CHAPTER 13
Once the tears started, Kristin couldn’t stop. It was like water bursting through a dam that had been stressed for a very long time. Once it was broken, everything had to flow out of her.
“Shhh . . . sweetheart. Tell me about it,” Julian said in a low, comforting voice next to her ear.
He was reclined back on the sofa, and holding her body against him. The respite she was getting while she was there felt like heaven. Julian’s strength was a welcome haven. Angrily, she swiped the tears from her cheeks with her fingers. “I was eight when she was diagnosed. Mom was forty-five, and she had the progressive type of MS. Every patient is different, experiences the disease in various ways, so it was hard to tell what would happen from day to day. One of the reasons I didn’t have all that many friends wasn’t just because I was bullied. I could handle the jerks in school. It was because I was home a lot. I always wanted to get there to make sure she was doing okay.”
“So you felt responsible for her when you were a kid?”
Kristin had never really thought about it, but she guessed she had feared that her mom might get sicker if she wasn’t there. “I suppose I did,” she answered, making herself comfortable between Julian’s legs and letting her back rest against his chest. “Back then, I didn’t really understand much except that she didn’t feel good most of the time. She had some occasional good days, but she struggled. She could walk, but she always had balance issues.”
His arms wrapped around her waist. “Then what happened?”
“As I grew up, things got worse and worse. The financial strain of Mom having a chronic illness was always difficult. I pretty much went to school and rushed home afterward. Dad had to get to Shamrock’s. We couldn’t afford much staff at the bar.”
Those years had been hard. No extracurricular activities, and no real involvement in anything outside of home and the classroom. Not that Kristin regretted spending those years with her mother. She loved her. But she had experienced moments over the years where she wished she wasn’t an only child, that she had a sibling or two to talk to about her fears. Her dad had always been so fearful and anxious that she’d never wanted to be anything but positive with him.
“So you were socially isolated?” he asked in a concerned tone.
“Yes. No. Maybe a little, but I probably didn’t have to be.” Kristin’s anxiety was her own. Her mom had been fatigued, and she had been having problems walking. But never did her mother tell her to stay home. Kristin made those decisions on her own.
“You decided you needed to take care of her,” Julian concluded. “Why am I not surprised?”
“She needed help,” Kristin defended.
“Maybe she did, sweetheart. But you didn’t need to take on that role when you were still a kid.”
“There wasn’t anyone else. And it doesn’t matter. I’m not a child anymore. I went to school to get a technical license and went to work.”
“In health care, of course,” Julian drawled.
“I actually happen to like taking care of people,” she replied indignantly.
“I’m not arguing that you have a kind heart, Scarlet. I’m just saying you haven’t had much of a life. I admire the fact that you’ve always been there for your parents. I wish I could say the same.”
“Your parents weren’t ill,” Kristin retorted.
“Still wish I would have thought about the fact that they weren’t going to be around forever,” he grumbled. “I was selfish. I thought everything was on hold while I was trying to get to the top of my field. My parents were my biggest supporters. I never knew they wouldn’t live to see my success.”
There was remorse in Julian’s voice, a true sadness that made Kristin’s chest ache. “I’m sorry. But there was no way you could have predicted what happened, Julian.” Her mom might use a walker now, and she might not always feel well, but at least her father had never once thought about walking away, and Kristin still had both of her parents. MS itself wasn’t fatal. It was her mother’s quality of life rather than longevity that was affected.
“Maybe not. But I’ll always regret how seldom I went to see my parents in the decade before they were murdered. One thing I’ve learned is to never take anything for granted anymore.” He heaved a masculine sigh, then changed the subject. “So you grew up fast? You were never quite allowed to be a kid? No wonder you feel guilty about having fun.”
“I don’t . . .” Her voice trailed off as she really thought about what Julian had said. There might be just a little truth to his statement. “Fun wasn’t really an option,” she admitted sadly. “I mean, it wasn’t horrible. It’s not like my parents were abusive or neglectful. It wasn’t their fault.”
“I didn’t say they were or that it was directly their doing that you feel that way, but you do feel like your life isn’t supposed to involve time to play,” he mused.
“Maybe I’m just boring,” she snapped, irritated by how close he was to the truth.
“Nope,” he muttered in a low baritone that vibrated against Kristin’s ear. “I’d say you’re always much too worried about everyone else except yourself. Your entire life is dedicated to other people’s welfare. But then, who takes care of you?”
She snorted. “I can take care of myself.”
“I have news for you, Scarlet, you’re not doing a very good job. I can tell you’re exhausted and stressed out. I’m willing to bet the only time you’ve drunk to excess was in Vegas.” He toyed with one of her curls playfully. “Why then? Why only when you were in Vegas?”
“Because it’s the only opportunity I’ve ever had,” she answered with a squeak.
“My sweet little liar,” he rumbled. “You did it for the same reason I did. I’m not a hard drinker, but I got more than a little plastered that night.”
“Then you tell me why we did it, Dr. Freud,” she answered sarcastically, knowing Julian had a theory.
“Because trying not to touch you is like trying not to fucking breathe,” he answered forcefully.
The heat in his tone made Kristin bite back a groan. Being here, being with him was both torture and bliss. “Being drunk made everything explainable,” she admitted painfully.
Julian moved so fast that Kristin could barely track his motion, and he had her pinned beneath him on the couch before she could even protest.
His chest was heaving, his eyes stormy and tumultuous as he answered, “We aren’t drunk anymore.” He grasped her wrists and pinned her hands to the sofa. “And I still feel it, Kristin. So do you.”
Her first instinct was to deny that she still felt some inexplicable pull toward Julian, but his raw honesty wouldn’t let her. “I’m afraid,” she finally said breathlessly.
His expression softened. “And you think I’m not? You think I like having my balls tied in a knot by a gorgeous redhead who makes me fucking insane?”
The “gorgeous redhead” part got to her, as did the thought of a superstar like Julian being confused about her. “I’m just a regular woman, Hotshot. Nothing special about me.” Not even remotely.
“You can never tell me that, because I won’t believe it,” Julian denied. “Do any damn thing you want to piss me off, but I’ll still want you, Kristin.”
Feeling raw and vulnerable, she told him tearfully, “I don’t understand what you want from me.”
“Everything and nothing,” he shot back. “I want you to give us a chance. I want you to admit that we have to explore this thing or go crazy. Give us three months together to actually have fun. Give somebody a chance to actually take care of you. I’ll take care of your parents forever. Your mom will never need something she can’t afford. I promise.”
Jesus! He’s the only man who could say something like that and make it sexy!
Kristin didn’t want somebody to take care of her.
Did she?
The more Julian asked, the better it sounded. For once, she wanted something greedily, selfishly. She wanted . . . him. Not because he offered to leave her wealthy, but because she wanted to, for once, feel like she was a priority.
“That isn’t the way my life works. It never has,” she panted out.
“Then change it,” Julian growled. “Nobody needs you right now but me, and maybe I’ll ask for everything, but I sure as hell will give it back.”
He would. Kristin knew he would. For whatever reason, Julian Sinclair was focused on winning her over. But what would happen after he did?
“Stop overthinking everything, Kristin. Just decide if you want to take a chance, do something just for yourself.” He loosened his grip on her wrists, but still held her in place with his body.
It was a challenge, and she knew it. But she couldn’t stop herself from responding. “Fine. I’ll do it. We’re already married. Three months. And then you end this,” she told him wildly, for once not thinking about the consequences.
Julian made her just that irritated, mad enough to take up any gauntlet that he threw down.
“Yeah. Then I will,” he agreed gutturally, as if he didn’t want to think about later.
Now that the bargain was struck, Kristin felt a moment of panic. “Let. Me. Up.”
He grinned down at her. “Scared?”
Hell yes, she was terrified. She’d made a deal with the most wicked male she knew, and one who posed the biggest threat to her sanity.
Julian backed off, allowing her to sit up.
She snorted. “Of course not. Three months will pass quickly.”
He just continued to smile, which made Kristin want to punch him.
“I love your optimism,” he answered, amused.
“I told you I’d make your life miserable. I will,” she threatened as she stood, needing some distance between her and the incredibly intoxicating, masculine scent of the hottest man in the universe. Even she couldn’t resist his ability to get under her skin, which in turn made her want to get him naked.
Did she have some kind of fetish for angry sex?
Foreplay.
She turned back once she was a safe distance from the couch. “I’m going to bed. I have to work tomorrow.” Maybe she’d do a few laps in his Olympic-sized bathtub to blow off steam.
“No you don’t. In fact, you need to pack,” he mentioned casually before she could walk away. “We’re taking a vacation. Sarah got a temp to cover you, and your dad just hired your mom a companion and assistant so he can spend some time with her without being her caregiver.”
Kristin was starting to see red . . . again. “What? I don’t think I heard you right.”
“You heard me just fine. We’re going to go away for a while. Someplace warm.”
Since they’d had their first major snow recently, she shivered at the thought of a warm tropical breeze and some downtime. What would that be like? “I can’t go anywhere. I have responsibilities here.”
“Not anymore,” he informed her. “And it’s not like we’re leaving for months. It’s a vacation.”
“Where?” Not that she was really going to go. But she was curious about what he had planned.
“Maui,” he informed her. “I have a place there. Call it business if you want. I should probably see how it’s going.”
Hawaii? Was he serious? “I can’t just leave,” she told him hotly, chewing her lip to keep from getting excited at the prospect of going somewhere she’d always wanted to go.
“We won’t. We’ll stop at your parents’ place in the morning to say good-bye.”
He was missing the point completely—which Kristin knew was intentional. She tried not to think about warm ocean water and tropical cocktails. “I can’t.”
“Start packing,” he shot back, completely ignoring her statement. “I’d like to get an early start. Your parents are thrilled that we’re actually going away on a honeymoon.”
Oh. God. “You told them?” she asked, her voice coming out as a surprised squeak.
He rose and moved to stand in front of her. “Of course. I talk to your dad almost every day. We have a business together. Certainly you didn’t want me to lie to them?”
“He never told me,” she answered, upset now that her dad hadn’t even mentioned that he talked to Julian.
“I asked him not to. If it helps, I just told him the day I was flying back to Amesport. I told him we got married in Vegas. That I finally realized that I wanted to see you every day for the rest of my life. Then I told him about Maui, but I told him I wanted to surprise you.”
“It doesn’t help,” she snapped. “And he didn’t ask why I hadn’t told him we were married?”
“Of course he did. But I told him we wanted to tell him and your mom when we were together,” he said with a serious expression on his face.
“No wonder you won an Oscar,” she retorted angrily. “They fell for that?”
“Completely. I can be very convincing.”
“I don’t doubt that,” she mumbled unhappily. “You’re leaving me no choice but to play along. You realize they’ll be sad to realize they aren’t having grandchildren in the near future.”
“Why? I can arrange that.” He raised a brow at her suggestively. “I do know how the process works.”
Kristin wanted to hurt him. If he didn’t have a huge gash on his forehead from saving her ass on the stairway, she probably would have. “Fine. I’ll go. But I want to go sightseeing. A lot.” If there was one thing Julian probably hated, it was being out in public.
“Me too. We can island hop if you want,” he answered with an agreeable smirk.
“And I want lots of cocktails with the little umbrellas. Oh, and snorkeling with the giant turtles. I want to do that, too.” If he thought she was going to just hang out on a beautiful beach with him and love it, he was mistaken. “I hate sunbathing.”
She’d be sunburned within minutes. With her fair complexion and red hair, she didn’t tan. She burned until she looked like a lobster.
“Me too,” he agreed. “Very boring unless you’re doing something fun.”
He was being so accommodating that it was nauseating. Funny, but she’d assumed a superstar like Julian would be happy lying on a beach somewhere. How hard was it going to be to truly think up things that he’d find tedious and annoying?
“Pearl Harbor memorial?” she tried desperately.
“Done. We’d have to hop to Oahu, but that’s not a problem.”
Was there anything she could say where he’d disagree?
She gave up. She’d have to think on how to make his life so miserable he’d divorce her. “Good night,” she said tightly.
He finally balked. “Wait. I’ll come up with you.” He grasped her hand to keep her from escaping.
Kristin looked up at him, noticing that his other hand was rubbing his forehead. “Are you okay? I’ll get you your meds.” He looked like his head was hurting.
“I took them upstairs. I’ll be fine. The only thing I really want is my wife,” he answered in a fatigued tone so genuine that Kristin couldn’t bring herself to argue.
Without saying another word, she led him to the elevator so she could get him upstairs without making his pain any worse, still annoyed with herself that Julian was so damn easy to forgive.