CHAPTER 32
KATE
"Okay, there's no way that you want to keep this?” Liana asked. “Tell me that you don't want to keep this? Please, assure me that you don't want to keep—"
"All right, Liana. Throw it out."
I chuckled, shaking my head. Liana was holding up an old lime green dress that I, at one time, used to love wearing. But I had to agree with her that it belonged in the trash pile.
"What?" Liana said, aghast as she looked the dress up and down. "I'm not going to throw it out. I'm going to take it for myself. This color looks great on me. I’m wearing it to the club. This dress will bring in tips like nobody's business."
I chuckled again, turning back to the task at hand as Liana laid the dress out on my bed, along with a bunch of other clothes that she had managed to convince me to throw out and that she was so graciously taking off my hands.
I had invited Liana over to help me pack, and so far, she was doing an excellent job. The reason for packing? I was leaving New York to be with Liam.
The last week had been one of the craziest of my entire life. Once I forgave Liam and we got back together officially, everything had just sort of happened. He found someone to take over my lease. He found an office for his new practice in the perfect location, and he even found us a new apartment and bought our plane tickets. It was happening.
If someone had asked me two weeks ago if I thought I would be moving out of the country with Liam, I would have laughed and told them how silly they were. But now, I couldn't think of anything I would rather be doing. The last week, despite how hectic it was, was also magical. Liam spent every waking minute trying to make up for what he had done. I would come home to surprises and gifts every single day. He would tell me how much he loved me every moment. It was nonstop, and if I had to admit it, maybe just a little irritating.
But only a little. I mean, how could I complain? I was back with the man of my dreams, and we were moving away together. Everything was going perfectly.
"I am going to miss you," Liana said as she rummaged through my wardrobe. "Seriously, you're like my best friend. Now I'm going to have to make a new best friend."
"You'll be okay," I said, reaching out and rubbing her arm.
"Oh, I know. Trust me, there is no shortage of candidates. Samantha for example, remember her? She has been begging me to take her under my wing. Begging. I might have to hold auditions at this rate."
I shook my head, holding back my laughter. I had to admit I was going to miss Liana, too. When I had woken up from the car crash with no memory, I couldn't believe that she was my best friend. She just seemed so unlike the kind of person I thought I would be friends with. But now that I was leaving, well, I was really going to miss her.
"Hello, hello," she suddenly said. I looked over to see her holding one of my journals, my only journal. For some reason, I hadn't been able to find the others that I knew I had. Not that I cared. I had been planning on throwing them all out when I moved anyway. "What have we got here?"
"That one is definitely going in the trash," I said, reaching out for the journal only for Liana to snatch it away.
"Let's see what we have here." She began flipping through the pages until she landed on one that she seemed to like the look of. "’I can't believe how in love I am. I have never felt this way before. It's like’–boring." She flipped to another page.
"Come on, give it here," I said, reaching for it, only for her to jump back again.
"Oh, here we go," she said, smiling. "’It's over. Everything is over. Not just my relationship, but my life. There's a great big hole where’–well that's morbid." She frowned, flipping to another page. "’I trusted him. I thought that I could trust him, but now I know that I was wrong. After everything he said to me and everything he did, I don't know if I will ever be able to trust again. Let alone love him.’"
She stopped and pulled her eyes from the page to look up at me. Her expression wasn't one of sadness, but concern. She looked genuinely worried for me.
"Those are from over a year ago," I said, reaching out and taking the journal from her. This time she let me. "A lot has changed since then."
"Kate, babe. I love Liam, I do. You know I think he's a great guy and minus one very serious transgression, I think the two of you are perfect for one another. But have you thought about this? All of it?"
"Of course, I have," I said seriously. "What? You think he’s going to cheat on me? Or dump me again? Come on." I laughed, but it was a weak laugh. An uncertain one. The look on Liana's face took away all the conviction in my voice.
"I don't know,” Liana said. “All I know is that he has before. Twice! I love you babe, and I just want to make sure that you have thought about this. If you say you have, then that is good enough for me. I won't ever mention it again. I'll give you my blessings and let you carry on with your perfect life. But if you aren't sure, then I have to ask if you really want to do this?"
"Yes, I am sure," I said. As I did, my hands squeezed down on the journal. I could feel them shaking, physically struggling to keep a grip on the book. "He told me he loves me. And I love him. And that's good enough for me."
"Perfect!" Liana beamed, her attitude doing an instant 180. "I'm just going to pop into the little girl’s room, okay?" She hurried from the room toward the bathroom.
Once she was gone, I sat down on the end of my bed, the journal still in my hand. Unable to help myself, I opened it up to the very last entry and read.
This will be my final entry. I started writing in here because it made me happy. I loved writing about Liam and myself and everything that we got up to. I loved how he made me feel, and I wanted nothing more than to put those feelings into words so that I would have them with me always. But that is over now.
Liam broke my heart. He stomped all over it. I have never felt pain like this. I have never felt such misery. I want to describe how it feels, but I don't even know how to put such thoughts into words. To do so might burn the page and set the pen on fire. Instead, I will leave my journal with this final sentiment.
Don't ever love again. Don't ever trust again. To do so is for fools, and you, Kate Monroe, are no fool. Not anymore.
I reread the passage, unable to comprehend the words. I remembered writing that passage as clear as day, as if I had written it yesterday. I remembered how much it hurt to write, and how much I was hurting at the time. I remembered promising myself that I would never love again, that I would never fall for such a trap. And for a while there, I managed to keep my promise. Until Liam came along again.
Liam was the architect of my original downfall, but he was also the reason why I stood as tall as I did today. As I looked around the room, at my half empty cupboards and half packed bag, I had to ask myself again if I was doing the right thing. Liam and I were leaving in a few days for our new life together. If I was going to go through with it, I had to be one hundred percent certain that he wasn’t going to break my heart again.
"So girl, are we doing this?" Liana asked as she bustled back into the room.
Still sitting on the edge of the bed, journal in hand, I looked up at my best friend. I didn't answer her. I didn't know how to answer. Although I knew I wanted to live the rest of my life with Liam, I wasn't sure if I could. I wasn't really sure of anything.