Sex with Cole is as amazing as ever, just like before he left. Maybe even better. He does things to me that I’d never even imagined, never even thought of. He shows me how to use my body to please not just him but myself too. It’s incredible. Not to mention the raw, unexplained chemistry between us still burns as hot as a wild fire.

It’s just…afterward he’s always so quiet. And not just relaxing or falling asleep quiet. I can tell something more is going on in his head but he’s unreachable. Maybe he’s thinking about his father, or me or Lucy or his business—all totally normal things to worry or think about. But I don’t know which one, if any, occupies his mind. I never thought I could be so close to another person in body and spirit, but his mind seems to drift away from me.

When it comes to Lucy, though, he’s all in. He makes a point to see her every day. He took her on her first pony ride, holding her back carefully as the little pony walked gently around the ring. He even dressed her up in a pink cowgirl outfit, boots, hat and all. She went crazy for it.

Some evenings he comes over for dinner. Once he cooked—hot dogs, but they were really good. Lucy thought they were the best hot dogs she’d ever had, I suspect because Cole made them. It hasn’t taken long for them to become quite close. He adores her, watching her every move with a look of awe on his face. And Lucy is already seeking his approval in everything she does, from the picture she draws to the after-dinner movie she chooses. My heart is so full watching them together.

One thing we haven’t talked about is what comes next. We’re still taking it day by day, at least while he’s still working in town and staying at the hotel. He says he still has a few more days left of filming the PR documentary. I want to ask, “Then what?” but I don’t.

* * *

I'm with Lucy one afternoon, walking to the burger place that’s not far from our house. I spot Cole and the film crew, shooting. I wave hello, and he comes running over.

“Hey, girls,” he says, a big grin on his face. He scoops Lucy up, making her laugh. He tosses her in the sky and she’s beyond delighted. “What are you two up to?”

“Headed to get lunch,” I tell him. “Want to join us? We’re getting burgers.”

“At Rusty’s? That’s what we’re shooting now,” he says. “Exterior shot but I’ll go inside in a second.”

“Really? I didn’t know Rusty’s was a big spot for you.”

He says in a formal voice, “My father and I loved to get a burger after a long day’s work at the farm, especially on Saturdays. Milkshakes too.” He chuckles and rolls his eyes.

“I don’t get it,” I say.

“First of all, you think my father ever took me anywhere aside from the liquor store? Second, Rusty’s? Kid, I’ll take you to the city and show you what a real burger tastes like,” he tells Lucy.

“We like Rusty’s,” I say, miffed. “They’ve been here for years. Rusty’s son, Jimmy, runs it now that Rusty is up in years.”

“I go to this place called McGill’s that serves burgers as big as your head, and thick and juicy with fries that are extra crispy. How does that sound?” He asks Lucy.

“I want to go to Gills!” she says.

“Of course you do!” Cole says, and scoops her up in his arms.

“We’re going to Rusty’s,” I tell her. Her face scrunches like she’s just smelled something bad. Totally annoying, but I don’t say anything.

“Mr. Frost?” calls a woman I’ve seen before. She’s always wearing a headset and carrying a clipboard. Some production type person. “Sorry to interrupt.”

“That’s okay,” he says, turning to her, still holding Lucy. She’s got her arm draped around his neck so casually I could cry.

“Who’s this?” she asks.

“This here is Lucy,” Cole says with pride in his voice. “And her momma Jessa. Girls, this is Melissa, my producer.”

“Hello,” I say, and shake her hand when she offers it.

“So nice to meet you both. You two live here?”

“Born and raised,” I say.

“Mr. Frost, do you want to have them in a shot? Show the locals. You want to be in a movie, Miss Lucy?” she asks.

Lucy rests her head on Cole’s shoulder, suddenly shy.

“Nah, we’ll just stick to this other stuff,” Cole tells Melissa.

“Okay, we’ll get the family stuff out of the way and then move on to your high school,” she says. “We’re losing the good light so if you want to get moving?”

“Yep, I’ll be right there,” Cole says. He shrugs. “Guess I don’t have time for that burger after all.”

I feel tightening in my chest. I feel like we don’t really matter that much to him. Not compared to his work and his image. “We better go,” I say. “I still have to get back to work.”

“Boring!” he says to Lucy.

“Momma, you’re boring!”

“Yeah, Momma,” Cole agrees.

“Some of us have to work around here,” I say, reaching out for her. Cole passes her to me and set her down on the sidewalk.

“I’ll call you later, okay?” he says. “Let’s make plans.”

“We’d love that,” I say. “And Cole? Rusty’s is a really great place. Don’t belittle it.”

“I’m not,” he says, a bit defensively.

“I know,” I say quickly. “I know you’re used to places like McGill’s or whatever, but Rusty’s is a good, family-owned place. They’ve been here for decades.”

“Got it,” he says. “But I’m still going to take you both to a real burger place soon. Maybe this weekend.”

“Yeah,” I say. “Maybe.”

He ruffles Lucy’s hair, gives her a wink, and heads back to his crew.

I realize that he’s not hearing what I’m saying. He’s looking down on Morningside Valley in a subtle but mean way. Jimmy took over his daddy Rusty’s place about five years ago when Rusty had his stroke. He’s recovered but not completely, and Jimmy works overtime to keep the restaurant going just like his dad did. Sure, it may not be quite as good as when Rusty was in his prime, but it’s still good local meat, even if the patties are on the thin side.

“You like hanging out with Daddy?” I ask Lucy, the door chiming when we enter Rusty’s.

“Yep,” she says. “But when will he live with us?”

I don’t answer her because I don’t have an answer. Taking these days as they come, and nothing more. I know at some point, though, we’re going to have to truly face reality and figure out what we’re doing.

We sit at a booth by the window and I can see Cole and film crew move down the road a bit to shoot something else. If he’s really showing where he’s from and his family, wouldn't he want Lucy to be a part of that? She is a part of his story, after all. Not that I'm a hundred percent sure I’d want her on film, but still. I did notice that he didn’t introduce Lucy as his daughter. He just said I was her mother.

We’ve come a long way in a short time, but I know there’s still so much further to go.