Antoinette's thoughts raced all night. This first excursion on her own was beginning to feel like a complete disaster to her. She had not considered it to be one at the time. At the time she had thought she was doing fairly well. She socialized, met a few new people, danced, and generally enjoyed herself. But as she lay awake in bed, pondering her mother's comment, all of a sudden Duke Godwin's reaction to her and Mr. Perry dancing made perfect sense. He was not being petty. He had been disgusted and offended by her spending so much time with an inappropriate suitor...

A chill ran down her spine. Or had he thought he had been rejected for Mr. Perry? Had he thought she was choosing someone else over him, at his own party? And perhaps that was why she had not seen him since?

Antoinette rolled over in her bed and buried her face in her pillow. What could she do now? She had to do something after all. But... what?

She tossed and turned all night, seeking an answer.

* * *

The next morning, overtired and still anxious, she at least felt a little closer to solving her situation. She had resolved that she could not possibly find an appropriate resolution, be it an apology, greater commitment to Duke Godwin, or indefinite separation from Mr. Perry, if she did not know Duke Godwin's true feelings on the subject. She would attempt to contact him directly at first, and speak candidly, face to face. But were he not available she would send a letter immediately. The sooner she began, the sooner everything would be resolved.

“Antoinette, you look just awful,” her mother said, a troubled expression on her face as Antoinette turned into the master bedroom.

She had made her greatest effort to conceal the dark circles under her eyes and to arrange her hair well, but she had to agree that even perfect makeup, a tighter corset, and a well-groomed mane could not make up for the signs of exhaustion.

“I suppose I do, mother. I shall rest as much as possible today.” Antoinette sat down at the corner table where her mother's breakfast was being prepared as the servants set her a place.

“I feared this might happen,” her mother continued. “After all, you were out for so long, and on your own, you must have completely worn yourself out. It does a young woman no good at all to spend so much time socializing.”

Antoinette nodded. Normally she would disagree that as a young woman she was unable to take even the slightest of stresses. But after last night... Perhaps her mother was right? Perhaps it was just too much for her to handle? Antoinette sighed.

“Nevertheless,” she said, “I shall still see Duke Godwin again soon. We did not see as much of one another as I had expected, and I would like to have a proper afternoon with him once again.”

Her mother nodded and smiled. “That sounds wonderful, honey, but don't put all your eggs in one basket.”

Antoinette nodded back. “I shall not.”

“So... what of your other suitors? Who do you wish to see again? Did any stand out?” her mother asked.

Antoinette was tempted to bring up the only man besides Duke Godwin who had stood out: Mr. Perry. But then she thought better of it. After all, he may stand out, but not in the way her mother meant, not like Duke Godwin. And mentioning him by name, after spending so much time with him last night, felt like she would be betraying Duke Godwin even more.

She shook her head. “Sorry, mother, none of them are as good a candidate as Duke Godwin.”

Her mother frowned a little and rubbed her chin. “Indeed, he is a very fine suitor. But we cannot commit too much to one man as of yet. We need to find you at least one other suitor who stands out.”

Antoinette nodded. “I will trust you to find another good man, although I doubt many men compare to Duke Godwin.”

“Indeed, I don't believe I have ever met a better marriage prospect for you than Duke Godwin,” her mother agreed.

Antoinette felt uncomfortable again. He was definitely the best prospect. And yet... she had insulted him. At his own ball, no less. Would she ever get him to forgive her?

She did not eat much over breakfast, instead of fretting over what to do next. She had to see him. That was the only possible solution. She was resolved to make amends with Duke Godwin.

“Mother,” she announced as the servants cleared the table, “I should like to visit Duke Godwin this morning.”

“So soon?” her mother asked. “Antoinette, we have barely just discussed this. You need some space between yourself and him, to maintain propriety.”

“That is not the case, mother. I believe it is possible that as I did not see much of him last night, he may believe I insulted him, or that I felt insulted by him, I must reassure him of my commitment,” she contested.

“Antoinette, you shall do no such thing. If he believes you are committing to him then you cannot see any further suitors. And with your prospects it is too soon to make such a rash decision.” Her mother shook her head.

“But you agreed with me that he is my best prospect. Why delay, then? Why not marry him?” Antoinette insisted, frustration in her voice.

“Because he is your best prospect as of now, not your only prospect, and not the best prospect in England,” her mother replied. “He may seem perfect right now, but marriage is for life. You need to make sure that you are making the right choice.”

“But what if he is insulted? What if I lose him as a prospect because of this?” Antoinette was growing angrier and angrier with her mother, so much so that it was hard to hold back.

“If he is the sort of man who loses interest in you after a ball, do you truly want to marry him?” her mother asked.

“Perhaps, I do not know,” Antoinette replied. “But I do know that I do not wish to rule him out right now.”

“Which is why you need your parents to help you make such decisions. Do you not recall the tale of Romeo and Juliet? We cannot make decisions about marriage and the future in the heat of love,” Lady Byrd explained, her tone rising despite her illness.

“I do not care for fairy tales right now, mother,” Antoinette replied. “I simply believe that I would do well to confirm that he is still interested in me, and to calm my doubts over last night.”

“And I believe that you are wrong. You need time and space away from Duke Godwin. Heaven knows your father and I love him too, but we must remain level-headed. It has not been enough time to make a choice yet.” Her mother's eyes glowed with passion and anger.

But rather than feel put off, Antoinette felt angry herself. She drew a deep breath. Challenging her mother would get her nowhere. She needed to find a compromise. “When shall I see him next?” she asked, as calmly as she could.

“After all you have just said? When your father has returned, and I am well enough, that we may both accompany you,” her mother replied. “I do not feel I can trust you in his company as things stand. Now, go and read a book, or practise some sewing.”

“But mother, I must see him?” Antoinette's voice rang with despair.

“And I forbid it. Now go, before I decide that you are too young and unfit to marry,” her mother insisted. Her voice was angry, but also weary.

Antoinette, angry though she was, did not intend to push her mother beyond her limits or hurt her. She curtsied. “Very well, mother. I hope you are feeling better soon.”

Lady Byrd shook her head a little, but said nothing as Antoinette left the room.

Antoinette knew she ought to obey her mother and just go and keep herself busy until the time was right to see Duke Godwin again. But she also knew that her mother was not aware of the whole truth. And if she were... would she not then agree that it was the best idea to address the situation with the Duke sooner, rather than later.

Antoinette pursed her lips. She would go and see him. She had sneaked out against her parents' wishes many times before. Or at least without requesting permission. But this was a little different. Her mother had expressly and explicitly forbidden it. And yet... she needed to go. Her mother would be more disappointed if a few hours of dancing lost her the opportunity to spend a lifetime with a Duke, surely?

Reassuring herself it would be fine, Antoinette fetched her cloak, gloves, and a bonnet, and called the driver to the front door. She knew she did not need to be too secretive. Only one servant knew she had been forbidden to leave, and that maid was still in her mother's room. And there was nobody of any authority about the house. She knew that if she moved swiftly enough she could boldly walk out the front door. And, from the many times she had gone on her own little adventures, she knew that confidence was the key. So long as she carried herself as someone who was doing the right thing, nobody would question her actions.

As expected, getting out and the coach ride down to the manor was as easy as if she had been granted permission. All she had to do was talk to Duke Godwin and make sure he knew that Mr. Perry's relationship to her was strictly that of a friend of the family.

And yet the Duke was not there. She was surprised to find instead Duke Haskett and Mary at the mansion. Antoinette blinked and stared at her cousin and the Duke.

“Is everything well?” Mary asked. “You look a little troubled. Sit down, someone will get you a cup of tea.”

“I am well, it's just that... is this not Duke Godwin's house?” Antoinette asked.

“One of, yes,” Duke Haskett replied, “but Alex and I enjoy holidaying at one another's properties. Bit of variety, don't you know? And after seeing the renovations he has completed here, I wished to see it in all its splendor, without the crowds of people in it.”

Antoinette nodded sharply. “So I suppose Duke Godwin is not here?” she asked, striving to hide her disappointment.

“Did you not come to visit me, then?” Mary asked with a slight blush.

“Not really. I am very glad to see you, though,” Antoinette added.

Mary smiled. “Oh, good, then you will stay for the tour of the mansion and some tea?”

Antoinette nodded, sitting down beside her cousin. “Absolutely. After all, just because Duke Godwin is not here doesn't mean I had anything else to do at home. What with father still away and mother being ill.”

“Oh, I completely forgot about that,” Mary said with slight dismay. “Is she doing any better?”

Antoinette nodded. “Just influenza, and she looks like she will recover soon. But for now she has been prescribed bed rest.”

Mary shook her head. “And I suppose the news this morning must have shocked her too. It's not what anyone wants to hear when they are recovering. How are you handling it?”

Antoinette put her head to one side. “I am terribly sorry, but you've lost me. What news?”

“Have you not heard? Your sister, Cecilia, is completely out of control,” Mary said with slight shock in her voice. She glanced up at Duke Haskett who shook his head.

“I am family now also,” he reminded her, “and I know enough about it.”

Mary nodded. “Just so long as Antoinette is comfortable talking about this matter with you present,” she replied.

Antoinette leaned in a little. “What has happened to Cecilia? This is the first I have heard that anything is wrong.”

“I suppose your mother may not have told you. We received news this morning from my parents,” Mary explained, “and they have known at least a few days. I believe your mother has known for a week, more or less, and that your father knows also.”

“Then father's trip...” Antoinette began with a gasp. “Is he with her now?”

Mary nodded. “He is. I'm so sorry, I thought you knew.”

Antoinette shook her head. “Surely it cannot be so bad...” she began.

Mary sighed. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but... she is not acting as a married woman should. She has been defying her husband, shouting at him in public, refusing to entertain guests, and having... dramatic episodes. And at this time of year, too.” She shook her head as the tea arrived, and waited until it had been served and the servant had left before she continued. “I hear that the children are at least properly cared for. But your father is attempting to get to the bottom of this situation. She needs help.”

Antoinette pursed her lips and nodded. “Is there... any idea as to what caused this situation?” she asked, hesitantly.

“She just says she is... unhappy with her marriage,” Mary whispered.

Antoinette shook her head and laughed a little. “Surely not? I mean... John was a perfect match for her. In every way. And they have been so happy together over the years...”

“I am just saying what I have heard,” Mary explained.

Antoinette could not raise her eyes. Thoughts were racing through her mind at a thousand miles an hour. “I... I have to talk to mother about this. Sorry, I cannot stay for tea,” she said, “but this... I need to know what is happening.”

Mary nodded, looking a little disappointed. “I understand. Please visit again, though, we are here all week.”

Antoinette nodded and went to ask a servant about her cloak and bonnet. She was not sure what to do with this news. Her sister had been her blueprint for an ideal marriage, second only to her parents. But if all that had been a lie, then... what was an ideal marriage? How long had Cecilia been unhappy? Was she unhappy when they had last met? She had presented such a beautiful image of a wife and mother and yet... perhaps it had been false? What if her parents' marriage was false also?

The coach ride home left her feeling unsure about asking her mother. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that they had probably withheld the information for a reason. On the one hand, she wanted to know. But, on the other hand, she knew that even asking could potentially get her in trouble.

Walking back in and realizing that nobody leaped to bring her to her mother, she knew her absence had gone unnoticed. So how could she possibly confront her mother? She would hear about this when the time came.

And yet... she still needed answers.

Antoinette made her way to her room, collapsed onto her bed and began to cry. It was all lies. All of it. There was no such thing as a happy marriage—no such thing as a good partnership. However much she and Duke Godwin desired one another, eventually they would end up like Cecilia and John, or her parents.