“Chrissy, do you have the chart for the sheep we treated last week?”

“You mean the one from Mr. Higgins’ place? It’s right here, sugar,” she says, handing the files over to me.

“Thanks.”

“You okay?” she asks. “You been so quiet the last couple of days. Lucy’s still doing good, isn’t she?”

“She’s fine,” I say. “Just been a little preoccupied, that’s all.”

“Just so long as you’re not blaming yourself,” she says. “Or Avery. Kids are sneaky little things. When they see candy, they want it and don’t care the consequences. Nobody’s fault.”

“I know,” I say. “I’ll get over it.” I know it wasn’t my fault that Lucy consumed peanuts. Avery is still feeling mounds of guilt but I’ve got the Everest of guilt happening inside me.

It just took one look at Cole as we stood beside Lucy in the hospital and it was clear—he knew she was his. Not only that, but he knew I’d purposely betrayed him by keeping that information from him.

Sure, I had tried to reach out to him years ago, but had I really done everything I could to contact him? He didn’t respond, but I should have tried harder. He had a right to know from the beginning that I was pregnant and he had a daughter.

So how am I supposed to get over that guilt?

The only thing I know how to do for now, is take care of Lucy and bury myself in work. When I’m at work I focus on it completely, going over charts for animals we haven’t seen in months to make sure they were given the proper medications. Dr. Johnson has been telling me for two days to ease up.

“You’ve been looking through those charts like they’ve got the winning lottery number,” he said this morning.

“Jinx Hamilton’s renal failure might be entering the late stages. Are we sure we don’t need to up his fluids? Is Constance really giving him a hundred milliliters every day?”

“Jessa, Jinx and all the other animals are fine,” Dr. J said.

I sighed. I knew they were fine. I just wanted something new to occupy my brain.

“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?” Dr. Johnson says. “We only have a couple more appointments and they’re nothing I can’t handle on my own.”

“Jessie!” Chrissy calls from the front. “Got a visitor!”

Ha, I think, distraction!

But when I walk up to the front, it’s the exact opposite of a distraction. It’s Cole Frost himself. My stomach takes a swift dive to the floor.

His hands are in his jeans pockets and my heart gives a little flutter seeing him again. It always flutters at the sight of him—the hard lines of his body, the smooth golden skin of his arms. I take a deep breath. This is serious stuff now. I guess I finally have to face it. I just have no idea what he’s here to say, or how angry he is. The fact that he’s here must be a good sign…right?

“Hey,” I say a bit shyly. I have no idea how he’s going to react or what he’s feeling, but when his eyes land on me they reveal nothing.

“Can we talk?” he says.

“Sure. Of course,” I say. “Want to go for a walk?”

He nods, and after telling Chrissy I’ll be back in a few, we head outside.

We walk in silence down the road, and I turn us off onto a narrow path by the fields. Extra seclusion can’t hurt, considering my whole world is about to explode in my face. No need for witnesses.

We walk side by side in excruciating silence. I glance over at him and he’s keeping his eyes focused straight ahead, his jaw set tight. Whatever he’s feeling, I can see him physically holding it all in.

“So…” I begin. “I guess you probably have a lot of questions.”

He lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head. I cringe. The disappointment he feels in me is clear. I don’t need him to tell me.

“Cole, look,” I begin. “I’m really sorry. I should have told you. Or at least, I should have tried harder. I emailed you—not about Lucy, but still. I don’t know. After you ghosted me I guess I just felt so defeated that…” I stop myself. I’m saying it all wrong. I’ve had three years to find the right words and now I’m getting myself tangled in them. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t make excuses.” I stop walking, and he stops with me. Finally, after all these years, after all this time, I say it plainly and clearly. “Lucy is your daughter, Cole.”

He nods his head slowly. He knew already, but now I’ve confirmed it. What he must be thinking and feeling, I have no idea. He won’t even look at me. It’s a warm day but I have chills on my arms.

“Christ, Jessa,” he finally says. “I know I was a dick back then. I shouldn’t have just left without a word. But I did—”

He stops himself. That beautiful jaw of his clenches again, as if he’s holding in what he was about to say. He starts again.

“I shouldn’t have left like that, without any follow up. I know that. It was wrong and you didn’t deserve it. I don’t blame you for not running after me. I didn’t deserve it for what I did to you. But damn, it stings. Knowing you were pregnant with my ki…with Lucy?” He swallows and seems to need a moment to regain his composure. “Man, that’s tough, Jessa. Knowing now? It’s fucking brutal.”

Tears well up in my eyes, knowing how badly I screwed things up. If I had just told Cole about Lucy in that email I sent him instead of being so vague, things might be different. Instead I made him think I just wanted him back—which I did, but for reasons bigger than my own desires. With just a few wrong words in an email, I screwed everything up. How could Cole possibly stay now, knowing what I’ve done? He’ll never accept me again, that’s for sure. But what about poor Lucy? She doesn’t deserve any of this. What have I done to her?

“I don’t know what else to say,” I whisper. “I screwed up, Cole.”

“I understand, okay?” he says. “I can’t blame you for wanting to protect Lucy from my whims and desires, especially when all I wanted was to get out of here.”

Those words sting anew, the fact that he hates it here. That I wasn’t enough to make staying worth it.

Cole reaches for me and takes my hands. I’m pretty sure I stop breathing for a moment, having no idea what he’s about to say or do. But when I look up into his eyes, I see something different in him. It’s not the far-off look he had earlier, or that hungry look in his eyes I always see when he looks at me. Something deeper has changed within him.

“Jessa, I want to a father to Lucy—a real father.”

The tears that were welling in my eyes completely overflow. He wants to be a dad to Lucy!

“But,” he says, and I try to brace myself, “only in a way that you’re comfortable with.”

“Cole…”

“Just wait,” he says. “I know this is a major change for Lucy. I’m not a shrink or anything, but I want to respect that process of suddenly having a father in her life. I want to get to know Lucy. I want to make things right. But only if it’s okay with you.”

I am full-out sobbing now. Of course it’s okay. It’s just about everything I ever wanted!

“God, yes,” I say. “There is nothing I want more than to see you and Lucy developing a relationship.”

“You’re sure.”

“Of course!”

And then we’re both laughing and hugging, holding each other tight but over something so much deeper. My daughter is finally going to get to know her dad, and that’s all that matters.

“We’ll work out the specifics later,” I say, wiping the tears from my eyes, “when my head stops spinning.”

He wipes the tears from my cheeks. “But not too much later. I want to start getting to know my daughter.”

“Stop,” I say, fresh tears pouring, hearing the words he’s saying. “I’ll be crying all day.”

“And I’ll be here to wipe the tears away.”

I sniff. “What about the snot?”

He laughs. We walk back to the clinic and I promise to call him later tonight.

“Maybe we can all go out for pizza, or there’s this painting place I’ve been wanting to take her to where you can make your master works of art. They give you the canvas and paints and supposedly the kids go crazy. Or if you don’t want to do something so messy we can always just go to the playground or even—”

“Slow down,” Cole says. “We’ll figure it all out.”

“Okay,” I say. “We’ll figure it out.”

When he drives off, I’m beaming. I go back into the clinic and tell Dr. Johnson, “You know, if it’s okay I think I will take the rest of the day off. I think I really need it.”

He looks at me with some concern, but says, “Go for it. We’ll see you next time,” and I race out the door.

I go straight to Avery’s and am a little nervous when I see Mom and Daddy’s car there. Just like Avery, they are not huge fans of Cole’s.

“Hey, guys,” I say as I walk in Avery’s place. “Where’s Lucy?”

“Next door with the Lewis kids,” Avery says.

“We were making cookies,” Mom says, “but as soon as Lucy heard the knock on the door she ran for it.”

I laugh. “She loves playing with the kids next door.”

“She likes to boss them,” Mom says.

“That kid is the one in charge, that’s for sure,” Daddy says.

Avery and Mom are in the kitchen doing all the baking while Daddy sits at the barstool with a glass of iced tea. An animated movie plays on the TV in the background.

“Why aren’t you at work?” Mom asks. Since she and Daddy are retired and we all live so close to each other, we pop over at each other’s houses all the time and know each other’s schedules well. If Avery can’t watch Lucy then Mom and Daddy pick up the slack. It’s one of the many reasons I love living here in Morningside Valley. Not only is it the only home I’ve ever known, but my whole family is here.

“Just decided to take the afternoon off,” I say, dropping my bag on the counter. Now is the perfect time to fill them in on what’s happened with Cole. I can let them know and see how they’ll think Lucy will handle this sudden, drastic change in her life. I don’t know how Lucy will react, but I do know that not everyone is going to be thrilled.

“She’s got something to tell us,” Avery says, eyeing me as she stirs chocolate chips into the batter. “I can tell.”

Damn my sister. She knows me so well that she can tell just by looking at me that something new has happened. My parents don’t even know Cole is back. They’re going to really freak out when I tell them.

Like I said, Cole Frost doesn’t have a lot of fans in my family.

“So, we heard that you-know-who is back,” Mom says.

Double damn. They know. I shoot Avery a look. She shrugs. Being a small, tight-knit family also means we usually know each other’s business and are terrible at keeping secrets.

“You can say his name, Mom. Cole Frost. Lightening won’t strike if you do,” I say.

“I’d like to strike him, the way he ran out of town on you. I think he’s a grade-A dirt bag.”

I know I need to go ahead and tell them everything that just happened with Cole. They’ll find out sooner rather than later.

“Actually, I saw him today and we talked. About Lucy.”

Everything goes dead silent. Avery, Mom and Daddy stare at me with shock.

“You finally told him,” Avery says.

“Is that why he’s back?” Mom asks. “You told him and he came back for Lucy?”

“No, not exactly,” I admit. “He came back to film some stuff for his company.”

“Of course,” Mom says, throwing her hands up as if this explains everything.

“What did he say?” Avery asks.

“He says he wants to be a father to Lucy,” I say, my eyes once again filling up with tears. “He said he wants to be a real father to her, to be here for her. He wants to get to know her, at whatever pace I feel is good for her.”

“That’s great news, sweetie,” Daddy says. “I’m glad he’s doing the right thing.”

“About time,” Mom snips.

“So he’s moving back to Morningside Valley?” Avery asks.

“No. Well, he didn’t say exactly.” Although I can’t imagine him wanting to live here again. He’s been pretty clear about how he feels about home.

“How can he be here for Lucy if he doesn’t even live here?” Avery asks. “Is he going to come here on weekends?”

“Or does he plan to take her to the city every weekend?” Mom asks.

“I…I don’t know,” I say, flustered. The thought of Cole taking Lucy away from me, even for one night, fills me with panic. “We haven’t worked it all out yet.”

“You better figure it out,” Mom says. “I don’t want him jerking my granddaughter around the way he did with you. Here one day, gone the next.”

“He won’t, Mom,” I say.

“You don’t know that,” she says.

“Give the guy a chance, at least,” Daddy says.

“With his track record,” Avery says, shaking her head. “Impossible.”

“Look, he finally knows the truth about Lucy,” I say. “And he’s going to meet her as her father. This is huge, guys. Huge for Lucy. I don’t have everything figured out yet but it’s a big step in the right direction. So just ease up for five minutes and let me enjoy this moment.”

No one says anything else, and for that I’m grateful.