CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Nadya
One more minute turned into one more hour, and one more hour turned into one more day. Then a week. I wasn’t ready to leave yet. But I didn’t spend all that time in an oblivious void. I made plans, and more plans, and back up plans for all those plans.
I called Lucy, who seemed to be too distracted to give me more than a few minutes at a time. It seemed like everyone had something big going on. Though, I did tell her where I was, not like I needed to. She already knew, having tracked my phone when she hadn’t heard from me for a couple of days. She nearly melted when I told her how I’d been spending time with Logan. Then she got a little too emotional for me when I told her that I actually liked the kid. That was one conversation that I cut short.
The sun danced through the tree line, rising to bring a news day. I watched from the shadows of the back porch, my head a complete mess and my tea doing nothing to calm the storm inside of me. There was no more putting it off. I’d said goodbye to Logan the night before, reading him one more story and telling him point blank that he might never see me again when he asked me what was wrong.
One thing I’d learned being around him, he was intuitive. Maybe it was just a kid thing. I had no idea. But Logan always seemed to know when something was off and he always made a point to ask. Having no experience with kids, I always gave him the answers as straight as I could. Maybe not in so much detail, but he understood that I had to go. That I had to take care of some things so he could be back with his dad.
“It’s time.” Is all that he says to me when I tell him I am leaving. I can’t say anything else because I can’t seem to get my voice to work, so all I can do is nod. “I will see you again,” he says with a shit-ton of conviction in his voice that I truly believe that he thinks he will. And it breaks my heart to tell him that he doesn’t know that for sure. But the damn kid only smiles up at me and then he places a tiny kiss on my cheek as he wraps his little arms around my neck.
Remembering that only made this impossibly hard. Almost harder than walking away from Noah that night. I couldn’t believe how strange the path of my life had turned. I wondered if there was somewhere that I blinked and lost my way, or maybe found it. I had no idea. All I knew was that everything seemed to be harder lately, my heart seemed to be wrapped up in every thought and every decision I had to make.
The back door creaked open but I didn’t turn my head to look.
“Hey,” Grant whispered.
“Hey,” I parroted.
The silence stretched out and neither of us said anything. I could hear it in his breathing that he wanted to say something. He came out there for a reason but I could only imagine that I wasn’t the easiest person to talk to. And instead of giving him an easy opening, I kept silent with my eyes hard set on the thick trees surrounding the cabin.
“You should go soon, before he gets up,” he finally opened his mouth and broke my climb to the state of calm I was trying to reach.
“Yeah, I know.”
“If you don’t leave now, you will never go.”
“Know that, too,” I said emptying the air out of my lungs in a slow, controlled exhale.
“People like us walk on the shaded part of the line,” he said, his voice full of understanding. “We may work in the darkness but we wear a lighter shade of white. But it’s always hard to kill the monster and keep yourself from becoming one.”
“It’s too early for cryptic words of wisdom shit,” I said a little laughter in my tone. I understood everything that he was saying but I wasn’t one for heart-to-heart bullshit. Not that deep down I didn’t appreciate it.
“Yeah, I get it. Tough ass woman. But don’t forget that I’ve seen you with your heart out.”
In my peripheral, I could see him nod his head to the cabin. I couldn’t deny his words.
“I’ll never be what they need. I’ll never be good enough. My hands have too many coats of red on them,” I whispered like it was hard to release the words from my throat.
“It took me a long time to realize this, but if you will walk through Hell to protect someone, then you are good enough for them. Someone much wiser than me told me that once. It took me a long time to come to grips with it, and I’m not even sure that now I completely do. I just have to believe that if they think I’m good enough, then I am.”
“Keep them safe,” I said ending anything else that either one of us might have to say.
“Make them safe,” he said pointedly before turning and walking back inside.
With a deep breath of cool air, I took one last look around. It was time.
It took me a full day of driving to get the shit that I needed. I was virtually left with nothing after Savage’s men ransacked my place. But a few calls, a couple of connections later, I had all I needed and my destination was only another day away.
Time for plan A.
“Who the fuck are you?!” someone asked as I made my way through the hall into the main part of the clubhouse that Noah called home. I didn’t stop, knowing exactly where I was going thanks to Lucy having the layout of the place. I wasn’t surprised when the guy followed me, drawing a gun from his pants. “Stop!”
But I didn’t. I was only twenty feet from the door I was about to bust open. I knew this guy wouldn’t shoot me so I didn’t even pause. Then they all seemed to come out of the woodworks. Two appeared in front of me, but I was closer to the door than they were. With a smirk, I kept walking.
“The fuck is going on out there?” I heard from behind the closed door to the sacred meeting room.
With a flick of my wrist, I turned the knob and pushed the door open hard enough that a loud bang rang out through the room when it hit the wall behind it.
There I stood, at the threshold, knowing better than to step foot into their room but also wanting to make my wants and demands known. With four guns pointed at my back and another six at my front, I held my head high. Noah’s eyes met mine and they swirled with emotions. Happiness. Panic. Confusion.
“Get those guns off my damn woman now!” He roared as his body lunged towards mine in an attempt to block me from half the danger I was in. My hand met his chest and my eyes looked up into his before I took a small step to the side and pinned the man at the head of the table with my glare.
“Guns down,” the big man commanded, and all of them hesitantly let their guns fall waist side. “Can I help you with somethin’, sweetheart?” His lips twitched under his bushy beard as if he were amused.
“I want in,” I demanded.
“Fuck no!” Noah said, his hand circling my wrist as if to ground both of us somehow.
“How’d you get in here?”
“You have a hatch on your roof. It was just a matter of waiting for an opening. And as you can see, I got one,” I said with a small shrug.
“Hmm,” the big man said. “You see, I got a problem where I like to keep women safe and away from all this shit, but you don’t seem like the type to need that.”
“Nope. I want to help. I want to be there. I want to put a bullet between Savage’s eyes,” I said my eyes moving up to Noah’s at the end. I never pleaded for anything in my life and I hated to do it now, but it was the only way I could get him to understand how much I needed this.
“Where have you been?” he whispered, sadness apparent in his tone.
I had left him, after all, and I was sure that he didn’t think I was coming back. And for a while, I didn’t think I was either.
“Playing go fish in the middle of the woods,” I said back low, knowing he would understand what I was saying.
My eyes wanted to look at anything else but his as I said it, I was scared to see his reaction. I only imagined how pissed he would be. But I couldn’t tear my gaze from his and his expression changed as the realization of what I meant set in. His eyes went wide with surprise for a second, then a slight smile graced his lips and his eyes lit the fuck up. And that was when my mouth tipped up too. I had never imagined the happiness I saw in his eyes but I found my heartwarming the longer he looked at me.
“Well, it seems that you came just in time,” the leader said pulling my attention away from Noah. “We are about to roll out.”
“No,” Noah roared and I hated what he was doing. “No fuckin’ way in Hell, Angel.”
“I want this. I need this.”
“If you are there I won’t be able to concentrate. I won’t be able to do what I need to do.” I knew what he was saying was more than likely partially true, but he was doing his best to figure out what would make me surrender. That wasn’t to say that any words coming out of his mouth were false. I knew him well enough by then to know that the man didn’t lie and he had no problem showing his heart to the world.
“Noah,” I said, standing strong.
“I won’t take the chance on losing you,” he said firmly, not giving a fuck that everyone was witnessing this. “I can’t lose you.”
That was when my heart broke. Shattered. Splintered so hard that I wasn’t sure I could put it back together. I was torn like I’d never been before. I had revenge and hate running through my veins and a deep need to be there to help them end this, but now I had the overpowering love from a man begging me not to go.
Then I did something I never thought in a million years I’d do, I backed the fuck down.
With a firm nod and sad eyes, I took a step back, completely bowing down as much as I fucking could. I didn’t mistake the huge relieved breath that escaped his lungs. That should have been enough to make me plant my ass down somewhere and wait. But I was me and there was no way I was going to sit by while he went riding off into the Devil’s territory. I just had to let him think I was.
That was why I had a plan B.
Fucked up of me? Yes. But I was going to walk through the hottest fires of Hell for him so he could get his son and life back and nothing could fucking stop me.
“Time to go,” the leader said from his place at the head of the table as he stood.
Noah moved me out of the doorway only to use his body to plaster mine against the wall just outside the room as all the men shuffled out. There was something else on top of the antsy energy, something deeper than them going off to kill the man they all hated. If I wasn’t mistaken, there was a sense of urgency in the air, like they couldn’t wait another second to get on the move. I had no idea what was up and as much as I wanted to ask, I didn’t want to take up any more time.
And I knew they wouldn’t tell me anyway. I was smart enough to catch on that I was an outsider and the brotherhood ran strong. I would more than likely never know what went on in those meetings. I may not have liked it but a sense of loyalty that ran that deep I respected.
“Killer,” Axe said in a greeting as he passed with a tight tip of his chin.
My eyes narrowed on him as I studied his face. Something was going on with him. I may not have known him at all, but I knew people, and the look in his eyes was pure fear and desperation.
“Your eyes are freaky as fuck,” Axe commented, his body leaning closer to mine like he was trying to see inside of my eyeball. He blinked, snapping himself out of his trance, then walked off with purpose in his steps before I had a chance to open my mouth and say something.
“Stay here. You understand me, Angel?” Noah said resting his forehead against mine. I couldn’t lie to him and tell him I’d do whatever he needed me to. But I couldn’t exactly let him know that I had plans. So, I used my lips to distract him. And thank fuck it worked.
As my mouth crashed into his, I forgot everything. I missed him. His mouth. His body. His stupid smile and loud laugh. His ability to look at me and make me melt inside. I felt both protected and territorial with him. For the first time ever in my life, I felt like something that was to be cherished.
“I love you,” I said so low I wondered if I’d even spoke the words.
“I know you fuckin’ do,” he said as he held me tight, his lips right next to my ear, his nose buried in my hair, his arms firmly holding me against his body. “I love you, too.”
Then he was gone, the air around me suddenly making my body feel too cold. I watched his back until the front door closed behind him, all of the men now gone except for three, which I presumed were left behind to watch the club. Two of them I noticed had bright, new prospect patches.
I pulled out my phone, knowing all I had to do was wait a good fifteen minutes to give them a head start. I checked the app to make sure everything was all set, and sure enough, the tracker I had slipped into Noah’s pocket was working.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to get out unnoticed right away, so I asked one of them to show me where Noah’s room was and told them I’d be waiting in there. The guy fell for it too, his footsteps retreated down the hall as soon as the door to the room was closed behind me.
As stealthily as I could, I made my way further into the hall heading for a side door I knew was there.
“Whoa! Who are you?” a woman asked, nearly running into me as she popped out of one of the rooms.
Shit! So much for not getting caught.
My eyes looked down into hers. She was a bit shorter than me but only by a few inches. Her chin jutted out as I took her in. She had a hard side to her and I could respect that. Her eyes were a strange color, and one of them had more green in it than the other.
“Oh! You’re her aren’t you?” a wisp of a voice said from behind the woman in front of me.
I had to lean to the side to see the small girl. Wait, maybe she was older than she appeared. She had a tiny child on her hip that she was bouncing in an attempt to calm it. Her, rather, the child was obviously a girl given that it had a huge pink bow around its head.
“Nadya?” the small woman asked. I had no idea who these people were but I wasn’t one bit happy that they seemed to know about me. “Tank’s girl?”
“Yes,” I supplied, keeping my cool edge and not letting the hardness on my face slip. Though it was difficult because it seemed every time I thought of the big guy all I did was melt inside.
“You came back?” the woman with the baby said as a huge smile all but split her face. “Oh, I’m Ellie. This little one is Fate. And that is Reagan.” She nodded to the woman in front of me.
“Hi,” I said lamely. I vaguely remembered their names coming up in conversations with Noah. I was pretty sure I’d met their men in Tennessee.
“You’re trying to leave, aren’t you?” Reagan asked, a slight hint of amusement playing in her tone.
“Yes, but not for the reason you may think.” I shrugged not knowing what else to do.
I wondered if they were going to let me go, or if I was going to have to fight my way out of this place. I knew one thing, I was going to fucking leave no matter what.
“You have my man’s back and I’ll have yours,” Reagan said pinning me with a stare that communicated her unsaid words. I gave a firm nod, understanding completely and I found myself a little grateful that I’d run into her. “Welcome to the club,” she added before I darted down the hall and out the side door.
I made my way across the compound lot and then through the thick woods to my bike that was hidden on the other side.
“Time to kill some motherfuckers,” I said to the quiet night as I took off for the highway.