CHAPTER 20
GRAHAM
GENEVIEVE’S THREE-STORY BROWNSTONE was only about a mile from my condo on the Upper West Side.
I stood in front of the brick structure and lingered for a bit before entering. Once I officially met Chloe, there would be no going back.
I was a father now. It still felt like a foreign concept.
Genevieve and I had agreed that this first meeting would be a casual dinner. She would introduce me as a family friend. We would play it by ear, and when the time was right, it would be explained to Chloe that she actually has two fathers, one in heaven and one on Earth. Over time, when Chloe was comfortable with the idea, we would develop a fair custody arrangement. Genevieve was lucky that she’d decided to make this easy for me. Otherwise she would have had one hell of a fight on her hands.
I had badly wanted Soraya here with me tonight, but it made more sense for me to get to know my daughter one on one first before introducing any more new people into her life. Chloe had just lost the only father she’d ever known. She was still extremely fragile.
A wreath made up of branches and berries hung on the red door. Ringing the bell, I took a deep breath in before the door opened.
Genevieve smiled and nudged her head. “Come in, Graham.”
Everything inside was either stark white, silver or gray. The décor was a lot like my own place, sleek and modern. It reminded me of just how much my taste had changed. I was much more into things of the colorful variety lately. Bright, bold colors.
The scent of aromatic spices filled the air, prompting me to ask, “What is that I smell?”
“Remember that homemade pad thai I used to make you? It was always your favorite. That’s what you smell. I made it for dinner tonight.”
I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from reminding her that I didn’t remember much that happened before catching her blowing Liam. This was not the night for my typical jabs, though.
“Thank you. That was thoughtful.”
“I just want you to feel comfortable here.”
The only thing making me uncomfortable was Genevieve trying to play happy homemaker.
“Where is she?”
“Chloe is playing in her room. I figured it would be better to just let her come out and find you here naturally, rather than introduce you right off the bat. I don’t want her to be suspicious.”
Suspicious that her mother is a lying cheat who’s withheld her actual father from her since the day she was born?
“Whatever you think is best. You know her better than I do. That’s not by my choice, of course.”
“I know.” Genevieve cleared her throat and walked toward the kitchen. “Make yourself comfortable. Can I get you something to drink?”
“Water will be fine with dinner, nothing for now.” I took a seat in the living room, which was adjacent to the kitchen.
“Are you sure? I have cognac…merlot…”
Holding out my palm, I said, “I’m not going to be drinking tonight.”
“Okay…just let me know if you change your mind.”
“I know you,” a sweet little voice said.
I turned around to find Chloe standing there. Her thick mane of long, brown hair covered half of her face. She was wearing adorable pink-footed pajamas and holding a teddy bear.
My mouth curved into a smile as I got up from my seat. “You know me?”
“You found my barrette…at Daddy’s party.”
That’s right. I’d picked up the pom pom thing that fell out of her hair at Liam’s wake.
I knelt down in front of her. “You’re a smart cookie.”
“What’s your name?”
“Graham.”
“Like Graham Cracker?”
“Yes. I suppose.”
“You’re a smart cracker!”
I chuckled. “You’re very funny, Chloe.”
Genevieve interjected, “Chloe…Graham is a friend of Daddy and Mommy’s. He’s joining us for dinner tonight.”
“Did you know my Daddy died?”
“Yes. I’m very sorry for you. I know he loved you very much.”
She walked over to the end table and picked up a framed picture, bringing it over to me. In the snapshot, Liam was looking lovingly over at her as autumn leaves fell around them. There was no doubt that he adored her. I wanted to feel bitter, but seeing the smile on her face in the photo made that impossible.
“That’s a really great photo of the two of you.”
“Thanks.”
Struggling with what to say to her next, I asked, “Do you always wear pajamas this early?”
“Sometimes.”
“They look very comfy. I wish they made those in my size.”
She scrunched her little nose. “That would be silly.”
“Yes. I suppose it would be.”
She handed me her teddy bear and said, “Look! Teddy Grahams…like the little cookies.” Then she started to belly laugh.
I laughed because she was laughing. “Clever.”
“Dinner is ready!” Genevieve called out from the kitchen. She’d set up the dining room table. A large, white, rectangular platter was filled with the rice noodles and veggies she’d made. A plate of chicken nuggets and mixed vegetables was placed in front of what I assumed was Chloe’s seat. The Dora the Explorer placemat was a dead giveaway.
“Graham, you said you just want water?” Genevieve asked.
“That’s right.”
“Chloe, you want your usual strawberry milk?”
Strawberry milk?
No way.
I turned to Chloe. “Strawberry milk? I love strawberry milk.”
“That’s my favorite.”
“What kind?”
“Quik,” she said.
I’d never had Nesquik milk in front of Genevieve. So, she had no idea what a crazy coincidence this was.
“That’s wild. That’s my favorite drink in the whole wide world, too.” I turned to Genevieve. “Can I change my request to strawberry milk, as well?”
“Of course.” Genevieve seemed amused.
In my daughter’s presence, I would for the first time in my adult life drink Nesquik milk openly and shamelessly. I’d come out of the strawberry milk closet.
Chloe turned to her mother. “You have to give him a crazy straw.”
“Oh, I don’t think he wants one.”
For Chloe’s benefit, I looked at Genevieve like she was crazy for thinking I wouldn’t. “Of course I do!”
Genevieve shook her head then placed a long, pink swirly straw in front of me. Chloe got a real kick out of watching me drink from it.
“You know, Chloe, I never realized how much better this milk tastes when you drink it from a crazy straw.”
“I know!” she squealed.
The joy in her eyes was palpable. I could get used to this. It made me feel so good that the mere sight of a big lug like me doing childish things could put a much-needed smile on her face. This little girl had just been through a traumatic loss, but she was well-adjusted and loved by her mother. I had to, at least, give Genevieve that. She seemed to be a very good mother.
Throughout dinner, Chloe enjoyed watching me slurp my noodles. I would do it cross-eyed just to make her laugh again and again. Genevieve stayed quiet but observant, often resting her chin in her hand as she watched us. She was taking a step back, allowing Chloe and I to bond.
After dinner, Genevieve made Chloe wash her hands and brush her teeth. I wasn’t sure what the rest of the evening held until Chloe came up behind me again and asked, “Are you sleeping over?”
“No. No, I’m not. But I’ll stay a while. What’s next on the agenda?”
“The what?”
I had to learn to make my language more kid-friendly.
“What do you like to play after dinner?”
“Dress up.”
“Dress up?”
“Yes.”
“What does that entail?”
“No tails. Dresses.”
I chuckled. “Dresses?”
“Yes.” Then she ran away, presumably to go fetch something.
I looked over at Genevieve as if she needed to translate all of this for me. “Dresses?”
“Chloe has a chest full of princess dresses and other costumes in her room. She likes to put them on over her pajamas and spin around in them until she tires. It’s sort of a bedtime ritual.”
Chloe came running back toward me. She was now dressed in a pink fluffy gown and was wearing a plastic crown. Before I could practically blink, a white, feather boa was placed around my neck.
“Chloe, Graham may not want to dress up like a lady.”
“It’s fine. I’ve been meaning to get in touch with my feminine side. It’s been on my to-do list.”
Chloe grabbed my phone and handed it to me. “Take a picture of us!”
I snapped a selfie of Chloe and me and instinctively forwarded it to Soraya. Not knowing her mood tonight, I second-guessed my decision to send it, but it was too late.
“I’ll be back,” Chloe said as she snatched the boa from around me. She took off back to her room, leaving Genevieve and me alone in the living room. A few stray feathers had fallen in her wake, landing on the rug.
“You’re really great with her, Graham.”
“This feels more…natural…than I expected.”
“Of course it does. Because she’s yours.”
Before we could continue the conversation, Chloe came flying toward me again. This time, she was dressed in a red Christmassy looking gown with white, fur trim. She was holding a black top hat.
“Are you a snow princess?”
“I’m a Christmas princess.” She placed the top hat on my head. “And you’re Scrooge.”
“I think there are a lot of people who would probably say you just typecast me, Chloe.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” I smiled. I had to keep reminding myself I was talking to a four-and-a-half-year-old.
The dress-up game went on for about an hour before Genevieve told Chloe that she had to go to bed.
“It’s already a half-hour past your bedtime. Say goodnight to Graham.”
My daughter walked toward me. My daughter. I still had to get used to it. She stopped in front of my face. God, she looked so much like my mother. Mom would have loved her so much. That reminded me that I needed to set time aside to break this news to Meme.
I couldn’t help taking my hands and cupping Chloe’s cheeks. I didn’t want to scare her, but I’d been wanting to do it all night, and this was my last opportunity.
“Goodnight, sweetheart.”
“Will you come back?”
“You can count on that, Chloe.” No truer words had ever come out of my mouth. She was going to have a hell of a time ever trying to get rid of me.
***
TONIGHT HAD DEFINITELY GONE BETTER than I could have ever anticipated.
Back in the town car, the warm feeling inside of me was quickly replaced with worry when I checked my phone and realized that Soraya never responded to the picture I’d sent her. A sinking feeling came over me. It wasn’t like her not to respond to one of my texts.
I was an idiot.
A total fucking dumbass.
I should have never sent that picture.
My heart started to pound. Should I leave her alone tonight or head to Brooklyn?
“Just park in front of the condo, Louis. I’m not sure yet where I’m headed.”
Just as the car came to a stop at my building, my phone buzzed with a text notification.
Sorry. I didn’t get this until now. My phone was charging in the other room. You look adorable in a boa. Glad things went well. I think I’m turning in early tonight. I feel a little under the weather. Talk tomorrow. xo
Letting out a massive sigh of relief that she responded, I leaned my head back in the seat before rereading the message over again. I wasn’t sure whether to head to Brooklyn or not. She said she wasn’t feeling well. I picked up the phone and dialed her, but it went to voicemail. Was she ignoring my call or had she already gone to bed? Maybe she shut her ringer off. When the phone beeped to leave a message, I just started rambling.
“Hi, gorgeous. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I just wanted to hear your voice before I turned in for the night. You’re probably already in bed. Tonight went well. I want you to meet her when you’re ready. But, Soraya, you need to know something. I don’t think I would have been ready for this if it weren’t for you. The man I was a few years ago is not the man I am now. I was a miserable person. Liam was the better father for her then. I’m convinced. But because of you, I’ll be the kind of father she deserves now. Because you’ve taught me so much about what’s important in life.”
I paused.
Fuck.
Tell her you love her. Just tell her.
“Soraya, I—”
BEEP.
The damn thing cut me off.