Antoinette felt her heart beating harder and faster as each silent second passed. He did not release her hand. She did not attempt to slip it away. She just enjoyed his touch and his company. There was something magical about just sitting there together, the two of them, thinking about what they had just said.

Finally, Duke Godwin lifted her hand to his lips once more and kissed her dainty fingers. “I enjoy your presence very much, but I am tired. I would like some time alone to repose, sleep, and recover a little.”

Antoinette nodded. In part, she was saddened. Those silent minutes holding his hand made her feel closer to him, more intimate, like she was getting to know him on a deeper level than mere words would allow. But in part she was relieved. After Duke Godwin's confession she found herself overflowing with all sorts of emotions, most of which were not appropriate to express in public.

Releasing his hand and standing, she smiled. “I shall see you shortly. Send for me if you need anything,” she said as politely as she could. Then, with a curtsy, she left the room.

In her own room, she collapsed on the bed and let out a squeal of delight into the pillow. Duke Godwin had promised her his eternal and unconditional love. And she had returned it. Of course, it was not a formal arrangement, as would be handled once he was well enough. But it was a step towards the marriage of her dreams, the marriage which would make her family happy.

Rolling over on her bed, she felt the usual doubts pouring in but dismissed them. It was too late for doubts and questions now. She would face those hurdles when she came to them. In the meantime, she was going to marry Duke Godwin. But who to tell first? Naturally, there was only one person who it would be right to tell yet.

She immediately wrote a letter to her mother. It was too soon to tell her friends, and her father could not know until Duke Godwin made his announcement. But her mother would be eager to find out and to discuss the matter with her. And besides, there was no realistic possibility that Antoinette would keep that secret all on her own for so long. She already felt as though she was about to burst.

“Dearest mother,

I have a secret I wish to share with you, and you must promise to yourself and to me that you will not tell a soul until the time is right. Duke Godwin has confessed to me his eternal and unconditional love, and sworn that he will ask father for my hand in marriage as soon as he is well enough. I have promised him my love in return.

I know that these promises are nothing formal, but I feel as though they have a certain purpose and direction. I needed to share my joy with you, so that it could double and we could rejoice together. But do not tell father yet, or you shall ruin the surprise.

Your daughter,

Antoinette.”

She knew that the letter may be intercepted and opened by someone else were she to send it by post or by messenger. And she knew that someone may read it if they found it. But she was more concerned about her father overhearing any conversations with her mother, and she trusted her mother to hide or dispose of the letter if necessary.

Once it was written, she put it aside to take home with her. Duke Godwin sent for her slightly before dinner time.

Now that she knew she was essentially betrothed to Duke Godwin, she felt much more relaxed around him. It brought her peace of mind to know that intimacy was no longer completely inappropriate. She could laugh more freely and allowed him to hold her hand for reassurance when he was feeling unwell.

As night fell, he asked her to stay a little longer. “Just for a few more hours,” he said.

Antoinette shook her head. “No, I must get to sleep.”

“Then stay and sleep here,” he insisted. “There are plenty of spare rooms.”

Antoinette shook her head again. “It is completely inappropriate, I cannot stay at your home unescorted.”

“You have all day,” Duke Godwin insisted again.

“But this is night. And if you will be like this then I may not be able to care for you tomorrow,” Antoinette said. She knew she was being a little cold, but she had to put her foot down. Otherwise, he would continue to push her limits until she could not reject anything.

Duke Godwin frowned a little but then nodded. “Very well. You are a dignified young lady,” he smiled.

It was late enough by the time she got home anyway. She barely had enough time to greet her mother and hand her the letter before going to her room, undressing for the night, and collapsing into a deep sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

* * *

Returning to Duke Godwin's house, she felt excited to be beginning another day caring for him. There was something deeply fulfilling about spending her time looking after the man who was going to be her husband. And today was promising to be a busy day. She made sure that the cook had brought him his breakfast and tea, then made her way around the house, ensuring that cleaning and other tasks were being handled properly. After all, it would be her duty to keep the servants in line when she was the Duchess.

It wasn't long before she heard a general commotion downstairs. The servants were arriving. Antoinette breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully, they would be able to handle whipping the house into shape, providing food and drinks, and the other matters which needed attending to, so that she could dedicate herself to providing company. Duke Godwin, however, had other ideas.

“Antoinette, please bring me something to eat,” he said.

“I thought the servants were here?” Antoinette replied.

“But they are busy setting up their rooms, and I am hungry now,” he insisted. “Please be so kind as to ask the cook for some food.”

Antoinette nodded and made her way downstairs. At least she would be getting plenty of exercise after walking all these stairs a few times a day. She relayed Duke Godwin's request to the cook, who seemed flustered but began assembling a platter nonetheless. Antoinette made her way back upstairs and smiled as she walked back into Duke Godwin's room.

“Cook says there will be a cold platter of meats, bread, and fruits available in a few minutes,” she said, feeling proud of herself.

Duke Godwin scowled a bit. “I don't mean to be a bother...but could you ask her to remove the fruit and add some cheese instead? I do not fancy sweet things, I would much prefer some cheese.”

Antoinette was admittedly a little frustrated, but Duke Godwin was a Duke, and ill, and she wished to impress him. So she curtsied and made her way back downstairs to pass on the message. Walking into the room she felt satisfied with a job well done. And then...

“I need tea. Hot tea,” he said. “I had one here but it has gone cold and I require a new pot. Could you ask cook to prepare it?”

Antoinette drew a deep breath. “Of course. I can bring the platter as well, I suppose.”

Duke Godwin nodded. “That is a fantastic idea, it ought to be ready by now.”

Walking back down the stairs, Antoinette contemplated how she was going to keep very fit and healthy so long as she took care of him. The cook had indeed assembled the platter, and once the teapot was full and steeping, they both made their way upstairs to Duke Godwin's room, where the meal was laid out on a tray which he balanced on his lap as he ate.

“Are you hungry at all?” he asked Antoinette.

Although she had had breakfast at home, Antoinette was beginning to work up an appetite from all that walking. And yet, she knew she would have to be the one going downstairs and collecting it. “No thank you,” she replied politely, hoping that when we were Duchess he would be a little less demanding of her.

As Duke Godwin ate, she sat beside him and chatted about her parents and her brother's ventures to India. But as soon as he was done, another request came.

“I am bored, read to me,” he said.

Antoinette was annoyed again. She had just been speaking to him, but apparently, she was not interesting enough. And that suggestion bothered her. As well as the idea that she was there purely as entertainment to him. And yet, she reminded herself, he was ill and needed care. And it was not as though he were sending her on errands again. She nodded and went to find a book.

Even with a house full of servants, Antoinette saw that delegation was simply not an option. Every time Duke Godwin needed tea, or food, he needed her to ensure the standard was right. Every time he needed company or entertainment, she was the only person qualified. Even picking the right book was not something which could be left to servants.

“However did you manage without me?” Antoinette said, only half in jest, as she sat down with the book.

Duke Godwin shrugged. “This is the first time I have been so badly indisposed. Ordinarily, I would manage the house myself. Keep an eye on the servants, ensure my standards are met, entertain myself. But as things stand, I must ask you for your assistance.”

Antoinette nodded. That made sense. She still felt she ought to be getting more credit for all she was doing, but she decided that perhaps the praise would arrive when he was feeling better. Besides, she was doing it for the sake of goodness. Acknowledgement would just be the cherry on top.

“I must hear some music. Do you play?” he asked as she opened the book.

Antoinette shook her head. “A little piano, but there is no piano in here.” For a split second, she wondered whether he would ask her to bring an entire piano into the room. Thankfully, he was not so delirious.

“Then sing to me,” he insisted. “I wish to hear you sing.”

Antoinette nodded. If it would make him happy, and possibly help him to recover better, then she would sing. It was only fair. She sang a few Christmas carols, a few hymns, and a few ditties before he seemed content. She was still irked when there was no acknowledgement of the efforts she was making. But once again she put it down to his illness.

She left the room and allowed him to nap a little. The break was welcome for her too. She had spent all morning devoted to him. And she knew that devotion was expected of a wife. But she was not his wife yet. And, regardless, she did not intend on being that sort of a wife. He had proven beyond all doubt that he was more than capable of taking care of himself. So he could continue to largely take care of himself, and she could continue to take care of herself. Of course, they would support one another. But this doting...it was temporary, she told herself, until he was well again.

She had intended on informing him of the temporary nature of her constant care when he was ready to see her again. She had even mentally prepared a small speech to recite to him. And yet, when the time arrived, he called her in and she could not bring herself to say it to him. He was ill. He was relying on her because he preferred her to his servants. And if she wanted him to think of her as a good candidate for a wife, then she would have to make an effort.

“I require more tea,” he said.

Antoinette nodded, “I shall go and ask the cook to prepare some more, like last time.”

He nodded back. “Yes, that last pot was perfect. I am an exacting man when it comes to my tea,” he said with a slight laugh.

Walking down to the kitchen again. Antoinette was beginning to feel everything getting on top of her. She knew what she had agreed to but...why was he so rude and demanding? The marriage was far from cast in stone, and he was already running rings around her. She was so concerned about losing him...but he showed no concern as to whether he could lose her. And this bothered her.

He had seemed so infatuated. So enthralled. And yet he was treating her like a servant, not a future wife. Had he not learned from last time that she was not yet his? No, he had not. Because last time it had been him who had walked away. As she carried the tea tray upstairs, the thought dawned on her that she had been catering to her suitors in more ways than just these errands for Duke Godwin. She had been running around after all of them, trying to impress them from day one.

And of course, as a woman seeking to marry up she needed to put her best foot forward. But to these men, she was a guaranteed option. They knew she would continue to see them so long as they continued to court her. They knew that she needed them to remain among her prospects until she were finally married. They knew that she needed them more than they needed her.

That was why they all behaved so oddly. That was why they were all so demanding. That was why they tried to push their luck. Because they saw her as a needy child, not a woman who could handle herself. And they were not wrong. She did need them, and her family did need them. But they didn't need to know that.

Antoinette resolved that she would carry herself with more dignity and control from now on, and find out which men actually saw her as an asset and which ones saw her as someone to exploit. Although she secretly hoped that nothing would change, especially now Duke Godwin had promised his love to her.