CHAPTER 12
SORAYA
MY STOMACH WAS NAUSEOUS the entire ride to the hospital.
Poor Graham.
The worry in his eyes was evident as he kept staring blankly ahead. His driver had taken the rest of the night off, so Graham drove us in his BMW to Westchester.
I placed my hand on his leg. “She’ll be okay.”
“Yeah,” he said without taking his eyes off the road.
An hour later, we pulled up to Westchester Hospital. Graham took my hand as we scurried toward the entrance.
“My grandmother is here. Lil Morgan. Where can I find her?” Graham asked the woman at the front desk.
“Room 257,” she said.
The elevator ride was extremely nerve-wracking. The antiseptic smell of the hospital made me sick to my stomach. When we got to the room, a doctor and a nurse were standing next to Lil’s bed.
I immediately recognized her as the old woman with blue hair from the pictures in Graham’s phone. My heart warmed at the way her eyes brightened when she saw him.
“Graham. Who told you I was here?”
“Cambria called. Are you okay?”
“I didn’t want her to worry you.”
“She did the right thing. What happened?”
“I don’t remember. I slipped and fell, but I don’t know how it happened. They’re saying I broke my hip.”
The male doctor held out his hand. “Mr. Morgan, I’m Dr. Spork.”
“Doctor, can we speak outside for a moment?”
“Certainly.”
Graham walked out of the room with the doctor, and the nurse followed them out. They’d left me all alone with Lil.
I’d still been looking out toward the door when her voice startled me.
“You must be Soraya.”
It floored me that she knew my name, that he’d mentioned me to her.
“That’s right. It’s nice to meet you, Lil.” I smiled and sat down on the chair adjacent to her bed.
“I can see now why he’s so taken with you. You have a dark, natural beauty that’s rare to come by.”
“Thank you so much.”
Her voice sounded tired and weak. “Graham is very private. He may never give me the chance to get you alone again, so forgive me if I’m laying a lot on you at once…”
I swallowed, not expecting an interrogation. “Okay.”
“I know, at times, my grandson can be an absolute prick.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding and laughed. “Yeah. I found that out pretty quickly when we first met.”
“And I heard that you called him out on his crap.”
“I did.”
“Good. But you know, that’s not really who he is deep down.”
“I’m starting to see that.”
“When his mother died, he internalized everything. It took a long time for him to put himself out there, and the one time he took a chance, he got burned.”
“Genevieve?”
Lil looked shocked. “So, he told you about her…”
“Well, I know a little. I know that she’s with his former friend, Liam, now.”
“Yes. That situation was bad. In many ways, it undid any progress he’d made after my daughter Celia died. I honestly wasn’t sure if Graham would ever open his heart to anyone again. But I sense it might be happening with you.”
Hearing her say that made my heart feel like it was going to burst. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that there’s a lot more to him than he shows. It seems you know more than I thought you did, which is good. Just don’t let him convince you that he’s unbreakable.”
“I’m more afraid of him breaking me, to be honest.”
“Don’t be afraid to get hurt. It’s far better than never experiencing anything earth-shattering. Even temporary joy is better than nothing at all. You’re afraid of getting hurt like I’m afraid to die. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to live every day to its fullest.”
I placed my hand over hers. “Thank you for that advice.”
Graham walked in at that exact moment. “Uh oh. I smell trouble stirring up.”
Lil’s face once again lit up when he entered the room. “While I wish you hadn’t come all the way down here, I’m really happy to have met Soraya. I hope I didn’t ruin your evening.”
“Nah. We were just…eating pasta.” He glanced over at me briefly, and we gave each other a knowing look.
“What did the doctor say about me?” Lil asked.
“He thinks you need hip surgery. They’re gonna keep you here for a couple of days then move you to a rehab center. I’m gonna work with Cambria to make sure they put you in a top-of-the-line facility.”
“I don’t want you getting stressed out over me.”
“You could have hit your head. You don’t even remember how it happened. Of course, I’m gonna worry. I’m just glad it wasn’t worse, Meme.”
“Me, too,” I said.
We sat with Lil for another hour before driving back to the city. Graham put on classical music and stayed completely quiet during the ride. When we finally entered Manhattan, I was the first to speak.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah…I’m fine. It’s just…”
“What?”
“It just hit me more than ever tonight that she’s the only family I have. My mother was an only child. My grandmother is literally…it. When she passes, I won’t have anyone left. It’s just kind of a sobering thought.”
“You’ll have a family of your own someday.”
He caught me off guard with a question I didn’t see coming. “Do you want kids, Soraya?”
I could only give him the honest answer. “I’m not sure.”
“You’re not sure?”
“I can’t say that I’m one-hundred percent sure. I’m hoping I will be sure by the time I have to make a decision.”
“Are the doubts you’re having because of the situation with your father?”
“Partly. I haven’t really analyzed it too much, though. I just don’t feel absolutely certain that motherhood is in the cards for me.”
He looked pensive upon my reply. Maybe that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but I didn’t want to lie to him. It was how I’d always felt.
Looking over at him, I asked, “Are you taking me home?”
“I wasn’t planning to.” A look of disappointment washed over his face. “Why…do you want to go home?”
“I just thought maybe with everything that happened with Lil—”
“You thought I’d want to be alone? No. I don’t want to be alone, Soraya. I’m tired of being alone. I want you in my fucking bed tonight. We don’t have to do anything. I…just want to hold you while I fall asleep. That’s what I want if that’s okay with you.”
Even though it scared me, I wanted nothing more.
“Okay. Yeah.”
Graham never had a chance to cook his pasta dish. Since it was late, we stopped for takeout Szechuan and brought it upstairs to his condo. We passed the paper containers back and forth to each other as we sat with our legs crossed on his living room floor watching General Hospital.
“I could get used to this,” he said, slurping a noodle into his mouth. An uncharacteristically boyish charm shone through his face in that moment.
My heart clenched. Tonight was the first time that it really hit me that things were getting serious between us. As much as his question about whether I wanted children had rattled me earlier, I realized there was no going back. I needed to see where the tide took us. As Lil said, it would be better to get hurt than to never know.
After we cleaned up, Graham quietly led me into his bedroom. I watched as he pulled his sweater over his head. Admiring the tattoo that Tig had inked onto Graham’s side, I licked my lips, wanting desperately to taste his skin.
He walked to the bathroom and returned with black pajama pants on then tossed a blue t-shirt at me.
“I want you to sleep in my shirt.”
He watched intently as I unbuttoned my blouse. His mouth looked like it was watering, and his eyes were glued to my chest as I threw the t-shirt over my head.
I got into his massive bed, my body immediately sinking into the plush, memory foam mattress. This bed was fit for a king—or a Morgan.
He got behind me and enveloped my body in his arms. His breathing slowed, and I realized he was falling asleep, calm as a baby. I soon followed suit.
***
IT WAS 4AM WHEN SOMETHING woke me up. Graham was turned to me with his eyes open.
“I love watching you sleep.”
My voice was groggy. “If I knew you were watching me, I wouldn’t have been able to.”
He chuckled. “What woke you up?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it was just my intuition.”
“You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think you wanted to peek under the blanket.”
“And here I thought the dirty bastard in you had taken the night off.”
“Never. He’s always here, even when he’s quiet.” He laughed, and his smile nearly melted me. He locked his fingers with mine. “Seriously, though, I think something’s weighing on you.”
“How do you know?”
“Your eyes.”
“Your grandmother told me I shouldn’t be afraid of getting hurt.”
“She’s a wise woman. You should listen to her. But can I tell you a secret?”
“Yes.”
“You terrify me, Soraya.”
“Likewise.”
“But that’s the very reason that I just know.”
“Know what?”
“That this could be the real thing.”
The real thing.
“I need to learn to stop worrying about tomorrow, just enjoy today,” I whispered.
Graham brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it. “No one knows what’s going to happen from one day to the next, but if the world were to end tomorrow, there’s no place I’d rather be than right here with you. That tells me everything I need to know.”
When he pressed his lips into mine, it felt different from any of the other times he’d kissed me, more passionate, almost desperate. It felt like he was releasing all of the pent up tension in his body into me. What started off slow and sensual soon turned wild and frenzied. No longer able to control the need for him, I made a conscious decision to let go of all of my insecurities, even if just for this moment in time. Here in this bed, I felt safe. That was all that mattered.
As if he could read my mind, Graham climbed over me, pinning me down with his arms on each side of me. He hovered over me for the longest time, just staring into my eyes. He seemed to be holding back, seeking permission. So, I silently nodded, letting him know that I was game for whatever he had in store. He closed his eyes for a moment then opened them again.
He never took his eyes off me as his large hand worked to slowly slide my underwear off. He cupped me right between the legs as I throbbed, so wet and ready for him.
He clenched his jaw. “Fuck, Soraya. I need to be inside. Now.” With his boxer briefs still on, he ground his cock against me. I squeezed his ass, pushing him against my clit, so incredibly aroused.
He pulled off his underwear, and now his bare cock felt hot against my stomach. Spreading my legs as wide as they could go, I couldn’t wait a second longer. Gripping his shaft, I led him into my opening. Unprepared for his girth, I gasped before slowly easing him in.
“Oh…fuck…you feel…fuck…” he muttered against my mouth as he moved slowly in and out of me. He pulled his face back to look at me. His pupils were dilated as he continued to stare into my eyes almost hypnotically with every thrust. No man had ever looked at me like that during sex. He was fucking me, body and soul, and I just knew that this was going to ruin me forever.
The room was completely still. I could hear nothing but the sound of our wet slapping arousal as he fucked me as deeply as he could. His hands were pulling at my hair harder, and when his breathing became uneven, I knew he was losing control.
“I’m gonna come so hard, Soraya.” He gritted his teeth. “So…fucking…hard.”
Those words were all it took as I felt my muscles pulsating around his cock. He could feel my orgasm and finally let himself go. His hips bucked as he fucked me harder, letting out a loud groan before coming inside of me.
Collapsing, he gently kissed my neck over and over, staying inside of me for the longest time. When he eventually pulled out, I could feel his hot cum streaming slowly down my inner thighs. I’d never known what that felt like because I’d never let a man come inside of me before. I was no virgin, but somehow it felt like my first real time, far more intimate and intense than anything I had ever done with anyone. It felt like I should have wanted to run to the shower, but it was just the opposite. I wanted the remnants of him to stay inside of me.
He kissed me softly until I slowly fell back asleep, wondering if anything I could ever conjure up in my dreams would top the reality of what I’d just experienced.
***
THE NEXT DAY IN WORK, a complete and utter fog followed me around all day. Nothing Ida was saying was registering. My mind kept replaying the events of the night before. The few hours before I was set to see him again seemed like an eternity. It felt like a drug addiction for Christ’s sake.
I assumed he’d been quiet all day until I checked the Ask Ida email account.
Dear Ida,
This is the former Celibate in Manhattan. You might also remember me as Stuck-Up Suit. I thought it would be polite to provide you with an update to my situation, seeing as though you’ve been so helpful thus far. The good news: I’m happy to say that I’m no longer celibate. The bad news: Now that I’ve had her, I want to be inside of her every second of the day. I can’t stop thinking of fucking her in every which way. I’m worried that she may eventually tire of my insatiable appetite. So, my question to you is: Is there such a thing as too much sex?
–Fucked in Manhattan
Dear Fucked in Manhattan:
Congratulations on ending your celibacy. I guess the answer to your question would depend on how good you are in bed. Assuming that your performance is favorable (which I highly suspect it is), I don’t think you will have a problem. You may also be veering on the side of presumptuous in assuming that your lady friend would find an overabundance of sex unfavorable. Don’t underestimate a woman’s own voracious libido.
That evening, Graham was supposed to call to let me know what time his driver would be picking me up to take me to the condo. It was unlike him to be running so late without calling me. My paranoid side got the best of me as I picked up the phone and dialed him.
He answered. “Soraya…” The tone of his voice sounded sullen.
What the fuck?
“I’ve been waiting for your call. Is everything alright?”
He let out a deep breath into the phone. “No. I’m afraid it’s not.”
My heart started to palpitate. “What’s going on?”
“I just got some news a little while ago.”
“News?”
“It’s Liam.”
“Your ex-friend? Genevieve’s husband. What about him?”
There was a long moment of silence. “He’s dead.”