CHAPTER 19
Xander came home a day before Kristin and Julian’s big reception. Micah had brought his younger brother home, and Julian had planned to spend the day with Xander before attending the reception.
Kristin made it home from work before her husband got back from his brother’s house, hoping that the two would have a happy reunion. Since Julian wasn’t home yet, she’d seen it as a good sign.
However, judging by the look on Julian’s face when he did arrive home, it was fairly obvious that things hadn’t gone all that well on his visit to Xander’s house.
Julian didn’t say much as he walked into the kitchen from the garage. Kristin watched as he hung up his leather jacket and then tossed the keys on the counter.
“Everything go okay?” she asked curiously.
“He hates it here. He hates his house. He hates the snow. He basically fucking hates life right at the moment. He’s clean, but it won’t take him long to go right back to where he was before, because of his shitty attitude.”
As Julian turned to face her, Kristin couldn’t help but notice how defeated he looked. She reached for a beer in the refrigerator, screwed off the top, and handed it to Julian. He looked like he could use it. “I’m sorry. I know you were hoping he’d be better once he was dried out. But he still needs counseling.”
Julian nodded as he took a slug of the beer straight from the bottle. “I know. Micah and I will just have to keep an eye on him for now and see what happens. He doesn’t want to continue his counseling here.”
Kristin looked at his worried face, and her heart broke. If Xander wasn’t willing to continue to fight his battle with drugs and alcohol, nobody could help him. He had to at least want to stay clean. “Do you want to skip the reception?”
“Oh, hell no,” Julian answered with a grin. “I’m not missing my own party. Your parents put a lot of planning into this celebration. I still have plenty to be happy about,” he declared as he set his beer down on the counter. “Xander was invited. If he wants to show up, he will.”
“Are you angry with him?” Kristin asked, wondering how Julian really felt. Sometimes it was hard to tell.
He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned a hip against the cupboard. “Angry? Yeah, I guess I am. But probably more pissed off at myself than him. Before this happened, we drifted apart. Now I can’t get through to him. I don’t know what he’s thinking. Christ! I don’t know how he feels or what he’s not telling me. We used to be close when we were younger. Now he’s like a damn stranger to me, and he’s my fucking brother.”
The anguish in his voice ripped Kristin’s heart out. “You can’t understand him if he won’t reach out,” she told him sternly, hating Xander at that moment for putting his brothers through so much pain. “It’s his move. If he wants to get to know you again, if he wants your support, he needs to reach out after he’s pushed you and Micah out of his life. It sounds like he pushed anybody who loves him away.”
“There’s something wrong. Hell, I know he’s hurting, but I don’t understand why. He still has his talent, but he won’t touch an instrument. Anything he connected to the time before the murders happened, he doesn’t seem to want to remember. There’s more than just losing our parents. I wish to hell I knew what really happened that night.”
Kristin frowned. “What do you mean? Didn’t he tell you?”
“The basics. It was a home invasion. Mom and Dad died. They were both shot multiple times. But for some reason, Xander was not only shot, but he was stabbed and sliced all to hell. I’ve tried to ask him more, but he won’t talk about it, and I’ve never wanted to push him. It had to be a nightmare for him to be there when our parents died. The perp was shot and killed. The case was closed. But I think there was something else that fucked him up.”
Kristin couldn’t imagine anything worse than watching her parents die. But Julian was right. There was something weird about the fact that Xander had been sliced up. Robbers, even evil ones, went in to get what they wanted and leave as quickly as they could. “It is weird,” she contemplated aloud. “Maybe the robber ran out of bullets?”
Julian shrugged. “I suppose it’s possible. Maybe he was trying to make sure Xander was going to die so there were no witnesses.”
Really, there was only one person who knew everything that happened the night that Julian’s parents had died. After looking through all of Julian’s family photos and listening to stories, she knew that all of the brothers had loved their parents.
“Let’s go get dressed,” he insisted, holding out his hand.
Kristin grasped his extended palm and squeezed, wanting to somehow let Julian know that she understood his frustration and pain.
He squeezed her fingers in acknowledgment, his eyes flashing with unspoken gratitude before he turned and led her upstairs.
Kristin swore everyone in Amesport had gathered at the Youth Center for their reception. Although logically she knew the whole town wasn’t there, the place was so packed that it seemed as though every resident was in attendance.
“Dinner? Helloooo!” Mara Sinclair waved her hand in front of Kristin’s face to get her attention. “Kristin!” she finally shouted.
Pulling out of her own thoughts, Kristin finally looked at Mara. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear what you said.” She was busy looking at a figure dressed completely in black sitting in the corner of the ballroom of the Center by himself.
Xander?
Mara sighed and snagged another glass of champagne from a passing waiter. “I asked if you and Julian wanted to come over to our place for dinner next week. We haven’t done anything since you got back from Hawaii.”
“Let me know what day and I’ll check with Julian. I know he needs to fly to California for a couple of days to do a promotion for his movie,” Kristin answered distractedly. “Mara, do you know if that’s Xander sitting over there in the corner?”
Mara glanced over to where Kristin’s eyes were focused. “Yeah. That’s Xander. Jared just went over to talk to him a while ago. He said he didn’t have much to say.”
“He showed up,” Kristin answered with hope in her voice. “It’s a step in the right direction.”
“Yeah. I think everybody is a little confused about why,” Mara responded before she took a sip of her champagne.
“Julian is his brother. I’m not sure if he even knows our marriage is all a sham.”
“Is it?” Mara raised her brows as she stared at Kristin.
“Of course. I told you the truth,” Kristin said defensively. Since Mara was her best friend, there was very little that she didn’t share with her.
“You two were looking pretty much like the happy couple on the dance floor. And Julian does look amazing in a tuxedo,” Mara answered suspiciously.
“Almost any man looks good in a tux.” All of the Sinclairs had dressed up for the occasion, every male in formal dress, and the women were wearing cocktail dresses.
Mara looked stunning in a red dress that ended right above her knees, something Kristin’s friend would have never worn before she met Jared. Mara had blossomed into an attractive young businesswoman, but she was still the same person inside. Money hadn’t changed her one bit.
“Admit it. Being married to Julian is one of the best things that has ever happened to you. You look happy. You look relaxed and rested. And you look incredible. Love that dress, by the way,” Mara said, giving Kristin her don’t-bullshit-me tone.
It was yet another item that had magically shown up in Kristin’s closet, a gorgeous emerald-green dress that Julian swore matched her eyes. Yes, she’d gone through the trouble of carefully doing her makeup and hair, and even though the heels she was wearing were already killing her feet, she’d worn them because Julian thought she looked beautiful.
“The dress was all Julian. Probably something his assistant picked out.” She didn’t know how to answer Mara’s assessment, so she simply said, “You know this isn’t going to last, Mara. He’s been good for me, and what he’s done for my parents is something I can never repay. But the marriage is only temporary.”
“We’ll see,” Mara answered mysteriously.
Exasperated, Kristin looked over toward the group of Sinclair men and Jason Sutherland standing around together talking. Julian had gone to join them for a few minutes so he could talk to Micah, but they looked like they were all trying to bust each other’s balls right at the moment. She saw Grady say something and all of the men started to laugh. There was a lot of back-slapping and laughing going on in that circle of handsome men.
The wives were right behind her and Mara, all of them chatting at once and trying to catch up on what was happening in their lives.
She and Mara had stepped away for a moment of private conversation.
Kristin leaned in a little so she wasn’t overheard. “It’s temporary. Do you really think Julian is going to be happy here in Amesport? He’s lived most of his adult life in California.”
“I don’t see why not. He told Jared that he loves it here. Your parents certainly love him. The question is, do you love him?” Mara asked her quietly.
“Julian makes me crazy,” Kristin shared. “One minute I want to throttle him, and the next he’ll do something so outrageously sweet that I want to throw myself in his arms and beg him to kiss me or have sex with me right that moment, wherever we are. He’s a terrible cook, but he does everything else so well that I don’t give a damn. He’s obnoxious, but underneath all of his crap, he’s a really decent, considerate man. He’s probably the most complicated and confusing guy I’ve ever known. He never forgets the little things, and he always tells me I’m beautiful and special even though I’m . . . not.” By the time she was done explaining, Kristin was breathless, her heart racing as she considered Mara’s question.
“You are beautiful and special. You just don’t see it. You didn’t happen to mention whether you’re in love with him,” Mara prodded.
Kristin shook her head. “Probably because I don’t want to say it out loud. If I do, I’m screwed. But yeah, I think I might be falling in love with him. That’s a disaster, Mara. You know it is.” Tears welled up in her eyes, and Kristin had to blink them back. Her wedding reception wasn’t the place to be bawling her face off.
Mara put her arm around her lightly. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. It’s pretty damn obvious that Julian feels the same way. Even when he’s all the way across the room, he’s checking to see that you’re okay, that you’re still safe. He reminds me of Jared. Sinclair men are protective as hell when it comes to the women they care about, but they also encourage us in everything we do. Well, almost everything.”
As Mara stepped back so Kristin could accept the drink a waiter handed her, Kristin asked her curiously, “What doesn’t Jared support?” Jared Sinclair would literally walk through fire for his wife. Kristin had seen it time and time again in their relationship.
Mara grinned. “Since Micah joined the family here, all of the Sinclair women want to learn to skydive. Tessa has done it. She’s tandem jumped with Micah, and now she wants to qualify to go solo. Eventually, we all want to go. Micah already said he’d take us. We’ve gotten some kickback on that. None of our husbands are thrilled about the idea of us jumping out of an airplane, even if Micah is in control. But Tessa swears it’s one of the most incredible things she’s ever experienced. Now we all want to try it.”
“Oh man, that would be awesome,” Kristin agreed readily.
“Yep. But try convincing Julian you’d be safe. He’d freak.”
“He does some pretty crazy things. And he doesn’t control my life.”
Mara chuckled. “Neither does Jared. But when I see that terrified look on his face, I have a hard time pushing the issue.”
“Why?”
“Because I love him,” Mara readily replied. “Because I have the same fears. I hurt when he hurts, and just like him, I’d be totally destroyed if anything happened to cause him to get injured . . . or worse.”
Kristin saw her friend shudder, and she knew the “or worse” really meant getting dead. “Then when you come to an impasse, who has to give?”
Mara shrugged. “We work it out. Our love is stronger than fear.”
Kristin had to admit, she was envious of the relationship her best friend had with her husband. She’d never seen two people more in love. In fact, all of the Sinclairs had the same types of relationships with their spouses. Different personalities, but so much in love that nothing ever stood between them anymore. It seemed like the longer they were together, the stronger they were as couples.
“Julian is all wrong for me,” Kristin told Mara desperately as she stirred her mixed drink with a straw. “We’re completely different.”
“You’re rationalizing,” Mara cautioned. “Besides, I don’t think you’re that different where it really counts. And the superficial things don’t mean anything. So he’s rich and you’re not. So he likes chocolate ice cream and you happen to like vanilla—”
“We both like exactly the same flavor,” Kristin interrupted. “But you’re forgetting that he’s a famous superstar, and I’m a medical assistant.”
“Those things are just your professions, Kristin. Does it really matter? Julian is making a career change because he’s not completely happy with what he’s doing. Jared did the same thing. He wasn’t movie-star famous, but he gave up control of a very high-powered real-estate business to go back to doing what he loved: restoring historic homes. Luckily, he was wealthy enough to do what he wanted after so many years of trying to prove himself. Circumstances change. People change. What might have been important to Julian years ago might not matter to him now.”
Julian had basically said as much, but Kristin found it hard to believe he could walk away from megastardom that easily. Then again, she’d seen the hunted look on his face when he was being stalked by fans. And he seemed perfectly content, even happy, to be writing and creating a movie screenplay.
“We’ll see,” Kristin answered vaguely. “We still have a little time in the trial period before the divorce.”
“End the trial now,” Mara said urgently. “This is no good for either one of you. If it’s still there, it’s going to drive a wedge between you. You’re already doubting your marriage is for real.”
Kristin did feel that rift, the enormous fear that the temporary happiness she had with Julian would never be . . . real. “We made an agreement to wait.”
“You’re scared,” Mara accused.
No, she was freaking terrified. “Maybe I am.”
“Then cut the crap and get the temporary marriage off the table. Make it real.”
Make it real?
For Kristin, she was rather afraid things with Julian had always been far from artificial and fake.
Her thoughts were halted as she saw her mom and dad rolling out the wedding cake. It was enormous, and the cart they were wheeling looked like it was going to give with the strain of carrying several tiers of the decadent dessert.
People cheered and whistled, but what Kristin noticed was the reaction of the man in the corner all alone, his eyes glued on the enormous, gleaming knife in her father’s hand that brushed along Xander’s leather jacket as they moved past him to the center of the room with the wedding cake.
First, he looked panicked.
Then, he looked angry.
Finally, he got up and strode out of the room, a look of anguish on his face that Kristin couldn’t ignore.
“I’ll be back,” she told Mara hastily as she spoke into her friend’s ear so she could hear her, and then set her cocktail on a nearby table.
Kristin raced as fast as she could on her high heels, pushing on the door that Xander had just used to exit, seeing a flash of black as he turned into one of the teaching rooms.
She knew she hadn’t imagined his reaction, or the sense of terror he’d just experienced.
A knife. A big blade in a public gathering.
She stopped short at the doorway of the classroom, noticing that Xander had opened the window, even though it was below freezing outside. His shoulders were rising and falling, and she could hear his breath sawing in and out of his lungs as he stood braced against the window frame.
Moving slowly, she walked to his side and touched his back lightly. “Xander?”
“Don’t fucking touch me.” He whirled around as the guttural growl left his mouth.
Kristin felt her cheek explode with pain and her body immediately moved backward until she hit the wall on the other side of the room. The violent movement had been so intense that she slid down the wall in shock.
“Kristin?” Julian’s voice suddenly interrupted the silence. “Baby? Are you okay?”
Suddenly, Julian was there at her side, lifting her onto his lap. “What happened? Talk to me.”
“I-I’m okay,” she whispered, putting a hand to her face.
Julian looked up and saw his brother standing over them. “Did you fucking hurt her? Did you hit her?” he rasped to Xander.
“I did it,” Xander said flatly.
“I’ll fucking kill you. I don’t care if you’re my brother,” Julian bellowed, reaching up to grasp Xander’s ankle and yanking his feet out from under him. The quick action worked, and his younger brother toppled to the ground.
Kristin suddenly got her bearings and grabbed Julian’s arm. “Don’t. Please. It wasn’t his fault.”
She held tight to Julian, desperate not to see him do something he could never take back.
Xander looked at her, their eyes locking for a moment before he got up and strode out the door. In that short, unspoken exchange, Kristin knew she’d connected with Julian’s younger brother, if only briefly.
“What in the hell do you mean that it wasn’t his fault?” He was still cradling her body on the floor.
“I’m fine. Help me up.” It was going to be difficult to get out of his hold and into a standing position in heels and a dress.
He stood, still holding her tightly, then lowered her feet slowly to the floor. “Are you dizzy? You’re going to end up with a hell of a shiner tomorrow. Bastard! I still want to kill him.”
“Don’t, Julian,” Kristin begged. “You don’t understand.”
“Then fucking enlighten me before I go beat the living hell out of my brother.” He pulled out his phone and quickly called Dante, asking him if Sarah could come and meet them in the classroom to look at Kristin.
“Tell me,” he insisted once he’d hung up the phone, holding her hand while he seated her in one of the chairs.
Sarah and Dante arrived before she could say anything more, and her explanation had to wait.