I’m not sure.

Of anything.

I’m not sure why I’m laying on the ground, wishing Mack would rip my clothes open and have his way with me in broad daylight. I’m not sure why I ended up here in the first place. I heard a car backfire and then it felt like Mack heaved me to the grass on the side of the track.

He said something about losing control on his blade, but I really want him to lose control of more than that. I want to feel the soft heat of his mouth taste every inch of my body. I want his lips back on mine. I want his fingers entwined with my own as the growing erection between his legs reminds me of what it feels like to be properly fucked.

His eyes have me locked in place. I wouldn’t move, even if he wasn’t lying on top of me. Even Joel never looked at me that way. Mack is the only man that has ever been able to make my skin raw and hungry to be touched.

My waistband starts vibrating again, like an angry bag of hornets that won’t be ignored. My dreamlike fog erodes around me as reality snaps back into focus. I need to get up. I need to answer the phone. I need to get this session back on track.

“It’s ringing again. I really need to answer it, Mack.” My voice is clear this time as I regain my senses. He doesn’t try to convince me otherwise. He never would. Instead, Mack rolls to the side and stands back up, extending his hand down to me to help me to my feet. Such a gentleman.

Sort of.

I brush the dirt and blades of grass off my ass and look up toward the hospital. I hope none of the other staff witnessed our little moment. I’m not sure I could ever explain it to anyone. I’m not even sure I can explain it to myself.

Mack smirks at me as I try to compose myself. “Don’t worry, Lauren. No one saw anything,” he answers my unasked question. Even after all these years, it’s like he can read my thoughts. “Besides, even if they did, just tell them I wiped out and had a hard time getting back up. No biggie,” he shrugs nonchalantly.

My heart sinks a little at his indifference. I didn’t expect Mack to stand up and profess his undying love for me or anything, but I thought that our kiss was more than “no biggie”.

The persistent vibration of my cellphone against my stomach reminds me that I don’t have time to stand here and over analyze what’s happening between me and Mack. I pull the black phone out from the edge of my pants and see my sister, Chelsea, is calling. Before I have a chance to swipe my thumb across the screen and answer, the buzzing stops and her number disappears.

Suddenly the call history pops up on my screen and I see that she’s already tried to get a hold of me five times in the past fifteen minutes. Wow. How did I miss that? That’s the power Mack has always had over me, when he looks at me time erases itself from history. When he touches me, even if it’s just from stumbling on his new running blade, the world and everyone in it ceases to exist.

Since we were just young and innocent children, I’ve been drawn to Mack like the ocean waves are drawn to the moon. Now that we’re adults, those waves are quickly rising up into a tsunami, and I’m either going to be crushed by the force or swept away.

Bzzzzzz. My hand trembles as my phone goes off again, shaking me back to the present. It’s Chelsea again. Something serious is going on. I hope mom is ok! I swipe my screen and stick my finger against my ear so I can hear her clearly. Not that Mack is being noisy. He hasn’t uttered a word. It’s just that his very presence is distracting, so I need to give my senses a leg up.

“Hello?”

“Lauren? Oh, thank God I got you. I’ve been calling for almost twenty minutes!” She sounds breathless but the background is eerily quiet.

“Sorry, I couldn’t answer before.” I lie. “What’s going on? Is mom ok?”

“Mom? Yeah, she’s fine. No, it isn’t mom. Listen, you’ve got to come home right now! It’s Chris. No, don’t come home. That’s stupid, just go get him …”

“Chris?” I almost forgot that I still need to spend my lunch hour trying to call around to see if I can get him placed in another school for the rest of the year. “Is he giving you guys a hard time? Tell him that I’m gonna put his bike on Craigslist if he doesn’t behave. I’m tired of this nonsense with him.”

He loves that bike. I always use it as my hail Mary when he gets too far out of control.

“Lauren! Listen to me! Chris took off with a couple of boys earlier. I told mom not to let him out of the house, but you know what she’s like. As soon as I went to take a shower, she let him go.”

Of course she did. Where was that soft touch when she was raising us? That woman had no problem introducing my butt to the flat side of her hairbrush when I got smart with her, but here she is letting my expelled son go out with his friends.

“Alright, do you know where he is? I’ll call around and tell him to get his ass back there. He knows better than to pull a fast one like this.” What am I going to do with him? Every day it seems like he’s getting further out of my control.

“Yes, I know. Lauren, you need to leave work and go get him. The cops picked him up! Chris is in jail.” Her voice cracks as my mind breaks into fragments.

“Jail?” The word barely comes out as a whisper, but Mack tilts his head and locks me with his eyes. “What do you mean he’s in jail? He’s nine years old! What the hell is going on?” I can feel myself losing my battle against composure.

“Lauren, I don’t know what’s going on. I just know that Chris left here with a group of boys a few hours ago. Then the cops called and said a parent needs to go pick him up. He’s being held at the jail and they’re looking at charges.”

Charges? Jail? Chris isn’t just spinning out of control. He’s fucking spun out of orbit.

“I’ll be right there. I’m leaving now.”

Shit.