Drive Train – The components of an automotive vehicle that connect the transmission with the driving axles and include the universal joint and drive shaft.
How do you decide how much of yourself you are going to put into something?
It was a tough decision to make.
Come March, and all my friends were back to racing, I was bored and wanting inside of a car again. More importantly, I wanted to go back to sprint car racing.
The thought scared me and instantly made me think of the accident that took my dad and nearly killed me. But if I never got back in one, I would never get over that fear.
My other thought was could I just go out there for fun?
The thing was, I found the idea of guys just racing for fun ludicrous. If you didn’t come to win, why race at all.
In April, after spending a few weeks getting the track ready at Grays Harbor with Van, who had taken over as the General Manager there, my decision was set. I would return to racing sprint cars with the World of Outlaws. It wasn’t hard to find a sponsor. In fact, Simplex sponsored Justin’s car and mine along with Solar Seals, JV Manufacturing and Colton Construction.
All that led me to Lernerville in May of 2023. The first time I returned to a sprint car.
Don’t think I wasn’t nervous because I was.
Most of our family was there along with my entire JAR Racing team who Axel had merged with. It was a lot easier than having two sprint car teams.
Was I nervous to get inside a sprint car?
Yes. Very nervous. I had some flashbacks of Knoxville and the accident, but just like that crash in Pocono, Sway was there to calm me down.
After tech inspection, we were standing outside the hauler with Axel and the boys. The heat of the afternoon had peaked and left most of the guys with their suits pulled down around their waist and no shirts. I was one of them.
Sway’s arms wrapped around my waist and she pressed herself into my back. Kissing over my shoulder blade, I felt her smile against my skin. I smiled too remembering this very same scene as kids.
I think that was why I went back to sprint car racing, or wanted to at least. There were times when you got older that you were reminded of what made you happy as a child. It was almost like it was your heart’s way of reminding you of where you came from and what you were made of.
That was why I came back.
Being here, with Sway, the kids and my friends living the only lifestyle I knew, was what I needed. I thought retirement was what I needed for myself and Sway, especially after the accident. It felt like we had lost our connection when all along, we needed each other and this.
Twisting in Sway’s arms, my lips found hers remembering the way they molded to mine as one.
When I got back into the car that night, the fear hit me a few times and I wasn’t competitive when I got caught up early on with a driver out of California.
All in all, my first race wasn’t eventful. I showed up, raced, talked with fans, signed autographs, flirted with my wife and threw back beers with the boys. It was the most laid back night of racing I had ever experienced. There was no pressing media or rival drivers, it was just racing and in the purest form.
We ended up staying in a hotel after the race with the rest of the family, even my mom, and it was just like every other experience I’ve had with my family. A few get drunk, others fight, and we end up nearly getting kicked out of the hotel.
At some point Tommy and Willie took off to Pittsburgh and we never saw them again. The only problem with that was they took our sixteen-year-old son with them.
“Jameson,” Sway said to me the next morning in her concerned motherly tone she had about three times during the course of our marriage. “I’m not okay with Casten running with Willie. The dude’s got some issues.”
Peeking up over my cup of coffee, I smiled. “I know, honey. I didn’t say he could go... but I also didn’t stop them.”
She seemed to contemplate for a minute and then shrugged. “I hope they’re not in jail. I really don’t want to bail my son out of jail.”
Not more than two minutes later, Casten came back to the room with my mom, who was wearing a handful of beaded necklaces around her neck and another one that had a shot glass tied to it.
As soon as her knees hit the side of the bed, she fell face first into the mattress and was asleep a second later.
Casten sat next to her and sighed, his expression something similar to that of a concerned parent as he stroked the back of her head petting her. “Poor girl, she had a rough night.”
“Casten, please tell me you didn’t let her get a tattoo.”
“No, there was no tattoo last night ...” his eyes dropped to the floor. “But... she did have too much to drink and puked in your truck.”
“My truck?” I ran to the window to look at my truck, which was now parked sideways in a stall. “Why did you guys take my truck? Tommy has a truck, why didn’t he take his?”
“I don’t know.” Casten shrugged lying next to my mom. “Something about his truck being connected to the hauler and he couldn’t find the key to the lock.”
My truck looked like it was the stunt car in some War Of The Worlds movie. “Where’s Tommy? He’s paying for that shit.”
“Uh, don’t know where Tommy is and that wasn’t his doing.” He rolled over and buried his head in the pillow he’d ripped from the other queen-sized bed. His hand rose behind his head to point down at my mom who was now snoring. “That happened from this little shit show here.”
“I found Tommy.” Axel, my normal child, announced coming into our room with coffee and donuts and Lily following him. “He’s in the pool floating on a pink dolphin sipping whiskey from one of Jack’s sippy cups. Dude’s got issues.”
“Please tell me he has pants on this time,” Lily asked setting Jack down on the bed to change his diaper.
“Nope,” Axel confirmed peeking out the window. “Man, Dad, your truck is fucked up.”
I couldn’t believe that my own mother did that. “How did that happen?”
Casten rolled over, his hands resting on his stomach as he exhaled slowly. “I have no clue. All I remember was her telling me that she smelled smoke and sure enough, something in the bed of the truck had caught on fire. Willie got it put out but we were asleep until then so who knows.”
I never did figure out how my truck was missing the tailgate, the bed was toasted black and puke ran down the side of it. My mom had no memory of the night and was so horrified with what she had done that she bought me a new truck the following week.
The following weekend, Tommy had a similar incident as that weekend and had me concerned for the direction his life was heading. The boys with JAR Racing were all hardworking guys but they were all borderline alcoholics and Tommy wasn’t an exception.
Come July that year, he was setting the bar high for the rest of them to keep up.
One afternoon we sat around the house making bets on when he’d show up that afternoon when Axel asked if we should call the police. We hadn’t seen him in two days.
“Maybe he was arrested again?” Sway pointed out placing a plate of nachos in front of us. No one hesitated to dig in.
“What can I say?” Casten mumbled around a mouth full of nachos. “He specializes in low standards and bad decisions.”
Rosa smacked Casten’s arm. “I’m not a bad decision.”
“I never said you were,” he defended looking at her with remorse. Casten loved Rosa and never wanted to hurt her feelings. “I said he specializes in it. That doesn’t mean that he always swings that way. Just most of the time.”
Rosa shoved a heaping pile of chips and salsa in her mouth. Pieces fell out on the plate as she spoke until she got some lodged in her throat and then spit it out on the plate. “Oh, okay.”
Everyone stepped back from the plate after that.
I was just about to offer some smart ass comment to Rosa when a clearly disoriented Tommy showed up looking like he could barely tell up from down.
“What happened to you?” Casten asked, laughing hysterically. He looked like he’d spent a night in a crack house and then woke up in a sewer drain. I knew Tommy didn’t do drugs so the crack house was out of the question but the sewer drain was a definite possibility.
Tommy shook his head and tried to brush dirt from his pants. “Shut the fuck up.”
Sitting beside Rosa he smiled at her, his orange curls matted it what looked to be dreads or something. “Hey.”
Rosa leaned forward to smell his clothes and then backed away. “Yep, it smells like low standards.”
“I’m not sure what went wrong or what happened last night but someone has been texting me all day and I put them in my phone as diesel burner.” Reaching for the plate of nachos, he started to eat them. Axel gagged thinking about Tommy eating chips Rosa just regurgitated. He had a weak stomach.
It wasn’t ten minutes later when this chick walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge like she owned the place.
Sway and I exchanged a look, as did everyone else.
Axel looked at Tommy with an amused expression fighting back laughter. “I’m guessing that’s diesel burner?”
Tommy’s mouth hung open mid-bite looking at the door and Axel lost it.
And that was when Arie came through the door wearing a rock on her hand trying to act like it was no big deal.
Yep. My eighteen-year-old daughter was getting married.
Awesome.
When Easton had asked me if he could marry Arie, I wanted to say no to him. But now, looking at my little girl beaming with controlled excitement, I knew I made the right call when I told him he could.
Not only was I a grandma now, but come late September, I also had nearly two kids married. It wasn’t good for making me feel old. I felt like at any moment my funbags would be down around my knees and I’d be buying granny underwear.
Jameson thought he was making me feel better when we were having sex and he slapped my ass and said I was a hot granny. I wasn’t cool with that.
“Emma!” Arie scolded pulling me from my thoughts. “We haven’t done that yet.”
“Are you shitting me?” Lexi gasped.
Walking over to Arie, I handed her the veil. She sensed my irritation immediately and laughed. She thought it was hilarious that I didn’t like getting old.
“No.” Arie said, through her teeth adjusting her wedding dress in front of the full-length mirror. I actually gasped at how much she looked like me in that moment. “Who wears this shit?” Arie’s arms took a big handful of her dress dramatically. “This is ridiculous. I don’t know why anyone would willingly put themselves through this.”
“Why haven’t you guys had sex yet?” Lexi fixed Arie’s hair and then took her face between her palms. “You should always do a shake down before the main event.”
It was evident our entire family spoke race talk now.
Arie looked at me and then Lexi, anxious of my reaction. “I wasn’t eighteen when we got together. He said he wanted to wait until I was eighteen. By the time I was eighteen, it seemed like it wasn’t on his mind as much. He wanted to wait until we were married after everything I had been through with Brian and Grady.”
All the girls gushed over her confession except Lexi who gagged. “How ridiculous.”
“It’s not ridiculous when you think about everything I’ve been through. He was being respectful,” Arie snapped back. “It also wouldn’t have been good with his career to know he was with someone who was under-age.”
“Yeah, but now you’re nearly nineteen. What’s the hold up?”
“I think it’s great,” I said pinning Arie’s hair up. Looking at her now, she always looked a lot like Jameson. She had his eye shape and lips. When she smiled, I saw Jameson.
Speaking of Jameson, he was looking hotter than ever and standing behind us with his hands tucked in his tuxedo, looking down at his feet as he watched his little girl prepare for the biggest day of her life.
He smiled stepping forward, his hands remaining in his pockets. Arie watched him in the mirror, smirking. “You look hot, Dad.”
I eyed him. “That he does.”
In a very sexy motion, he removed his left hand from his pocket, his head hung as he tipped it slightly to look my direction as his hand ran over the back of his neck. He winked.
His shoulder bumped into Arie. “You’re beautiful, sweetheart.”
“I look ridiculous,” she replied rolling her eyes, tears fell freely now. She was my daughter after all. “I can’t believe people wear this shit.”
The three of us hugged, as cheesy as that sounds, and Jameson put his arms around us kissing our foreheads. “Let’s get this over with. My mom found the wine and it’s only a matter of time before Easton’s Aunt Lenette finds Willie.
Arie finished touching up her makeup with Emma when Jameson pulled me aside. “You look amazing in that dress, honey. I hope it comes off easily.”
I grabbed the funbags with both hands and pushed them up. “Granny, my ass!”
You could hear his laughter downstairs.
Much to my warning for them to take it slow, Arie and Easton didn’t.
Who listens to me anyways?
I wasn’t excited for the simple fact that Arie was my only daughter, my little angel who used to think that no matter what I was the only man in her life. Now there was Easton.
And it wasn’t that Easton was a bad kid because he wasn’t. It was just me not wanting to let go.
Eventually I did though and I gave my little girl away to become Mrs. Arie Marie Levi.
Sway wasn’t nearly as emotional at her wedding as she was at Axel’s but I could tell it did bother her. Me, I had to drink before, during and after the wedding just to get through it all. As did Rager who threw up right after Arie said “I do”. It was a mess.
The most surprising part about the wedding was Casten’s speech to them. He had always been the center of attention but he really was tonight.
“Don’t worry,” he said looking at me. “I’ll make it appropriate.” And then winked at the girl he brought with him. Sway rolled her eyes next to me. “I’ve watched Easton and my sister get to know each other and then jumped into getting married... maybe it was the se....” He waited until my eyes widened. “I’m just kidding.” He arched his eyebrow with a smirk and cleared his throat when Spencer started laughing like a fucking lunatic beside me. “You two deserve each other but remember Easton... she has two brothers, four male cousins, four insane uncles, two body guards, and a very unstable father. I’d watch your step if I was you,” he warned with a chuckle. “I can’t offer you any other advice than that... oh, and she’s not friendly in the morning.”
Easton took it all in good fun. But Casten was right. Arie meant the world to a lot of men in her life who would gladly lay their life on the line for her safety.
“Just remember,” I told them as they left that night. “She will always be my little girl. But I know you’ll take care of her.”
Arie caught me before they left but all she said was that she loved me. And that was all she needed to say.
It was always hard to give your daughter away and I knew then how difficult it had been for Charlie.
I completely understood his hesitation when it came to me.
Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, especially Casten and Sway, who spent a lot of time dancing. I never grew tired of watching those two feed off each other. The bond between them was amazing. He looked at her as though she was the greatest person on the face of the planet.
They had a connection and it showed.
My mom found me at some point during the reception while I watched my wife and son act like the crazy family I always loved. She smiled and held out her hand. “Come show your mother you can still move.”
“Don’t doubt my skills, Mom. I can still smoke any of these fools on the dance floor.”
“Don’t I know that but you were always my best dancer growing up.”
“I remember when you were a baby, I used to kiss your toes while you were sleeping. I think that’s why you dance so well.”
I looked at Spencer and chuckled. “You must not have kissed his toes?”
Mom eyed her oldest lunatic of a son throwing his large body around in a motion he called dancing. “I did, but something went wrong.”
I pulled her close gently and she tried to wrap her arms around me. My mom was tiny though so I ended up having to slouch a little just for her to reach. Thankfully, she was wearing heels today.
“I’m really happy for Arie. Easton is such a sweet boy.”
“Yeah, he is,” I agreed slowly moving us around the dance floor.
“Are you doing okay with it?”
I thought for a moment while my eyes caught Sway laughing hysterically at something Casten told her. “Yeah, Mom,” I smiled down at her green eyes examining me. “I’m doing fine.”
And I was. I wasn’t lying. Yes, there was a time when I wasn’t fine. But with time, I understood what happened and moved forward, just like she did.
“Are you?”
Her eyes watered. “There are days when I’m not okay. I do miss him. It’s times like this when I really miss him. He thought the world of you kids.”
I nodded quickly as I was getting a little choked up now.
Her eyes moved to Axel who let out a loud laugh as he, Casten, and Lane danced around. “Those three kids right there held a very special place with Jimi, as well.”
He loved all his kids and grandkids but I knew just as well that you have different bonds with each one.
Lane, Axel and Casten were always close to my dad, more so than the others.
“He was so proud of you, Jameson,” she said as a tear slipped down her cheek. “I don’t know that you will ever understand the pure joy he got knowing that everything you set out to do with racing you did.”
“I knew. I always knew.”
Eventually the party around us was in full swing and our intimate conversations were drowned out by the rowdy bunch dancing around us.
I was not happy with my brother and Aiden when they made the band play the AC/DC song You Shook Me All Night Long while my daughter danced with her new husband. I conveniently found that it was the perfect time to get some fresh air.
When I made my way back inside, they were now playing a song that had me pulling my wife into a slow dance, whispering the lyrics slowly to her.
“If I didn’t know any better... I’d say my dirty heathen is looking for some,” she said against the skin below my ear as she kissed along my jaw.
“Honey ...” my voice was purposely low for the sake of sealing the deal. “I’m looking for more than some.”
She giggled. That same infectious giggle that made everything centered. My hands slipped lower but she caught them. “All right, Mr. Riley... it’s time you take Mrs. Riley home.”
As we were leaving, Casten was on his way to four sheets to the wind when I grabbed him by the collar. “That was nice of you back there what you said for your sister.” He smiled, his eyes glazed over from the alcohol. “No driving.”
Some think that it was wrong that our sixteen-year-old son was drinking but it wasn’t like he was being irresponsible about it. Casten knew his limits and never drove.
His date, who was not drunk, pulled out her keys. “He’s not... I am.”
“Good.”
“I can drive just fine, honey,” he told his date throwing his arms around her laughing.
“Please make sure he gets home, okay,” I told her. “And you,” I slapped his shoulder, “show some respect for this girl. Stop molesting her on the dance floor.”
He grinned and winked at me. “Oh, don’t act so innocent. I saw you with your hands all over Mom.”
Sway laughed and started pulling me away. You never won a conversation with Casten, it was impossible. The kid always thought of a way to spin it.
On the way back to the hotel, Sway smiled at me, the headlights of passing vehicles shined on her porcelain skin. I couldn’t keep my hands off her.
“Do you ever feel guilty knowing how much sadness is all over the place to be happy now?” she asked.
“No. I don’t honey.” Giving her hand a squeeze, I brought her fingers to my lips to kiss them. “I don’t because of how much sadness we’ve experienced first-hand. I’ve lived that way for years, felt regret, wished away any hope but not now. This is the race I was meant to have. Every pit stop, every caution flag, every lap led was for a reason and I know that.”
“That’s a Jimi answer if I ever heard one,” Sway laughed.
She was right. That was exactly what my dad would say.
There would always be a time, a race, a lap, a penalty, or a victory I would remember more than the next. It was etched inside of me and the breath I needed. It spoke to me and reminded me of what I did to a sport that consumed my life.
Those moments, I remember everything about them and could account for even the smallest details when asked about it. I remembered how I felt, noises, smells, feelings, and reactions. It was like it was programmed inside of me.
I didn’t want to feel sadness anymore. I wasn’t over my dad nor would I ever be over losing my biggest fan to a battle he never should have had to fight. The thing was, life changed, rearranged, and I was left with a choice, remembering there would always be a time, a race, a lap, a penalty or a victory I would remember more than others. There wasn’t anything wrong with that either.