Chapter 3

I find myself still thinking of the awkward conversation well into the next day as I’m fixing Lily’s room.

Why did I think that way? Why did I jump to such a conclusion?

Because it’s what you wanted to think. Because your thoughts reflect how you feel.

And clearly, I felt desire.

I want Ben.

I know I just broke up with Noah, but the truth is that the romance in our relationship died months ago. In fact, I don’t even remember the last time we had sex. With each day, I became more of his pastry chef than his girlfriend. When he’d had enough of me not following his instructions, he fired me, effectively ending our relationship at the same time. And to think that I helped him start his restaurant.

Asshole.

And why wouldn’t I want Ben when he’s so much hotter? Just looking at his arms makes me wish I was wrapped up in them, preferably on a bed. And his arms are not all I want to be wrapped up in.

I shake my head as I put one of Lily’s books back on her shelf. I mustn’t give in. I mean, am I really ready to be in another relationship? What do I even have to offer him? I have no job, no apartment. What if he kicks me out after I sleep with him because I make him feel uncomfortable? Where would I go then?

Most importantly, Gemma’s my friend, and Ben is her brother. She trusted me to take her place in order to keep an eye on Lily. Not Ben.

It’s Lily’s needs I should be taking care of.

I look at the clock on Lily’s shelf and see it’s almost bath time. It’s 4:53, and Gemma’s notes said she bathed Lily every day at five. And Ben did tell me to carry on with what Gemma was doing.

If he wasn’t such a stickler for rules, or too fussy about details, he would be perfect.

Wait. Am I thinking of him again?

Oh, get a hold of yourself, Michelle. Have a tighter rein on your thoughts and words, will you?

Right. I should be more mature, more responsible.

My resolve renewed, I go over to Lily in the corner and pick her up.

“Time for your bath, Lily.”

Immediately, she starts thrashing in my arms. “Lily don’t want a bath!”

“Why not?” I try to hang on to her.

“Don’t like bath! Too cold.”

“I’ll make sure the water’s just right.”

“Too much water.”

“I’ll make sure I put lots of bubbles in it. Bubbles are fun, aren’t they?”

“Soap gets in my eyes.”

“It won’t if you behave in the bath.”

“I don’t like baths!” she repeats, struggling even more.

Shit. Gemma didn’t say anything about Lily not liking baths. Or is she just acting like this because of me? What should I do?

I consider just carrying her to the bathroom and dumping her in the tub, never mind if she splashes around and gets me and the entire bathroom wet, but I don’t really want to do that. Should I bribe her? Threaten her? Wait for her to calm down? But what if she doesn’t calm down?

Think, Michelle, think.

“What if I join you in the tub, hmm?” I suggest. “Would you like that, Lily?”

To my relief, Lily stops fighting me then she turns her head to look at me. “We take a bath together?”

“Yes.” I nod.

“Okay.”

Thank goodness.

I prepare Lily’s things and the bath then strip down to my underwear and step into the tub.

“See,” I tell Lily as I immerse myself in the water. “The bath feels good.”

Lily gives me a puzzled look. “Why you wearing clothes?”

I look at my bra. “These aren’t clothes. They’re…”

“If you wear clothes, I wear mine, too.”

I sigh. Boy, this little girl can sure be difficult when she wants to be.

Now what? Should I just go naked? But what if Ben sees me?

I pick up my watch to look at the time. Well, it still is early. Yesterday, he came home around seven. And something tells me I’ll be in more trouble if Ben finds out I didn’t give Lily a bath.

“Fine.” I take off my bra and panties and quickly go back inside the tub. “Now, come in quickly.”

Lily approaches the tub, and I pick her up and put her in with me.

“See, everything’s fine.”

Lily seems fine now, too. In fact, she seems happy as she splashes around.

I hold up a finger. “No splashing, please.”

“Okay.”

I start washing her hair and then rinse it, being careful not to get any shampoo in her eyes. Afterward, I add some bubbles to the tub, and we start playing. Lily giggles as she tries to scoop the bubbles in her small hands. She blows on them, sending them drifting through the air like dandelion seeds.

I, too, laugh as I try to draw something on the tiles with bubbles. “Told you bubbles were fun.”

We must have been having too much fun, though, because we lost track of time. We didn’t even notice Ben coming home.

By the time I knew he was home, though, it was too late. Ben stood in the doorway, staring.

Shit. How long has he been standing there?

Then something more important occurs to me – I’m not wearing anything at all.

No wonder he’s staring.

Instinctively, I put one arm over my breasts and use the other to splash water on him.

“Out! Get out!”

He does, but I have a feeling the damage has already been done as I grip the edge of the tub, my chest heaving and my heart still pounding.

“You said no splashing,” Lily says, unaware of what’s just happened.

I look at her and sigh.

I really must be going out of my mind.