As I hit the city limits, I think about how I swore I'd never be back here for more than a visit. In the few years I've been gone I hadn't even made time for a visit, and now I'm back, and I think for good.
My granddad's funeral is tomorrow and then his house tentatively goes on the market within the week. Seems like my parents have been waiting for granddad to pass so they could stop having to worry 'bout him. Part of me wishes I'd stayed for him. I coulda helped out, been taking care of all the things my folks don't want to. But my granddad would have kicked my ass up and down if I stayed. He was the reason I got out of here. He got me the 'in' with my manager and from there, I rode on his coattails until my potential was noticed for what it is. Bull riding ain't a sport for everyone. Tons of people don't even consider it a sport, but it is. Trust me on this. It's a dangerous one too.
It only took me a year to go pro when I left. I was losing hope going to these small league rodeos and blowing everyone's time out of the water by minutes. After going pro, it took almost a year for me to become big in the pro bull-riding world, and when I did, the money started rolling in. My granddad was the one that helped me invest my first couple grand. My pops didn't even have time to watch one of my rides on TV. Now I've got stocks, I've got CDs, and I've evolved from shoving cash under my mattress. Don't get me wrong, I got more cash than I know what to do with. Not all my money's been invested, but I'm glad my granddad taught me the right way to save and make money off money before I lost my chance.
My pops ain't interested in my 'new' money. He got my granddad's money, and my mom married into it. It's old money and according to my dad, it means more. Yeah, well, it ain't worth more, and my new money buys a hell of a lot more useful things than his old money does. I donate to charities. I have shares in the Kenshaw ranch. I own farmland and harvest wheat. Of course I don't work on the farm but my granddad said that was one of the first things I should do. Since I bought that farm, my income has tripled, which is a good thing because I don't think I'll ride again. I still have money coming from endorsements and whatnot, but I don't think I'll get the satisfaction of sitting on another bull.
I broke my back twelve months ago and didn't start walking again but five months ago. My life took a drastic turn when that happened. I have a problem with needing to feel the thrill of flirting with death. I need that racing heart that gets the blood pumping. It's such a surge to feel that adrenaline. I'm an adrenaline junky, and the past year has been hell. I've tried a hundred things that don't require the body I used to have. I gamble, I race, I big game hunt, but none of it gives me that feeling bull riding does...did. Everything else seems tame in comparison and I don't know how much more I can take with this back keeping me grounded.
This thirteen-hour drive has been hell and I've pulled off to take more breaks than I can keep track of. But I'm back. Back in this small town, and I'm going to buy my granddaddy's home before my folks can sell it.
I don't know what's in store for me here, and I don't really think I'm coming back to many friends but the Kenshaws, but there's one girl I'd love to see again. Even if only for a moment, to remember what was never mine.
Kinlee Jones.
"Hey." I jog over to Brandt as he's throwin' hay bales in the back of his truck. I've been helping on the farm for the past week, and it keeps me busy, but it doesn't get my heart pumping. Picking up one of the bales, he gives me a look, but I press on and throw it into the truck. My back will learn to keep up with me. "What ever happened to Kinlee Jones?"
"She's still around." He grunts, tossing another bale. With one left, I grab for it but he shoves my hand away, giving me that look again. "I'm not paying your ass if you get hurt on the job 'cause you're a fuckin' idiot."
I chuckle. "Wait...you're payin' me?" I smirk and he shakes his head. "So what's that mean? She's still around. Around where? Same house, livin' with her parents?" I chuckle, thinkin' back to her dad who was the strong silent type, and her mom who was sweet as pie.
His brows scrunch and mouth droops a little. "Uh... Bo, I swore you knew. I tried callin'." When he starts walking, I follow. He's rubbing the back of his head before he adjusts his hat. "Her parents died a few years ago. Real bad accident off Route four. Left her with the twins. That young girl you just met. That was one of the twins. Didn't just leave her with the twins though. Left her with the mortgage and any other unpaid bills. Girl had to leave college and grow up real quick." His eyes squint before he blocks the sun while he looks over at me. "I mean, she was always the type that liked to take care of people. Never one to complain, but it's taking its toll on her. We try and help out, but you know she's not into handouts."
The dirt on my boots hold my attention for too long and he leaves me standing here. This is crazy. I...I don't even know what to say or how to feel.
"Then what'd she do?" I dash to catch up to him, surprised my back didn't give out. I think them doctors were crazy saying I'd never get back to doing the things I used to. "Get married? Have a few of her own?" I smirk, wondering which asshole married her in this town. No one deserved that girl.
He laughs. "Nah, man. She's workin' two jobs just to make ends meet."
"So that was Wendy Jones?" My eyes drift to where the car Wendy got into had been waiting for her.
"Yeah, that's her. She helps out around here sometimes. Remember the other twin? Will?"
"God, I haven't seen them kids since they were... Maybe eight or nine?"
"Yeah, been a while. Well, he's a mess. Keeps her on her toes but doesn't leave her with much of a social life anymore. I don't really know. You know Kinlee, she takes care of everything without burdening others. Like I said, we try and help out, but she's still stubborn when it comes to takin' help."
I nod, remembering her trying to suffer alone. We'd have to beg her to talk sometimes. Just to vent. Get shit off her chest. We were kids. We all had hang-ups and needed to vent to our friends. She pretended nothing ever got to her and managed to keep a smile on her face the whole time. I remember her mom's van broke down for a while and we didn't know, but Kinlee had been walking to school for a week straight without telling anyone she needed a ride. When we found out, we all took turns picking her up so she didn't have to make the ten-mile walk both ways every day.
"So, no kids of her own. No husband. Where'd you say she's workin'?"
Ain't no harm in trying to catch up with my old friend Kinlee. The old love of my life. I inwardly chuckle at how stupid I was at the age of nineteen, thinkin' I was in love with that girl. I know I had it bad for her, but it couldn't have been love. I didn't know the first thing about love, or life for that matter. Can't say I know much about love at twenty-five either, but I know my feelings a little better now than I did back then.
"She waitresses at Bonnie's in town on the nights and some weekends. She's at the middle school every other day of the week. Took over Mrs. Kidd's job when she died. Why the sudden interest? You plannin' on finally hanging out with us again?"
"Hell no." I bark out a laugh as I walk away from him. "But I need to get laid." After calling that out, I check my surroundings to make sure none of the younger Kenshaws were around to hear that.
"Just make sure it lasts longer than ten seconds this time!" Brandt calls back, whooping in laughter.
I glare at his back as I keep walking. She never told him, but I did.
"It was at least a minute!" Aw hell, no it wasn't. Fuck him for reminding me of that.
It's a late night with the Kenshaws because I'd rather join their dinner table than my own family's, and when I head out, I'm in the mood for some dessert. The drive to Bonnie's brings back memories that make me smirk. Growin' up here wasn't that bad, but leaving here was the best thing I did.
When I hop out of the truck, I look inside the dead diner and shake my head. This place used to be packed on a Thursday. Big chain restaurants ran off most the mom and pop shops over the years. It's sad my old stomping grounds have pretty well been stomped out.
The bell on the door makes me look up because it sounds sick. It sounded like it took its last ding. The rusted doorframe makes me wonder how it's still on hinges. I find a table that doesn't look like if you bump it wrong it'll fall over, and I wait. Ain't nobody here but an old man reading a paper and the greasy cook I see through the pickup window.
Snatching out my phone, I scroll until I get some service.
"Lee!" Greasy calls out before hacking up a lung.
"Alright, Larry!" I hear her voice before I notice the server door swing open. "Be right there!" she hollers over my way, not even glancing back as she carries a meal to the man with the paper. The uniforms here at Bonnie's never were the sexiest, but I swear it fits her better than anyone I ever remember wearing it. Her blonde hair's piled at the top of her head, and when I finally catch a glimpse of her face, it's got that damn sweet smile on it that I remember.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe that was love when I was a kid. Because right now, seeing her has my heart racing and my blood pumping like bull ridin' does.
Shit, seeing Kinlee gives me that surge I love to feel.
She says something to the old man then heads my way, fishing in her apron and not paying me any attention. When she clicks her pen and pastes that smile on her face, she says, "What can I get y—" Those pretty baby blues bring back so many good feelings I didn't think anything but bull ridin' would make me feel again. "Bo?"
I grab the bill of my ball cap and dip my head. "Howdy, miss, I'll start with a hug." I stand, towering over little Kinlee Jones. Still the sexiest girl I've ever touched, and age has only done her right.
She lets out a squeal as her arms reach up and around my neck. "You're really here!" Squeezing tight, I feel her chest bounce while she giggles. "My god, you're like a different person. All...grown up."
"I'm really here and all grown up." I chuckle and wrap my arms around her waist, lifting her while I push my nose against any flesh I can touch. I manage to get her ear, but I'm not complaining 'cause she smells right as rain. "You hear I was back in town or somethin'?" Gently setting her on her feet, I smile down at the girl who captured my heart fifteen years ago. I guess things haven't changed like I thought.
"I uh..." She stammers and lets out a giggle. "I heard, yeah. My sister told me you were at the Kenshaw Ranch when I picked her up." The grin on her face makes my blood pump in areas I don't need it to be right now. "How're you doing? I saw that last ride..." She scrunches her nose. "Glad you're okay."
My brows shoot up and, to hide my surprise that she saw me ride, I rub my brow and turn my head, sitting back down. "Uh, well, things have been better. I'm not back by much choice." I shrug and think about how Kinlee Jones don't give two shits about my woes. We haven't talked in years; no sense in boring her now. "But I can't say I'm mad about it." I let my eyes travel to her feet and when I'm back on her face, her cheeks are as pink as the diner booth.
"So, you ever gonna ride again? That was kinda the highlight of my week. This place used to be packed on the big nights. We'd turn it on the TV and everyone would watch." Her pen's tapping her notepad and her smile's beaming at me.
"Everyone would watch?" I cock a brow and look at the flat screen that's barely mounted on the wall. "Me? On the screen?" I point.
"Of course," she says like I'm a dumbass for not assuming it. "You're the golden boy of this town, Bo, and we're the only local diner that spotlighted you. I still remember you skateboarding behind cars, holding onto the bumpers like an idiot." She looks around the place then slides into the booth. "Lots of people here just wanted to see you succeed. Someone from here had to make somethin' of themself. I'm glad it was you."
I fold my bottom lip over my teeth and lick while I glance out the window. I don't know why I find it hard to believe. I guess 'cause not many people really cared much about what I liked to do when I was a kid. I was the goofy friend that was only around for a laugh. And unfortunately, everyone knew my parents were rich and that made me more of a target. I wasn't allowed to have a bad day. Couldn't get upset or sad over something. I was supposed to have feelings made out of money. I can tell you money don't buy happiness.
"I'm glad it was me too." I smile at her. "I didn't know you were workin' here. How's life treatin' ya?"
She stares at me for a moment, that small smile briefly falling before she shrugs. "Life's life. Knocks ya down, but you gotta keep getting back up, right?" Standing, her hands smooth down her uniform. "And, I do work here. We all have bills to pay," she says then laughs. "I should probably take your order instead of talkin' your ear off."
"I wasn't hungry. Talk is good. What time you off? Maybe we can grab a drink? Catch up. Old friends always got catchin' up to do."
And I'd like to make up for the last memory you have of me.
"Not till ten. And I gotta work in the morning." She's biting her lip trying not to grin too big, her eyes narrowed at me.
"Alright then, Brandt said you're workin' at the school every other day, so how 'bout tomorrow night?"
"You been askin' about me have you?" She smiles bright then makes a face. "You comin' here wasn't just a coincidence, was it, Bo Hart?"
I open my mouth but a chuckle escapes because I'm busted. Tipping my hat a little lower on my head, I look at the table. "I...uh...I miss you. I miss all you guys. All y’all watched me on the TVs but none ya assholes came to visit, called, or did much of anythin’ to keep in touch." I'll blame them.
Her smile fades and she shakes her head. "Sorry I was too busy cleanin' up my family after both my parents died to track you down. I should probably get back to work. Those dishes aren't gonna wash themselves."
"Kinlee," I call out, but she ain't stoppin'. I huff and stand. That didn't go as planned.
Offending her was the last thing I meant to do, but apparently she's a little touchy tonight. Women.
I stop at the door and rub the back of my neck. I'm not leavin' here with her all pissed off at me over somethin' so harmless. I get it, she's got it hard, but we all got it hard in different ways. If Kinlee needs help in any way I can help her, she should know I'd be there in a heartbeat.
"Hey...uh, Larry," I call out after remembering what I heard Kinlee call him. "Kinlee back there? I didn't pay my tab," I lie.
"Lee!" Larry bellows, watching me. "Some kid's tryin' to leave without payin'!"
Kinlee rushes out the doors, lookin' like she's ready to take on this 'kid' Larry mentioned but she lets out a laugh when she realizes it's just me in here. "What do you want, Bo?" Her hands rest on her hips and that's where my eyes drop. I don't remember them being so curvy when we were nineteen, and I'd like nothing more than to have my hands there.
"I didn't mean no harm, Kinlee." I approach and smile down at her. "You...you got a busy life, and you're still beautiful." It tumbled out of my mouth like a Texas tumbleweed. Fast, random, and too late to stop it.
She lets the smile slip and those baby blues hit me. "And you're still the fumbling kid, not thinkin' about what's coming out of his mouth until it's too late." She bites her lip and chuckles.
I dip my head and laugh. "I only say what I'm thinkin'." I wink at her. "So you heard I'm at the ranch now. Workin' for the Kenshaws." I grab her order pad and pen that she's been fiddling with since standing in front of me. Ripping off a blank ticket, I scribble down my number then tell her, "Don't be a stranger, Lee." Smirking, I pull a random bill from my wallet then set the ticket and the fifty on the counter before walking out.
I've been here a few weeks and tonight, Brandt and I hit the town. He's been let off his leash, so to speak, and we're hitting the bar with a designated driver waiting for our call and all. Thanks Jo.
I slide a shot to him and grin, lifting mine. "You'll never get rid of me, motherfucker."
"I knew your ass would be back here. Can't stay away from this town too long without gettin' homesick." He downs the shot and slams the glass to the table, hissing through the burn. "Can't say I'm too happy with your communication skills the last five years, however."
I nod, dipping my head so he doesn't see my eye roll. "Likewise, brother." I drink the rest of my beer and nod to the cute bartender. "Him too, sweetheart," I tell her. "Look, man." I turn to face him, drunk enough to have this heart to heart. "I didn't have nothin' here. I had opportunities out there and when I left…" I shrug and grab the bar top, avoiding eye contact. "Not many people seemed to give a shit. You had your life rapidly growing and going in the right direction. My parents were two minutes away from forcing me to college. I had no one else giving a damn about what I was doin'. I left and didn't want to look back. But I did miss your ass."
"Yeah, well we missed your ass too. And now you're back, and your ass is stayin' here for a while. Right?"
"As much as I don't want to, yeah. I'm back. Probably for good. If I get back on the bull it'll only be tours. I ain't leavin’ again. I got my granddaddy's house." I grin. "Hundred and thirty acres of land to do anything I want with. Hopefully I'll find a good woman to keep me occupied." I glance at the waitress and smile as she sets our drinks down. "I think I'm back."
Turning to lean against the bar, he scans the room. "There ain't a lot of good women left in this place, man." He laughs, taking a drink of his beer. "Maybe you can try that online dating thing?"
I bark out a laugh and slap the bar until my back gives me a good zap and I tense, gritting my teeth. Brandt doesn't notice and it gives me a minute to ease the pain. Standing, I look out at my options. "I don't think online dating would do me right. I have one or two people I might work on." Just one, but he don't need to know I'm already setting myself up for probable failure.
"I wish you luck, Bo. Honestly. Settling down's been the best thing I've ever done." He finishes his drink and slides the glass across the bar. "Aside from fatherhood. Another round of shots?" Patting my back, his glossy eyes are grinning.
Tonight's ours for the takin'.
"So, you're closer to me than my blood relatives, Brandt. You and yours have been taking me in since I was little when I'd get in trouble. I was thinkin' we could solidify this bromance." I point to his opposite arm and grin.
"You want the Kenshaw brand?" He laughs.
"I figure what the hell. I'm on the ranch now. I don't plan on going nowhere. I actually like the peaceful time." I'm drunk enough for this to be my best idea to date. "Let's get me branded. If you don't mind?"
"Hell no I don't mind!" he boasts, pushing off the bar. "Let's do this shit, brother!"
We take another shot before walking the few blocks over to the only tattoo parlor in town. I yank the door so hard the bells crash into the glass and we both jump before laughing.
"Chase still workin' here?" I ask the guy behind the counter.
"He's out for the night. You two drunk?" He glares at us as Brandt tries to stop laughing at the bells on the door.
"Not anymore than anyone else in this town. How much for that." I point to Brandt's arm and he proudly displays his ink.
With a cocked eyebrow, the guy behind the counter gives his head a shake. "Yeah, okay, two ten." He laughs and I glance at Brandt, not sure what this guy finds so funny.
"He thinks we're gay," Brandt whispers not so quietly, laughing on my shoulder. "Matching gay cowboy tattoos." He giggles.
"Aw, man." Realizing that's the truth, I frown, but it doesn't last before I start to laugh. "If I were gay, brother, I'd pick you." I wrap my arm around Brandt's shoulders and we enter the room where the guy's setting up.
"I'm not sure. You're kinda cocky," he says, a grin plastered on his face while he looks over the art samples on the wall before pointing to one. "Hey, can you put a bull on my ass?"
"You boys are gonna get a one way ticket out of here. I'm fixin' to ignore you're drunk, but don't push it," he scolds and I start to laugh quietly, plopping into the chair.
"Fine. Just the brand. I'm lockin' him in at the ranch." Brandt falls to a chair across the room and crosses his boot over his knee. "You really can't leave us now, bro."
Extending my reach, I wait for his slap then I tell him, "Bros for life."
Things are quiet at my granddaddy's place. Normally I'd like it. It's peaceful out here, but I've got these stupid ideas. Ideas like having Kinlee here wouldn't feel so lonely. And ideas like if I hadn't left maybe we'd have a few kids to fill this house already.
I start to laugh at how pathetic I am and shake my head. Kinlee wanted nothing to do with me back then. Why she decided to have sex with me the night before I left is still confusing. Alcohol was involved, and that really could be the only reason. The girl had no clue how much I wanted her. Hell, loved her. I now know that's the truth too. I didn't just say it because she was hot. She was sweet, caring, and would give her last dime to anyone even though she never had much. There was always a smile on her face and her blue eyes were always glowing. I didn't realize Kinlee was beautiful until we got older. She was cute in the sixth grade, but junior year in high school when the whole group got together for the homecoming dance, I realized Kinlee was the prettiest girl I'd ever known. She danced with me all night that night, but I think it was 'cause everyone else ditched me. They were drinking and plotting a prank, but my mom was chaperoning the dance so I had to lay low. Our senior year, she had a date to every dance. Chase took her to prom. I was gonna ask. I planned it out, a big public invitation because I felt like it'd be less likely for her to say no. He got to her a day before just by simply asking. I remember the last semester of Civics and English classes were the worst days of my life. Kinlee and a few other girls were in class with me and I had to listen to them talk about prom for weeks. I don't think I've ever seen Kinlee as happy as she was those days leading up to prom. I ended up not going. No one but Brandt seemed to notice. He cared because we were going to wear snap on pants and do a dance routine until we were forced out. Something came up with my parents and like usual, I laid low.
I spent those next two years just trying to feed my need for adrenaline without pissing off my parents. They had more than a few phone calls from the sheriff, but my dad's been the judge of this town since as far back as I can remember. His kids never got in trouble, even if we tried. I started calling the sheriff by his first name, that's how often I'd paid him a visit. I wasn't so much a bad kid; I was just stupid. Doin' dangerous, often illegal things, just for the thrill. I've been like this since I can remember, and now I'm a twenty-five year old man with the back of a ninety year old. I fucked up, royally. I wish I could go back in time. I wouldn't have tried my luck. Everyone told me I'd die. That bull was the meanest and had been banned from a few locations. That son of a bitch knew how to play the game better than any man. He wasn't just trained to buck, he was wanting to kill. I'm known for the roll of my hips. The way my body snakes with every buck, twist, and turn. That bull seemed to find it a challenge to defeat me. When you're thrown or you fall, you get moving before you're kicked. The bastard threw me right off his hind end then kicked me against the steel gate. I thought I was gonna die. The pain was so unbearable I passed out. When I woke up it was after a surgery and I was immobile. Scariest moments of my life were waking up in that hospital. And now, I'm in a darker place. I can't say it's the saddest. If I ask myself what's the saddest moment of my life, the same memory surfaces every time. The moment I realized I'd never be enough for Kinlee Jones. Pretty sad a girl's made me feel so low, but I don't hold blame on her. I just wasn't her type. I'm hoping to change that though, because I'm not sure how much longer I can go on with this depression and pretending everything's okay.