Violet

I think there comes a point in every person’s life where their brain says enough, too much, no more, and simply shuts down. I understood Tex, who was a friend of – well everyone – had maneuvered his man, Slade Cutsinger, a former Navy SEAL, to stand in as the man who had bought me. Tex was covering all bases, making sure that if Jaxon and his team didn’t get to me, Cutter would. One way or another, someone would be there to get me. Jasmin had confirmed his story when Cutter called her. I also understood I was safe and on my way to San Diego. Jasmin had assured me Jaxon wasn’t far behind and would be in California to get me.

My brain wouldn’t let me process the events of the day. The grenade. Eric dying. Jaxon pushing me away, not wanting to look at me. It was my fault Eric was dead. None of them would ever forgive me; I would never forgive myself.

“Violet?” Cutter called my name. “You need to drink some more water.”

He pushed another bottle my way.

I looked at the man I once thought was a filthy scumbag and cringed. Since we’d gotten on the plane to fly back to the states, he’d shed the suit in favor of casual clothes and his whole demeanor had changed. His features softened, his eyes were kind, and he’d been exceedingly gentle with me. He, however, couldn’t make himself shrink and even sitting next to him I felt tiny, and his size alone made me nervous.

“Thank…” I cleared my throat and tried again. “Thank you.”

“No need.”

His answer made me think of Jaxon, the anger in his eyes when he looked at me, the disgust. My head pounded either from the stress of the day or from the pain of my heart breaking. There was no use denying it anymore. Sometime between walking into Zane’s penthouse and pushing Jasmin in the closet, I’d fallen in love with Jaxon. Or maybe it was as Manuel hit me and all I needed to do was allow my mind to wander to him and the pain would dull. Only now there was no lessening the ache.

I’d had enough.

“I know you’re not going to believe this now, but you’re going to make it through this,” he said.

“How do you know?” I asked.

“I learned a few things being in the teams,” he started. “A lot actually. The first thing you learn in BUDs is to be mentally tough. Don’t look at the big picture. Take one minute at a time. One singular task. Then another. Micro-events. But the most important thing I learned was nothing lasts forever. Pain is temporary.”

“What if I can’t make it one minute to the next?” I feared he was giving me more credit than I was due. I wasn’t strong enough to get through this.

“Then work on one second at a time. When you realize failure and giving up aren’t options, you’ll find standing up and fighting for what you want is all you have.”

He was giving sound advice for someone that had something to fight for, but I had nothing. Everything I’d been building with Jaxon had been ripped away. The tentative friendship I was forming with Jasmin was now gone as well. I heard the loathing in her voice when I spoke to her.

“There’s nothing left to fight for,” I admitted.

“If you think that, you didn’t see what I saw.”

“Hate? Anger? Despair?” I asked.

Oh yeah, I saw alright. I saw Jaxon look at me with such deep dark revulsion the memory of it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

“Yes, to all of those. However, none were directed toward you.”

I nodded in agreement even though I didn’t agree, I just didn’t want to talk about Jaxon anymore. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I prayed for sleep to come. I desperately needed my mind to turn off.

***

I awoke with a start as the plane touched down with a jolt.

“You’re fine,” Cutter said.

“We’re here?” I asked unnecessarily. “What now? How do I get back to Virginia? I don’t have my ID.”

“Tex already sent your new identification to Wolf. You’ll fly back with Viper and the team.”

My stomach whooshed, and it had nothing to do with the plane coming to a stop at the gate. I wasn’t ready to see Jaxon, or the guys. I needed more time, lots of time, like forever.

“Is there any way you could help me get my ID and I’ll be on my way? I really want to get home to my own place and my own things. No need to wait for them.”

Cutter chuckled, “It sounds a lot like running to me.”

“I’m not ready to see him.”

“I’ll make you a deal. We’ll wait for them to get here. You give Blue five minutes. If at the end of five minutes you still want to run, I’ll personally escort you back to Virginia.”

“I couldn’t ask you to fly with me back east. I can fly alone,” I told him.

“Violet, it’s a fool’s bet.” He smiled. “You won’t need me to take you home.”

I seriously doubted that was the case, but I didn’t have much of choice considering I had no money, no credit cards, and no ID. I wasn’t going anywhere until someone helped me.

“Fine.” I huffed.

***

Two hours later Cutter had fed me lunch and my ID had been couriered over. I was a little more relaxed. I was grateful we’d be able to stay in the executive area of the small airport providing us privacy. With two black eyes, I didn’t want to be in the company of strangers. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the stares. I’d finally mustered up enough courage to look in the mirror and I wished I hadn’t. I looked horrible. The good news was, by some miracle my nose wasn’t broken.

Cutter was midsentence asking me how I liked Virginia when all the fine hairs on the back of my neck pricked in awareness. Before I had time to consider the feeling, Cutter spoke.

“There you are,” Cutter said, and stood, confirming my fear.

I didn’t want to turn around. I was afraid I’d do something stupid like profess my undying love or throw myself at Jaxon. Suddenly all the Motrin Cutter had been supplying me with was no longer working. My head was pounding, making it difficult to concentrate on what the men were saying.

“Vi, baby?” I slowly opened my eyes, not entirely sure when I’d closed them, to find Jaxon kneeling in front of me. “Sorry it took me so long to get here.”

The difference in him was startling. Gone was the menacing man covered in face paint, dressed in military jungle gear, and back was the man that had laid me down and made love to me. His statement finally registered, and I was confused. Why was he apologizing to me?

“Baby, don’t cry.” He pulled me into his strong arms while I cried into his chest, soaking his t-shirt with my tears. I don’t know how long I cried into his arms, but it felt good to let it all out.

“I’m so sorry.” Jaxon’s body went solid under mine, and he pulled me off his chest.

“Don’t. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“But it’s all my fault,” I started.

“Don’t go down that path, Violet. Nothing that’s happened is your fault.”

“But Eric…”

Jaxon once again stiffened, then quickly masked his emotions. “Died protecting us. He died a hero’s death.”

“But… how can you say that?” I asked. Eric was dead, and Jaxon was acting like it was any other day. “I don’t understand.”

“I know you don’t. Come on, I rented a car. We’re gonna take a drive and I’ll explain everything,” he told me.

“A drive? With me? But you were so angry with me. You told Cutter to take me, you didn’t even want to look at me.”

“I’ll explain that, too. But I was never angry at you. Well, I was. When I first heard what you did, I wanted to tan your ass.”

My face flushed at the thought of him spanking me. Remembering the delicious night we’d spent together was really not appropriate at the moment, but I couldn’t stop my mind from going there.

“Here are her documents,” Cutter interrupted and handed the envelope to Jaxon.

Jaxon stood and offered his hand to the man that had saved me. “I never got to properly thank you,” he said.

“Glad Tex could get me there in time. Happy to help,” Cutter returned. “I got shit to do. I’ll see you around sometime.” Then he turned to me. “Take care of yourself, Violet, and remember what I told you. One minute at a time.”

“Thanks again, Cutter. And I’m sorry for thinking you were such a douchebag.”

He chuckled, then his face turned to granite. “Any man who tries to buy another person isn’t a man; he isn’t a douchebag either. He’s a vile piece of shit, and as far as I’m concerned should meet a slow and painful death.”

With a lift of his chin he walked to Zane and the two of them started speaking in low hushed voices I couldn’t hear. Declan took the opportunity to walk over to me and Jaxon. My brother pulled me in for a hug and the waterworks started again.

“I’m so fucking sorry I couldn’t stop him before he got to you,” he said, wrapping his arms tightly around me. “So fucking sorry he put his hands on you. I’m so damn proud of how strong you are.”

“I’m not strong, Declan. I knew as soon as I left that building I was going to break.”

“None of that matters now. You’re safe.”

We continued to hug until Jaxon cleared his throat. “You ready? Traffic is gonna be a nightmare.”

“I’ll see you when you get back to Maryland,” Declan told me.

“You’re staying?”

“Yeah, sis, I’m staying. I talked to Zane. I’m gonna be doing some part-time work with him.”

I couldn’t stop the smile that formed. “That will be great. Maybe I can move closer. It’s not like I have a job anymore.”

“You are moving closer,” Jaxon cut it.

“What?”

“When we get back. We’re going to Virginia, packing your shit, and you’re moving closer. I know this great old colonial that has six bedrooms. I’m sure there’s space for you there.”

“Huh?” What the hell was he talking about?

“Never mind. We’ll talk about it later,” Jaxon laughed, and tugged me to his side.

Zane was standing with Linc, a thoughtful expression on his face as he stared at me. I gave him a tight smile but was too afraid to talk to him. Jaxon might’ve said he didn’t think Eric’s death was my fault, but Zane’s body language said something else entirely. Zane being the type of man you didn’t fuck with, I opted not to stop and chat with him.

Jaxon and I had almost made it to the door when Linc jogged over and scared the hell out of me when he pulled me to his chest and lowered his head to whisper in my ear.

“Twice now you’ve saved my wife’s life. I’m forever in your debt. You ever need anything it’s yours. Anything. Anytime.”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. My throat was clogged, and I didn’t want to turn into a babbling fool again. Instead, I nodded in acknowledgement and hugged him back.

“You have your own fucking woman, let go of mine,” Jaxon growled and Linc laughed.

“Give him hell,” he told me, then let go.

His woman? What the hell was that about?