Chapter 5

Two Steps Back

Abby

Everything is a disaster. I glumly pace the garden with my arms crossed over my chest. My hair, which is still wet from my bath, is occasionally swept by the early morning breeze.

Less than an hour ago, I woke up in a dark room with my stomach churning and a splitting headache. I dashed to the bathroom to throw up and wash my face only to find that I was still wearing the coral gown I wore last night – well, sort of. It was still hanging around my waist though the bodice had come undone. As I put it back on in front of the mirror, my memories returned and I gripped the sink, gasping as I realized what I had done.

I slept with Grant.

I had sex with my boss.

The stickiness on my thighs and the sight of him still sleeping soundly on the bed I just got out of confirmed it.

Cursing silently, I ran back to my room to take a long shower. That helped relieve my headache and the sticky feeling. My thoughts remained muddled, though, and so here I am, hoping some fresh air and early sunlight will clear my mind.

All right. So I know what happened. The question is… how did it happen? How could I have allowed it to happen?

Fine. It’s because I drank too much last night. But I wouldn’t have done so if Grant hadn’t left me to be with another woman.

But he asked you if it was all right with you, didn’t he? And you said yes.

That’s because I didn’t want to sound selfish and needy. After that kiss, I was confused, especially when Grant acted like it was nothing. When he invited me to the party and told me to get all dolled up, I decided to take it as an opportunity to find out whether he was really interested in me. That’s why I took all the extra effort to look beautiful and why I managed to act confident. If I had asked Grant to stay with me, all that act would have been a waste.

Indeed, I wanted to find out how he felt, not tell him how to feel. And I did. At first, I thought he was interested in me. But I was wrong.

But he slept with you.

Because I asked him to. I don’t really remember what I said but I’m pretty sure I made the first move, the thought of which is enough to make me blush.

“Shit.”

“Let me guess,” a voice interrupts my thoughts. “You slept with Mr. Herbert.”

I turn my head, recognizing the guard. What did Grant say his name was again? Roger? I’ve been seeing him around but I haven’t really had the chance to talk to him again, not since that day I arrived.

“You should have kept that gate closed,” I tell him.

“He was that bad, huh?”

“No. It’s not that. He was…” I stop, letting my hands fall to my lap as Roger chuckles.

“I’m kidding,” he says. “I don’t really want to know the details.” He touches his dimpled chin. “I must say, though, you’re the first woman I’ve ever seen who looks miserable after sleeping with Grant.”

I sigh. “That’s because I shouldn’t have slept with him.”

“Why not?”

I slump on the bench, my hands rolling to my sides as I throw my head back and stare at the branches of the tree above me.

“Because I was drunk.”

“Not enough,” Roger says. “If you were that drunk, you wouldn’t have been able to sleep with him.”

Roger has a point.

“Because Grant doesn’t like me.”

Roger chuckles. “Believe me, Grant would never sleep with a woman he doesn’t like.”

I look at Roger with creased eyebrows. “You seem to know Grant well, don’t you?”

“Well, I’ve known him since he was in his youth,” he admits.

Really? Then he must have a good idea how Grant thinks and feels.

Wait. So, Grant likes me?

It doesn’t matter. I still shouldn’t have slept with him.

“He’s my boss.”

“Ah, that he is.”

“I’m not supposed to sleep with my boss.”

“Why not?” Roger sits on the other side of the bench.

I straighten up. “Well, because he’s my boss.”

“So? Bosses are men, too… and, more often than not, lonely men.”

“Fine.” I slap my hands on my lap. “Let’s just say I shouldn’t have slept with a man I barely knew. Or let’s say I shouldn’t have slept with a man. End of story.”

“You don’t like sleeping with men?” Roger gives me a weird look.

“Not that I swing the other way,” I clarify. “All I’m saying is that men are troublesome. I don’t need them in my life.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” I nod, sitting back.

“Fine. Let’s go with that. It’s done, though, so what are you going to do about it?”

I shrug. “Any suggestions?”

Roger shakes his head. “Don’t ask me. I’ve never slept with a man.”

I chuckle then sit up, stretching my arms upward. “Well, I guess there’s only one thing I can do.”

“Don’t tell me you’re leaving.”

There’s a suggestion – I could resign and go back to working for Mr. Landers. But, no. That seems too drastic. Besides, I kind of like my new job.

“I’m not leaving,” I tell Roger as I stand up, stretching my arms to the sides. “I guess I’ll just have to talk to Grant, tell him I’m sorry for how I behaved last night, and that it’s all a big mistake that won’t happen again. And that we should keep things professional between us from now on. Strictly business, you know. No more of the personal stuff.”

Right. That’s all I have to do and that’s exactly what I plan on doing as soon as Grant wakes up. It’s a simple solution to a simple problem, so simple I feel like a fool for not knowing it right away and for worrying about it too much.

I clasp my hands in front of me and take a deep breath, suddenly feeling much better.

I’m sure Grant will understand.