Taking her daughter aside, Lady Byrd hugged her closely. “I am so sorry that happened,” she said. “If I had known...” She shook her head. “Men can be a little bit temperamental when it comes to love.”

“It was not Duke Godwin's fault,” Antoinette began. “Sir Dodge, he...”

“Did he start the fight?” Lady Byrd asked.

“He seemed intoxicated. He was asking Duke Godwin to duel,” she added, furrowing her brow in confusion.

“I should have guessed,” her mother replied with a sigh. “We have all been learning much about him lately. I did not wish to tell you and ruin Christmas, but there is a reason why he has not been around these past few days.”

Antoinette paused, looked away a moment, then looked back to her mother. “You mean to say that... Duke Godwin was saying that Sir Dodge has been stealing to make it look like he is wealthier than he is.”

“We know,” Lady Byrd replied. “In fact, he had not even been invited. We do not know how he got in.” She shook her head. “All that matters is that you are well. Are you well?”

“I believe so. It is simply hard to believe that something like that can happen in our own home...”

Lady Byrd hugged Antoinette again. “Do you want to go back out? Dance some more?”

Antoinette shook her head. “Sorry... I... I would like a little space.”

Lady Byrd smiled understandingly. “You wait here. I will bring you a glass of wine.”

As Antoinette waited for her mother to return, she could still feel her heart thumping hard against her rib cage. It was too much. It was all just too much. She had not been raised around rough and tumble boys, let alone brutish fighting. And even the mention of a duel had made her blood run cold. Duke Godwin had been a gentleman and acted in a civilized manner, even when provoked, which had brought her some comfort. And yet... it was not enough to ease her frazzled nerves.

She was so on edge that when she heard a man's footsteps approaching she leapt to her feet. But it was only Mr. Perry. Letting out a deep sigh she collapsed back into the chair.

“Are you well?” he asked gingerly. “What happened out there seems to have bothered you...”

“Oh no, it's only two men trying to kill one another over which of them I ought to marry, it really was nothing,” she replied, rubbing her temples with her fingertips.

Mr. Perry sat down on the arm of the chair. “Men sometimes do such things. We can be hot-blooded at times.”

Antoinette looked up at Mr. Perry and smiled. “I have a hard time believing you would act in such a brutish manner.”

He shrugged. “Do I seem so weak and passive to you?”

“You seem civilized,” she replied.

“Even a civilized man will act brutish when he is defending the woman he loves, or his children,” Mr. Perry countered.

“I suppose. But that out there was just... completely and utterly unwarranted.”

“I suppose it was a bit over the top. Duke Godwin may have been acting like the bigger man, but a blind man on a galloping horse could have seen he was trying to get Sir Dodge worked up.”

“I suspected as much also. But why would he do that?” Antoinette asked.

“So he could have an opportunity to look good in front of you,” Mr. Perry replied. “Mark my words, he will propose before the week is out. Probably tonight.”

Once again Antoinette had mixed feelings about this. It was good news, of course. But it was also not at all what she wanted. What she wanted was not possible.

Hearing her mother's footsteps returning made her realize that they had been staring into each other's eyes. Breaking the gaze she felt her face grow hot. She peeked at him out of the corner of her eye and saw he too was blushing brightly.

Lady Byrd walked into the room carrying two glasses of wine and looked from Antoinette to Mr. Perry and back to Antoinette again. Antoinette smiled. “Thank you for the wine. Mr. Perry was concerned that I might be in a state of shock.”

Lady Byrd smiled gently. “I understand. Would you like the other glass, Mr. Perry?” she offered.

He shook his head and stood up, looking around nervously. “I must get back to Lucy. I shall tell everyone that Antoinette is well and they must continue to enjoy the party in her absence.”

As he left the room, Lady Byrd passed Antoinette her glass. “Be careful, Antoinette,” Lady Byrd said, sipping her own wine. “Be careful who you entertain. It's not always the usual suspects who will hurt you, or the expected ways you will be hurt.”

“I know, mother,” Antoinette replied, feeling her heart ache.

* * *

After the ball Antoinette was still struggling with her thoughts and feelings for Mr. Perry. It was wrong. She knew it was wrong. And yet she was doing it anyway. She wanted to spend every possible second by his side. Even if they could never again meet in private. Even if she could never marry him, or feel his skin and lips on hers. Even if they would remain forever friends. She had to spend time with him. All the company in the world would not make up for his absence, and she could abstain from all other company as long as he was present.

Watching the servants tidying the room, she realized how transient everything was. The ball and the fight, which had appeared so recent, were swept up and dismissed along with the streamers and glasses. Yet Mr. Perry was embedded in her heart so deeply that even though their last midnight rendezvous was weeks ago, it felt as fresh as if it had just happened. And that was a good thing too, because perhaps after tonight she would never have a chance to sneak away and see him again.

Lady Byrd weaved among the servants as they cleaned, walking up to where Antoinette was sitting. “What are you doing here?” she asked. “The ball ended an hour ago. I thought you would be in bed.”

Antoinette shook her head. “I could not possibly sleep after tonight. But I did not wish to be alone, so I decided to watch the servants clean.

Lady Byrd sighed a little. “Antoinette... these things happen. Not often, but they do happen. You must learn to overcome life's inconveniences and go on to be happy in spite of them.”

“I am trying,” she replied.

“At any rate, it is good that you are not yet in bed, we have something important to discuss. Come this way.” Lady Byrd beckoned.

Antoinette stood up reluctantly and followed her mother. She had a feeling she knew what it would be about, but her suspicions were confirmed when, upon entering the room, she saw her father and Duke Godwin talking. Mr. Perry was right. Mr. Perry was often right.

“Hello Antoinette, come here,” her father said, beckoning her. “Duke Godwin and I have had a conversation and, provided you are happy, we have an important decision to make.”

“I have given this much thought and... Antoinette, would you like to marry me?” Duke Godwin said, locking eyes with her.

Antoinette wished she had been asked back when she was still caring for him, back when she still had hope that marrying him would do her good. When he had first suggested marriage back then, she had been excited. Now she tried to emulate that excitement by smiling and embracing her father, but it was all a show. She then turned to face Duke Godwin and forced out a smile.

“Yes, I would,” she replied. But this time, unlike when he was ill, her heart did not leap. She did not feel euphoric. She felt... nothing.

He did not notice. She saw his eyes light up as she accepted his proposal. He took her hands in his and squeezed them. “I am so glad! I had never thought I would meet the perfect woman to be my wife. Why... if I had been told even a year ago that I would be standing before my fiancée today, I would not have believed it. I promise to make you the happiest woman alive.”

Antoinette still smiled. “And I promise to make you the happiest man I can.”

“But what am I doing?” Duke Godwin said, releasing her hands. “I must begin to make arrangements. Perhaps we can marry before Christmas... or between Christmas and the New Year? Yes, let's have a festive wedding and make the most of the fact that all our loved ones shall be gathering. We must meet early tomorrow. I shall bring my plans.”

Antoinette just smiled as he excitedly told her of various ideas he had for the wedding. It didn't matter to her. It was not her wedding. It was not for her. It was for him, and his family, and her family. He could have whatever he wanted. Letting him have whatever he wanted would be good practise for how she would need to treat him for the rest of his life. And not having what her heart truly desired would be good practise for the rest of hers.

She wanted to talk to someone about all of this, but the one person she could trust with such matters was the very person she could never, ever tell about her feelings. After all, he already knew. Mr. Perry knew full well how much she loved him. And he held at least some affections for her also. And it could never be. Even talking about it would just make them both unhappy.

* * *

Getting up bright and early the next morning, Antoinette felt that the bright sunshine streaming in through the window did not truly reflect the existential dread she felt upon contemplating a day of wedding planning with Duke Godwin. But she had to put on a brave face and go ahead with it. Perhaps with practise it would get easier to give in to him continually...

He arrived in time for breakfast. Everyone around the table seemed to be having a wonderful time. Duke Godwin was over the moon, discussing the venue for the wedding, and where would be best for Antoinette to get fitted for a dress. Her parents seemed pleased to be in his company once again. Antoinette forced herself to smile as much as possible, all the while wondering what Mr. Perry would choose for a wedding.

After breakfast she was encouraged to go for a walk around the garden with Duke Godwin, supervised from the windows by her mother.

“I would love to but it is a little cold...” she said, wondering if she could possibly persuade them enough that she could avoid his company entirely. At least until she had mentally prepared herself for what was going to happen, and dismissed her feelings for Mr. Perry.

“Nonsense, the weather is lovely for this time of year,” Duke Godwin insisted. “Please, come and walk with me. We have so much to discuss.”

Antoinette took her time finding her cloak and shoes. She could only delay the inevitable. As she slipped her fingers around Duke Godwin's strong arm, she remembered the times when she had touched Mr. Perry's leaner, thinner arms. At the time she had not enjoyed it, but simply looking back was enough to give her butterflies now.

“It is a shame there are no flowers,” Duke Godwin remarked as they walked down the garden. “Flowers are a wonderful source of inspiration for weddings, do you not think?”

“They are. What flower would you use for our wedding?”

“Hmm, I suppose a lily,” he replied with very little hesitation. “And yourself?”

“Gorse,” she said without thinking.

Fortunately for her, Duke Godwin simply laughed. “You have a lovely sense of humour, Antoinette. Now, I would say that pink lilies are a good start, as they favour your complexion. Of course even the nicest and most well-kept greenhouses will not have lilies this time of year, but I am sure that an acquaintance of mine can order us some cloth and wax lilies which are almost like the real thing. As for your dress... a lily is a nice shape to base that on as well...”

Again, Antoinette began nodding. Duke Godwin really did live in his own little world... He was not taking her remarks seriously, or even giving her much time to formulate thoughts and opinions. Which was just as well, seeing as he would probably reject them outright anyway. It would be a waste of time for her to attempt to make a decision about the wedding. He had his own plan.

For someone who was apparently so disinterested in marriage, he sure had given a lot of thought to his dream wedding...