I pull into the drive and kill the engine, staring at the house. I don't want to be here. I don’t feel like watching the kids tonight, but I have a hard time telling Jo no. She's the only one here that I call a friend anymore so pushing her away would be sealing my crazy-cat-lady fate. I already have the cat and the crazy, I just need a few more cats and I'm golden.
I've been out of sorts for a while now. Months, really. Brandt giving up on Bo was my breaking point. I tried doing it alone, but I couldn't. I couldn't take it, and it only took a few months to realize things were never going to get better. He did it. Bobby Hart finally broke me because he didn’t want to fight.
Then he has the audacity to show up at my door like I'm still his girl? Fuck no. Fuck him.
I push open the car door and look around the property but no one's in sight, which is kind of strange. There's always somethin' goin' on around here. I head to the barn closest to the house, since that's usually where I'll find the kids after dinner if it's not a school night, but I don't hear their laughter.
I round the corner and my stomach drops. Lights have been strung along the beams of the barn and some dumbass lit a candle in here. Great way to cause another Kenshaw fire.
But that's not all. After I walk over and blow the candle out, I take in the picnic blanket. The food... Sandwiches. And fruit. It looks like the little Kenshaws have prepared a lunch picnic for dinner. I wonder if Jo knows her kids did all this? I hope one of them didn’t light that candle.
I let myself laugh at it, but the smile barely creeps onto my lips. Smiling just feels wrong anymore.
Turning to head into the house to see where everyone is, I stop dead in my tracks when I see Bo leaning against one of the barn posts.
"You blew out the candle."
"What are you doing here, Bo?" I want to push past him. I want to walk out. But I can't, because even after all the hurt he put me through the man still has a way of commanding a room.
"I was hoping dinner?" He gestures to the sandwiches. "Not that great of a dinner," he mutters while walking toward me.
It's surreal watching him walk. For the longest time I never thought he would again, and even though he still looks unsure of it he's doing great. I want to cry. I want to run to him, but I can't. My heart's buried under too much shit from these last couple years and I'm not sure I have those emotions in me anymore.
"I already ate," I mumble, my eyes flicking to his cane then back up to his face. "You're movin' good," I whisper.
"Getting there." A look of uncertainty flashes on his face before his eyes are on me again. "You don't have room for a sandwich?"
I chuckle, because lately food hasn't been much of an option. Especially lunch meat.
"I don’t like turkey," I say, avoiding the topic. "Maybe I could eat some fruit..." I sigh, shaking my head. All these feelings inside are making my stomach roll. I shouldn't be this close to the only man that's ever had the power to break me. "I'm supposed to be watching the kids, Bo. I should really get goin' so Jo's not late." I give him the weakest smile I can muster before heading for the door.
"Kinlee," he blurts my name and grabs my wrist. Before I can move away, he's pulling my back against him and his hand slides to my stomach while his lips press to the top of my head. I need to pull away. My heart's hammering out of my chest and my knees are weak just from being this close to him again.
My love for this man never ended. I never stopped having feelings for him, I've just learned how to hide them. Not think about them. Now though? This? This is too much.
"I can't, Bo," I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat. My hand covers his and my thumb brushes his flesh before pushing him away.
"You're not here to sit for the kids," he says before I walk away. "I asked Jo to get you here for me. Not the kids. The Kenshaws are all in their house for the night and you're here for me. There's a lot I need to tell you and I have a feelin' you're gonna storm out that door at any minute so I'll get right to it. I paid for Will and Wendy's college. I told them they could go anywhere in the world they wanted and they opted to stay close to you and the Kenshaws. I've been talking to Will and Wendy for the past two years. They came to see me at the center a couple times."
"My... My siblings?" I stammer. "Will and Wendy? Came up there to see you? Without telling me?" I feel...betrayed. I feel even shittier than I did. He'd talk to them, but not me? "What the fuck, Bo?" I wish I had the energy to be mad. I really do, but that takes more than what I have today.
He clamps his lips and the look of sorrow on his face makes me glance away briefly. "I told them not to tell you. I thought if they told you, it'd be harder for you to move on, but I couldn't just push them off. They needed me."
My stomach twists and without thinking my hand slaps across his cheek hard enough for my palm to sting, but I don't regret it.
"I fucking needed you, Bo," I practically growl, feeling that anger I didn't think I had the energy for.
He rubs his cheek, keeping his eyes down. "I know," he whispers. "I deserved that." He looks me in the eyes and says, "But never hit me again, Kinlee." Clearing his throat, he goes on, "You needed to move on and be happy. With all honesty, I thought that was what you needed and the kids reminding you about me wouldn't help you forget me."
My hand still tingles from the slap and now that I have it out of me I feel like I should feel better. I've wanted to do that for two full years. He’s watching me and it's hard to look away because the man demands my attention and I still have a hard time telling him no. I want to ask him if he's happy I moved on just to spite him...but I can't. Because I didn't. I can't move on without him, but I'm not sure it's possible to move on with him anymore either.
"They lied to me all this time," I whisper. I want to be mad at them, but their connection to Bo is one of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place.
"They didn't lie." He rubs his cheek again, right over the red mark I left. "They didn't bring me up, but they didn't lie to you, did they? According to them, you didn't ask if they'd talked to me."
I nod. He's right. I couldn't ask about him to anyone. "I didn't," I whisper. "It hurt too bad." I shake my head and run my hands down my face. "How many times? How often did you talk to them?" I don't know why I'm asking. It's like I enjoy the torture, knowing he'd rather communicate with my siblings than me.
"At first, I didn't. I ignored them too. Then Wendy showed up." He chuckles and swipes his hat off his head to rub his hair a minute. Tugging it back on, he says, "She gave me an earful and from then, she stayed in contact. I called Will to tell him to stop beating himself up over what happened. I needed him to know he didn't do this. It wasn't his fault I turned into a rotten son of a bitch. It took him a few months to come around. I had to make sure y’all were okay. Still financially being taken care of because I couldn’t care for you in any other way and I know the last thing you wanted from me was my money. The kids on the other hand." He shrugs with a smirk on his lips.
"Are kids," I finish for him and shake my head. "So the new phones they said they paid for? I'm assuming that was you?"
"I told them not to lie to you, just get around the truth. But yeah, I paid for the phones."
"And their new shoes? And the random clothes? And I'm sure you're paying for their apartment too?" I'm starting to get riled up and that's the last thing I need today. "Bo, you just bought back their affection. They're kids. They don't get the depth of what you did and how wrong it was."
"They ain't stupid, Kinlee. They're pissed at me for what I did, but they forgave me. The Kenshaws are on the road to forgiving me. I know what me and you had is a little different. I abandoned you, our life, our future, but I didn't think I deserved you, a life, or a future anymore. I'm a prideful man and the thought you'd be the one taking care of me like a nurse the rest of my life burned holes in my gut. I couldn't stomach that thought. I was supposed to take care of you, dammit, not the other way around. I didn't think I'd be walking again or moving like I am and I couldn't stand the thought of you having to live like that. How I handled this was all wrong. I'm sorry I hurt you, but I thought I'd be helping. I thought giving you up was what you needed, then when you finally gave up on me, I realized how much of a stupid son of a bitch I was." He chuckles and rubs his jaw. "I’m sorry, darlin'. Nothing I say will ever make this right, but, Kinlee." Moving slowly, he drops to his knee and I reach for him, not sure if his leg gave out. But when he holds up a sparkling ring, I realize he didn't collapse and my heart starts hammering almost out of my damn chest. "Kinlee, you're gonna marry me, darlin', because we belong together. Through all the happiness and all the bullshit, we belong together. Because what if you walk away?"
"Bo," I whisper, blinking away the tears because this is the Bo I know. This is the Bo I thought died and was never coming back. This was the Bo I wanted to marry a lifetime ago, when everything was different. "You're crazy," I manage through the tears. "You can't walk back in after all this time and...and do this!"
"I've always been crazy, you know this. And who says I can't? You?" When he winces, he closes his eyes. "I'd like to stay down her until you walk over here and let me put this ring on your finger, but I'm having a hard time." He quietly groans and shifts, moving slowly and awkwardly to get to his feet. "I'm not half the man I was back then, but if you’ll have me I'll fight to the death to take care of you. You know we belong together." Still holding out the ring, we stand in silence a few minutes. "Is there someone else, Kinlee?"
I blink. I pause, because I'm not the girl he fell in love with either. That girl is gone.
"It's not that easy, Bo," I manage. My hand drops to my stomach and a tear slips down my cheek. "I told you there'd never be anyone else." I start to cry and he steps closer to me but I put my hand out to stop him. "You don't even know me anymore. How can you be sure you want to marry me still? After two years of hating me!"
He sighs and drops his head. "I never once hated you. You're not who I hated. Believe me, Kinlee. I loved you more and more every day that passed but I couldn't feel much of anything but hatred toward myself. It wasn't you, baby." He grabs my hand before I can pull away. "And I still know you. These past seven months have been hard knowing you were finally slipping away, but you're still the woman I've loved since sixth grade." He chuckles and slowly lifts his right hand, letting the cane fall to the ground. He holds my wrist so he can push the ring onto my finger. "I'll wait for you to come home to me, longer than two years if I have to. I'll wait a lifetime for you to come home to me." He gets the ring past my knuckle but his right hand drops and he wobbles on his feet.
I grab onto his arms to steady him. The weight of the ring on my finger is heavy, but when my eyes hit his I know there's no other option here. Bo's been my future from the start. We've got a hell of a road ahead of us, but somewhere deep down I know that hope I once had is still there.
"You alright, cowboy?" I whisper, noticing the sparkle in his eyes. Last time I really looked into his eyes they were dark. Hollow. Not now though. Maybe he really is back...hell, I know he's back. But can I come back from this?
"I'm sorry," he breathes and pulls me against him, wrapping his arm around me. "I'll never do anything like this to you again. I promise you that, Kinlee." He starts kissing my head over and over. "I'll never hurt you again. I promise you. Words won't prove it, but we have the rest of our life together for me to prove how sorry I am."
I take a deep breath and look up at him, steeling my heart for the words that are about to flow from my lips. Words I haven't said to anyone, because I'm not certain I can wrap my head or heart around them yet.
"Bo... I'm pregnant."
His grip around me loosens little by little. "But I...we haven't..." He lets me go and reaches over to the workbench to hold himself up. "You're pregnant. With another man's child," he whispers, his eyes casted to the barn floor.
"I told you I'm not the girl you loved." I feel empty. I knew he'd take it bad. Everyone's gonna take it bad. "I took a trip to Vegas last month. I needed out of here, so I stayed with Chase..."
"Oh fuck, Kinlee." The sound of him getting choked up makes me flinch, but when he goes down to his knee, I meet him on the barn floor.
"It's not what you think. It's not Chase's," I whisper, now panicked that the minute I get Bo back he'll really be gone for good. "I...I have no clue who the father is," I say, completely ashamed of myself. "The night got away from me. I woke up to an empty bed... But I'm keeping it, Bo. And it's not fair of me to agree to marry you when you don't know what you're getting yourself in to." I rest my hand on his thigh and wait several long minutes. "I get it. You can have the ring back." I slide it off my finger and my already broken heart breaks a little more.
He looks up at me with so much anger in his face I shift back a little. "Put the ring on your damn finger, Kinlee." His eyes drop to my stomach and I quickly slide my hands to hide it. "You're my girl." Moving faster than I've seen him yet, he shifts to his feet, holding the bench. "Get my cane," he says, anger emanating from him. "We're going home, Kinlee." He looks at me and there's rage in his eyes but it's nothing compared to what I've gotten used to seeing from him the past two years.
"Bo you can't ignore this." I hold his cane out to him, fighting the urge to puke.
"Who knows?" He looks at my stomach again.
"No one," I whisper. I bring my hand to my stomach and tears well in my eyes. "I haven't told anyone."
"And you're certain this man won't... He won't come back into your life?" Every angry word that leaves his lips makes me wince.
"I don't even remember what the guy looked like," I manage through a thick throat. "I'm embarrassed, Bo. I can't tell the people in this town I got knocked up by some stranger in Vegas so I was debating moving out there. Starting over. Getting away from everything." I shrug. "I'm certain the guy has no clue who I even am."
"You were going to leave your siblings?" he roars as if he hadn't just abandoned us all for the past two years!
"I hadn't thought that far in advance! I just had the sonogram this week." I wipe at my face. "Welcome back to town. It's a shit show here." I try to laugh but fail miserably and it comes out a sob.
I lift my hand to give him back the ring and he growls, grabbing my wrist to yank me toward him. His right hand is the much weaker one but right now it feels like anger is in control of his strength and he holds me steady, pushing the ring back onto my finger.
"I love you, Kinlee, you're not fucking leaving me because of this. You didn't give up when I became a different man, you're not giving up now. And I'll never give up on us again." He lets me go and turns for the door, but abruptly stops. "Shit," he huffs and yanks me toward him, his lips landing on mine for a hard but passionate kiss, full of everything I've been missing these last two years. Then pointing at my stomach he says, "That's my baby. Grab the sandwiches, darlin', we're going home and I'm hungry." He walks out of the barn without looking back, fully knowing I’ll follow him home.
Home.