talk too loud just in case someone around me knows Tanner. It may be a big city, but if I’ve learned anything it’s that big cities have bigger mouths and more drama than little towns most of the time. I tell her about meeting Tanner and the whirlwind that’s transpired since that night, including the “thing” happening tonight. I leave out the fact that he gave me the most amazing orgasm I’ve ever had last night without even letting me see his penis because, well, there are just some things grandmas don’t need to know. Mee Ma doesn’t say more than “Mmm hmm” and “I see” the entire time. Finally, when I take a breath, she asks me one simple question.
“Does he know what color your eyes are?”
I frown, confused. “What? What in the world does that have to do with anything, Mee Ma?”
“Just humor an old woman. Does he?”
I think about the first night Tanner was in my apartment, how he said my eyes were gray. “Kind of, he said that he couldn’t figure out what color my eyes were the night he met me, but then one night he said they were gray.”
“Hmm,” Mee Ma says, and for the life of me I can’t figure out if that’s a “hmm” I should be intrigued by or scared shitless of. “Well, he needs to look a little closer, but that’s something that can remain to be seen. The real question is, are you ready to meet this Florida girl tonight? Are you sure it’s smart to put yourself through that?”
Smart isn’t exactly the word for it, I don’t think. Crazy? Yes. Torture? Probably. “I don’t know, Mee Ma – I really don’t. All I really do know at this point is that he needs me there tonight and I’m going. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but something tells me that it’s worth it to find out. It’s just,” I pause, wondering how to phrase the next sentence.
“You’re afraid of falling for him, aren’t you?”
I think it’s a little late for that. I’m at least half way off the cliff, at this point. I stay silent, waiting for Mee Ma to say some magical words to make me feel better.
“Sweetheart, you are not your mother. I know you feel like you are, like if you ever love someone, you’re going to hurt them. But I also know that isn’t the truth. Am I saying you won’t ever make some mistakes along the way? No. But, there’s a selfless quality in you that never existed in your mom. I think it’s part of your father that snuck into your genes when everyone wasn’t looking.”
I swallow, hoping like hell she’s right. “Is Dad there?”
This time it’s Mee Ma who hesitates, and I know that my dad is there, but that he still doesn’t want to talk to me. “He’s out and about, you know him.”
Yeah, I know him.
“I love you, Mee Ma. I promise I’ll call again soon, but I’m walking up to the hospital now.”
“Don’t hesitate to call me. Or text me. Believe it or not, your brother has me figuring out this damn fancy thing he got me for my birthday.”
I giggle, thinking of my Mee Ma holding the screen of her phone to her face and punching out a text message. “Okay, I will. Give Seth a hug for me – Daddy, too.”
“Love you, Peaches. Take care of yourself.”
I shove my phone in my back pocket and take a deep breath before walking into the hospital, my mind still reeling, but before I have the chance to ask the receptionist for directions – I see him. Tanner is dressed in all white scrubs, making his bronze skin take on a kind of glow, and his sideways smile spreads into a full grin when he sees me. He strides over to me and my ovaries start bouncing off the fucking walls thinking about last night. He’s holding a small vase in his hand with a beautiful arrangement of lilies and roses as he leans in and kisses me softly on the lips, a kiss way too short for my preference but appropriate in a hospital, I suppose.
“Those are beautiful,” I motion to the flowers.
“I’m glad you like them. Sadly, they’re not for you.” I lift my brow, questioning. Tanner smiles even wider and takes my hand, “Come on, we’re late.”
“Would you like some more tea, Princess Kellee?” Mariah asks me, holding up her purple plastic tea pot.
“Please,” I insist, holding up my cup. She meticulously pours an invisible hot liquid into my cup before placing the pot back down on the red and white checkered blanket spread out on the floor near her bed. Tanner and I are sitting cross legged across from each other with Mariah between us.
“I just love my flowers, Prince Tanner. They’re bee vine,” she smiles and leans forward to smell the flowers Tanner brought. He smiles, too, and I swear there is a whole new demeanor in his smile around this little girl. It’s like she has a magical key to bring out his most genuine, teeth glowing, full faced smile – a key I would really like to steal and have as my own.
“Bee vine? I think you mean, DI-vine,” Tanner says pointedly.
“Yes, divine. That’s what I said,” Mariah replies, sighing and rolling her eyes. Tanner’s eyes meet mine and we smile together, my heart bursting at the sight of him around kids. I knew this was his passion, his future career that he talked so much about – but I never imagined this is what he would be like around kids. They love him – no – they adore him.
Jesus, Kellee – stop thinking about having the man’s babies already.
“If you’ll excuse me, Queen Mariah and Princess Kellee, I have to check up on a few things. Can you two ladies keep each other company while I’m gone?”
“I think we can manage,” I say as Tanner gets up to leave.
“Do hurry back, Prince Tanner. Sir Fluffy was just about to tell us that story about his journey through the Magical Woods,” Mariah gestures to her purple teddy bear that matches her tea pot set.
“I’ll be back before you can finish your next cup of tea. Promise.” Tanner bows and exits, leaving me with Mariah. He filled me in that he owed her a date and that he wanted to bring me along, knowing how nervous I was for tonight. He didn’t warn me about her burn marks, though – probably because he’s a good enough person to not even notice them – but it broke my heart when I saw them. Mariah doesn’t really seem to notice, either, though, which makes me think about why Tanner said he wanted me to meet her. He said once I saw what these kids went through, what Mariah went through, I would know I could handle anything.
I’m still not so sure I wouldn’t prefer to be stuck in a hospital than in a bar with his lover girl, but I’m trying to play along.
“Dr. Tanner said you’re going on a date with him tonight,” Mariah says softly, sipping from her tiny tea cup. She looks at mine expectantly, so I pick it up and pretend to sip, too.
“Something like that.”
“Do you love him?”
I smile, “Love is a very powerful word. You have to save it for only the most special people.”
She shrugs her shoulders, sipping from her cup again. “I think he loves you.”
I falter a little, surely spilling my imaginary tea all over the front of my shirt. “Oh yeah?” I try to recover, setting my cup down and placing my hands in my lap. “What makes you think that?”
Mariah shrugs again, “I don’t know, he just acts weird around you. Dr. Tanner is always sad, but he’s not sad when you’re here.”
I can’t help it, Mariah’s words literally make my heart swell. I smile, “I think he’s just happy to be around you guys.”
“Maybe,” she says, but doesn’t seem happy with that solution. “Are you nervous for your date tonight?”
I bite my bottom lip, thinking about our “thing” – I hardly consider entertaining the girl who made him break down a “date”. I nod, “You could say that.”
“Well don’t be,” she asserts. “You’re a princess. And princesses are never nervous. Princesses are brave and pretty and fearless. And Tanner is a prince, which means he has to dance with you and give you a goodnight kiss.”
I laugh, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. There’s not really much to worry about, huh?”
“Nope!” she smiles a toothy grin and I ruffle her hair. I wish I could be as carefree as she is, wish I could go back to the days when I believed in fairy tales.
When I believed in perfect, flawless, uncomplicated love.
Tanner strolls back in and offers me his hand, helping me stand. “Okay Queen Mariah, I’m stealing the princess for the evening. I’ll see your pretty face tomorrow night. Don’t get into too much trouble,” he winks and Mariah giggles before giving me a thumbs up. I smile and she skips away as Tanner pulls me out of the room.
“So, I have one more surprise for you before tonight,” he says, holding out an envelope. I tilt my head to the side, studying him as I take it from his hand. He’s acting strange – nervous, almost.
“What are you up to, Prince Tanner?”
“Just open the damn thing before I fuck up and tell you what’s in it.”
I rip into the envelope before my hand flies to my open mouth, my breath completely stolen.
Holy shit.
“Is this – are these? Oh my God, did you get me tickets to see The Loner Boys?”
“I got us tickets to see The Loner Boys. They’re coming to the city the middle of next month. After last night, I couldn’t resist – I wanted to have another first of yours.”
“I, shit Tanner, I don’t even know what to say,” I look up at him, my hands shaky as I grip the tickets.
“You don’t have to say anything. I know what I’m asking you to do tonight isn’t easy, that it isn’t fair, and that it’s really just a fucking douche move all the way around. But I also know that for the first time in a year, I’m starting to not feel so numb. I don’t know what it means, I still can’t promise anything more than what this is right now, but I can say that I will take you to this concert next month. I can say that I want this to just be added to the list of firsts with you that I’m not done adding to yet. And I can say that I will uphold my title as your certified Ear Drum Lifeguard,” he smiles. “If you’ll let me.”
I just nod and crush my lips to his, forgetting that we’re in a hospital – or not caring, rather. Tanner grins against my kiss and pulls back, still holding me in his arms. “So I take that as a yes, you’ll go?”
“Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t turn this down for anything! If you screw up, I’ll just take Sal with me,” I smirk, stealing one last kiss. “He would probably be a better Ear Drum Lifeguard, anyway.”
“Already replacing me? Such a cold heart you have, Princess Freckles.”
I smile as he throws his arm around my shoulders, leading me out of the hospital. We’re both laughing, but inside I know he’s just as worried as I am for tonight. It’s like our laughter is fighting hard to cut through the thick tension surrounding us, but to no avail.
I can’t help but wonder if there will be laughter tonight when all is said and done, or tortured silence instead.