When Kinlee shows up and Brandt’s in tow, I’m not sure I can take this anymore. I need to get through to him. I don’t mind the messages he leaves me every few weeks, and I respond to his occasional texts, but he’s gotta let go of the idea of me coming home. Brandt’s my oldest friend and Kinlee’s my only weakness, put them in a room together and I’m not sure I can withstand the façade that my stone exterior is hollow on the inside. I don’t mean to, but I crack and for the first time since I woke up in the hospital, I cry. But by the end of me telling them to leave me the hell alone, I think Brandt gets the picture.
He doesn’t call or text, and Kinlee shows up alone the following month. She’s quieter than she’s been in a long time and I think I’m finally getting through to her. I haven’t seen Will or Wendy since Wendy showed up over a year ago, but when they come through my door, I smile. We’ve kept in contact, and as far as I know, they haven’t told their sister.
God, they look so different. They’re in their senior year and it’s time to decide on colleges and that’s why they’re here.
“Kinlee will know,” Wendy says with worry.
I’m paying for their schooling, no matter where they decide to go, but she’s right, Kinlee will try and pay for it and if they tell her it’s already taken care of, she’ll figure it out.
“We can just say financial aid’s covering it.” Will shrugs and looks between us.
“I’m not okay with y’all lying to your sister, but I think that’s the only way.”
Wendy snorts and rolls her eyes. “You’re not okay with us lying to her?” She cocks her eyebrow. “What do you think we’ve been doing for the last year and a half, numb nuts?”
I furrow my brows and let out a growl. “Watch your mouth talking to me like that, Wendy.”
The smile on her face confuses the hell out of me and when Will starts to laugh, I look between them, getting even more pissed.
“What the hell are you two laughing at?”
“You still care,” Wendy says like a smartass.
“I never stopped caring,” I snap.
“Yeah, so why do you keep pretending you’re empty, Bo? This is getting old.” She huffs and inspects her nails.
I narrow my eyes at them. “You need to decide on a college in a month. Get to thinking now.”
“Community,” they say at the same time and it’s still eerie they say the same things at the same time.
“Community? Where? In the city by home?”
“Yeah, we’ll move closer to the city. We don’t want to be far from Kinlee or the Kenshaws.”
“We’re going to go to Liberty, Bo.”
“I’ll pay for you to go to college anywhere you want,” I remind them.
“Did you hear me?” Will says like I’m dense. “We’re not going to abandon our family. We’re going to Liberty.”
I look away from him. They both get in subtle jabs any chance they can, but I deserve them, and I’ve become an expert at hiding how much they hurt.
“Yeah, sounds good. You two will have access to your accounts on your eighteenth birthday. If you spend that money before you graduate, I will come back to town to whoop you both,” I threaten and they laugh.
“I’d like to see you try,” Wendy taunts. “We turn eighteen three months before we graduate. I don’t think you could wheel that chair to the airport before we can spend eighty grand a piece.”
I grit my teeth and grip the table. I didn’t stand on my own until the day I asked Kinlee and Brandt to leave me the hell alone, and since then, I’ve been pushing my limits, but I’m not getting cocky about it, so I haven’t told the kids. Clutching tight to the ledge, I slowly stand and stare down at them with menace.
“Try me,” I growl and Wendy bursts into laughter, jumping to her feet and squealing while she bounces in circles.
Not until Will gets up and yanks me into a hug do I let my scowl break into a smile and I hug him back, almost able to lift my right arm, but it’s not strong enough yet.
“You’ll be home in no time, you stubborn asshole,” Will says and grips my arms, making sure I’m steady before he lets me go.
“Don’t count on it.” I lower my shaking body into the chair, but keep the smile on my face because I did it.
“Whatever you say. We gotta go before Kinlee catches onto us. She thinks we’re staying the weekend at the Kenshaws’ and Jo said she’d cover our asses if Kinlee showed up, but being fifteen hours away makes me nervous.”
I glance at the clock, hating they were only here a few hours but they shouldn’t be hiding this from their sister. But at the same time, I told them not to tell her.
“Your sister get a job besides workin’ at the school?” I ask, wondering what she’s doing for money because she hasn’t touched my accounts since I’ve been here.
“What do you care?” Wendy smirks at me over her shoulder while she throws away our takeout containers.
“Just want to make sure y’all are financially taken care of.”
“You just keep paying the mortgage and we’re fine.” She sticks her tongue out.
“The house is paid off.” I mimic her, sticking out my tongue.
“I love you, Bo. I’ll text you every few hours.” She kisses my cheek then glances at Will before exiting.
Will’s standing next to me with his hands in his pockets and he glances at the closed door before he rubs the back of his neck. “Come home, Bo.” His eyes hit mine and I huff. “Kinlee’s… She’s not the same anymore. She don’t get much joy from nothin’ anymore.” When I don’t respond, he mutters, “Love you, Bo.”
She’s almost cracked. That means she’s almost moved on.
When I see Kinlee again, she walks in with her eyes swimming in tears. She heads right for me while I sit at the table going over the reports for my wheat farm. Her arms wrap around me and she breaks down in tears. My right arm shakes when I try to lift it to hold her and I’m grateful I can barely move it because it reminds me I can’t show her compassion. She cries on my shoulder for a few minutes before she lets go then drags one of the other chairs next to mine. She empties her bag and sets out two plates of food. Clutching my right hand tight in her left, she eats with her free hand, crying the entire time. I don’t touch my food. I refuse to turn my head to look at her, but I watch her in my peripheral. She’s lost a lot of weight, but she’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. She’s hiccupping through tears but continues to eat her food and I have to bite my tongue so I don’t ask her why she’s so upset. Last time she was here she was angry with me, as expected, but she hasn’t cried like this in a few months.
When she finishes her food, she throws away her garbage before pulling the chair back to where it sits. She bends toward me and when she softly kisses my lips, her tears dampen my cheeks. Her arms wrap around my neck and she hugs me hard, crying through it until she whispers, “Bye, Bo,” in my ear, then leaves.
My body erupts in tingles and it’s painful enough to make me grunt. Something about that felt different than any other time she’s been here.
It takes two months for me to realize what was so different. She finally gave up. She didn’t just mean goodbye until next month, she meant goodbye for life. I haven’t seen her in two months. My phone hasn’t illuminated with a picture of her face in two months. I never answered her texts or calls in the past, and right now I’m missing them. She finally gave up… She let me go. She actually moved on. I keep laughing about it because this is what I wanted, but fuck, it hurts like a motherfucker. At least before, I knew I could expect a call or text. I could expect her to show up once a month, but not anymore. And now…now, I don’t think this is what I want. By month four of nothing from her, I realize this isn’t what I wanted.
I thought I was actually letting her go, but knowing she’d show up monthly always put a comfort inside of me. Seeing her call come through always reassured me she wasn’t giving up. Her absence is breaking me in the way I wanted to break her. I wanted her to go away, move on, be happy. But now that she is, I can’t stomach it.
I’m a sorry son of a bitch. I don’t deserve that woman, but if I can walk across this room…I glance to the other side of the room…if I can walk it, I’m going to get my girl back. Grabbing my crutch, I shakily stand on my legs and take in a deep breath. I’m pouring sweat by the time I make it to the bed and I look over at the mess I left when I got up today. It’d be so easy to give up. Get in bed and sleep away the pain my body’s in from taking those steps, but when I look toward the door, I see Kinlee. It’s not really her, but if I make it to that door, I know I can make it through this life with her. Two hours and I’m panting but I slide down the door and lean my head back, closing my eyes.
I have to fix this. I have to get my girl back. I guess subconsciously I never thought she’d give up, as much as I thought I wanted her to, but now that she has, a year and half later, I’m not ready to let her go.
“Fuck,” I groan, not sure I can make it across the room to my phone, but I have to call Brandt.
I’m much stronger than when I came in here, but I’m not nearly as strong as I was before any of this happened. I’ve gained some muscle back because I push my body as much as I can, and if I keep pushing like I just did to cross this room, I know I’ll be able to walk without breaking a sweat again. And that’s the point I need to get to before I go home. Go home to my girl.
Fuck, I hope she’s still my girl when I get home.
When I walk into my house, I expect sixteen-year-old twins to run for me. I expect a beautiful blonde to be wearing a grin because she's happy to see me and she’s thinking about all the dirty things she wants to do to me. What I walk into is dark, and cold. I'm so tired of dark and cold.
No one lives here anymore. Doesn't look like Kinlee's lived here in a while. The twins are away at college but they’ve been here. They told me they stay every other weekend and come four to five times a week after classes to care for the animals that are left. The bull’s been long gone, according to the twins, but the stables look like they’re in good condition still. The house… well, the house doesn't look lived in. Kinlee's gone. Why would I think she wouldn't be?
Pulling down the long drive of the ranch, I can’t help but smile. I missed this place. I missed the hell out of these people. Nothing would make me happier than if the little Kenshaws came running out of that door screaming for Uncle Bo. But there's no one around. I get out of my car, really wishing I had a truck, but I don't think I'm ready to try and get in and out of a truck yet. Give it time and I’ll push for it.
First person I see is Brandt and I head toward him.
"Hey." I turn my backwards hat around to block the sun.
"Hey," he clips, not pausing his work long enough to glance over at me for even more than a second.
"So..." I glance around the ranch that's really quiet this morning. "Where are the kids? I have things for them." I thumb toward my car.
"I sent them to town with Grandma. Didn't want them runnin' into you and ruining how they feel ‘bout you." He tosses a bag of feed down from his truck and huffs. "Ain’t that what you said would be best?"
"Shit, Brandt." I drop my head and stare at my cane. I hate this thing, but I'd rather have it than be six feet under. "I'm sorry. What I did was selfish. Stupid. Pretty damn stupid, but I wasn't right in the damn head." I look up at him. "Why the hell would you want me around if I wasn't right in the head?"
He stops and wipes his brow, pulling off his hat and rubbing his head before he looks at me.
"Some of us here held on to hope that you'd find that right mind relatively quickly. You damn near ruined all you had left in this town, Bo."
"I know that. I have enough regrets right now. I told y’all I wasn't coming back, y’all didn't want to listen. I'm glad you didn't." I smirk and rub my jaw. "So now I'm back, but I ain't welcome? That what you're tellin' me?"
"Hell, fucker," he says, chuckling. "You really know how to mess with a person’s head, ya know?" He stares at me before glancing down at the cane. "You're movin' better than you were last time I saw you. Guess that's a good sign you're finally not gonna be a fuck-stick anymore?"
I chuckle. "It's one of the signs. I got a lot—"
"Oh, great, look what the wild, mangy cat dragged in." Jo's voice comes from my side and I chuckle before looking over at her.
"Jolene." I nod at her and open my arms. At least she comes in for a proper greeting.
"Bolene. We didn't miss you," she says, "So why you here?" Letting go, she steps back and looks up at me.
"I was just telling Brandt I got a lot to make up to all y’all. I am sorry for what happened. How I handled everything, but if y’all will have me back in your lives, there's nothing more I'd like." I look from her to Brandt, because he's who she's staring at.
"Ain’t up to me, Bo. I always knew you were a dick. This guy held out hope for you." She moves to his side and wraps her arm around his hip.
He stares at me for what feels like a damn lifetime. "If I ever see that side of you again I'm lightin' your ass on fire, Bo. I don't give a fuck about your physical condition. I will whoop you three towns over if that guy ever comes back."
"Thank you." I move toward him and put my hand on his shoulder. "I mean that. I hated that son of a bitch." Yanking him from Jo's grip, she snickers and I wrap my arm around the guy before winking at her.
"Great. Now I have to share my husband with Bobby Hart again," she huffs. "You might as well come in for breakfast then, 'cause I know you ain't leaving." Shaking her head, she walks away.
I spend the morning at Jo and Brandt's kitchen table, laughing with them like old times. I know it won't be, but a man can wish getting his girl to forgive him will be this easy. I'm upset I couldn't see the kids, but I got so many toys for them, they'll forgive Uncle Bo in no time when I finally see them.
I'm nervous on the drive to Kinlee's. When Brandt told me she moved into Chase's old apartment, I wanted to be pissed, but I can't. A lot has happened in two years. And she ain't livin' with Chase; he's apparently living it up in Vegas. I have to admit I am nervous to see if she's living alone though. That'll be a hard pill to swallow if she's moved on, but it's not something I wouldn't expect.
I push the buzzer at the back of the tattoo shop, hoping this piece of shit actually works up in that apartment. When I wait a few minutes and she doesn't come down, I grab my phone to call her. I know she's here, her car's here.
The door opens before I can hit dial and my gorgeous girl is in front of me again after seven months of not seeing her. Seven long months where I died again. I had to die to realize she’s what keeps me alive. The sun is shining on her beautiful face and even though there’s no smile, she’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I want to grab her and kiss her. I want to drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness but I have a feeling it won’t be that easy. Right now, I just need to talk to her. I don’t have a long heartfelt apology planned out because it wouldn’t matter anyway. It’s no secret to her, me, or anyone else involved that I fucked up, and bad. The way I had to work through everything was the wrong way, but I’m ready to come home to her, now she just needs to be ready to come home to me.
"Hi." I lean against the doorframe, giving my left leg a break. I’ve gained muscle mass back, but depending solely on the left side of my body is still hard. The right side makes progress everyday, but my body will never be whole again.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she whispers, her eyes wide.
I smirk and drop my head a minute. "I was going to call, but I figured this needs to be done face to face. No more coward's way around things." I look at her again and her eyebrow cocks. "I'm sorry, Kinlee." I rub my jaw and she lets out a harsh laugh.
"Right. Okay. Thank you." She starts to close the door but I stop it before it can click shut.
"Kinlee, wait." I try to push the door open and she's shoving it back, trying to close me out and though I'm on my feet, I'm not nearly as strong as I hope to be again one day. I lose my footing on my right leg and before I can catch myself, I fall back and hit the ground hard. With a groan, I lay back and close my eyes to block out the sun.
"Shit, Bo," she blurts, swinging open the door and rushing to kneel next to me. "Why you gotta be so stupid sometimes?"
"Sometimes?" I grin up at her through squinted eyes. It's so good to see her again. Goddamn, why couldn't I have figured this out sooner? "Kinlee, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I grab her elbow when she tries to stand up. "For everything. Please, come home, baby. Please forgive me. I'll show you you were right this whole time."
She shakes her head and pulls my arm, helping me up, then sighs. "This is my home, Bo. I am home. I'm right where I should be. Right?" The look on her face is like nothing I’ve ever seen. She’s got no drive to her expression or tone. "I hear your apology. It's fine. It is what it is, right?" She shrugs. "I gotta go, my breakfast's probably burning."
"Kinlee." I grip her hand before she can walk away and I pull her back toward me. My right arm proves to be useless most of the time but I force it to work, wrapping my hand to her back. It's not holding her in place and she could probably break it in a small twist, but to touch her with both hands is the best feeling I’ve felt in over two long years. "You gave up, baby?" I lift my left hand and swipe my thumb over her jaw. "True love don't end. You told me that once." I try to smile, but her expressionless face breaks my heart. "So now you're tellin' me you lied when you said you loved me? When you said you'd never move on?"
"I didn't move on, Bo," she whispers. "Like I said. There's no moving on when it comes to true love. The only thing there is anymore though, is..." She chuckles, shaking her head. "Hatred. Anger. I'm tired, Bo. I tried for so long." Tears pool in her eyes and she swipes them away as they fall. "I fought a good fight, but it wasn't enough." She takes a step back, breaking my contact with her. "Time for you to leave, Bo."
I rub my jaw with a chuckle. I broke the strongest woman I know. Goddamn, I am an asshole.
"I told you I'd always come home to you. I'm sorry it took me this long to figure out I still had a home. My heart was as empty as my body felt. I wanted nothing but for you to be happy and I never realized how much it would actually hurt you. I thought what I was doing was the right thing. Setting you free, but I was just being a coward. If you want to be free, darlin', I'll let you be free—"
"Okay." She interrupts and shrugs like it don’t matter either way. "Thanks. I gotta get to my breakfast." She turns away from me to walk back inside but I quickly reach for her, almost falling, but I catch myself.
"I wasn't done, darlin'." I yank her against me, holding her with my good arm that she can't pull away from without a little fight. She reaches back and grabs my wrist but she doesn't pull away yet. "I'll let you be free if you want, but I don't think that's what you want." I slam my lips to hers before she can pull back. She doesn't kiss me back and initially I don't try for anything more than just feeling her mouth on mine again, but when her taut lips seem to give some slack, I run my tongue over her lips. She’s still not kissing me back but she’s not stopping me from sliding my tongue between her lips and into her mouth.
I was a happy man when I realized my dick still worked, but using it alone has been one of the sorriest things in my life. Right now, kissing Kinlee reminds me I want to use it with her again. She hasn’t made a move to kiss me back so I slowly release her. Her wide gaze glowers at me and I still find her sexier than anything I’ve ever seen.
"Go on. Be free with your breakfast, but I know you'll taste me on your lips for the rest of the morning." I turn around and leave her in the parking lot, moving faster than I have in a long time because I can’t just tell her. I have to show her I'll always come home to her.
It was advised I get a car with pedals I can easily access with my left foot, but I like a challenge. Goddamn do I like a challenge. I haven't driven since I showed up here this morning, but if I'm going to try and act like my life is going to get back to normal, I have to push myself. I drive to the city, dialing Jo when I get closer.
"What?" she grumbles and I chuckle, having missed this pain in the ass.
"Miss me yet?"
She chuckles. "Bo, just 'cause you're back doesn't mean I actually want to talk to you yet. You spent two hours too long here this morning. Leave me alone."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it, I'm an asshole—"
"Understatement of the century, but whatever."
I grin. "You're right, but dammit, Jo, y’all love me, you can't get rid of me that easily."
"God," she groans. "Do you know how nice it was when you were in California? I secretly loved every minute of it. Before I hang up on you, do you need something?"
"See, you love me. Still willing to do me favors."
"I'm actually hoping you're calling to tell me you're going back to California."
"No such luck. I'm going to the city to buy Kinlee an engagement ring."
"Oh Jesus. You're fucking mental." She starts to laugh. Hard.
"Yeah, that's probably true, but I need your help. I broke my girl, Jo, and I've never regretted anything more than that," I say, all traces of humor gone from my voice and she sighs.
"You want me to hogtie her for you, cowboy?"
I chuckle. "Something like that. Just get her to the ranch tonight. Tell her you need a sitter. That woman ain't gonna accept a grand proposal from me. I'm gonna have to tell her how it is. That she ain't got much choice but to marry me."
"Oh god, you're a Neanderthal. Why would you think she'd be willing to marry you anyway?"
"Because I know she loves me."
She snorts. "She don't love much of anything anymore. You haven't seen her, Bo. She's...hollow."
"I saw her. I just left Chase's apartment."
"Her apartment," she corrects me and I roll my eyes.
"No. Her house is sitting on a hundred and thirty acre farm where our cold bed's waiting for us. That was Chase's old place and my girl's gonna come home to me."
"Sure thing. So did you talk to her? She kick you in the nuts? Bet you couldn't even feel it. Do you have feeling in your nuts anymore?"
I deserve her cruelty, but I have a feeling even if I hadn't been a dick to Jo and her family the past two years, she still woulda taken them cheap shots.
"Get Kinlee to the ranch for me, Jo. I'll be there around eight. We're family still. If you love me, you'll do this."
"Well you just made it real easy for me to make up my mind if I'm gonna help you or not. Good luck, sucker." She hangs up and I grit my teeth with a chuckle.
I know she'll do this for me.
...Shit, I'm not sure she'll do this for me but the only way to find out is to show up at the ranch at eight.