Bending at the waist, I drag in air. As much of it as I can without passing out. Sweat drips down my spine, my temple, my stomach. Adele wailing “I Miss You” in my ears rivals the banging of my rapidly beating heart. I can’t seem to run fast enough or far enough to outrun the heaviness in my chest right now. Being fucked by a man you’ve only just realized you’re in love with, then kissed like you mean something to him right before he walks out your door, all while his come is still trickling down your leg, will give you something to try and run out of your system.

Seeing him yesterday and keeping my head held high was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. When he lashed out at me at lunch I was done. I can see through all of his bullshit. He’s scared, and when Beau is scared he acts out—that’s why I had to be his keeper. But I’m not gonna be the one who allows that from the man in my life, and whether he wants to admit it or I want to admit it, Beau McCrae is the man in my life.

Jenny may have accepted this side of him, but it won’t be me. Maybe he wants another Jenny. Or maybe he just can’t move past losing her. I refuse to live in her shadow, one foot in and one foot out of his life because it’s not enough for me. I won’t be that girl for anyone anymore, the one who cares too much while they care too little. Have I gone ahead and fallen in love with the bad boy? Yup. But that doesn’t define me. He doesn’t define me. I’m ready to take off running again after my little pep talk when Willow and Scarlet come barreling out of my building waving to get my attention.

“Oh my God. Are you okay?” Scar asks. “You look like you’re about to drop dead. Are you going to drop dead?”

With my breathing still labored, I give her a death glare. She just throws her head back and laughs at me. “Is that supposed to scare me? Honey, I used to be a model—those bitches are savage. You’re gonna have to try harder than that.”

Willow just shakes her head and hands me a bottle of water that she pulled out of her purse followed by a granola bar. Both of which I take and am grateful for.

“Who the hell are you? Mary Poppins?” Scar laughs, trying to pry Willow’s bag open so that she can get a look at what else she might be hiding in there.

“Ha! No. It’s called being a mom. Get out of my purse, there’s nothing in there for ho bags like you.” I sputter a laugh, choking on my water.

“That’s not a purse. It’s a satchel or like carry-on luggage.” Never does she defend her ho bag status. I love these girls.

“What are you two doing here”? I ask when I finally catch my breath.

Scarlet waves around a copy of Exposé, the one with Beau and me on the cover. I groan and take a huge bite out of the granola bar. I don’t want to talk about this right now. There will be no way around it though. Not with these two. They both just look at me with “well?” faces. Sighing in resignation, I brush past them into the building, leaving them to follow. I swipe my card for the elevator and then send them up. “I’ll meet you guys, I’m gonna take the stairs to cool down.”

They both look at me like I’ve lost my mind. Giving a little finger wave, I head for the stairs. I’m going to need the time to gather my wits. The two of them together is a force to be reckoned with.

They’re sitting on my couch with Mason jar glasses of wine when I come in. I’m betting money that was Scar’s doing.

“I’m jumping in the shower. Be right out.”

“Hurry up, Addy Mae. Don’t think you can avoid us forever, sweet cheeks! And why the fuck don’t you have real damn wine glasses?” Scarlet calls.

After taking the world’s fastest shower—I don’t dare dawdle, they’d have come in to get me—I rub a towel over my head and pad out to the living room to join them, avoiding looking at the windows that Beau had me plastered to.

“Come sit down and dish, baby.” Willow smiles and pats the seat next to her. Flopping down she pulls my feet onto her lap and Scar hands me a glass—or jar, as it were—of wine.

“So, tell me about this…” She flips open the magazine and points. Right there covering the whole page is a picture of Beau with a handful of my ass as he lifts me for a kiss right in the middle of downtown Georgetown. I want to rip it to shreds. Totally irrational but that’s where I’m at right now. When I don’t answer, she points to another. “And how about this?” A picture of Beau and me at the build when he was bandaging my arm. This one was where he placed a kiss on the bandage. Was that only a couple of weeks ago? How did it go so bad so quick? I can feel the tears pricking the backs of my eyes.

Doing my best to blink them back, I avert my gaze. It’s too late though, Willow’s too perceptive.

“Oh no. No. No. No. Addy,” she wails.

That’s all it takes for the tears to start flowing. Taking the towel I was using on my hair, I bury my face in it and let the soft cotton absorb the tears and the sounds of my sobs. Willow doesn’t say anything, just scoots closer and rubs my leg. I can hear Scar in the kitchen getting more wine.

A few minutes later I pat at my face with the towel knowing I must look a wreck. “You okay now?” Willow asks, smoothing my hair back from my face. I nod, sniffling.

“You got distracted, didn’t you?” Scar pipes in, reminding me of the talk we had when I first met Beau.

I nod again then blow out a shaky breath. “I got distracted as all hell.” She looks at me sympathetically, shaking her head. “You know I hate when Willow’s right. Why you gotta let her be right, Addy?” I can’t help but laugh at that.

Willow doesn’t gloat, not about this. “So, what happened? Those obviously aren’t happy tears.”

“I’m not even sure.” Taking a gulp of my wine, I start at the beginning and tell them about his mama and how right off the bat she let me know I was not Jenny. Then I told them about the build and the river.

“You had sex in a river? You rebel.” Scar nudges my leg, sounding impressed and maybe a little proud, if I’m honest.

Continuing, I tell them about him serenading me in the back of the truck and what that led to, and of course Willow demands to know what song. “‘Speakers’ by Sam Hunt.”

“Ooohh, that’s a good one.” I don’t deny it. Worked like a charm on me. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Go ahead.”

So I go on to tell them how he showed up here the next day and the road head incident but have to stop when Scar falls off the couch laughing. Once she has herself under control I go on and on. Choking back tears all the while, not doing too bad until I get to the concert and have to relive that whole thing again.

“Her brother said what? Oh, hell no,” Scar says, a vicious curl to her lip.

“Beau took up for me and put the guy in his place, but still. The whole thing took a toll on both of us.” Tipping my glass at Scar she pours more Moscato into it for me. I tell them about us coming back here but not how it all went down, just that he left me. Never even got his pants all the way off before he had them fastened up and headed out the door.

“That motherfucker. You have to be kidding me!” Scar is off the couch pacing and cursing.

“He was hurting.” Willow holds up a hand to silence Scarlet. “I’m not making excuses, but boys are dumb. They process and deal in ways that make zero sense,” she says softly. “He’s had a rough few months. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for him to have to stand there coming off that high of performing to having his world tilted on its axis.”

“You are so right, Willow. So right. And I would have forgiven him for that…tensions were high, emotions were raw. I would have forgiven him for just walking out of here. When I was done crying. But then he went ahead and acted a total damn fool at lunch and now he can go fuck himself right in his feelings,” I say vehemently.

“That’s my girl!” Scar encourages.

It hurts me to even repeat the stuff he said to me. I didn’t know that Beau, and I for damn sure didn’t like him. The tears are falling once again, faster now as I think about it and how it was that moment I realized I loved him. I knew by the depth of the hurt his words inflicted. Ain’t that special? Scarlet hands me a tissue and the entire bottle of Moscato, this time making me snort out a little laugh.

“So you know why he showed his ass in such an epic display of douchebaggery, don’t you?” she asks from where she sits on my floor. “He’s distracted, same as you. Only instead of talking it out like normal people, he’s hitting the panic button and lashing out. “

I truly believe she’s right, but that doesn’t excuse him. I won’t make excuses for his actions, which from the sounds of it Jenny did. “Doesn’t matter at this point. I won’t sit around and let him treat me like that until he’s ready to admit he has feelings for me.”

“Hell no you won’t,” Scar insists.

Willow has been a little quiet and I can only imagine that she’s thinking about all the crazy her and Stone went through to get where they are now. Their love is what they write epic love songs about though.

“Don’t you guys have an award show to attend tonight?” Willow asks softly.

“I’m not going. I don’t even want to look at him right now, let alone pretend with him on the red carpet.” I blow my nose, absolutely miserable.

“Are you going to call him to let him know?” She looks at the slim watch on her wrist. “It’s only a few hours away now.” There’s a frown marring her forehead.

“Wasn’t planning on it. He’s a big boy. He’ll get it figured out,” I huff.

“Should we, as the label, be worried?”

Was she really trying to guilt me into going for the company’s sake? “I’m not going. You can call Stone and tell him this was his fucking idea, that he can go. I’m not.” I’m not sure I’ve ever been that snippy with Willow.

“This right here is the reason I told you this was a bad idea. There’s no way to resist a man like Beau.” She’s not helping. “Will you be able to work with him? Obviously not right this minute, but eventually?” Willow asks with concern in her tone. Not for the label, but for me. I know that. I’m just on edge.

“I will. I just need a day or two to not feel so sad, ya know?” Willow has known more pain and sadness in her life than everyone I know put together. She’s also endured and conquered and come out on top.

“I do. It’ll all be fine; you’ll see. Everything always has a way of working itself out, Addy Mae. This is one of those times. I feel it.” She pulls me into her side, hugging me tight and rocking us from side to side. She always was the best at fixing things, but now that she’s got Lyric she has this mothering thing on lock.

My eyes drift closed, a tear sneaking past my lid as I think about how royally messed up everything is right now. Suddenly Scarlet asks, “Are those handprints and possibly a…boob on your window, Addy?”

My eyes fly open and I shoot straight, looking to where she’s pointing. My face is hot from embarrassment. Scarlet and Willow are both staring at me now with mouths agape and eyes wide while I avoid their eyes.

“Maybe?”

“Oh my God, you are a ho bag!” she exclaims, falling all over us in a fit of infectious laughter.

I needed this today, needed them.