Chapter 10

I end up at the train station, sitting on one of the benches as I wait for my soaked hair, my drenched coat and my flooded, squeaky shoes to dry, wiping the raindrops and the tears off my face with a handkerchief.

Why? Why did things have to end up like this?

A part of me is scolding myself for failing to hold my tongue again, for saying those things I said in anger and for leaving when I should have stayed for Lily’s sake. The thought of her being all alone weighs on my chest more than anything else. But another part is saying I made the right decision, that I was right to bake those meringue clouds to make a little girl happy, that I just spoke the truth that needed to be heard, no matter how painful, and that I needed to stand my ground and leave after all those hurtful things Ben said.

I’m torn. Once again, I’m lost. Once again, I’m brokenhearted.

Well, that’s what you get for falling for the wrong man so soon.

I know. I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t have let my emotions and my hormones get the better of me.

Wait. Did I tell Ben I’d fallen for him?

I clasp a hand over my mouth. I did, didn’t I?

Oh, fuck. My tongue should really have brakes. Now I don’t know if I can ever face him again.

Not that I’ll ever face him again. I’m pretty sure he’s glad to be rid of me, of a babysitter who couldn’t follow his orders and who told him all the things he didn’t want to hear. Yes, he might have a hard time finding someone new to take care of Lily, but I’m sure he will eventually. He’ll find someone to replace me and then forget all about me.

And I’ll never see him again or feel his touch again or hear his voice again or…

“Michelle?”

The voice quickly makes me turn my head, my breath catching as I see Ben standing there just a few feet away, a dripping umbrella in one hand.

“Ben?”

What is he doing here? Why did he come after me?

He stands in front of me, heaving a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness I found you.”

I look at him, still speechless, unable to believe that he’s in front of me.

“Look at you. You’re all wet. You must be freezing.” He takes off his coat to put it over my shoulders.

“I’m fine,” I tell him weakly, finding my voice.

He doesn’t hear me, tightly wrapping his coat around me. “You shouldn’t have wandered in the rain. You shouldn’t have left.”

“I…”

“I shouldn’t have let you leave.” Ben sits beside me.

I shake my head. “No. You were right. I am bad at following orders. That’s why I lost my job. Because I always felt I knew better. Because I never follow the same recipe more than twice. Because I always had to do things my way.”

He says nothing.

“Also, I was tactless. I shouldn’t have told you those things about Lily or told you how to be a father.”

“No. You were honest.” To my surprise, he places his hand over mine. “It didn’t take me long to realize you were only telling the truth, truth that I’ve been closing my eyes to for three years, truth that I’ve been running away from. But you see, that’s the thing with the truth, no matter how much you try to deny it or run away from it, you can’t change it or make it go away.”

I blink. Is he really saying what I think he’s saying?

“And it’s time to stop running,” Ben continues. “It’s time I stop thinking so much about what I’ve lost and think more about what I have left. I can only hope I’m not too late.”

He is sincere. I can feel his desire to be a better father, to be a better man. I can hear it in his voice. I can see it in his eyes.

“I’m sure you’re not,” I tell him, looking at him. “I’m sure that you’ll be an amazing father to Lily.”

“Well, I’m not.” He meets my gaze. “Will you help me?”

What?

“Will you come back to the apartment with me?” Ben clarifies. “I’m sorry if I was so… strict. I promise I’ll be more considerate.”

I glance at my suitcase, shrugging. “Well, it’s not like I really have anywhere else to go.”

I don’t even have money to board a train even though I am at the train station.

“And I’m sorry I threw away what you baked,” he adds. “To make amends, why don’t I help you bake next time?”

My eyes grow wide. “You’d help me bake?”

“Or maybe it should be the other way around,” Ben says as he scratches his chin. “After all, I have no clue about baking. Will you come back and teach me?”

I smile, all of my heartaches suddenly having disappeared, as if they’ve been washed away by the rain that is already stopping.

“The lessons won’t be free,” I tell him.

“Of course not. You are a professional, after all.”

“But I’ll be happy to give you a huge discount as long as you give me a ride home and buy me dinner along the way. I’m a bit hungry.”

Now that it’s all over, my appetite’s back, roaring as I realize I haven’t eaten since lunch.

Ben chuckles. “Of course.” He glances at his watch. “Maybe I’ll buy dinner for us all. Lily must be hungry, too.”

“Who’s watching her?” I ask curiously, the question having been at the back of my mind.

“I left her with a neighbor who also happens to be one of Gemma’s friends.” He stands up and turns to me. “Shall we head back? I’m sure Lily’s waiting.”

I nod, getting on my feet. My shoes are still wet and squeaky but I don’t care anymore.

“Let’s go.”

All of a sudden, I can’t wait to go back to the apartment.