“I’m on my way over there now. I just have to stop by the label right quick. I won’t be late.” Disconnecting the phone, I pull into the garage at Hard Candy. My brother is convinced I’ll miss mama’s birthday. I’ve no clue why. The attendant waves me in, recognizing my truck now, and I whip in next to Addy’s Jeep, smiling to myself at the thought of seeing her. She’s not supposed to be in today. Something about a meeting with someone in Dallas.

Grabbing the papers Jimmy asked me to sign and bring to Nelle, I walk to the elevators and ride it straight to the 18^th floor. When I walk down the hall, I find Nelle’s desk empty which is totally unlike her. She doesn’t leave her post for anything. I put the papers down and jot a little note on her sticky pad so she can find them, then walk over to Addy’s office. I’m just about to knock when I hear my name.

“So you’re spending real time with Beau then, not just label stuff?” a voice asks. I’m pretty sure it’s Willow by the tone—she’s not my biggest fan. Scarlet’s voice I would recognize and she is a fan.

“Not really.”

That’s all Addy offers up, then, “Okay, a few times.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing. I would hate to see him hurt you the way Calvin did. You have a thing for the bad boys…”

“Hello pot…” Addy interrupts, laughing.

“Which is why I’m telling you. You’re a lot like me, and everything might be great now, but it wasn’t for a long time because I loved the ultimate rebel. Trouble through and through. But it was exciting. So I get it. They’re easy to fall in love with.”

“Whoa whoa. Who said anything about love?” I should walk away and let the girls carry on, but I’m rooted to the spot.

“I know. But it’s only a matter of time if you’re spending time with him, and let’s be real. You don’t spend time with a man like Beau McCrae and not sleep with him.” Well, she’s right about that.

“I’m a lady and would never kiss and tell,” Addy says, coyly.

“You just did,” Willow snickers.

“Whatever.”

“I would never tell you what to do or who to screw—if that were the case I would have stepped in over Calvin.” They both have a laugh at that.

“I just want you to be careful, ya know? Break ups with rock stars, or country stars as it were, aren’t as easy as just your regular Joe. You still have to see them splashed across the magazine covers when you’re just trying to buy your gallons of ice cream. With other women, on TV, the radio. The list is endless. Hell, look at me, I moved to another damn country to get away from my breakup.”

“We both know that’s not exactly how it went down, and on top of that, we aren’t dating. Just having really great, I mean, really really great sex.”

A shit-eating grin slides across my mouth. I’ll have to make sure to put in some extra effort next time I get her naked for that one. Deciding that I’ve invaded their girl talk enough, I turn to go when I hear Willow say, “That’s all good and fine, but are you spending any time with anyone else? Because if you’re not, you’re in danger of falling head over heels for the bad boy of country music and nobody would blame you. But he has a reputation for a reason.” Suddenly I’m not sure how much I like Willow.

“You see, that’s another thing, I don’t think that he’s what they make him out to be. Yes, he’s been a little wild in the past, and he’s cocky and all that, but he’s so much more. You should see him with his mama, and he’s sweet to me. Funny as all hell and I haven’t had to get on him about anything we were worried about. No benders or women on the tour bus. He’s done everything I’ve asked of him with little to no complaint. I just…I just think that he’s not exactly what they paint him out to be. I think that they have him wrong and I see the real him.”

“Oh, honey. You’ve got it bad.”

Hearing Addy say those things about me, giving me credit where I don’t deserve it, makes me feel sick. Not only did I just stand here and invade her privacy, but I have her believing I’m a better man than I am. I promised I wouldn’t let her get attached, but then I went ahead and laid the ground work for her. As quietly as I can, I turn and go the way I came, a bitter taste in my mouth. Leave it to me to fuck with the good girl. Again.

* * *

“Here, Mama, open Beau’s next. Maybe then he’ll quit poutin’ over there,” my brother says, handing my mom her birthday gift, the one Addy put together for me.

“Beau, this is so lovely, darlin’. Y’all didn’t have to go to so much trouble,” she gushes. Same thing every year, and every year we dote on her, always making a big fuss since she’s lived without all the frills and pretty things most women who don’t live on a ranch with a bunch of boys have.

“Well, it’s not a car that you can return, but I think you’ll like it anyhow.” I crack a smile, doing my best to not get stuck in my thoughts and ruin the night for her.

“Oh hush. I didn’t need all those bells and whistles. Just power locks and windows will do me,” she says for the hundredth time since the day I surprised her with it. She gasps when she unfolds the tissue paper Addy wrapped the shawl in. “This is just gorgeous. Oh, I can’t wait to wear it to church on Sunday. I have the perfect dress to go with it.” She puts it aside, her smile bright as the sun over the simple gift. Making her way through the other things in the basket and fawning over each one, she places them all back in, still smiling. “Those ladies did an excellent job on wrapping and arranging this basket,” she admires. Here we go.

“Actually, Addy did it.” I wait all of four seconds for that to sink in—I counted.

“My my. Must be serious then?” It’s posed as an innocent question, but by the look on her face you’d think I just kicked her puppy.

“Mama,” Sealy says in a warning tone.

“What? I’m just asking a question is all.”

“Jo, leave the boy alone. He’s kept his behind out of trouble these last few weeks for the first time since he was born. Jenny, as much as I adored the girl, was never able to do that.”

And that’s my cue. “I have to get up early to move the cattle,” I say as if my brother and dad don’t have to as well. I wave at my dad feeling like I should apologize for the fight he just got himself into on my behalf. With a plastered-on smile, I buss a kiss to my mama’s cheek. “Happy birthday, Mama. I’m glad you liked your presents.”

“Thank you, baby,” she says then goes back to glaring at my dad.

Sealy must see it too because he follows behind me with his kisses and goodbyes and jumps into my truck.

“Man, is she gonna give him what for,” he says with a grimace.

“I know it. You shoulda stayed and helped him out,” I suggest.

“He’s a big boy. He can handle himself.”

I grunt in agreement. He’s quiet for a few beats.

“So you gonna tell me what your deal is tonight?”

“Don’t have a deal.”

“You kiss your mama with that lyin’ mouth?” Sealy tsks. “What’s on your mind, brother? Is it Addy? Because I gotta tell ya, I’ll take her off your hands for you if—”

“Shut up, Sealy,” not giving him a chance to say something to make me hit him.

“Ahhh, so it is Addy. Girl that fine is bound to get you all twisted up.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” I huff out.

Before long, we’re in front of Sealy’s place. “I’ll go grab us some beers.”

I nod and get out of the truck and go around back to drop the tailgate. Out here in the country, a man has something eatin’ at him you either talk it out with a fishing pole in your hand or with your boots swinging from the back of his truck or a water tower, and tonight I don’t much feel like climbing. Eyes turned skyward, I let the quiet of the night and the shine from the stars help me find a little peace. Overhearing Addy and Willow today just complicated the hell out of everything. Hearing the screen door clap shut, I look up to see my brother headed my way with a beat up boombox-style radio I recognized from when we were teenagers and a chest cooler big enough to hold a case or more of beer.

“It’s gonna be one of those nights, huh?” I laugh.

“I figure you could use a good drunk. You’ve been out here on the ranch lying low for a while now. And we can’t drink without sad country songs.”

“That I could. And you’re right about that.”

Grabbing the radio from him, I fiddle with the dial while he slides the cooler into the bed and hops up to sit beside me. Rummaging in the ice, he cracks the top on two beers, handing me one just as I settle on a station and set the boombox on the cooler.

“Okay, now we’re ready. Beau McCrae, tell your little brother all about it,” Sealy teases.

For a minute I don’t answer, just stare out and watch the fireflies light up around us, not knowing where to start or how much I even want to tell him tonight. My beer dangling between my legs, I raise it to my lips to take a swig, buying more time. Finally accepting defeat, I give in.

“I overheard Addy talking to her friend about me today.” Sealy sips his beer and waits for me to continue. “Willow, her friend and one of the partners at the label wants for her to stay away from me for the most part.”

“Addy’s a big girl. She can make up her own mind,” he interjects a little testily.

“I know it. But Willow was right about most of it. I have a reputation and I come by it honestly for the most part. I mean, I’ve done the things they’ve said. All those gossip magazines and rag mags aren’t makin’ shit up most days. I do a damn good job of makin’ their job easy.” The both of us laugh at that.

“I’m not gonna say you’re a saint, because I would be lyin’, but not all of what they say is true. And if it is, they’re distorting it to fit their needs.”

“Maybe.” Tossing the empty bottle into the cooler, I pull out another. “Maybe not. But Addy came to my defense. Thinks I’m a good guy and that they paint me in an unfair light.”

Remembering back on what she said, I feel my gut churn. I don’t deserve her vote of confidence, her trust. I don’t want to be that guy for her. People end up expecting more out of me than I’m capable of giving. “She gives me too much credit.”

“I think she’s right and it’s you who doesn’t give yourself enough credit.”

My brother is my biggest fan in life. Always in my corner defending me to anyone who will listen. He’s a lot like Jenny in that aspect. But with Sealy it’s because I’m his brother and he’ll be damned if he’ll let anyone talk shit on me. With Jenny it was always about appearances and blowback.

“Well, regardless of what you think, I don’t deserve that kind of blind faith from her.” Swallowing back the last of my beer, I grab another one, ignoring how easy they’re going down. “It’s my own fault though. I pushed her to let go with me.”

“Any idea why?”

I’m not sure if he’s using some kind of reverse psychology on me or what, but I answer anyway. “Because she makes it easy to be me. She couldn’t give two shits about all that fame and fortune bullshit most girls do. She doesn’t treat me like Beau McCrae, country music’s bad boy. She treats me like Beau McCrae ranch hand from Georgetown, Texas.” I shake my head and take a deep pull from the bottle. “I reckon I like it and want her to keep doin’ it, so I pushed when she’d pull knowing I didn’t really want more but not able to help myself.”

“So now what’s the problem? You’re scared? You don’t want to be committed? What?”

“I’m not scared. I’m just sick of being something I’m not. Someone I’m not. I don’t want to be in another relationship I have to constantly fight my way out of.” I’ve never admitted that to anybody—hell, I’ve never admitted it to myself.

“Do you think you’d have to? You just said yourself that Addy lets you be you,” Sealy reminds as he hands me beer number four. I must look like I could use it.

“Doesn’t matter.” I tip the bottle to my mouth.

“So what are ya gonna do?”

“Nothing. Reckon my true colors will shine through before long. They always do.”

“I think you’re wrong about all of it.” Sealy shakes his head at me. “You always were hard on yourself.”

“It’s not me I’m hard on. It’s that loving me is hard on everyone around me.”

My brother’s voice is pitched low when he says, “Addy isn’t Jenny, Beau.”

“I know it. But I’m still me.”