4-Wide Salute – A four wide salute is when the field of cars line up four wide at the start of the main event, waving to the crowd in an attempt to show their appreciation for the fans attending.
“What is that?” Emma asked curiously looking at the bag I sat in front of her. With a smirk, I sat down on her couch.
“It’s a present,” I told her with a smile, a rather proud one, as I leaned back. Though Sway told me it really wasn’t necessary for me to do so, I needed to show Emma just how much I appreciated those scrapbooks.
Emma crossed her arms over her tiny chest. “Now why would my brother, the one who usually tells me to fuck off at least once a week, buy me something?”
“I saw the scrapbooks,” I hinted with another smirk.
She looked at me for a moment and then tilted her head.
“It’s just a gift to say thank you, Emma.” I said. “But... if you don’t want it...” I reached for the bag only to have her slap my hand away.
“I never said that.” Emma reached for the bag herself and looked inside. “Oh, my God, Jameson!” her face lit up. “Where did you find these? I’ve looked everywhere for them.”
Emma had an obsession with these candles she had found in Cape St. Claire, Maryland, a few years ago but hadn’t found them since. With the help of Arie, we tracked down the maker who apparently quit making them a few years back. I had a knack for persuasion. I ended up giving her husband some free tickets to a NASCAR race, had lunch with them, and she made the exact scent Emma loved.
“I pulled a few strings.”
“Wow, I can’t believe this. I love these things,” she gushed arranging them on her mantel next to their wedding photo above the fireplace.
It was nice seeing her happy again. Emma hid it well but she was just as sad as all of us that dad had died. One would think her enthusiasm for everything would mean she wasn’t bothered by it but she was. Emma just showed her mourning in different ways. She planned events and made scrapbooks and redecorated our homes. She dealt with his death the only way she knew how. That was all any of us did.
Standing, I walked over to her before she started to rearrange her family room just so that the candles looked perfect. Believe me, she’s done this before.
“Thanks for everything you’ve done for me and Sway,” I said sincerely pulling her into a hug.
Just like my mother, she broke down and started crying against my chest.
“Oh, geez, not this again,” I teased chuckling softly as I let her cry.
Emma giggled despite her tears. “You’re such an asshole.”
“That’s more like it.” I laughed. “Now let me take my little sister to dinner.”
Emma and I ended up going to this barbeque restaurant we loved and ate our body weight in smoked ribs. I hadn’t eaten that much in a long time and contemplated being rolled out of the restaurant.
We talked about dad, all the good times we had with him and then she brought up the accident. “Do you feel like it’s your fault?”
I was quiet for a moment, took a drink of my beer and then answered her honestly. “No... I did. I won’t lie. But just like Darrin, it wasn’t within my control. I can’t control what happens on a racetrack. I can to an extent but wrecks... they’re not planned.” I shook my head as I set my beer on the table. Emma listened intently. “But I also know that something wasn’t right about the accident and with Grady… well, we will never know and I’m not going to dwell on it. I saw how much me hanging on to what happened with Sway hurt over the years. I don’t want to do that again.”
Emma’s eyes met mine. “But do you believe that? Do you honestly believe it wasn’t your fault?”
“Now I do. It took a while but, yes, I do. Even if the tire hadn’t blown or the axle and bearing didn’t break, on dirt, anything can happen.” I leaned back in the chair looking out the window at the cars passing by. The headlights from the vehicles flashed against the window. “You always think, what if this hadn’t happened or what if I didn’t choose that line... but nothing is going to bring him back. It happened.”
Emma, who was watching the cars as well, looked over at me. “I’m really glad you’re okay. I’m not sure we could have gone on if both of you hadn’t made it.”
Smiling at her, I asked. “Why did you make those books for me?”
Emma sighed as though this should have been obvious. “Even though you are an asshole... I do love you. You, Spencer, Sway, Alley... you guys don’t know how much I’ve enjoyed just being a part of all this.”
“You mean racing?”
“Yeah, I’ve enjoyed every minute of it,” she said sincerely. “I mean, growing up selling t-shirts for dad and being involved was fun but by that time dad had all that stuff taken care by people who knew what they were doing. You ...” she smiled, her bright blue eyes glowed. “You really did need me there for you.”
“We all made a great team, didn’t we?”
“We did,” she agreed with another warm smile. “Even after Dad started the Cup team, I still look back at those summers when we lived out of your truck. They were, and still are, some of the best summers of my life.”
“They were pretty great, huh?”
“Yeah, at the time I’m sure we would have disagreed but now, yes they are,” Emma giggled. “I’ll never forget us getting caught in the tornado or the time we went to that race in Republic with the chickens in the turns.”
“Chickens, that wasn’t even the worst part! You should have seen the fucking cow that wandered out there during the heat races.”
Just as Sway and I had done, Emma and I walked down memory lane reliving all of the moments throughout our lives that stood out to us. Every one of them involved racing, as that was all we’ve ever known.
“Don’t you ever feel like by me racing that you didn’t get to do what you wanted as a child?” I asked as we were leaving and walking back to my truck.
“No. Like I said Jameson, I loved every minute of what I do.” Emma shuffled through her purse to find her cell phone that was vibrating. “You have no idea what it is like to watch you do what you do.”
I laughed unlocking the door and climbed in. “You act as though it was like going to your favorite concert every night.”
“It was just like that for all of us.” Emma got in the truck and tossed her purse on the floor and then turned to face me. “That summer, the summer we all left home we could pull into any track in the Midwest or even the East coast and win. On any given night, it didn’t matter if Justin or Ryder or even guys like dad or Evans were racing. I knew, without a shred of doubt, my brother could go out there and win. You have no idea what it was like for us witnessing that side of you.”
I smiled in the darkness remembering what it was like for us that summer.
“When we left home, I remember how everyone would say, ‘Oh, he’ll be back’ but I knew you wouldn’t. You left home with something to prove and by the end of that summer when you won the Triple Crown at eighteen... I knew I had been a part of history and greatness and that you would continue to be.”
Emma had never talked to me like this before and I wasn’t really sure how to process what she was saying to me.
“I never grow tired of watching you race. Just the determination and energy that radiates from you is enough to be notable but then it’s also you. You have the natural, raw ability in a car that really makes you a legend, Jameson.”
Sighing, I took in what she said before smiling back at her. “Kind of like dad.”
I don’t know why I said that. I always told Axel not to compare himself to me but I do it with Jimi all the time.
“No, you and dad are different. Dad was entertaining to watch but he didn’t drive like you do.” I must have given her a funny expression because she laughed and shook her head. “I guess what I mean is, take Knoxville Nationals three years ago... do you remember that race?”
I nodded carefully so she continued.
“Dad goes out there and set fast time. He made this clean lap, smooth lines and pushes the car to the limit of that run. Kind of like he always did. Then you come out some ten cars later, the tracks changed completely and Dad still grabbed quick time. I watched from the pit bleachers like I always did when you qualify... and that’s when I see you staring at the track while you wait in line to qualify. You got out right before your turn and grabbed a handful of clay in your glove, testing the consistency of it and then you got back inside. Everyone thought you were crazy but I knew exactly what you were doing.
“No other driver does this but you, and you do it every time. So when you went onto the track and the green flag drops on your lap, you run down low on the bottom along the front stretch like the bottom feeder I know you to be at times, and then up high on the back stretch. You knew by testing the dirt that the lines had changed and the moisture was gone out of the top groove without even experimenting on that first lap.
“You didn’t drive the same as he Dad did either. Never did. You poured every ounce of yourself into those two laps, because to you, that wasn’t just qualifying, on the edge of control but so smooth and aggressive. Quick time to you meant a good starting spot and anyone who has ever raced Knoxville Nationals knows where you start matters. That and Dingus is the place to ruin your liver.” I laughed, remembering all the nights we spent outside Knoxville Raceway there. “Anyways, you broke his record and the existing track record that has been unbeatable for six years.
“That’s the thrilling part about watching you race, Jameson. You put everything you have into every lap you drive. I’ve watched you run for laps on flat tires, pieces hanging off your car, your brakes so hot they’ve melted the brake pads but you hang on just to give it everything you have. And it’s absolutely mesmerizing that someone can do that.”
We were silent for a moment and then it made sense to me. “I think that’s why I’m retiring.”
She gave me a look of confusion. “What?”
“I can’t do it anymore. And if I can’t put everything I have into it, I won’t do it.”
“But you did at Charlotte and Dover.”
“Like I said, I just can’t go out there with half of myself. So until that last race in Homestead, I will continue to pour every last piece of me into this until I see that checkered flag. To me, that’s what my team deserves from me.”
“And that’s what makes you who you are Jameson. And that’s why all of us have done what we’ve done for you. We see that dedication, that energy you put into racing because it’s important to you. It’s important to us. Not every day a man like you comes along and I’m damn proud to call you my brother.”
We were now sitting in Emma’s driveway. Noah was there standing outside with Aiden who, once again, looked annoyed at him. I can’t say I was surprised.
“Ugh… I wonder what they’re arguing about now.” Emma slumped in the passenger seat.
“Who knows with those kids,” Aiden waived at us and then slammed the front door leaving Noah standing by himself on their wooden wraparound deck that sprawled across the front of the home. Noah leaned against the railing and hung his head.
“Looks like he’s upset about something,” I never knew either one of their boys to get upset as it was them usually upsetting others.
“Yeah, Noah’s been having some girl problems these days. Apparently his girlfriend dumped him for another boy ...” she quirked an eyebrow at me, “... that boy being Casten.”
“Say what?” That caught my attention.
“Casten had nothing to do with it.” Emma jumped to his defense. “Girls just flock to him, kind of like they did with you.”
“Uh... still do.” I pulled at my shirt as if I was hot.
“Oh, right,” she laughed sarcastically. “Still do.”
“Casten didn’t... uh, did he act on it?” I would hate to think he would disrespect his cousin like that.
“Oh, heavens no, you guys taught him well. Casten basically told her to get lost and told Noah about it. He’s been pissy ever since.”
“Maybe he needs his mom. Aiden never has dealt well with the girl problems.”
Emma laughed rolling her eyes. “Yeah, you should have heard the sex talk. It consisted of throwing a box of condoms at them and telling them to Google it.”
Aiden was as shy as they came when it involved sex so I wasn’t surprised. I also knew that Aiden couldn’t make a decision to save his life and having an in-depth conversation like that probably gave him indigestion.
Emma was about to get out when she stopped and turned back toward me. “Thanks for tonight, Jameson. It was really nice to hang out with you.”
“You too, Em,” I smiled down at her. “You may be annoying but you’ve been a great help to me.”
“Well, you’re still an asshole so all’s good.”
Driving back to my house just down the street, I felt good about tonight. I had to fly out to Pocono tomorrow, but tonight I was spending the rest of the evening showing my wife just how much I’ve loved her over the years.
I made a detour to get her some ice cream and a new book she had been talking about and drove back home. She was up in our room already while Arie and Casten were watching movies in the movie room with someone. I peeked my head in to say hello wondering if Axel was home only to find Easton and Tate’s son Jacob in there with them.
“Oh, hey guys.” My eyes immediately caught the close proximity that Easton was to Arie.
Not to my surprise, they jumped when they heard me.
“Hey, Dad,” Casten said, with a smirk and he nodded in the direction of Arie with a smart ass look.
He was a little instigator, always had been.
Arie slowly scooted just a few inches sideways away from Easton and gave me a smile like she knew she’d been caught. I told myself that I wouldn’t interfere with her and her dating but the fact that Easton was a racer was unnerving for me. Since the deal with Grady, I knew that she and Easton were getting closer but it didn’t make me feel any better that she was dating again.
Before I embarrassed them, I went upstairs to deliver the ice cream and book to Sway.
She was submerged in our tub, candles lit all around her.
“Is there a fire in here?” I joked stripping down to nothing in just a few seconds. I had managed to grab two spoons from the kitchen on my way up so I set all that beside the tub next to the window and climbed in behind her.
She grinned and looked at my body as I did so.
“It’s easy to get you naked these days.” She waggled her eyebrows in an adorable come-get-me-type of way.
“Could you be any more adorable?” I kissed the top of her wet hair and then pulled her against my chest.
“That doesn’t hurt?”
“No, honey, I’m fine.” I was sore a lot more than usual these days but all in all I had pretty much made a full recovery from the accident less than six months ago. I felt good about that.
“How was dinner with Emma?”
“Good,” I chuckled remembering that Sway had warned me when I left not to kill Emma. “We talked a lot about that summer.”
“When we left home?”
“Yeah,”
Sway exhaled contently. “I can still remember some of those shitty motels we stayed in and sleeping in the back of your truck just so we would make it to the next track.”
“It’s hard to believe all that led us to here.”
To me though, it wasn’t hard to believe. I think our whole lives led us in the exact direction we were meant to go.
Twisting in my arms, Sway quirked an eyebrow at me, “Is that ice cream for me?”
Kissing along her neck I responded in a low voice I knew would give her goose bumps. “Maybe.”
Soon we had the entire pint gone and while still sitting in the tub, she asked. “Will you sing to me?”
“What do you want me to sing?”
She shrugged carelessly. “Anything, I love to hear you sing and it’s been a while.”
“All right...” Clearing my throat, I asked. “Slow song?”
“Mmmm... Surprise me.”
I leaned down so my lips were at her ear and began to sing.
“You are my world …” I let my voice drawl out the way she liked and felt her lean further into my embrace. Her head tipped to give me better access to her neck where I placed a soft kiss.
“If you weren’t so good at racing, I would tell you to become a singer.”
“Well, I am retiring....”
Sway laughed, her body shaking in my arms distracted me. “No, I’m not sharing you with rock star groupies, too.” She turned in my arms to straddle me in the tub. “Pit lizards are enough.”
The flames danced across her wet skin tempting me even more. She knew when my eyes met hers what I wanted.
She seemed to want to the same thing. We ended up in our bed not more than two minutes later.
That night, Sway seemed different and had seemed different since the accident. Her gazes lasted longer and her touches seemed to linger. She told me she loved me more and more and late at night, I’d find her staring at me as though she was trying to memorize my every feature and every freckle.
To be honest, I found myself doing the same thing. When you lost something, you found yourself clinging to what you still had. It was a shame it took a loss to remind you of what you had.
“I love you,” I panted against her shoulder rolling us over so I was on top of her.
“Oh, God,” she moaned, her body clenched around me. I took pride in knowing I could still satisfy my wife after twenty years of marriage. “I love you, too.” She repeated before her mouth found mine.
I’D NEVER GROW tired of those words from her. Ever.
The next morning, Sway was making breakfast before we needed to leave for Pocono that afternoon. I was standing at the French doors looking at the pool and, of course, thinking about racing and our test session there a few weeks back. I knew with the right setup we could gain some speed. As it was, the lap times were mid-pack from last year’s run meaning we needed to gain a few seconds somewhere if I wanted a top five car.
That was when I saw Easton, pulling a sweatshirt over his shoulders, limping across our back yard.
Glaring, I watched him sneak down the driveway.
Arie all but skipped into the kitchen after that.
“Did Easton stay the night last night?” I asked, avoiding looking at her. She wouldn’t want to see my glare.
“No, why?” she actually sounded innocent. For a moment, I remembered my sweet little angel when she was younger, squealing with glee and running to me when I’d come home on Sunday nights. She wasn’t a little girl anymore.
“Oh, yeah,” I motioned to Easton’s truck on the security screen. “Then why was he just limping down the driveway?”
Sway burst out laughing. “That worked well for you.” She patted Arie on the back and handed me a plate of pancakes and bacon.
Arie gave up and said. “Oh, don’t be a brat.” She sat down across from me at the table. “And I’ve been seeing him for months now.”
“No way, I don’t think so,” I said, firmly. “You’re not going to date him.”
“He’s a nice boy, Dad.”
“If you have to say that he’s a nice boy, well, then he’s not.”
Sway slapped my shoulder. “He is a nice boy, Jameson.”
I knew he was. I’d spent enough time around him the last month to know he was a good kid. But no one would be good enough for my little girl. That was just the way it was.
“I’m gonna need to talk to him,” I finally said after I finished my pancakes in silence.
“Don’t bother,” Casten added when he entered the kitchen in just a pair of board shorts, his rusty hair sticking up on the left side. “I’ve already put the fear of God in him.”
“Do you ever fully dress yourself?” Sway asked him and then noticed a tattoo on his arm. She grabbed it and pulled it toward her face, squinting. “When did you get that?” she looked amused when she read the scripture under the symbol.
“Don’t ask.”
Arie immediately started giggling to the point where she couldn’t breathe only to have Casten knock her off her chair and then start laughing himself.
Watching them in a fit of hysteria, I had to laugh myself and I wasn’t sure what was even so entertaining. “I probably don’t want to know what that says, do I?”
“No,” Sway managed to squeak out. “You don’t.”
I never did figure out what it said but I knew it was probably something as stupid as the shit we used to do at his age when I found out Cole was behind it.
I enjoyed mornings like this with our family goofing off. We were seldom all together.
“So,” Casten began with the adorable smirk he had when he was up to no good. “What was all that noise last night? I was worried sick that something was wrong.” He looked between Jameson and me questioningly.
Jameson, knowing his son, grunted some kind of reply and pushed away from the table setting his plate in the dishwasher.
“Were you two ...” his smile grew wider as he let his voice fade implying the question.
“Shut up.” I kicked my son under the table. “Don’t say that.”
“That was childish,” Casten laughed which caused me and, then Arie, to start laughing.
Jameson was about to say something when we heard the booming voice of Spencer. “Do I smell blueberry pancakes?”
“Oh, man,” Jameson banged his head on the counter in annoyance. “Why does he always come over when we’re cooking food?”
“Sway,” Spencer laughed coming around the corner into the kitchen. “Your bra is on the front porch.”
“See!” Casten cackled. “I told you I heard something.”
Holding Madison, Spencer stood beside Jameson nodding arrogantly like he was proud of his little brother that my bra was outside. Hey, we may be pushing mid-forties but we still found ways to make the dyno testing interesting.
Madison, Logan’s daughter, reached out to grab a handful of Jameson’s hair. The only problem was that she had her sucker in that hand which was now in his hair.
He was less than amused.
Casten slumped forward at the table laughing again.
“She does that on purpose,” Jameson complained of Madison. This wasn’t the first time she put something in his hair. Madison was definitely Logan’s daughter.
Like I said, I loved mornings like this. My family was literally crazy but it was what I loved. It made me feel normal because there were people just like me.
We couldn’t go a day without making fun of each other or someone calling someone an asshole but that was us. It was our way of a four wide salute.
When we left that afternoon for Pocono, an interesting article caught my attention as we sat on the plane that summed up what Jameson’s decision meant. If I was being honest, yes, I was relieved to hear him say the words “I’m retiring,” because it meant that I would have a few more of the mornings like today and a little less of afternoons like this, flying around the country.
But I also knew what he was leaving behind for this. And the article painted a vivid picture of that dream which he had captured.
CHARLOTTE NC – SPEED NEWS
Bryce Kulton
FAST TIME
Jameson Riley. It’s a name our sport knows very well, even fears at times. He was so fast, so agile, that no one knew how good he really was and no one wanted to find out. Back in his rookie year of 2003 they found out what that fear meant.
A quick pit stop, a good pass, triumphantly in the clear and then looking up and seeing that black and red number nine Ford coming for you. Then there was the feeling that you knew anything you and your team could do, Jameson and his Rowdy Ring of boys could do better.
Jameson not only had the chops on the track but that razor sharp wit, an attitude that made you want to smack him, a numbing reputation in the garage, an imperial manner and the clout to back it all up. A rooted display of skill and an opportunist when faced with decisions all had to do with what he did and didn’t do because of who he was and how he did it.
He was a rare racer and someone whose impact on the sport was far greater than any statistical contribution he made in the record books or the points standing. Jameson came to the track, whether it was your local dirt track or the superspeedways of Talladega and Daytona, and changed the attitude around the pits.
Standing beside him you could feel it, see the charge growing more powerful as he gained respect from everyone who waited to see what he could do.
Some drivers viewed him with such awe, giving him an almost fawning respect as they seemed to abandon their style of racing when around him along with any hope of winning. You saw it in their faces knowing their chance at victory was now gone.
Jameson was a driver who can rattle even the toughest individual. He was a driver who had a rare, raw talent. He was the racer who fans would follow when they preferred their hero flawed.
Was he a hero? Without a doubt.
Was he flawed? More than most liked to see.
It was hard to grasp the fact that he was retiring and reading articles like this made it even harder because it was real. On the plane, after reading the article, I glanced over at him to see a man, a champion, a legend, relaxed with his decision. He was staring out the window of the plane, as he usually did, watching the clouds. Who knew what he was thinking at times like this but I knew. He was more than likely thinking of racing and maybe even our night last night but not far from his thoughts was his decision to retire and what it meant to him.
It took me a while but come Michigan, in late August, I had a conversation with Easton about his intentions with my daughter. It went something like, “You fuck up, you’re out of a ride next year and I’ll make sure you never walk again.”
He was smart and responded with, “I respect your daughter and you. I would never do anything to hurt her.”
Easton Levi was a good kid. At nineteen, he had a promising future in the Cup series and with Arie. They liked each other and really that was all that mattered to me in the end, that and her safety. After getting to know him, I knew he had her best intentions in mind.
It was all I could ask for.
“You took that well,” Casten said to me when Easton left the hauler Friday night.
“Yeah, she’s a big girl,” I said, thoughtfully. “I can’t tell her who to date.”
Casten let out a laugh and a snort all the same. “He’s good to her. If he wasn’t, I’d kill him.”
“I’m sure you would.”
“Besides, Uncle Aiden and Uncle Spencer already scared the living shit out of the poor kid.”
“What do you mean by kid? He’s older than you.”
“Really?” he looked over at me after shoving a piece of candy in his mouth throwing the wrapper at me. “That’s all you heard?”
“I’m just saying that it’s hard to call someone who is older than you a kid.”
“Do you have brain damage?”
“No, do you?” I gave him a glare.
“Well, I’ve never been clinically tested.”
“Hmmm... that explains a lot. And I have been tested, I’m fine.”
Casten glared before smiling. “Stop distracting me, head case. I had a point for coming in here.”
“And what was that?”
“That you’re now a grandpa?”
“What?” I jumped up and then regretted it when I smacked my shoulder against the wall trying to move too quickly.
“Settle down there, old timer. You’ll break a hip.” I reached for my phone while Casten followed me outside the hauler.
“Why didn’t they call?”
“It happened quickly, I guess. I didn’t ask for details. Child birth isn’t something I’m real interested in,” he admitted. “Now the making process—”
“Do you remember when you were ten and told me you were never having sex?”
“Oh, please… I was ten.” He looked at me like I was stupid. “That’s just obscene to think I would tell you the truth.”
Sway was beaming when I finally found her inside my motor coach. “How come they didn’t call us?”
She had the phone to her ear but moved it aside to speak. “Lily went into labor and the baby was born within an hour. They didn’t have time.”
“I’d want out if I was him, too.” Casten added, as we stepped inside the motor coach. “Did you see that shit she eats? Who eats broccoli anyway? Unless you’re a turtle.”
“Turtles don’t eat broccoli ...” I gave Casten a strange look, as did Sway.
“Well then, what do they eat?”
“Fuck if I know, does it matter?”
“Apparently, you think you know what they eat.”
“Boys, stop it.” Sway interrupted us. “Let’s go see the baby.”
I sighed hanging my head and she knew. “I can’t, honey. I have an interview with ESPN in an hour and then I have a signing at the dealership.”
She seemed sad for a moment but quickly shifted her expression change. “Well, we can go tomorrow then, after happy hour.”
It was times like this that really made the decision for me to retire final.
I wanted to be able to just go somewhere if I wanted and not have to worry about obligations. If I wanted to race, I raced. If I wanted to take my wife to Costa Rica tomorrow, I could. I didn’t have to worry about what my sponsor would think or if me getting injured would hurt my chances at the chase.
Simplex wasn’t happy about the race in Knoxville which had nearly killed the driver who had made their companies millions over the years. But I was close enough with Ed and Carl that they understood why I still raced sprint cars. It didn’t stop them from asking that I not race anything other than the Cup car until the season was out, but they did understand me.
To me, sprint car racing was who I was. And that was when I understood completely that what happened in Knoxville had nothing to do with me. Regardless of the whole Grady issue, my dad died doing what he loved. Not many people can say that happened to them. He didn’t suffer months battling an aggressive cancer or die in a car accident going to a shit job he hated.
He was doing what made him Jimi Riley.
Sway, Casten, Arie and I took off from Michigan for Mooresville to see Axel, Lily and their new addition in the hospital.
Lily and Axel both looked exhausted. He’d been up all night making sure she and the baby had everything they needed and then he had to leave for the start of the Great Northern Tour in Grand Forks, Michigan.
Justin was there in the room holding the baby when we got there. He wasn’t giving him up until Sway pouted and basically stole him.
“What’s his name?” I asked peeking over my wife’s shoulder at him. He looked just like Axel did when he was born—even had the signature rusty mess of hair.
Axel and Lily looked over at Justin leaning against the far wall. Justin smiled. “Jack Anthony Riley,” Lily said softly.
Not many people knew this but Justin had a twin brother who had died when they were just a few months old. And his name was Jack.
“That’s beautiful, you guys.” Arie gushed when she walked in the room. “He’s adorable!”
“You look like shit.” Casten told Axel, who really did look exhausted. “But you look beautiful.” He leaned down and kissed the top of Lily’s head.
“Thanks, Casten.” Lily smiled up at him.
“Stop that—don’t touch my wife.” Axel pushed Lily and Casten apart.
I was sure I was going to separate the boys when Sway motioned for me to come over and then handed the baby to me. I hadn’t held a baby since our kids were little.
Nervously, I reached out and cradled my arms as she placed him gently in my arms. I looked down at him and he looked up at me.
“I’m your Grandpa,” I told him softly and kissed his forehead.
Ugh, that sounds so old.
“How about we just are his aunt and uncle?” Sway whispered in my ear.
He sneezed.
Sway, being the witty shit I’d always known my wife to be, said, “Aw... can you believe it baby, he sneezes and blinks.”
I just laughed and held Jack close to my chest. He whimpered the same way Axel did and snuggled into my embrace.
Axel looked between me and Sway. “Huh?”
Sway and Justin started laughing before Sway ratted me out. “When you were born Axel, your dad was utterly amazed that you were real.”
“What did he think I’d be?”
Casten began to answer with, “He probably—”
“All right,” I spoke up before he’d say something inappropriate. “I knew he was real. I just didn’t expect him to be so... active... I guess.”
I lost track of what they were saying when Jack followed me with his gray glassy eyes. He watched every movement I made like I was a shiny toy he’d never seen before. To be fair, I stared at him just as closely, remembering my kids when they were this small. It felt like it was just yesterday.
It was a different feeling when you first met one of your grandchildren. I now understood why my parents and Charlie looked at Axel or any of the grandchildren when they were born.
You watched your children from the very beginning. Wondering all along what they would be like when they were older. Then they have children. I don’t know that I could express the feeling I had but it was intense.
There was something beautiful about the beginning of life. They’ve done nothing wrong, never lied, never had their heart broken. They haven’t had to deal with death, or the pressures of life, they’re just new—new to the world.
They make everything in the world seem so minuscule compared to their precious existence.
With Emma and Lexi in tow, my mom came by the hospital to visit and I watched her carefully.
They brought a shit load of baby stuff but I was more distracted by the pure joy on my mother’s face. I hadn’t seen her so happy than the last time I had seen her with my dad.
She saw me holding Jack and her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. She was beside me in an instant. “Oh, Jameson ...” she gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. “He’s so beautiful.”
Looking at him now, I could see some of Lily’s features in his chin and nose but the rest was identical to Axel.
The girls were beginning to hover impatiently so I gave Jack to my mom. They shifted their hovering to her.
Mom was hesitant in her movements for a moment. Maybe she was afraid he’d cry. But he didn’t.
Mom had a way with babies and her first great grandchild wasn’t any different. Though she liked to say Logan’s daughter, Madison, was her great grandchild, Jack was technically the first by blood.
My mom looked at me again. “I watched Axel win the other night and he did the same wing dance Jimi used to where he’d bow to the crowd and then rest his head on the wing for a moment.”
Nodding, I remember watching him on SPEED the other night and witnessing that myself. The World of Outlaws was doing a lot to keep Jimi’s memory alive such as reverting to a 3-wide salute as opposed to the standard 4-wide salute done prior to the feature. But it was things like Axel imitating dad’s wing dance that provided us the best comfort that he would forever be remembered for his contributions to the series.
I found a place in the corner, next to Casten and watched the girls coo over the new baby.
Casten chuckled wrinkling his nose a little. “How pathetic,” and then his once disgusted face turned amused and mischievous. “I wonder if they’ll let me borrow him.”
“No!” Axel barked from his place beside Lily. “You are not using him like you do with Madison.”
“You didn’t use Logan’s daughter as bait, did you?” I asked my overly confident son.
“Pleeeeease,” he rolled his eyes. “Like I need to use a baby to get girls.”
Sway stepped beside me wrapping her arms around my waist. She had tears in her eyes and whispered. “She’s so happy.”
I glanced over at my mom sitting in a chair holding Jack with Emma and Alley standing over her looking down at him. She really is happy.
Kissing my wife’s forehead I whispered back with, “I wish they were here to see this.”
And I said they because not only was my dad not here but neither was hers.
A new life had been added but we still felt the void of the ones who were gone.
I bowed my head looking at the tile floor as Sway ran her hand up and down my back attempting to comfort me. Nothing would bring them back but the memories were good ones.
We had the memories.
And now new ones were being created. Like watching my first-born son hold his first-born child.
Axel was beaming with delight when I said goodbye as we headed back to the track for the race tomorrow. I threw an arm around him and pulled him into a tight hug. “I love you, buddy. I’m proud of you,” I whispered so only he would hear.
He had to know that I wasn’t talking about him becoming a father. I was talking about him in general and everything he had accomplished.
I felt him chuckle softly before his breath caught in his throat and I was sure he was on the verge of tears. “I love you, too, Dad.”