CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Nadya
The rain pelted down on the roof. It had been going all day and I dreaded the run down the stairs to the bar. I knew I’d be soaked the moment I stepped outside. And I wasn’t an umbrella kind of girl.
I threw on a tank top. Well really, it was an old cut up tee. I knew I’d get hot down in the bar and the shirt would allow for good air flow. I pulled on dark jeans and tossed my boots on. I found an old flannel that I’d picked up fuck knows where. It was probably some guy’s that I’d banged and it obviously didn’t hold any sentimental value. I guessed it was left behind after said bang and I’d stuffed it in my bag in a hurry to leave.
Whatever. I just needed something to keep me warm on the way down. It would be coming off as soon as I stepped back inside.
The fucking flannel didn’t help one bit. The icy drops hit my body with a stinging bite and I thought that I should buy an actual winter coat.
Wait!
What?
That thought was all wrong because that meant I would need one. Like for some reason, I was thinking that I would be here long enough to actually use one. Nope. Fuck that. And fuck this mountain winter shit.
I pulled the back door to the bar open with more force than needed. It swung wide, hitting the wall with an ear-splitting bang, as I stomped inside. My feet hit the wood floor as hard as the anger hit my soul. I yanked the flannel shirt off and tossed it on a random stool. A full body shiver wrecked me. I was wet, cold, and pissed off. Not a good combination. I checked myself in the mirrored wall that held the opened bottles of liquor and sure enough, my hair was a mess. What little makeup I had on, now made my face horror house worthy. I blew out a harsh breath. I shouldn’t have cared, but it was that day of the week—the one that he always came.
Noah.
Just thinking about him made me angry again. I scrubbed my face with a paper towel, the roughness scratching my skin and making it look red and blotchy. I ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt to tame and fluff, but it was useless. With an aggravated growl, I gave up.
Thirty minutes later, I had the bar open. The hours rolled on. It seemed to be too wet and cold for most people and the lack of customers only gave me time to think. To stew. To hate myself even more. What had I become? No one had gotten under my skin the way that Noah had. Ever.
The lines were blurring. Lines that I’d never had before. I had jobs and I did them without question. I didn’t think about who those people were or what they had done in their life. I didn’t wonder where their life took a wrong turn or who they would leave behind. To put it bluntly, I didn’t give a fuck. A job was a job. Kill and move on.
Only now it wasn’t. Now I couldn’t.
My employer had become something. A figure standing on one side of the line. Now that my eyes had been opened, there was no going back. Noah’s son was dead and now there was a face to that evil. There was a face to the monster that had made that happen. I had no idea and in the back of my mind, maybe I didn’t want to know. His son was dead and for all I knew, it was some random accident. A fall at the playground. A heart condition. Something that couldn’t be helped or stopped. But that wasn’t the case at all. His death was intentional.
I didn’t know the whole story but I knew Lucy and the tone she’d told me in had said it all. Noah’s son was meant to die. It was horrible and so fucked up. A kid. An innocent fucking kid. And that all led to me. I was now on the wrong side of the line. I was now evil.
And that was a hard pill to swallow considering that I’d never really put any thought into it before. Sure, I knew that I was no saint and that killing people was, well, wrong. But I had always been able to block that part out, closing my mind and emotions off. Suddenly, the blinds were open and the dark room was filled with light. That light was shining on me, showing all of the stains that tainted my soul. It was a heavy thing to see.
As the night went on, I realized he wasn’t coming. Maybe it had all been too much for him to carry and the burden finally crashed down on him.
My heart raced and my hands started to shake. I had to see him, but there was no way I could go to him. I’d been so careful not to set foot in that cabin, knowing that my face would be seen if I did. I was sure that only Lucy and myself were the only ones that could tap into the feed, but there was that sliver of doubt that anyone could have been watching. And if the man behind the money found out, it wouldn’t be good.
With trembling hands, I pulled out my phone. I searched and searched, my finger flipping through the different cameras with a frantic need. He wasn’t there. The house was still.
Then the fucking weirdest thing happened, a lone tear slipped from my eye. I brushed it away with angry fingers as I blinked my eyes to stop anymore that might have tried to escape.
I closed down the bar, a numbness took over my mind and body as I did. I’d come here to kill him but I’d stayed to save him. It was all so wrong and yet it felt so right. Realizing it only made me feel like I had failed like never before. Because, if he wasn’t at home and he wasn’t here, in my mind, that could have only meant one thing. It didn’t slip past me that was where my thoughts went first and how it gutted me. Was this what it was like to worry about someone? To care about someone? It felt fucking weird.
Then a light went off in my head and before I knew it my phone was pressed against my ear.
“Yeah?” Lucy answered right away.
“I can’t find him.” The words rushed out of me so fast I wondered if she understood any of them. “I need help.” Words I wasn’t big on using.
“Okay. Alright.” I heard the click click click of the keys as her fingers flew over them. “He’s not in the house, hmm.” I was pretty sure she was mumbling to herself.
“Yeah, I know. I’ve already looked. He didn’t come here tonight. I…” The words died in my throat. It was bad enough for me to think them, but if I said them out loud it would become very real and there would be no going back from that. “What if he did it? What if it was just too much for him to take? And I couldn’t stop him.” I couldn’t save him.
“Calm down. Let me track his phone,” she said, still typing away. But my mind wouldn’t quit.
“Oh shit! What if I’ve been found out? What if Savage knows I haven’t done my job and he came here to do it himself? Fuck!!” I roared and grabbed the closest thing, which happened to be a bottle of tequila, and tossed it against the back wall.
“It’s at the cabin,” she said. “Maybe he’s outside or…he left his phone there. Yep, look at that. Camera four. It’s on the coffee table. Damn.”
I tore out of the bar, phone still plastered to my ear. I ran up the stairs and I was soaked by the time I pushed open the door to my apartment. My heeled boots went flying as I ripped them off. I looked around for my riding boots, ready to tear up the small town in search of him.
“Wait. Got him,” she whispered, breaking through my panic. I froze. “He’s sitting in his truck in back of Lou’s Liquor. I got him on their security camera. He’s just sitting there. Hmm, weird.”
All the air rushed out of my lungs. He was alive. I blinked and tried to swallow down all the emotions that were pushing their way to the surface.
“Okay. He’s just sitting there?” I asked.
“Yeah. Maybe he’s lost in thought. He’s staring out the window not really moving at all. You wanna talk about it?” I could hear the humor in her voice. Clearly, my freak out had been amusing to her. I imagined it was a weird thing to witness, or hear, rather. For the most part, she’d only seen the one side of me. The one that was cold, uncaring and calculated. “Look, you calm down, get comfy, and drink some tea. I’ll watch him and if anything happens I’ll let you know.”
“Yeah. Sure. Thanks,” I mumbled and dropped my phone on the bed.
In a daze, I pulled off my jeans, hopping up and down switching feet until I was free. I shook the raindrops from my hair as I walked into the bathroom. After washing my face, making sure all the makeup was off, I unclasped my bra and pulled it free. It landed somewhere in the middle of the floor. I didn’t care, I needed to be free and comfortable because at that moment, I was anything but.
I had to fight the urge to go to him. If I just randomly showed up there at such an odd hour, it would surely raise suspicion. I had no doubt that he would wonder how I’d found him. It would open too many doors and a slew of questions that I couldn’t answer. I was having a hard time finding the balance of it all and that was something I never had to worry about before— because I was smart and didn’t fucking get close to my hits.
My eyes closed, no longer able to fight the exhaustion that ran through to my soul. Before I knew it I was out, the darkness covering my mind like a warm blanket.
The thing that sucked was, if I hadn’t given in to sleep, I might have heard the ascending footsteps on the stairs outside my door. I might have heard the creaking wood. I might have had time to prepare myself for an attack. But as it was I didn’t know anyone was there until the heavy thud of a fist banging on the door jolted me awake.
My heart raced as I sprang to my feet. I padded over to the door with hesitant steps as I mentally kicked myself for not setting up cameras outside of the damn place. Three more quick bangs against the old wood. I paused, trying my best to slow my heart and shake the trembling in my hands. I knew whatever was on the other side of that door could only bring trouble. Nothing good ever happened at this ungodly hour.
I reached for the handle, having a deep feeling in my gut that whoever was out there wasn’t going away. I readied myself for a fight, cursing the fact that I didn’t think to grab one of my many guns or knives I had tucked away. But then again, I had a mental picture of where they all were and I was confident enough that I could make it to one without a problem.
The door opened to a sight I wasn’t ready for. It was beautiful and sad all at the same time. A relieved breath forced itself out my lungs and my body went from rigid to relaxed in a fraction of a second.
“Noah?” His name rolled off my tongue in a tone that was unfamiliar to my ears.
He stood there, the rain pelting down on his already soaked body. His hair was plastered to his face and his gaze was down. He didn’t move except for the slight sway in his body.
The wind blew hard and my skin prickled with goosebumps. The seconds ticked on in silence, the rain only seemed to get louder the longer we stood there.
“I know he would want me to move on and live, but how am I supposed to live without my boy? How am I supposed to smile again when the whole reason for me to do so is gone? Breathe again when I have no one to breathe for? My world, my heart, my light doesn’t exist anymore and I don’t know how to find my way back or if I even want to,” he said so low that I strained to hear him. But his words were unmistakable.
I broke that moment. All I wanted to do was wrap the big guy in my arms and hold him. I wanted to cry with him and I wanted to help him stand again.
I swallowed, pushing down all the emotions with it.
“Come,” I said, my voice stronger than I felt. I pushed the door open wider and stepped to the side.
He lumbered in, leaving massive foot-sized puddles with each step. I shut the door and then did the most unexpected thing, I turned my back to him as I went to the bathroom to grab a towel for him. Only I didn’t realize it until I was hidden in the dark cove of the bathroom. My breath caught and my hand froze midair reaching for a clean towel. I’d expected to feel fear and anxiety because I’d let my guard down, but instead, I felt an overwhelming calm settle into my bones. If only my mentor could see me now, he’d be so disappointed.
I snatched the towel up and turned to head back out. I stopped short, finding him standing right outside the bathroom doorway.
For the first time that night, his gaze lifted to mine and his eyes were wild, blazing with a ferocious heat. My breath caught in my throat, and I’ll be damned if my nipples didn’t pucker under my thin tee. His eyes raked down my body and back up with a slowness that made me fidget. The air crackled around us. I closed my eyes, thinking that it was all in my head. Hell, maybe I was still asleep and having some sort of crazy dream.
But when I opened them again, he was still there. His chest heaved with each breath. His eyes peeked out from the plastered strands of hair that were stuck wildly on his face. I was standing in front of a runaway train waiting for it to crash into me, the headlight blinding me from what was to come. Only I knew exactly what was behind that bright light and I desperately wanted it to crash into me. There was no way I was moving off of the tracks.
Without warning, his huge form propelled towards me. The towel slipped from my hands as his body collided into mine and my arms moved around him, one tangling in his wet hair the other clawing at his back. Then his mouth was on mine, his lips pressing so hard against mine that they felt like they would bruise. The kiss was anything but sweet. It was a mess of biting, sucking, licking, and teeth clattering. It was raw and powerful.
He fisted the back of my shirt right above my butt and like a volcano erupting, my body came alive.
I cried out with a loud moan as my back hit the wall, causing my mouth to rip away from his as the small zap of pain radiated down my spine. His mouth attacked my neck, nipping and sucking with a desperate need to hold onto something, to feel something. It was then that I realized I needed to feel alive as much as he did. It was like I’d been in a light slumber all my life.
My body shivered with his touch and my panties were instantly soaked. My shirt stuck to my skin as the wetness seeped off of him onto me, but fuck if I cared. He thrust his hips into me and I felt the hardness of his bulge against my stomach.
“Save me, Angel,” he mumbled into my neck.
His hands slid down to grab my ass and my legs wrapped around his waist as he held me up. I ground my core against his hard cock, wishing that there was no barrier there. With each thrust, I panted a little harder. In a lust-drunken state, my fingers moved to the buttons of his jeans. I was desperate to feel him inside of me and I didn’t care about anything else at that moment.
A low rumbling growl rose up from his chest as my fingers closed around his cock. My hand slid up and down his velvet soft shaft, my thumb circling over the blunt tip spreading the wetness that had gathered there. He was so thick and heavy in my hand, I could only imagine how it would feel once he was filling me up.
His hands left my ass and I whimpered. Next thing I knew, the sound of my panties ripping filled the air around us. In one swift thrust, he pushed inside of me, forcing all of the air out of my lungs. My fingers dug into his shoulders as a moan escaped passed my lips.
Then he was fucking me, hard and fast, with an unsteady rhythm. One that was frantic and desperate. This wasn’t an elegantly rehearsed dance. No, this was raw and animalistic. The kind of unfiltered energy of pent-up emotions. I could feel the control slipping from him as he released each heavy burden that weighed on his soul with every thrust. I grasped onto the feeling of urgency to be freed from his turmoil that came off of him and tried to free him from his demons.
My arms moved back around his shoulders, my fingers digging into his back and neck, holding on for dear life. My legs tightened around his waist, my ankles crossing in an attempt to pull him in deeper.
All too soon, my core quivered and my limbs started to tingle. I didn’t want it to be over yet, but it felt too good to even try to stop. His breath on my skin and his grunts next to my ear only pushed me closer to the edge. Then his lips were on mine again and that was all it took. I shattered around him, clenching him so tightly that I could feel the struggle for him to keep up his movements.
“Fuck,” he roared as his mouth tore away from mine and his head tilted back. I could feel him pulsing and swelling inside of me as his release filled me with a force that only seemed to draw out my own climax.
I could feel his legs shaking and I knew that mine were no better. Our bodies began to fall sideways, the bed catching the upper half of our torsos. He rolled off of me and onto his back. We stayed there, sprawled out awkwardly, as we attempted to catch our breaths.
I realized that I had a slight smile on my face as I watched the heavy rise and fall of his chest. Then my happiness started to fade as my mind raced. Because the only thing I could think was, what now?