The set is quiet and down to only the essential crew. It still feels like a lot of people who will see me naked. Today we’re shooting a teaser scene where my character is trying to seduce Erik’s character by leaving her door open when she gets changed. On screen, my body will be silhouetted, but in the shadow, you will still be able to make out every curve, even my hard nipples.

I’m nervous, I shiver in my robe and instinctively look out past the almost blinding lights and search for Gabe. My heart squeezes in my chest and my lungs collapse all the air from them when I remember, again, that he’s gone.

I still haven’t told the studio about him walking off the job and walking out on me. I spent all night hoping he’d come back, calling him and leaving voice messages that he never answered. I honestly never meant to hurt him, but I did. And now I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.

My eyes line with tears and I quickly wipe them away before they have a chance to ruin my makeup. I already had to spend longer than usual in the chair with my makeup artist scolding me for my puffy eyes from hours of crying.

“Alright, Vanessa, you ready hon? We’re gonna try to get this in as few takes as possible. I know it’s a little cold in here and I don’t want you to be too uncomfortable,” Bobby’s gruff voice calls out from behind the viewing screen.

I take a deep breath, it’s time to take off the robe. Of all the people here, the only one I really don’t want to see me naked is Erik. It doesn’t even make sense since he’s seen me naked plenty of times when we dated. However, now I feel like I should be shielded from his eyes. Like my body isn’t something he gets to soak in anymore. I feel like only Gabe should get that privilege.

You’ve gotta concentrate, I chide myself silently. “Ready,” my voice sounds anything but, as I slide my robe slowly down my shoulders and avoid Erik’s stares.

The cold instantly makes my nipples taut and my body covers in gooseflesh. Standing tall, I force myself to throw my shoulders back and lift my eyes from the floor.

“Quiet on the set! We’re gonna record in five…”

“Whew,” Erik gives a low whistle.

“Four!”

“If your body looked like that when I was fucking you, maybe I wouldn’t have shopped around,” Erik’s eyes flicker over me like he’s admiring an expensive watch at a jewelry shop.

“Fuck you Erik!”

“What? It’s a compliment!” he smiles.

I walk off the set, snatch my robe from my assistant’s hands and quickly wrap it back around me. My head is buzzing like a hornet’s nest as the set explodes with the panicked crew freaking out about me ruining their shot. The loudest voice of all is Bobby’s.

I don’t care. Fuck Erik and fuck this movie. I’m done with this shit.

Tears blind my sight as I walk off in a huff. In nothing but a housecoat, I walk out of the studio and into the lot where the drivers are killing time on their phones, while they wait on standby in their cars.

I grab the car door handle and whip the door open, sliding inside and slamming it shut behind me. The driver turns in his seat and doesn’t say a word about how I’m dressed or my tears. He’s probably seen worse. This is Hollywood.

“Where can I take you, ma’am?” He looks at me, but I don’t know. I have nothing waiting for me at home. I feel like I have nothing for me here either.

“I need a minute,” I answer and he nods, turning back around.

I slide my hand into the pocket of my robe and pull out my cell, pressing Fiona’s number as I pull a trembly breath into my lungs.

“Hey, hey, if it isn’t my shining star. How’s it going?” Fiona answers cheerily.

“Not good,” I swallow the lump in my throat and try to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Her tone immediately changes as she listens intently.

“I don’t think I can do this Fiona! I can’t work with Erik, I fucking hate him. He’s impossible to work with and nothing about this movie is working out the way it was supposed to,” I wail. “This was supposed to be for me, you know? I was supposed to find my sexuality in this role, but I didn’t.”

I see the driver raise his eyebrows in the rearview mirror, but I ignore him. “You know where I found it? With Gabe, but now he’s walked out on me and I don’t have a bodyguard and I don’t have him and I don’t want this stupid fucking job anymore,” I sniffle as my nose runs and my mascara blots under my eyes.

“Whoa, slow down,” Fiona takes a deep breath, “so you are hooked up with that guy? Isn’t he the one with the monster cock that was watching us drive away from that club?”

“He was, we were together, but I told a reporter that we weren’t together and he said I was embarrassed by him and he left.”

“Ugh, you lost out on that huge dong? That is a shame,” I hear her lighter flick as she pulls her first puff of smoke into her lungs. “Wait, did he make you cum? Oh, let a girl dream!” She sounds so happy I want to smack her. Hasn’t she heard a single word I said?

“Yes,” I admit and wipe my tears away.

“Oh my God! And you didn’t call me? Are you fucking kidding right now?” She loses her mind and I have to pull the phone away from my ear because she’s shrieking so loud.

“Fiona, can you just focus for one minute,” I sigh.

“Ok, fine,” I can almost see her downturned lips. She loves nothing more than to dish dirt and I know she’s not happy with me that I’ve been leaving her out of the loop. “Listen, this is what you’re going to do,” her voice is matter-of-fact. “You’re gonna finish crying, wipe your face and go back on that set and do your job!”

“But!” I begin to protest.

“No, you called me for advice right? So, listen. Men are a dime a dozen in this town. This role is a once in a lifetime opportunity. So, you hate Erik. So, what? You think you’re the first actress to hate their co-star?”

“No, but…”

“No ‘buts’! Listen, you’ve already lost the man, let it go and move on. Do you really want to lose the only other thing you’ve got happening for you right now? Do you want to flush it all down the toilet? Because that’s what you’re talking about doing right now,” she lectures me sternly.

“No,” I whisper. “I don’t want to lose everything,” I admit.

“Then pull up your big girl panties and march your ass on set and show them how a professional does this shit. Worry about the man later. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out. If not, then you dodged a bullet. At least you got something good out of the whole thing,” she muses.

“Ok,” I take a huge lungful of air and nod my head, “you’re right. I’m going to shoot the scene and get through this stupid day.”

“Good girl,” she breathes out a puff of smoke onto the receiver. “Oh and Vanessa?”

“Yeah?”

“You better call me when you get home and catch me up on this shit,” she warns.

“I will,” I can’t help but smile as I hang up. Fiona and her one-track mind.

Wiping my hands over my face I get myself pumped up and grab the car handle, “I won’t be needing to go anywhere, but thank you for waiting,” I tell the driver.

“It’s what I do,” he shrugs.

I open the door and step back outside. Okay, I look up at the studio door, let’s do this.