People keep staring at me strangely as they walk past. I feel their eyes on my back and when I do turn to look around me, I always meet someone’s eyes before they look away embarrassed.
I guess it is a little weird to be sitting on the floor facing a corner, but in New York City you would think people would be used to weird. I tuck my knees in closer to my chest and wrap my arms around them, resting my head on my wrists.
Staring at this corner isn’t going to make it talk to me. I know that. But I still sit and stare anyway. I think back to the first time Tanner took me out, how I had stood right in this spot and told him that I was scared of him. I whispered it, but I might as well have screamed it because that’s how I felt. I knew what was coming, I could sense the train wreck yet I boarded anyway. And now here I am, my heart breaking more every minute I sit here thinking about it.
I close my eyes and focus on Mee Ma’s words, asking myself the same question she did. Without hesitation, I know the answer, but I’m still afraid to say it. I’m just as scared as I was the day I stood here and whispered it to Tanner.
I love him. I don’t like-like him, I don’t almost-love him – I full on, head over heels, fluttery heart and life-will-never-be-the-same love him.
But I chased him away. I pushed and pushed and he fought me on everything. He wanted to love me, but I told him no. When the words were suspended between us, I made him stop. When he reached out to touch me and could have fixed things with just a reassuring kiss, I told him not to. I can’t blame it on my mom, anymore. I love Tanner, and now I’m going to lose him.
And it’s no one’s fault but my own.
I don’t know how to fix this. I can’t even begin to figure out where I would start if I wanted to. I consider just staying here all night until the guards kick me out, but decide I should probably go back and let Trista know I’m okay. I left my phone behind, not wanting to be bothered, and I know she’s probably freaking out looking for me.
Just as I stand and look at the corner one last time, it speaks to me.
“I think it’s my turn to share a secret.”
Holy shit.
Did it work? Did I just stare at this thing long enough to make it talk?
I look around me hesitantly, not seeing anyone until I turn completely and lock eyes with the familiar honey ones standing in the corner across from me.
Tanner.
He turns his mouth a little so his voice will carry and the wall speaks again, “My secret isn’t really that much of a secret, at all. In fact, you’ve probably known this for a long time. But, for the sake of The Whispering Arches, I’ll say it out loud.” He pauses for a second, “I’m stupid. I am honestly the most idiotic person in the universe. I wish I had an excuse, but I don’t.” I keep my eyes focused on his. “But what I do have, is an apology.”
Tanner starts walking toward me, my breath shrinking into my chest with every step he takes. When he’s finally standing in front of me, I try to exhale steadily but it comes out shaky and harsh. He doesn’t reach out to touch me yet even though at this point I practically want to jump into his arms. Instead, he stands just a few inches from me, the electricity building between us like lightning crashing.
“Kellee, I shouldn’t have left that night.”
I shake my head, “It’s not your fault, I made you –”
“Just,” he interrupts. “Let me finish. I shouldn’t have left you. It doesn’t matter if you yelled at me, cried, threw your fists at my face or kicked me in the balls, I shouldn’t have left. I should have told you to come with me, or better yet called Paisley right then and there and told her I couldn’t make it and taken you to that concert tonight. Especially looking like that,” he eyes my outfit, the fishnet stockings and black leather high-waisted shorts that I paired with a Loner Boys t-shirt and leather jacket with boots.
“But I fucked up, and I wish I could tell you I’ll never do it again but that wouldn’t be the truth and I haven’t lied to you before so I’m sure as hell not going to start now. I am going to fuck up again,” he says. “I’m probably going to make you cry and you’ll probably want to kill me at least twice before this is all over, but I’m asking you to stay anyway. Stay and fight for this with me. Stay because we’re worth it. Stay because I’m an asshole and you’re the sweetest girl in the world. Stay because I need you to save me and deep down, you need me to save you, too.” My eyes sting with tears and I don’t even try to stop them, I just let them roll steadily down my face and suck my bottom lip between my teeth. “Please, Frecks,” he says, closing the gap between us and lifting my chin. “Stay.”
Tanner presses his lips to mine and I throw my arms around his shoulders, pulling him harder against me. He runs his hands through my hair and I jump into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. My back presses against the wall as Tanner catches me and we kiss harder, our mouths desperate to connect and resentful of any distance.
“I love you, Tanner.” I let the words tumble out, pulling back and locking my eyes on his. He smiles, maybe the biggest smile I’ve seen and kisses me again.
“I love you too, Frecks.”
“I’m sorry I made you leave. I just didn’t know how to handle it. I can’t blame being like my mom anymore, but at the time I thought I was right and I wasn’t.”
He shakes his head, “No, you were right. You shouldn’t have to guess where you stand in my heart. It’s yours. Completely, all, and only yours.”
I kiss him again, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck and pressing my body into his. I wish desperately that we were alone right now.
“Frecks?” Tanner pulls back, letting my feet drop to the floor. “I have something for you.” He pulls a small black box out of his pocket and for a moment I think it’s a ring and I instantly panic.
“Uh…”
He laughs, “Chill, I’m not getting down on my knee anytime soon. Well, unless we’re talking about dessert tonight, but that’s a different story.” I blush and he fingers the box open, revealing a simple silver chain bracelet with one solo music note charm. He lifts it out of the box and clasps it around my wrist.
“It’s so pretty,” I say, bringing it up to my face to study it closer. I flip the charm over between my fingers and notice a small engraving. I pull it closer.
insert lyrics here
I look back up at Tanner, confused. “Did you forget to get it personalized?”
He laughs, “No, that’s what it’s supposed to say.” One of my brows shoots up because I’m obviously missing something. He pulls me into his arms, smiling. “I realized the reason you never fit into any of my songs before now is that none of them come close to touching what you mean to me. No such song exists,” he brushes the hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear. “You want to hear a line I’ve never used before? I want to write a new song, Kellee,” his honey eyes glow in the soft lighting of the station. “I want to write a new song with you.”
My lips spread into a wide smile and I pull his lips to mine, “I want to write a new song with you, too.”
Tanner deepens our kiss, pushing me back against the wall and holding my face between his strong hands. I slide my hands down his sides and tuck them into his pockets, pulling him closer. He growls a little into my lips and then pulls back, “As much as I’d like nothing more than to take you home and write a particular kind of song right now, you look too damn good to not be distracting a lead singer.”
I bite my lip and smile, but then realize I left the tickets at my apartment. By the time we go back for them and get to the concert, it’ll be halfway over. My face falls, “I don’t have the tickets.”
He grins deviously and reaches into his back pocket, pulling out the two tickets and spreading them in his hand. My smile is back and I wrap my arms around his neck again. I really just don’t want to stop kissing him right now.
Tanner grabs my hand and leads me through the doors and into the streets, hailing a cab. As we ride to the concert, he tells me about the call with Paisley and what she said. You know, for someone I probably should hate, the girl makes it pretty difficult.
“Wait, so her doors are opening like right now?” I ask, looking at the time on his phone.
He checks too and nods, “Yeah, in about ten minutes. Why?”
“Give me your phone,” I say. When he does, I find the camera and pull it back, taking a photo of both Tanner and I. “Smile!”
I check the image and hand the phone to Tanner, “Send this to her. Tell her we said good luck and that we’re happy for her.”
Tanner smiles, typing out the text and then tucking his phone back in his pocket. “You know, you’re pretty amazing, Freckles Brooks.”
I laugh, thinking back to the first time he used that nickname and I used it to introduce my last name. Tanner lifts his arm and rests it around my shoulders, pulling me in as I rest my head on his chest. “Yeah, I guess you’re pretty lucky, huh?”
He pulls my chin up with his fingertips, kissing me and saying seriously, “You have no idea.”
After the concert, Tanner takes me back to his apartment so we can be alone. I’m still buzzing from the concert high as we undress, replaying the songs and scenes in my head.
“I mean, can you believe they sang an acoustic version of Heart Knife? That was incredible! And I’m pretty sure Trenton looked at me when he sang the chorus. Maybe you should be a little jealous.”
A smile plays on Tanner’s lips and he shakes his head, stepping into his gray sweat pants and collapsing on the bed. I pull my hair back into a ponytail and fall down next to him, still smiling ear to ear.
“Well who’s to say you shouldn’t be jealous of the groupies who were checking me out?”
I scoff, “Please! They’re groupies. You need to be in a band to get their attention, babe.”
He shrugs, “I don’t know, maybe they can sense this amazing voice and my world renowned guitar skills without even knowing they exist.”
I roll my eyes, but lean in to kiss him because I love when we banter and I’ve been wanting to get my hands on him since before the show. I move to sit on top of him, straddling his waist and kissing him deeper, sensing the shortness in his breath as I pull him into me. I expect him to grab my ass or dig his hands into my hair, but instead he kisses me softly, slowly – taking his time and letting me feel each movement of his tongue.
Tanner pulls me under the covers with him, peeling off my long sleeve shirt and sweats slowly and then doing the same with his. He doesn’t say a word, and for some reason that makes me quiet, too.
He positions himself on top of me, his breaths still heavy as he gazes into my eyes. He leans in and kisses me, slowly pushing inside me as he does. I gasp, the feeling of him entering me always leaving me breathless, but then my eyes open and his are still locked on mine, wide and telling. Our bodies move together and I know that this time is different. We’re not having sex. Tanner isn’t fucking me.
We’re making love.
I feel the difference as he rocks in and out, his lips trembling as he kisses me and his shoulders shaking on either side of my head. His eyes stay open and so do mine. We drink each other in, our breaths working together to form a harmony. A soft moan escapes my lips as he pushes in deeper but I keep my eyes wide and stare up into the honey dews that pulled me in the first night I met him.
“I love you,” he whispers, and it makes me shiver more than any demand he’s ever given to me in bed.
“I love you, too.”
He buries his head into my neck, kissing and biting softly as he works. My heart swells and I realize this is the first time anyone has ever made love to me. It’s the first time I’ve ever made love at all. Tanner West has stolen my heart and I don’t want it back. I pull his lips to mine and kiss him deeply, savoring the moment.
Our song is already so amazing, and we haven’t even made it to the chorus.
THE END