Before doing anything too rash, she decided to consult with her mother. She knew that she would need to take her mother's advice with a little caution, of course, especially after the earlier misunderstandings. But she also knew that her mother had much greater experience with social situations than she did, and that her mother would perhaps understand Duke Godwin a little better.

Sitting at the dinner table, Antoinette explained all the hard work she had been putting in for Duke Godwin. “I am sure you understand,” she concluded, glancing at her mother.

Lady Byrd nodded. “I do, I understand very well. And it is only natural to desire a little acknowledgement, of course. But you must also understand that he is in a position where those demands are normal, and need to be met. And sometimes a wife and mother does not get the acknowledgement she wants.”

“I simply...why is he being so rude?” Antoinette asked. “I could do it all so easily, even unacknowledged, if only he were a little politer.”

“Is he genuinely rude, or are you just saying so because he is acting like a Duke?” Lady Byrd replied.

Antoinette paused. “I think he is rude. He never says please, he is continually fussing over this and that, and he demands that everything be a certain way. I am doing all I can to please him and all he does is ask me to do more.”

Lady Byrd sighed and shook her head. “Antoinette...men are strange and fickle beasts. You know that they will lie to you, that they wish to touch you. And now comes an equally important lesson: men are the softest hardened creatures on the planet,” she explained with a sagely nod.

“Are they really that bad?” Antoinette asked.

“Of course they are. That is why women exist. Because men like to think of themselves as big and strong and important. But as soon as they get even a little bit ill they become bitter about having to lean on anyone. They crave their independence,” Lady Byrd shook her head again with a smile. “When their independence is threatened men can act in most peculiar ways to assert themselves. And one of those ways is by being demanding. It comforts them that they are still great and powerful. And when we play along, we show them love and understanding.”

“But what about when I require love and understanding?” Antoinette said before she could stop herself.

“You will receive it when your work is done,” her mother reassured her. “Now, it is time for you to get some rest. You have another busy day tomorrow.”

Her father, who had remained oddly silent, muttered a soft “goodnight” to her as she stood up and left for bed. She found this peculiar, but she was too tired to question it.

With her mother's explanation, Antoinette felt better equipped to handle Duke Godwin. But first...first she needed to get some rest.

* * *

The next day, bright and early, the remaining servants arrived. Antoinette was a little surprised by the contrast between how the house had been for Duke Haskett and Mary, and how it was now that Duke Godwin intended to stay a while. It was active as a beehive, with servants milling around every hallway and room. Whereas before Antoinette had felt like she was all alone in a great world within those walls, now she felt like an intruder in a new land. All around her servants rushed attending to their business, and she could barely make sense of what they were doing, much less oversee or direct it.

However Duke Godwin seemed satisfied with how things were running, and finally, Antoinette could afford to relax a little and focus on talking, singing, and reading to him. This put her mind at ease. Of course ordinarily, he was a demanding man. But he had an entire army to wait on him. And when she married him, she would too. If it ever became too much, there were dozens of servants to take over.

As the next two days passed, she still felt worn out upon returning home, but satisfied. It was much different to wait on someone emotionally than physically. No more running up and down stairs, which of course spared her energy. But reading and conversing was almost equally as draining when it was done for a purpose.

Despite her affections for Duke Godwin, she was glad when her cousins returned.

Duke Haskett immediately moved upstairs to talk to Duke Godwin, seeming as though he had important news. Antoinette was curious and excited, but she did not get the opportunity to overhear the conversation. Mary seemed glad to see her too, and quickly swept her away to talk about something. Something important.

“Congratulations!” Mary exclaimed.

Antoinette put her head to one side. “For what?” she asked.

“Why your...not quite engagement to Duke Godwin. Your mother told me that he has declared his love to you...and hinted that there may be...a proposal...” Mary's excitement slowly trailed off as she saw the rage on Antoinette's expression.

“I cannot believe that she told you,” Antoinette replied between her teeth. “What if someone else had found out? Or come to visit and had seen us together? What impression would that give? I will have to tell her to be less loose with my secrets in the future...”

Mary nodded. “I know, but I am so glad that she did. Any more reservations?”

Antoinette shrugged. “I do not think so...” She felt the doubts nagging at her again. The same doubts which she had dismissed when Duke Godwin had first confessed his love to her.

“That sounds as though you may have reservations,” Mary observed.

Antoinette nodded reluctantly. “I suppose that Sir Dodge had a greater potential to make me personally happy, but Duke Godwin is the best choice by miles,” Antoinette insisted.

“What do you mean when you say he has more potential to make you happy?” Mary asked.

Antoinette shook her head. “What is decided is decided, I should not start asking myself such questions now. You know how indecisive I am. I would not be able to cope.”

“But your indecisiveness is a part of who you are, and it helps you to think things through clearly and overcome situations when choices are not obvious. And perhaps, if you have to fight it, then something isn't right,” Mary insisted.

Antoinette paused. Mary had a point. Normally when giving advice to someone else the first thing Antoinette would do was consider every possible situation and outcome, to make sure that her advice would have a happy ending. But she was not doing this for herself. She was treating her own life the way she treated advice: by considering how it would affect other people. But she had not considered how it would affect her. She drew a deep breath.

“Duke Godwin, kind and brave and noble though he may be, is a little...restrictive for my liking,” she confessed. “I like the thought of traveling, of seeing new and interesting things, of studying...But he is very traditional when it comes to what he expects of a woman. He wants her to be modest, and quiet, and leave the travel and learning to the men.”

Mary shook her head a little. “Well, that does not sound like you.”

“It isn't me. And Sir Dodge...I cannot marry him because he is not able to support my family. After all the trouble my sister is going through, and how much my parents are working to keep her and her husband supported, we are going to need that financial help,” Antoinette continued. “But he would give me freedom. Sir Dodge's love for me is more romantic, more relaxed, and he would gladly travel with me and support me in my pursuits. He is younger, more creative, less traditional, and I would enjoy that very much.”

As Mary listened, an odd expression overcame her face. “I do believe I have made a mistake in suggesting that you ought to stay with Duke Godwin,” she finally said.

Antoinette shook her head. “Whatever do you mean?”

Mary hesitated. “I am not sure I ought to continue. I understand what you meant when you said that Duke Godwin was more in your family's interests.”

“No,” Antoinette insisted. “I need to know what you were about to tell me. I need to hear it.”

Mary nodded. “I want you to be happy and successful. And part of your success is being true to yourself. And if Duke Godwin were to interfere with your rebellious streak then he would stop you from being you. You would just become another case study for your sister's theories.”

Antoinette was shocked at such bluntness from Mary. Mary who was usually so polite, quiet, reserved...She had a strong opinion on this, and Antoinette believed that strong opinions usually formed around a firm truth. And it was true. To marry Duke Godwin would mean to sacrifice an element of who she was. And yet...

“I must,” she replied. “I must marry Duke Godwin because to give up on my family would mean to sacrifice a greater aspect of my identity. Sir Dodge may offer me freedom, but he is also young, spoilt, and lacking in self-control. He is not yet ready for marriage, even though he believes he is. All he thinks about is himself, and I have no doubt that were I to marry him I would find myself in my sister's predicament, being a burden on my parents.”

Mary hesitated. “But what does your heart tell you?”

“My heart tells me that Duke Godwin is a good man,” Antoinette said without hesitation. But as soon as she said it, someone else came to mind. Someone who should not come to mind at all. Mr. Perry. Why, at a time like this, did he invade her thoughts? She thought she had processed this and concluded that he was a terrible option for her in every sense. But her heart...her heart said. “I love him,” she muttered before she could stop herself.

“I suppose, if you truly love him, then all is well,” Mary replied with a sigh and a smile. “You worried me, though, for a minute.”

Antoinette breathed a slight sigh of relief also. Mary was none the wiser, she had assumed Antoinette was still talking about Duke Godwin. But Antoinette herself now had to wrestle with the knowledge that even at times like these, Mr. Perry was still on her mind.

“Come, let us see what Christopher and Duke Godwin are talking of in our absence,” Mary said, beginning to leave the room.

Antoinette nodded, forced out a smile, and followed. Perhaps talking to Duke Godwin would remind her of why he was important to her, and help her forget Mr. Perry?

The men were upstairs, still talking about something or other in low voices and laughing quietly. As soon as the two cousins stepped into the room, the men fell silent, smiling conspiratorial smiles.

“What is happening here?” Antoinette asked. “The foundation of a secret society perhaps?”

Duke Haskett shrugged. “I am merely engaging in a little light banter with a friend. Unless you have already decided to become the sort of wife who controls who her husband gets to see and when. Which is a shame, because that sort of behaviour does not suit you at all.”

“Husband?” Antoinette asked. “Is there anyone in all of the country who does not already know?”

Duke Godwin chuckled. “It is alright, I have just told him.”

Antoinette shook her head. “I beg your pardon I am simply a little–”

“Concerned about the situation?” Duke Godwin suggested. “I completely understand. Fortunately, now that the servants are established here and my good friend Christopher is here, you are no longer bound to continue caring for me from dawn until dusk.”

Antoinette nodded. “I cannot lie, it is somewhat of a relief. This amount of work is most tiring.”

“I am sure it was,” Duke Godwin said, extending his hand, “and for all which you have done I am immensely grateful. You will make a fantastic wife,” he concluded as her hand rested on his and he kissed it. “I am so glad that you accepted.”

“As am I,” Antoinette replied, feeling herself blush. And yet her words were followed by a wave of guilt as she immediately thought, not of her time caring for Duke Godwin, or even of Sir Dodge, but of Mr. Perry, singing below her balcony. She dismissed the memory again.

“Now, you need to go home,” Duke Godwin insisted, squeezing her hand. “Have some time to yourself, and make sure you get some rest. I can tell that you have not been sleeping well and I would hate for you to also become ill on account of me,” he explained.

Antoinette nodded. “You are right, I shall go home. But I shall come back later today, or early tomorrow, to make sure you are making a full and healthy recovery.”

“Thank you for all you have done,” Duke Haskett spoke up. “And do stop by again tomorrow.”

“Yes, I would appreciate it very much,” Duke Godwin affirmed.

Antoinette smiled and nodded again. “In that case, I promise that I shall come and pay you a visit tomorrow morning.” She squeezed Duke Godwin's hand one last time before releasing it and, with a curtsy, leaving the room.

As she found the driver to ask for a coach ride home, she knew she ought to be thinking of nothing but her handsome suitor Duke Godwin, how much she had done for him, and how amazing her life would be as his wife. But Antoinette had something else on her mind. Mary's words were beginning to eat away at her once again. She needed to be true to herself. And none of her options would allow for that.

Sir Dodge might indulge her desire for freedom and rebellion, but he could not and would not allow her to look after her family. Duke Godwin would allow her to be true to her desire to care for her loved ones, but not to her desire for independence. And Mr. Perry...She knew he would definitely give all his money, time, and energy to allow her to be completely true to herself. But he did not have anywhere near enough money, time, and energy to actually fulfill that requirement.

None of the men she had been seriously considering would let her remain whole after marriage. What she was deciding was which part of herself she was about to give up. And, for that reason, for the first time since she began courting, she resented them for it. She resented all of them.