A hero’s death.

Jaxon

Zane and I had just returned from the mortuary with the rest of the team after seeing Eric for the last time on this earth. He’d left very specific instructions should this day ever come, and unfortunately it had come. He’d answered the ultimate call and sacrificed himself so the rest of us could live. Violet opened her arms and without thought I stepped closer, pulling her to my chest and drawing the strength I needed from her. I breathed in her scent and had never been more grateful to have her by my side.

Just like in the poem by an old Indian Chief Eric loved so much, he’d lived his life to the fullest with no regrets. He hadn’t begged for more time, he hadn’t run from, but instead he ran to his death. It was hard for Violet to understand why, while we felt the loss of Eric deeply, we weren’t more emotional as she called it. We were, she simply didn’t understand the emotion. We would all miss Eric, the friendship and comradery, his presence in our daily lives. But there was also a sense of peace and understanding that came with our grief. And only those closest to Eric could fully understand what that meant. He used to say he’d prepared a noble death song, and when his time came he’d shout it at the top of his voice so the fuckers would hear him coming.

He’d done just that.

***

The service had been carried out according to Eric’s specifications – only the employees of Z Corps had been present, and Zane had eulogized him. It was a short and to the point speech. The casket had been closed, as Eric didn’t want anyone “gawking at his carcass”. Zane, Linc, Colin, Leo, Declan, and I carried his casket from the door of the church to the waiting hearse. After we secured him, all of us piled into one of the company SUV’s and pulled out behind the car that would take Eric to his final resting place. Violet, Jasmin, and Olivia followed behind us.

We pulled on the main road leading to the cemetery and my composure faltered.

“Did you do this?” I asked Zane.

With a slow shake of his head, I knew he was just as affected as I was. Two motorcycles pulled in front of us, each with a large American Flag that proudly waved in the wind as they rode between us and the hearse. I checked the side mirror at the unmistakable rumble of more bikes. Eric had been clear he did not want a large funeral. He understood the need for closure but didn’t want anyone to dwell on the details. He also didn’t want fanfare. I think a solid mile of the Patriot Guard following us to the cemetery would be considered fanfare to him.

“He’d be pissed,” I laughed.

“Probably. What’s he gonna do, kick my ass? He rode with them. I couldn’t not tell them.”

Whenever we were stateside, Eric would ride his Harley as part of the Patriot Guard to honor the fallen vets. It was something he never talked about. He didn’t want praise for the time he spent riding or the hours I knew he spent with the families after the service. He also spent time with his fellow guardsmen and paid special attention to the men that had come home with PTSD. These men that were surrounding us were almost as close to Eric as we were.

“So, you did do this?”

“Fuck, no I didn’t. I told his buddy in the guard when the funeral was so they could attend. What they did after that was up to them. Why are you trying to throw me under the bus? I believe in ghosts you know. I don’t need Eric rattling around my house at night.”

“You’re joking? Big bad Navy SEAL afraid of a ghost,” Leo laughed from the backseat.

“Fuck you. I hope he haunts your ass.” Zane flipped him the bird and made a left into the long driveway.

The joking in the car ended as Eric’s freshly dug grave came into view. The hearse veered left and took the long way around the cemetery while the motorcycles cut off to the right going directly to the burial site.

“Was that…”

“I saw them,” Zane cut me off.

Wolf, Abe, Cookie, Dude, and Benny stood at attention in their dress uniforms next to the Navy guard.

When the hearse stopped, we exited the car and Jasmin, Olivia, and Violet joined us. I needed a moment to gather my thoughts. I was trying my hardest to be the man Eric would expect me to be, but I fucking hated this. I hated he was gone. I wanted to roar at the injustice, but I wouldn’t. I would never dishonor his sacrifice.

“That was so…” Violet looked around and through her tears she finished. “Beautiful.”

I took in all the motorcycles and had to agree, it was beautiful. It looked like every Patriot Guard in Maryland had attended. Through the sea of bikes and men and American Flags, I saw pride. Eric would love that.

“Come on, let me take you to your seat.” I tagged her around the waist and carefully guided her through the grass to the row of seats that were reserved for family. That was what we were to him – his family. Eric’s mom left when he was kid and he’d cut off all communication with his father when he left for the Navy. The man was an abusive asshole and at eighteen Eric had taken his last beating. Leaving his father and older brother behind – he never looked back. He’d moved on to bigger and better things.

“They didn’t cover the dirt with the green blanket. Aren’t they supposed to? I mean to make it look pretty,” she whispered.

“There ain’t nothing pretty about death, baby. And Eric didn’t want it covered,” I told her.

“I love you, Jax,” she sighed before she took her seat.

“Love you.” I kissed her forehead and waited for Linc and Leo to seat their women before we walked back to the hearse. Each of us paused for a moment when the three women clasped hands and huddled together. I was more than grateful Jasmin and Olivia had accepted Violet into the fold.

“Jassy’s getting soft,” Leo muttered.

“I think I’m seeing things,” I laughed.

“She’d kick your ass if she heard you say that shit,” Linc shook his head.

I was happy Jasmin had them too. I know she thought of herself as one of the guys. And we all loved her like an annoying kid sister. But she needed women in her life. I was damn glad it was two women as good as Violet and Olivia.

When we returned to the hearse, Wolf and his team hadn’t moved. The shiny black car parked in front of them, their backs ramrod straight, their arms at their sides, hands in fists, eyes forward, standing guard, watching over a fellow SEAL before he was laid to rest. It didn’t matter that Eric had never served with them. It didn’t matter he’d left the teams years before. Eric would always be a SEAL, their brother.

The back of the hearse was opened, and the six of took our places on either side of the flag-covered coffin. With a heavy heart, I lifted and the roller was pulled out from under the coffin.

This was it.

The six of us now held the weight of our teammate. It’s an honor to carry a man to his final resting place. This was the last act I would ever carry out for Eric, committing his body to the ground.

With each step I felt the weight, and a heaviness on the day, wash over me. I’d allow myself these steps to wallow in the sadness and the unfairness of his death. I’d allow hatred to enter my heart and remember Eric’s last words to me, Redemption. It’s upon us. I’d always wonder if he meant retribution and not redemption. We were getting ready to go smoke Ortega and his men, retribution would’ve made more sense. But as the six of us placed the casket on the straps above the hole, I caught sight of Violet. Had she found the redemption she needed? Had Eric told me moments before his death that she had?

We stepped back, and Wolf, Abe, Cookie, Dude, and Benny stepped forward, saluting with a crisp snap of their hand. Benny continued to salute as the other four pulled the flag off the casket, holding it taut at each corner, hovering just above.

“Ready. Aim. Fire,” Benny called.

Seven men with the Navy Guard lifted their rifles and fired. My body jerked at the crack from the bullet. The snap of bolt being opened and the clinking of the expelled cartridge hitting the metal before the bolt was slammed shut, readying another bullet in the chamber.

“Ready. Aim. Fire.”

The sound hit my ears and the meaning hit my soul. The final salute was used on the bloodiest of battlefields to clear the dead.

“Ready. Aim. Fire.”

The three-gun volley sounded to indicate you’d cleared your fallen and you were ready to fight again.

Our dead had been cleared, our fallen brought home. We were indeed ready to fight again.

Taps played as Wolf and the guys went about folding the flag, each fold made with the utmost respect and military precision. When the flag was finished, it was handed to Benny to inspect. If he found a single flaw, the flag would have to be unfolded and the whole process would start over.

Benny held the flag in front of him offering it back to Wolf, one gloved hand below and one resting on top. Wolf offered a salute before he took the flag back and tucked it under his arm as he walked to our group. Standing in front of Zane, the two men’s eyes locked, a mutual understanding and respect passed between them, a respect that is only earned with the intimate knowledge of battle and loss.

“On behalf of the President of the United States,” Wolf started, “the United States Navy, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for Chief Wheeler’s honorable and faithful service.” Zane reached out to take the flag, but Wolf hadn’t let go when he spoke again. “Brotherhood.”

Wolf stepped back and called, “Chief Wheeler.”

“Hooyah, Chief Wheeler,” Zane, Leo, Linc, Benny, Cookie, Dude, and Abe all returned.

Godspeed friend.

***

Violet

I’d stopped trying to hide my tears while we were at the church. I didn’t even bother now, there was no stopping them. I’d known Eric a very short amount of time, but I knew all I needed to know. He was the type of man other men wanted to be around. He was brave and kind.

He was dead.

I couldn’t believe it. It still didn’t feel real. One minute he was running, the next gone. I couldn’t remember the last conversation I’d had with him.

The loud hooyah from the men drew my attention back. Zane placed Eric’s flag on Jasmin’s lap and he walked to the casket. He paused a moment and I felt a sob bubbling up. I don’t know how I could’ve missed the misery he’d been trying to mask all day. It was painful to see. Zane pulled something from his pocket and placed it on the lid. A second later he slapped his hand down imbedding the object. Leo and Linc followed, only Linc used a fist to pound his in. When the three were done, Wolf, Benny, Abe, Cookie, and Dude each made their way in front of the casket, only instead of taking something out of their pocket they pulled it off the left breast of their dress uniforms.

Their gold Navy SEAL Tridents.

Each of them pounded theirs next to the first three and soon eight shiny gold Tridents were in a row. When the last of Wolf’s team was done, a man that had ridden in on a motorcycle with the honor guard stepped forward and he too took a Trident from his pocket and pounded it in.

More and more men walked up from the crowd and paid their respects. With each fist that pounded on Eric’s casket, my heart thudded in my chest and understanding dawned. Jaxon was right, death wasn’t pretty. It is raw, vicious, and overwhelmingly heartbreaking. But to these men, warriors, the men that have answered the call, and gone into battle knowing they may not return - there is a certain beauty knowing Eric died in service to others. He lived and died by an oath that most think are just words spoken, instead of words lived.

When it was over, I slipped away from the guys and I walked back to the casket. I touched the cool wood, careful not to touch any of the adornments, and admired the poignant meaning behind them. Respect. Gratitude. Honor. “Thank you,” I whispered. “I heard your song and it was beautiful.”

“Wolf and his team left. Are you ready to go? Everyone’s coming back to our place for a few drinks,” Jaxon said and knocked on Eric’s casket twice.

“We’re not going to wait until the coffin is lowered?” I asked.

“Nope. His instructions were not to mill about and wait for a piece of meat to be offered to the earth. His words, not mine.” I cringed at his description. “Baby, Eric believed in God. His belief was wherever he was in the world when his spirit exited this place and moved on to the next, that was his interment so to speak. He’s gone. His soul left this earth in Brazil and it was a blessing to spend his last moments alive by his side.”

“I’m proud of you,” I told him. Damn, that sounded silly and condescending and I rushed out. “I just mean, I see it, the pain behind your eyes. Not once have you given into it. You’ve honored Eric the way he wanted. But Jax, when you need to give in to it, I’m here for you. I’m strong. I need you to trust me enough to lean on me. It would kill me to think you were keeping it in.”

“Thank you, baby. I know you can handle it.”

Jaxon and I made our way back to the group when two men were walking up behind the huddle. Jaxon let out a sharp whistle and lifted his chin. They all turned their heads to see who was approaching. When we stopped, Zane looked like he was getting ready to take thermonuclear to a whole new level.

“I believe that belongs to me,” the older man said. His clothing was disheveled, and he smelled like a brewery. The man standing next to him looked a lot like…Eric.

“You’d be wrong,” Zane returned.

“I’m…”

“I know who the fuck you are,” Zane cut him off. “I clocked your sorry ass the minute you and your son exited your rental. I’m sorry you wasted a trip, but this flag…” Zane held it up and continued “Absolutely doesn’t belong to you.”

“That was my brother that was buried today,” the younger man spoke. “My father deserves that flag. He’s earned the right to have that.”

Oh no! No, no, no. There were now six very pissed off, very dangerous men ready to kill this asswipe. Not to mention Jasmin looked like she’d swallowed a lemon.

“Deserves?” Zane growled. “Earned? Neither of you know jack shit what this flag represents. Do you think you have the mental fortitude or the wherewithal to stand battle ready and earn this flag?” He turned back to Eric’s father. “You’re a drunk and a child abuser. You beat your wife and you beat your son. You haven’t earned shit. And you, until the day comes you’re able to take my vest and my gun when bullets are flying, I suggest you shut your fucking mouth. He was not your brother. He was ours. We stood by his side. Never you. You know nothing of selfless service. No one deserves this flag. It belonged to Eric, he earned it. The mere fact I’m holding it in my hands makes me sick, because it means he’s not here. One more thing before you’re both going to turn and walk away. He hated you both. He never forgave you. Want to know how I know? He hated you not because of what you did to him, but what you did to his mother. Did you know that he donated half of his earnings to battered women’s shelters? Did you know that he volunteered at the local Big Brother chapter, or that he taught self-defense at the local gym to women, for free? No, you didn’t know any of that. Eric was a goddamned miracle, no thanks to you. One thing you gave him - you taught him exactly the type of man he didn’t want to be, and he worked every day making sure he wasn’t. So, fuck what you think you deserve. And shove your earned straight up your ass.”

Both men stood staring at Zane. The tension was so thick I didn’t know what to do to cut it. No one was moving. This was not the time or the place for them to kill Eric’s father and brother.

“Fuck…” the brother started.

“I wouldn’t go there,” I said, stepping away from Jaxon. “You can’t be that stupid. Look at them and then look at you. Do you really think it’s a good idea to finish that sentence? Cut your losses and get in your car.”

“My brother…”

“You must really either want to die today or have a hard head. Get in the car and go. If having a flag is so important to you, go to the store and buy one. Hang it in your house in a pretty box with a plaque and let everyone that comes over ohh and ahh over it. But friend, it’s not gonna be this one.”

“That one is…”

“Christ! You’re just stupid. That one,” I pointed to the flag Zane was holding, “and one you can buy at the store are the exact same thing. There would be no significant difference for you. Do you know why? Because it’s not about the flag. It’s about the man under it. That’s the part you fail to realize. This flag means nothing to you, because you meant nothing to Eric.” I turned to Zane and in what might’ve been the bravest moment of my life, I touched his shoulder. He was literally vibrating in anger. “Zane?” He looked down at me and I nearly wet myself. I sucked in a breath and continued. “Fuck ‘em. Who gives a shit if they stand here and mill about. He’s not here anymore, they don’t get him. He lives in you six. Jaxon, Colin, Leo, Linc, you, and Jasmin. You have him tucked away. He was your brother. These two? They are nothing more than two droplets of water in an ocean that was his life. We’re grilling at our house, poppin’ a few beers and Jax promised you some cheap ass Knob Creek. Let’s go.”

Zane continued to stare at me and I wondered how big of a mistake I’d made. I didn’t think he’d appreciate being touched a whole lot and he probably didn’t like people even hinting he should do something.

“Hey, Jax,” Zane said, and I figured he must’ve been super pissed if he was addressing Jaxon and not me. “Man, why didn’t you tell me your woman was a poet? Ocean that was his life, huh? Yeah, I like that.”

And for the first time, Zane Lewis smiled at me. A real smile that hit his eyes, and if I wasn’t madly in love with Jaxon I might’ve admitted that it made him look hot.

“You have dimples. They’re cute.” I winked and walked back to Jax.

“Cute?” Zane barked.

Lincoln’s laugh triggered everyone else’s. Standing next to Eric Wheeler’s grave, his team laughed until they cried. No one noticed when the other two men walked away. No one cared. The truth was they were meaningless. Everyone that Eric loved was there, smiling and happy.

“I can’t believe you called Zane cute,” Jaxon whispered.

“I said his dimples were. Not him.”

“Same thing,” he chuckled.

“I think I peed a little bit when he gave me the stare down. Can we go home?”

“Yeah, baby, let’s get you home and get those wet panties off of you.”

“Are you hitting on me?” I laughed.

“Oh yeah. Is it working?”

“Like a charm.”

“I’m taking Violet home. See you fuckers later.”

Home.

Jaxon grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the car. With a wave over my shoulder, I was ready. Ready to leave the past where it belonged – in the past.