I clutch onto Gabe’s hand as he leads me down the stairs and a million second thoughts light up in my brain like stars in a clear sky in autumn. I swear my heart is racing so fast that I can feel its rhythmic beat in my fingertips.

I shouldn’t do this. Not with him. Not here. It won’t work anyway. It’s not like Gabe has some kind of ‘magic dick,’ that’s going to fix whatever is broken inside me. All these thoughts bombard me at the same time. And none of them stop my feet. None of them keep me from following Gabe even as we reach the bottom step and he walks me through a crowd of people fucking in every way imaginable, leading me to the far side of the room, with a cocky swagger.

I want him.

I want this.

I push the nerves down, trying to trap the butterflies that are flurrying around in my stomach. I swallow hard, trying to coat my dry throat and breathe in sharply when Gabe suddenly stops, turns around and pulls me into him so tight I can feel his bulge press into me.

“Oh!”

It’s all I have a chance to say before his fingers snake up my back and he unclasps my bra with one hand. The straps slip from my shoulders and I gasp as he quickly yanks the fabric free from my body and tosses it next to the wall. Instinctively I press my hands over my breasts, suddenly feeling very shy and like this is very real.

This isn’t a twisted fantasy or a game, I scan the room self-consciously and wonder how many people in the dimly lit loft are watching us. I gaze over the mostly naked bodies all around us, of all ages, ethnicities and shapes, the one string connecting them is their sexuality. I hold my tits tight, my heart pounding in my chest and realize I’ve just agreed to be one of them. To join the disjointed orgy of couples and groups fucking in this place. I look to the couch a few feet away and am not surprised to see an older man, a silver fox with a head full of white hair and tight muscles sitting down, leaning back while a much younger woman blows him. I try not to stare, but I gasp with shock when I look to my left and see an older woman who could be that silver fox’s wife on her hands and knees being taken on both ends by two much younger men.

“Why are you hiding from me?” Gabe steps toward me and I can see the glint of hunger in his eyes, like a wolf on the prowl for it’s prey.

“I, uh, I’m not,” I still don’t drop my hands. The only thing keeping them from shaking is the fact that I’ve got them clamped over my exposed breasts.

“Have you changed your mind?” Gabe tilts his head and his blue eyes study my face.

I look around the room one more time, biting my lip. It’s crazy and it’s foreign but it’s also incredibly sexy, to see all of these people indulging in a type of pleasure I’ve always craved, but never experienced. I turn my face back to Gabe, leveling him with my eyes. “No. I haven’t changed my mind,” I utter bravely.

His full lips twitch up in the corner and he narrows his eyes. “Good,” he swoops in at me, grabbing my hands securely in just one of his and walks me backward until I hit the wall. He holds my hands tightly in his, up over my head, leaving my body completely at his disposal. I breathe in sharply over my teeth. What is he going to do to me? My pussy floods with desires I’ve never felt before, and all the possibilities.

“Relax,” Gabe leans into my ear and speaks softly so I can just hear him over the rattling bass of the club. “We can stop anytime. This is all about you,” he reassures me and I begin to calm down a little until he wrenches my hands up tighter and steps between my feet, forcing me to open mine, on either side of him.

“I’m a little nervous,” I admit.

“Don’t be,” he brushes it off. “I haven’t laid a hand on you. I don’t need to, sex isn’t about your body it’s about your mind. It’s about your fantasies, it’s about the build-up,” he hovers his hand down over my collarbone and glides his fingers over my skin closely, so I can feel the heat of his hand, but he doesn’t touch me.

As his fingers draw closer to my tits, my nipples grow taut, transforming into tiny pink diamonds. “Do you feel that? The electricity between us? What does that do to you? What does it make you want to do?” He leans in and sucks my earlobe in past his lips, flickering his tongue over it quickly as his hand still travels over my body without touching me.

My eyelids flutter closed as the buzz inside me grows stronger. Tiny currents seem to travel under my skin, like a summer lightning storm, the heat builds and then explodes down through me, running over me in a jagged path from my earlobe down to my aching pussy.

“It makes me want you,” I manage to confess. “I want you to fuck me,” my voice is wheezy with need. I’ve never felt anything like this before, this overpowering pull to be with him. This all-consuming craving for his touch.

“Good girl,” he smirks, his hands tighten around mine and he jerks them up high on the wall making me arch my back and push my tits out further toward him. “When you surrender your mind, when you give in to your true desires, then something as simple as this,” he leans over me, his mouth surrounds my nipple and I can’t help the moan that escapes my lips. My nipple puckers tight as he licks it and my pussy grows slick with need.

“Ohhh!” I cry out.

“Feels almost orgasmic,” he pulls away his head and smiles as he stands tall over me. “And something like this will make you cum, if I let you,” he releases my wrists and slides down to his knees in front of me, his breath billowing onto my pussy as he tugs my panties down my thighs. They are completely soaked and he looks happy with himself as he notices the evidence of my desire.

I press my hands flat against the cool wall behind me and quickly look around as Gabe slips his tongue inside my pussy. I glance up at the balcony, between the mask and the darkness I can’t really tell who might be watching, but as Gabe’s tongue tastes my juices, I realize I don’t care. Let them watch. Shivers of pleasure run up my body and my skin covers in gooseflesh as Gabe licks my clit, slowly and under control as he slides his fingers inside me.

I’m surprised how heightened this all feels. I’ve been with other men and no one has even come close to getting me this worked up. As he twists his fingers inside me and presses them against my inner wall, I feel my control slip away.

I thread my fingers through Gabe’s brown hair and get lost in the sensation building up inside me. I feel like a rose about to bloom, the petals stir, pushing out, as the bud is ready to explode into a beautiful flower. I grind my hips, pushing my pussy into Gabe’s face as I feel myself get closer and closer to a bliss I’ve never experienced. My muscles clench and I stand up on my tip-toes, arching my back and rolling my head against the wall as it builds even more.

I’m almost there! I can’t believe it, but I don’t want to think about it. I want to get lost in the moment. I want to live it. To fully feel everything.

Then he stops.

He, fucking stops.

“No!” I yell, my voice hoarse and my throat dry.

He stands up as I shake my head violently from side to side. This isn’t fair. He can’t just stop.

“I’m going to make sure your first orgasm is on my cock, Vanessa.” I can see the flames of need behind his eyes and he reaches around my legs, lifting me easily from the floor. His fingers slide down over my ass and dig into my skin, he tugs his underwear down with one hand and guides his cock to my entrance, “You ready?” He looks in my eyes and I nod.

Gabe thrusts his cock inside me and I try to wrap my legs around him, but he just pushes it in further until I’m completely pinned against the wall with his cock locking me in place. I feel so full, it’s almost painful. If I wasn’t so wet, there’s no way I’d be able to take him like this. He gives me a second to adjust to his girth before he grips my thighs on the inside tightly, and wrenches my legs open, spreading them wide until each one is pressed against the wall. My pussy is completely exposed to him as he buries his cock deep into my core, further inside than I’ve ever experienced before.

“Oh fuck!” I cry out and twist against the wall as the sensation overcomes me again. It’s more focused this time. More powerful.

“That’s right, give in to it,” he growls in my ear and begins thrusting his hips faster. His shaft filling me fuller than I’ve ever known I could feel, with every pump. My legs quiver as he holds them flush to the wall, I grip onto his broad shoulders tight and let my fingernails dig into his skin as he fucks me harder. His cock is so thick, I can feel it grind against my clit each time he pulls back and slams it back inside me. The world around us begins to blot out, growing blurry as I struggle to breathe. My pussy tightens down on him, clamping around his cock as a shuddering earthquake of hot ecstasy shatters through me, from my center and out through my entire body. I can’t help the screams of pleasure that escape my lips. I don’t care about how raw my throat feels or how many people are staring. In this moment, all I can focus on is the completely overwhelming sensation.

Gabe’s cock pulses inside me as his thrusts grow ragged. He buries himself to the hilt and I can feel his cum fill me as he takes raspy breaths and holds me tight. He let’s my legs go and my feet feel numb when they hit the floor. Gabe pulls out of me, beads of sweat scatter across his forehead and he wraps his hand around my head and pulls me in for a surprisingly tender kiss.

Suddenly, all my emotions seem to burst through the dam at once. I look around the club as I struggle to breathe, I’ve never felt so vulnerable, so exposed, and yet so free. It’s as if every negative emotion I’ve ever felt just bubbled to the surface and then evaporated from my skin, leaving me lighter. Leaving me … happy.

Tears streak my cheeks as I sob. Not from sadness but from understanding for the first time, what it feels like to be free. Free from self-doubt, anger, depression, anxiety and fear. Free in my own skin, in my own body, in my own mind.

Free.

“What's wrong?” Gabe looks down at me as I start to breakdown. I can’t explain this. I notice people around us start to look over and I begin to choke on my tears. I can’t control the explosion of feelings inside me. I don’t answer him. I need to get out of here. I need to go.

I grab my bra from the floor and yank my panties back up my legs, stumbling toward the door. Gabe pulls his underwear back up and follows me, concern etched over his face. I can’t stop the sobbing, now my shoulders are shaking as it takes over me.

I need to leave.

Now.