Violet
Leo held a crying Olivia and the pang of jealousy I’d been feeling grew into an ugly ball of regret and self-pity. I was happy Olivia had been rescued and her and Leo had found each other, but as I watched them I realized how desperately I wanted someone to hold me like that. I’d give damn near anything for Jaxon to pull me into his arms and hold me tight. But that wasn’t going to happen. Besides, I had bigger things to worry about, namely that I’d been sold.
How the hell that even worked was beyond me.
“No, Olivia, we’re not going to let anything happen to Violet,” Jaxon answered, then asked, “how’s the new house?”
I knew Jaxon was trying to change the subject for my benefit. I had plenty of questions, but I didn’t want to ask them in front of the couple. And I certainly didn’t want to break down and cry in front of them again.
“Good. We finished unpacking last night.” Leo’s features were still hard and his tone tight.
I didn’t want the two friends arguing because of me. I’ll admit when Jaxon had taken my side and stopped Leo from finishing what he was going to say, hope had taken root. Hope that maybe I wasn’t so meaningless after all, and when he pushed me behind him I’d never felt so protected. But it was all a façade. Once again, I was allowing my emotions to color his friendly gestures.
“I’m gonna go in the other room and let you all talk in private.” There was one last thing I needed to say to Olivia, both of them really. “I hope you know how very sorry I am you got caught up in all of this. I never wanted you hurt. And just so you know, and maybe Mr. Newton has already told you this, but he loved your mother deeply. He didn’t know you were his. And if he had any inkling, I don’t blame him for not pursuing paternity. His father wanted Ms. Cox out of the picture and the baby she was carrying gone. Any questions he may’ve had was very well pushed aside to protect you and your mom. His father was not a nice man.”
I had almost made it to the bedroom door when Leo’s voice stopped me. “Were you the one in the chat room Tex found information about Olivia in?”
“Yes.”
“Were you the one that left the hole in the CIA network that pointed us to Timothy Clark?” I nodded. I thought we’d gone over all of this information. I was exhausted and didn’t want to rehash all my crimes. “And you sent the email to Peter Newton about Olivia’s kidnapping? We thought the person behind the blackmail was low-tech and didn’t know how to mask their location. But you sent them from Langley and used a proxy out of Scotland, Maryland, making sure we had Olivia’s location?”
He was correct, I had. Once I knew Olivia had been taken, I needed to find a way to inform someone anonymously. What better way than a chat room on the dark web. I didn’t need to confirm Leo’s assumptions; they were more rhetorical than actual inquiry.
“Thank you. And I’m sorry I was a prick earlier.”
“A prick? You weren’t a prick. You’re a man that is passionate about his country and loves his woman. I don’t blame you for hating me. And as far as thanking me? As Jaxon always says, there’s nothing to thank me for. Good night.”
I walked into the bedroom and closed the door. Thank God I was alone. I wished the bathroom was attached to this bedroom. All I wanted was a hot shower and to fall into bed. My gaze stopped on the rumpled-up sheets and memories of this morning and afternoon invaded my mind. Sex with Jaxon was good, better than good; it was hair on fire smoking hot. But it couldn’t happen again. There was no way I’d be able to keep my heart disengaged. I knew this because the stupid organ was already beating triple time whenever he was around. Sex with him felt different. Not that I’d ever had a meaningless one-night-stand, but I assume when a man takes a woman to bed for a quick fuck they didn’t gently kiss and caress their lover. They didn’t demand eye contact and whisper how beautiful they were. Or maybe men did, and I had no idea what I was talking about. What I did know was Jaxon would break my heart.
There was a knock on the door before it cracked open a smidge and Olivia peeked her head in. I wasn’t sure who was harder to face - the President, Leo, or Olivia. All three of them had reason to despise me. I guess Olivia was the hardest. My actions had impacted her personally. As much as I wanted to be a coward and ask her to leave, I owed it to her to hear her out.
“Sorry to…um bother you. Do you mind if I come in a few minutes and talk?”
“Of course not.” I looked at the bed once again and my cheeks heated. Leo had already made the announcement that he thought Jaxon and I had slept together, but I’d hoped not to ever have to confirm my stupidity. “Sorry it’s such a mess.”
“It’s scary, isn’t it?” she asked.
“What is?”
“Being hunted.”
Well, fuck me, she was going to jam the knife in, pour some salt in the wound, and twist the blade.
“Again, I’m so sorry. I swear to you I didn’t know they were going to take you.”
“No. No.” She waved her hand in front of her. “That’s water under the bridge. I’m talking about what’s happening with you. All I meant was I know what it’s like to have to hide from crazy lunatics that are using you as a pawn in some fucked-up game they’re playing.”
“Oh. Yeah. I’ve been sold.” I huffed. “I think I’m in denial. I can’t wrap my brain around how you sell another human. I haven’t had a chance to talk to Jaxon about it yet.”
“Speaking of Jaxon…”
I waited for Olivia to finish her sentence, but instead of verbally continuing she wiggled her eyebrows.
“Oh no. Nothing like that is happening.” Her eyes shot to the bed, then back to me and she pursed her lips. “I mean…emotionally…or you know…like a relationship. Ugh!” I lowered my voice and leaned closer to her. “We had sex. That’s all. It meant nothing, and it won’t ever happen again.” I don’t know why I admitted we’d had sex to Olivia. Maybe it was because it felt good to say it out loud, or maybe I wanted her to tell me it was a bad idea and Jaxon was a dog that slept with everyone.
“Right,” she laughed.
“Seriously. There’s nothing between us. He’s only staying here because he doesn’t trust me to be by myself. He thinks I’ll try and run.”
“That is the worst possible thing you can do. I’m going to pass along some advice from my friend Caroline; she’s married to a big badass SEAL. Listen to everything Jaxon tells you. Do not under any circumstances go against anything he tells you about your safety. He knows what’s best. There were times when I wanted to argue with Leo. Like one time when we were hiding out in a cabin, he heard a noise and told me to get in the closet. I didn’t want to hide in the closet and I didn’t want him to leave my side. But I remembered what Caroline told me. He left me in the damn closet for like an hour while he did his badass stuff downstairs.”
“Wolf’s wife Caroline?” I asked.
“Yeah. You know her?”
“I know of her. But, no, not personally.”
I’d read the SEAL Platoons service records and I knew about Matthew Steel and his wife Caroline. I also had read the SITREP about the plane she was on being hijacked and her saving the aircraft. She was a brave woman.
“You would love her. I talk to her every once in a while.”
I’m sure I would like Caroline, only she wouldn’t like me.
“I’m sure.”
“If you need anything, even if it’s just to vent or gossip, I’m always around.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think Leo would appreciate that too much,” I told her.
“Please. He’s all bark, no bite.” I couldn’t help it, I roared with laughter. That may have been the most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard.
“Hate to tell you, but I’ve read the man’s file. He has bite. Big ugly fangs, and when they come out to play I don’t want to be on the receiving end,” I said through my hilarity.
“Okay. You’re right. He is pretty protective. He won’t even let my mom near me when she’s having one of her episodes.” She smiled. I had no doubt she loved how protective Leo was. I wished I had someone who loved me that much. “He’ll come around. Besides, you’re not some shrinking violet.” She winked. “You held your own out there.”
“I appreciate your kindness. Even if I don’t deserve it.”
“Enough. You did what you thought was best. I understand. For whatever it’s worth, I forgive you. Forgive yourself and move on.”
Forgive myself? How could I possibly do that with the list still out there?
“Thanks, I’ll try,” I lied. It was easier than explaining all reasons I didn’t deserve mercy.
“I meant what I said.”
And in a move that further shocked the shit out of me, Olivia stepped closer and hugged me. I was momentarily stunned before I wrapped my arms around her. “Thank you,” I whispered and held our embrace.
I’d take the olive branch she’d extended. I may not have felt like I deserved it, but selfishly I needed it.