In/Out Box – This box contains the direct drive slider gears on a sprint car. Since sprint cars do not have a clutch, the car has to be put into gear before racing. The slider gear has to be engaged before the car is off and then the engine will start by compression. It’s similar to a running start in a street car.
Paul Leighty, one of my current teammates who drives the No. 19 car for Riley Racing, was the type of racer who would talk himself up so high he’d need a space shuttle to return to Earth.
It has been my experience that people who made themselves out to be some sort of God on the track really had no clue how to handle the fucking car if it became ill handling.
My theory was proven right after Bristol.
The more time I spent around Paul, the more he annoyed me. We’d had our run-ins in the past, but this year we had more and it seemed to be coming to a head.
Unfortunately, for me, he wasn’t going anywhere. He’d just signed a five year contract with us.
And, as it turned out, there was someone even more mentally unstable than me out there.
Who would have ever imagined that?
Throughout the Cup season that year, Paul and I had been getting into it on the track. At the shop, it was worse and in team meetings we actually got into a shoving match.
It seemed Paul had a problem showing that respect. He somehow felt it was okay to cut down on me with only inches or to bump draft in the corners at Daytona.
Being my teammate now, I sat him down and told him this would stop happening.
Did I mention I was part owner of Riley-Simplex Racing now?
So yeah, this would stop happening if Paul wanted to keep his spot on the team. Screw his five year contract. I would find a way out of it.
“You know that I own part of this team, right?” I said to him after a team meeting at the shop in Mooresville when he told me I had an attitude.
He smiled reaching for the door but kept his eyes on me.
“I don’t say that to be cocky, but, well, if you want to continue with this team shit needs to change.”
Again, he smiled. Here was something most fans didn’t know. When another racer spouts off after a race that he will be getting another driver back for his on track aggression, it was usually false representation. If he said nothing, expect the payback when you least expected it.
Paul being as hungry as the next driver and on a fifty-six race losing streak, didn’t feel too threatened by my response and tried his “cutting down” trick again in Bristol.
One thing I had learned about Bristol over the years, which most hadn’t figured out, was the track. It was as if Bristol was my own personal playground, so to speak. I knew every corner and every crack on that surface. I could set the fastest lap without trying and could win on any given night with a fifth-place car, if needed. So when Paul came down on me entering turn two during the night race there, he had a rude awakening.
I checked up, let him come down and then passed him on the high side, roosting the marbles as I drifted into turn three to take the win.
He smashed so hard into the inside concrete wall he had to be taken to a nearby hospital because they thought he did some damage to his head.
Did he ever pull that move on me again?
No.
Would he be searching for another ride next season?
Without a doubt.
In my mind, if you couldn’t respect your own teammates, you had no reason to be out there.
Even back in my rookie season, I respected my teammates, and still do. Hell, I respected every driver out there until they gave me a reason not to. Paul gave me a reason. I like to think that most understood where I was coming from with Paul but most didn’t. My dad did, for the most part. It was a constant question debated with the media and one interview with my dad had a lot of impact on the situation.
“That’s Jameson,” he told the media after Bristol. He spoke slowly and with a passion we understood. “No one can take this from him and not expect a fight. Like it or not, he’s ruled by his heart whether you guys wanna believe that or not. While my son is practical to a point, he’s impulsive… that’s just Jameson. Deal with it or don’t. I don’t really care.”
I loved that my dad stuck up for me and, more importantly, that he spoke the truth. Something the media knew nothing about. My family, the people I surrounded myself with, when the bell rang, they were ready and willing to stick up for me and fight for what they believed was true.
Much of this debate between Paul and me resulted in a few meetings with my dad, mostly because he was searching for another driver for next season.
After the team meeting Tuesday morning, following that Bristol race, Dad, much like my grandpa Casten, kept his praising to a minimum. When they did offer it, you had better take it to heart.
I can’t say he was thrilled about it but these days he wasn’t making a lot of sense to me when he replied with: “Don’t waste it, Jameson. You’ve got more talent than I ever had. I mean that.”
I tend to think he was still on pain meds from the hip surgery. There was no way he’d say that lucidly.
I was annoyed when Dad left for his bingo game. I was sure he wasn’t playing bingo these days but what else would he do if he wasn’t racing? All the boys at the shop joked that he played bingo.
After Bristol we also did another inventory. Mulling over the latest results, I noticed things weren’t adding up. Between Paul, my crazy dad, and now this inventory, it did nothing for my mood.
Sway came walking in right after that, upset with Emma about something I couldn’t exactly pinpoint what had her angry―only that she was mad. I was already riled up from the penalties handed down from NASCAR the day before so I only heard half of what she had told me.
Sway stood there looking at me for a response when I asked, “What?” to a question I hadn’t heard.
“Jameson... you, oh, never mind.”
Here came my temper. My fist slammed down on the desk I was sitting at knocking over my cup and a handful of picture frames. “No!” I shouted furiously, “Don’t fucking do that.”
“Do what?” she asked just as angry that I had yelled at her.
“Act like this and not tell me. Don’t do that to me. Tell me what’s wrong. I can’t fix it unless I know.”
“It’s nothing you need to fix,” her tone grew angry. “Besides, you weren’t listening in the first place.”
“Apparently it is if you felt the need to mention it and I’m sorry. I was distracted.”
She smiled. The smile that made it all better but I could tell she was just as worn out as I was these days. Sway was helping with Axel’s fan club and trying to get Casten through school. Arie had decided school wasn’t for her so Sway was trying to make her decide what she wanted to do with her life. Right now that meant nothing but sleeping until noon every day, tattoos and speeding tickets. I wasn’t okay with her not going to school. She was sixteen and she needed to graduate high school. To prove her point and to piss me off, she got her GED.
I wasn’t sure why my little girl had turned into such a little rebel but I was sure her new boyfriend, Brian Tyler, had something to do with it.
All this was stressing us out to the point that we were now yelling at each other. Sighing, I gazed at the inventory again and then back to Sway.
“You wanna get away?” Before I even finished the sentence, Sway was nodding in agreement.
The NASCAR schedule freed up and allowed for yet another week’s break that summer in between races, I decided it was time to spend it with my wife and not at a track.
We decided to make a quick trip to Costa Rica and Sway loved it there. After all the arrangements were made, we told Casten and Arie, who at fourteen and sixteen, were fully capable of staying alone in the house.
“Where are you two going?” Casten asked looking at the bags in the foyer.
“Costa Rica,” I told him. “Stay out of trouble or I’ll ship you off to boarding school.”
“Sweet,” he nodded ruffling his thick rusty waves that fell in his eyes. “I was thinking of having a party.”
“No you weren’t.”
“Actually, I was. It’s time I had a house warming party.”
“Nice job, you ruined it for yourself. I’m staying here,” I sat down on the bags crossing my arms over my chest. “No party for you.”
Casten shrugged carelessly, “Your loss really.”
Oh, goddamn him.
In the end, we ended up going and had Spencer keep an eye on the kids. That was our first mistake. Our second was allowing Emma and Aiden to come with us.
Despite that, any time I was alone with my wife, I forgot the rest of the world even existed. I didn’t think about my obligations or racing. That was a lie, I did think of racing. But I focused more on racing in general and why I loved it so much. My point was that when I was with Sway, she made me not only focus on her but the bigger picture of the sport I loved so much.
We flew commercial and I wasn’t impressed. Over the years I had been forced to fly commercial a handful or times. Thank God for that. This was definitely one of those aspects about my life that gave me bragging rights. I hate airports and, more importantly, their security.
I wasn’t going to take a bomb on the plane but it didn’t stop them from assuming I was. I understood their position but they didn’t need to be so intrusive. When they made Aiden remove his socks, I was sure he felt the same way.
My other problem was naturally my sister. She knew she wasn’t allowed to take her lotion on the plane in her carry-on so she stuffed it in mine. You would have thought from their reaction that small bottle had an explosive substance in it.
After making it through security, Aiden wasn’t happy. Sway was upset with a group of teenage girls who were entirely too flirty and Emma, whose mission seemed to be pissing me off, was doing a great job.
“We don’t fly all that well,” Sway said to Emma as we approached the terminal. “One of us always gets in trouble.”
“Word to that,” Emma gave her a nod. “Last year Aiden was arrested in San Diego because of an altercation with security.”
We were now walking through the jet bridge to board now and an annoyed Aiden, who was a few steps ahead of us, looked back to glaring at Emma.
“What kind of altercation?” Sway asked.
Once we were in our seats, I tried to keep myself busy. I hated hearing their conversations almost as much as I hated traveling with Emma.
Emma buckled herself in next to Sway. Aiden sat beside her next to the aisle leaving me to sit near the window.
“They made him take his socks off at the metal detector.”
“I don’t see how this is important.” Aiden added digging through his bag for what I assumed would be his anxiety medication.
Don’t think I wasn’t tempted to take some myself.
Emma patted his head and handed him water.
“Why would taking his socks off be a problem?” Sway seemed entertained by this and continued the conversation despite the fact that Aiden was now popping pills.
Aiden is a great spotter; maybe even the best in NASCAR but the dude had issues. Indecisive, anxiety, ulcers, you name, he has it.
“He always wears socks.” Emma crossed her legs getting comfortable. “Even when we bone he has to wear them. He’s really weird about it.”
“Emma!” Aiden reprimanded. “Don’t tell people that. It’s private.”
“Nothing’s private in this family,” I added reaching for my phone in my pocket to send Justin a text message wishing him luck at Sharon Speedway tonight.
Aiden caught the flight attendant by the arm when she walked past us. “Can you please get me Rum ‘n Coke?”
“Yes sir,” she replied, her arm draped over his seat. “Anything for you…” realization hit her when she looked at me, her smile grew. “…Mr. Riley?”
“How about you get my wife and sister’s drinks first?”
Sufficiently chastised, she looked at Sway and Emma. “What would you like?”
“I’ll have a Jack on the rocks. No Coke.” Sway didn’t look up from her iPad but instead mumbled a reply.
“What are you looking at?” Judging by the screen it appeared to me that she was planning activities for our four days in San Jose, Costa Rica. I didn’t like activities on vacation.
Sway flipped the tablet over darting her eyes from mine. “Nothing,”
“Listen,” My voice dropped leaning into her shoulder. She looked at me. Raising my left hand, I tucked strands of her flowing mahogany hair behind her ear. She leaned into my palm, her eyes closed. “All I plan on doing is making love to my beautiful wife and doing naughty things to her body.” I took a drink of my Jack ‘n Coke the stewardess handed me and put my moist lips at Sway’s ear, my hand cupped her cheek and then moved behind her head to knot a handful of her hair. Securely in my grasp, I breathed in her ear. “I’ve been placed into drive and my compression is increasing. I need my girl badly.”
Moaning softly, I could feel her relax beside me and smile. Beautiful emerald green caught mine. “No activities?”
“No activities,” I repeated, “…unless, of course, we are naked in bed. Then I’m all for the naked activities.”
I would like to say that my request was granted but no, it wasn’t.
When we landed, got through customs, and were on our way to the Four Seasons hotel, all hell broke loose.
Sway, complaining about the humidity, what it did to her hair, decided to go against my wishes and picked up every brochure she found for different activities that she could find.
Emma was in full annoying mode and pulled out all her usual tricks that included walking as slow as possible. And Aiden was the only one who wasn’t annoying me but I also knew it was only a matter of time before that started.
After checking into the hotel, we agreed to meet Aiden and Emma for dinner. Sway got sidetracked when she saw the beach.
“Do you remember that time we were in Key West?” she breathed reaching up on her tippy toes to breath in my ear. I nearly bent her over on the fucking sidewalk when she did that.
“Checking bearings in the alley?” I grunted moving my hands around her and then squeezing her perfect ass wrapped tightly in an amazing black dress.
“Yep,” she twisted from my embrace and nodded to the beach, eyes lustrous in the pale moonlight.
“I’m not doing it on the beach. Just imagine where all that sand could get.”
My objections went unheard.
Sway’s lips pursed, her hand brushed loose strands of tangled “humidity-enhanced” hair from her face. “Live a little. It’s been a long time since we’ve done it on a beach.”
“Yeah, I remember because it took me a week to get the sand out of my ass. I’m not doing it.”
She knew what to do. She always did. She fucking cried and ran off toward the beach. Angry, annoyed and horny, I followed her despite my fear of sand.
A quick flip and she had the tables turned. She was undressing as she walked toward the water. When her toes hit the edge of the water, heels in hand, she turned, completely naked, to look back at me.
What kind of man would I be if I left my wife naked on the beach just because of my silly fear of those obtrusive particles?
Not a very good one.
Taking my shoes off and leaving them on the sidewalk, I jogged over to her stopping about a foot from her. “You’re naked … on a beach.”
It occurred to me about that time that she was completely naked.
“Well then, cover me up,” she teased with a wiggle of her hips.
Did I waste any time? No, fuck the obtrusive sand.
Her hands found my chest and then ripped my gray button down shirt open, her hands fisted in the fabric. “I want you to fuck me now.”
Without any assembly prep, I had my pants undone and was bending her over on all fours in the sand. No way was I putting my ass in the sand so I knelt and she knew what I was doing.
I wasn’t exactly gentle with her but, honestly, she knew what she’d be getting when she started stripping off her clothes.
She wanted the aggressive side of me.
Though it was going to be aggressive, I took my time entering her, savoring the warmth and tightness. How many guys could say their wives were ready and willing to do it wherever and whenever he wanted? I was one lucky bastard that was for sure.
I heard her gasp, the same time I did from the pure pleasure. My hands fisted her ass again, throwing my head back as the vision of her sexy ass in my hands took my breath away. Over the years, Sway’s body had matured into this unbelievable sexy woman with curves that could make any man moan.
Arching her back, she sat up to curve around my body. Over her shoulder, waves crashed around us. My mouth found her neck and my hands traced her delicate turns that outlined my favorite road course. When my hands swept over her breasts, her head fell back against my shoulder exposing the arch of her neck for me. I eased back and then pushed forward again harder this time, breathing heavy, feeling frantic and driven.
Being slightly paranoid that Emma or Aiden would find us out here, I began imagining their shadows behind us every time the wind blew so that just sent me racing to finish in fear of being caught.
We didn’t last long. Mostly because I was somewhat scared that we were on a public beach and that my knees were burning from scraping in the sand. I also never last long in this position because Sway always looked back at me and I lost it with the way her eyes hooded with the raw lust we held for one another.
“Thanks, champ,” she said after she took a quick dip in the water to rid the sand from her body.
Between the time we left that beach and the time we got to the restaurant, Sway had a reaction to something. When they seated us, her skin was turning red and blotchy marks speckled her neck and arms.
“I think you’re having a reaction to something,” I whispered in her ear as she scratched at her neck. “Did you eat anything strange?”
“No, but I did get a lot of sand in places I didn’t wish to.”
Aiden huffed. “Is that what took you so long?”
I shot him a glare. “Why don’t you just look over the menu and stay out of this. Our food will be here before you finally decide what to drink.”
Emma giggled. “He has a point, babe.” She set her menu down. “I have some Benadryl back at the hotel. Should I get it?”
Sway nodded. “Yeah, I think that might be a good idea.”
Emma left after ordering her meal and went to retrieve the Benadryl. When she returned our meals had arrived and Sway had turned to drinking as a way to forget about the allergic reaction she was having. I felt bad. What if it was the sand or maybe there was something in the water?
Aiden and I got to talking about the Texas night race coming up when Emma returned and took Sway away to get her reaction under control. Her eyes were now bloodshot and I was beginning to wonder if we were going to need to find a hospital soon.
They were gone something like thirty minutes when Aiden suggested that we might go look for them. We’d finished eating and hadn’t seen them since.
Just as we were getting ready to leave, that was when my very drunk wife appeared holding a brochure for white water rafting.
“Look!” Sway waved the brochure in my face, flushed cheeks, glossy eyes and holding a drink in her right hand. “White water rafting,” she pointed to the display holding it across her blotchy chest in front of her. “It’s for those who want an adrenaline filled heart pounding vacation! We want that!”
“Why are you yelling?” Ripping the brochure away from her, I threw it aside. “And if I wanted adrenaline filled I’d be racing. We’re supposed to be on vacation, or did you forget?”
She had no answer but scrambled to capture the brochure. “Our tickets are in there. Don’t let it get away.”
“We don’t do boats,” I had to remind her, “and I told you no activities.”
“Jesus,” Emma appeared staggering behind Sway. “Live a little brother.”
“I thought I told you to give her Benadryl, not alcohol.”
“I did give her Benadryl, and then I gave her alcohol.” Emma defended. “If you were me, you would have, too. She looked horrible.”
She had a very good point.
So like I said, I had no choice in the matter of white water rafting as apparently they voted on that activity.
The following day, we made our way to San Jose and I tried like hell to get out of white water rafting with no success. I was so desperate that I even tried to convince Sway that I had some sort of stomach bug. Still drunk and heavily medicated, she said, “Buck up and get your fucking ass on that raft.”
The tour guide, Tour Ted, as he introduced himself, looked at me and smiled as if he had some sort of plan for us, or me. We weren’t exactly fond of each other. He spent more time eyeing my sister and her bikini than navigating. How Aiden didn’t notice was baffling to me.
The area where we got on the raft was beautiful with clear water, white sand and flowing waterfalls surrounding a canyon.
“I don’t like this,” I said, never taking my eyes off the tour guide as we stepped on the raft. I looked directly at Emma when she strapped her life jacket and helmet on. “You couldn’t have worn something more appropriate?”
“This is appropriate, jackass.” She reached up to her chin to buckle the helmet. “We’re in the water.”
Looking at Sway, she was wearing a bikini top but at least had board shorts on to cover herself a little more than my sister had.
“This isn’t Spring Break on Lake Havasu.”
“Shut up,” Emma kicked my shin.
I got up wanting to smack her when Sway grabbed my hand. “I’m so excited!”
Pushing out the breath I’d been holding between my teeth, I mustered a fake smile.
Just ten minutes into the adventure on Pacuare River, and a bruised ass, I had to let the tour guide know he had no business operating this raft. I’d never been white water rafting but this was hardly adrenaline filled and more annoying filled. Every other bend in the river he was fighting the way the raft would come around and slamming me into another rock.
“You clearly have no idea what you’re doing.”
“I know what I’m doing,” Tour Ted advised me, his eyes never leaving Emma’s legs. “This is part of the adventure.”
“Getting slammed into rocks that could kill me is part of the adventure?” he shot me a glare. At least he actually looked at me. “I must’ve missed that in the brochure.”
Sway put her face right in my ear. “Do you think his name is really Tour Ted?”
“I don’t really give a shit,” I mumbled sitting back in the raft and wondering if today would be the day I died. I always thought I would die doing something I loved and I didn’t love white water rafting.
We were on the raft maybe twenty minutes when we went through a number of tight turns. Tour Ted would shout out what they were, not as if I could hear him, and I was pretty much done with hitting my ass on rocks. Having to hold Sway in the raft and watching Tour Ted molest my sister with his eyes, we came to a sandy bank and he maneuvered the raft to the shore.
“This is Valle del Pacuare,” he said with a coy smile. “Rest a little.” We all stood as though we were getting out when he smiled. “I’ll be right back.”
With a smile, he shoved the raft from the bank with his hands, tossed a map at us, and then disappeared into the thick tree line of the exotic forest.
“Where the fuck is he going?” I looked at the map and then tossed it over my shoulder where it apparently took off with the wind.
“I think we needed that,” Sway said, watching it fly away. Leaning forward, she took the cap off her Benadryl, took a long drink from it, and then opened a mini bar that was in her bag.
Aiden shoved a handful of peanuts in his mouth. “So, let me get this straight … that douchebag left us, didn’t he?”
I didn’t hear anything else he said. Those said peanuts were all over my skin that was all I cared.
“What’s in that bag of yours?” I craned forward looking over Sway’s shoulder to peer into her bag. My arms wrapped around the front trying to steal it from her. “Do you have any wipes or a towel?”
She tossed a towel over her shoulder and a travel size bottle of tequila. “You’re gonna need this, too.”
As the raft floated away, we drank a good portion of Sway’s mini bar and debated about how stupid this white water rafting was. That was about the time our patience for Tour Ted was wearing out. We could barely see shore now and thoughts of dying in a river were surfacing, well for me anyway. The other three in the raft seemed to care less as they soaked up the sun and laughed.
It wasn’t long before it dawned on these drunken fools that we were nowhere near the shore anymore, and, in fact, we were at least a mile from the shore and floating into the Caribbean, for all I knew.
“Shit, we’re really far from shore now. Jameson,” he looked at me as if he was completely appalled that I had let this happen, “why didn’t you say something?”
“Oh shut up, Aiden,” I told him. “Where the fuck were your navigating skills, spotter? Oh right, drinking.”
“I think he left us.” Emma threw back another shot.
Don’t think it hadn’t occurred to me that we shouldn’t be drinking here in the hot sun in the middle of a river with no supervision because it had. It just wasn’t enough of a reason to stop myself.
“Good work, detective.” I took the bottle from Emma. “You shouldn’t be drinking so much. It’s hot and you’ll get dehydrated.”
My focus was more on my skin than the alcohol. I wasn’t sure how it happened, but I had so much sweat and sand on my skin that I was so repulsed, it was the only thing I could focus on. Believe me when I say this wasn’t a trait of mine that I was proud of. I hated, actually despised, anything on my skin, always had. I went as far as to only use certain soaps because I didn’t want any residue left over. In addition, never used lotion because it left a film on my skin that might as well be battery acid as far as I was concerned.
“Maybe I’ve had a little too much,” Sway hiccupped agreeing with me some five minutes later.
Aiden handed her another drink from what looked like his own stash. That was when Emma laughed and snapped a picture of Sway.
Convinced this was Emma’s fault that we were now stuck on a raft in the middle of the river, I gave her a piece of my mind. “I will never vacation with you again, Emma.”
“Whatever. That was hardly my fault. You should have taken the map he handed to you.”
“I heard that!” Sway waved her fifth coconut drink around splashing me in the face.
Great, now I not only had sand on my skin but now I had sticky coconut on me, fantastic.
“Someone get control over her,” I mumbled wiping my face with my shirt.
“She’s your wife.” Aiden pointed out.
“Yeah, but you gave her that drink, or drinks in this case. Don’t think this isn’t on you both.”
“Do you think there are sharks in there?” Sway peeked over the side of the raft.
“No, it’s a river.” Aiden told her looking over the side himself. “At least I don’t think there is.”
“Why do you care if there are sharks?” I asked lifting my head from the edge of the raft that I was using as a pillow.
“Because,” Sway stood up and then tumbled on top of me from all the alcohol and Benadryl, “I’m going to swim to shore.”
“I don’t think so, honey.” I chuckled adjusting her on my lap, the thought crossed my mind that she was perfectly positioned for align boring, but sadly, our family was here. “You’ve had too much to drink.”
Setting Sway back in front of me I tossed the oars to Aiden and said, “Here, help me and we can get back to shore.”
Working together or at least I thought we were, it must have occurred to Aiden that we had made no progress.
“Jameson,” Aiden yelled from his place at the front of the raft. “You’re supposed to be rowing the same direction as me!”
“I can’t see what way you’re rowing!” I yelled back watching Sway closely to make sure her drunken ass stayed put. She was still looking over the side of the raft searching for a shark.
Emma thought it would be a good idea to come back and see what I was doing and why we weren’t moving.
“Don’t come back here. Stay up there. You’ll throw off the weight balance.”
Before I could finish my sentence, Emma fell into the side of the raft and cut a hole in the side. Aiden fell in the water next and started swimming to shore.
“You guys are so stupid,” he mumbled.
Emma and Sway fell into the water next and, before I knew it, we were all in the water.
I looked at Emma who was treading water in a manner that seemed as if she was drowning. “You’re a dick,” I told her and swam over to her intending on drowning her tiny ass. She grabbed my shoulders pushing my whole head under.
“I’m not a fucking floating device. Stop that!”
Emma dunked me once more.
“Kids!” I heard Aiden call out. “Stop trying to kill each other. We need to find that tour guide.”
I noticed the cool water turn warm a little too quickly. “Are you peeing?” I asked in complete horror.
“Yes,” Emma answered too calmly.
We tried to swim to shore but it was a river and the current wasn’t easy to swim against. Mostly because my sister had decided to act as if she was a goddamn chimpanzee and cling to my back.
“You are, by far, the most useless person in this family Emma!” I said to her when she bit my shoulder and told me to swim faster.
“You know what, Jameson?” Aiden butted in not knowing that his wife was attacking me. How could he know? He was spending entirely too much time using a turtle to get to shore. I wanted to tell him that they bite but, instead, after Emma bit me, I felt he needed to find that out on his own. “Let’s focus on finding that useless fucking tour guide and get the hell out of here,” Aiden yelled over his shoulder. “We’re all doing our best.”
“You’re right.” Then I smacked Emma on the back of the head when Aiden wasn’t looking. “Let’s find that useless fucking tour guide.”
At some point during this ordeal, Emma and I had separated from Sway and Aiden and they seemed to be closer to shore than we were, probably because I was swimming for two.
I kept looking around hoping I would see a rescue raft but saw nothing but turtles. I couldn’t understand why they were in a river. Didn’t they prefer oceans?
“It’s like the time we went camping in Dayton Peak.”
I glanced over my shoulder at Emma, still piggybacking, in shock. “You and I apparently remember that night very differently.”
“How so?”
“Well, for one…we were in the woods.” Water splashed me in the face when Emma tried to help us by flailing her arms. “We’re in a tropical paradise here and there are no cougars. Turtles and strange birds, yes, but no cougars, thank God. Stop trying to help. You’re not.”
“Turtles bite. You know that, right?”
“I do know—”
“I think I see him!” Sway announced. “It’s him!”
I craned my neck to see what she saw. It was Tour Ted standing on the white sandy shore with a stick in hand, smiling.
Jerk.
“How was your trip? Did you guys bond well?”
It was clear to me right then that motherfucker planned this and I had something to say about it. When we reached the shore, I got up intending to beat the shit out of him when Emma kicked her leg out and tripped me.
With a face full of sand I said, “You are the world’s worst tour guide!”
“Jameson!” Sway chastised my tone of voice.
“What? We paid him to get lost. That’s not good.”
Tour Ted defended himself by saying it was a good experience for us but I lost interest.
I think I had become so disoriented, and tired, that I eventually gave up and laid in the sand staring at the blue sky.
Worst mistake ever.
As Tour Ted and Aiden repaired the raft and its hole so we could return to San Jose, I kept my place in the sand. I wasn’t helping. Sway sat down beside me, her hand rested on my stomach. “I won’t plan anymore activities.”
“You better not.” I turned on my side eventually intending to get up when I felt something touch my bare foot and then a sharp pain shot through my entire leg.
When I jerked my leg back, I kicked Sway in the thigh. She screamed, and then I screamed when I saw a fucking turtle looking at me.
“You are not one with nature!” Sway yelled at me holding her own leg.
Emma and Aiden looked back and forth between our faces, confused and wary. Emma spotted the turtle before Aiden did and fell next to him in a fit of laughter holding her stomach. “I told you they bite!”
“Am I missing something?” Aiden scratched his mop of California blonde hair. “Why are you bleeding?”
Sway looked up at me laying there like a rape victim and then rolled her eyes and grabbed another drink from her bag. “You’re such a hot mess.”
Holding my side, I tried to catch my breath and explain what happened to Aiden but couldn’t get it out. “I … you … Sway … turtle … shit.”
With a cocky attitude, that goddamn turtle glared with part of my flesh in his mouth. I swear to God that he fucking glared. Okay, maybe he didn’t have any flesh in his mouth but it sure, as shit looked like it. Here it was, another vacation, and I was being attacked by the wild life.
Awesome.
I looked down to see the damage and there it was, a big gaping turtle bite.
No one cared about my turtle bite but me and acted as if it was just your average scrape. It wasn’t and I was in need of medical attention. At least I thought that.
When we weren’t getting back to San Jose quick enough, I voiced my concern once again.
“What’s the problem exactly?” I asked rather annoyed, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to get back to the hotel so I could get this fucking sand off me and clean my leg up. I was sure I would get some sort of flesh eating disease or infection from this. For someone who has skin issues, an infection is pretty much life ending.
“Okay, you know what asshole? Just because you got bit by a turtle doesn’t mean you have to make the rest of us miserable.” Emma said, getting angry. “We all want to go home.” Once she finished her rant, she propped herself against Aiden’s shoulder as if she was going to sleep.
I tried to tell Sway how unreasonable everyone was being. I was injured. Surely, I was in need of urgent medical care.
“You’ve got just as many issues as him,” Sway told Emma, ignoring me altogether, and laughed from the other side of Aiden. Her eyes found mine. “You kicked me, remember?”
“Because I was bitten by a turtle,” I added, holding my leg. “It wasn’t on purpose.”
Emma didn’t waste any time before she was pulling Sway’s hair for her previous comment and trying to push my drunken wife from the boat.
“See what you’ve done?” Aiden groaned at me. “You’ve created a war.”
“Whatever.” I shrugged, rummaging through the rest of the alcohol.
We eventually arrived back in San Jose and returned to our hotel rooms after I threatened to kill Tour Ted. Sway kindly told me I should spend the rest of the evening in our room.
“I think,” Emma smacked Sway’s shoulder as we stood in the lobby of the hotel deciding on dinner. “That this isn’t a one drink night. You got shit faced and hired Tour Ted from hell. We need this! Let’s go eat and see what happens.”
“Do you remember the last time we said that? Your mom ended up with a tattoo on her lower back and in jail because of you.” Sway reminded her holding me up.
I was still very much concerned with my wound and in my mind shouldn’t have to be supporting all of my weight on it.
“I’m hungry,” I announced though no one paid any attention to me.
“I’m hungry, too,” Aiden said, nodding to me.
At least he heard me.
“Yeah, let’s get food,” Emma agreed, looking to Sway for confirmation and ignoring me when I pushed her. “Listen, asshole,” Emma got right in my face. “Just because you were bit doesn’t mean you get to be a jerk. Stop pushing me.”
“Fine, let’s go eat. I’m starving.”
Sway shook her head. “You need to clean your leg up and then we will decide.”
“But I’m hungry.” I was all for cleaning up but it had been hours since I had last eaten and I was becoming more and more delirious to the point where I couldn’t feel my entire leg.
Sway shot me a look and naturally, I looked the other way finding the wall more interesting, “Fine.”
I decided it was time to focus on the task at hand. Getting my leg cleaned and then I could eat dinner.
Sway helped me to our room, holding me up in the doorframe. “Don’t move and Jesus Christ, Jameson, support your weight. You’re not dying and I can’t carry your two-hundred pound body.”
“I can’t put pressure on it,” I whined, pushing out my bottom lip. “It hurts and I think I need emergency one-on-one care from you,” I whispered in her ear.
Fumbling with the key in the door, I chuckled at her determination. “Do you remember when I was fumbling with a key in the door and you were supporting yourself in a doorframe?”
“Yeah, you knocked me up that night.” She huffed pushing the door open. “Now go get in the shower.”
I stood straight and saluted her, “Yes, ma’am.”
Sway helped me with my shower and purged the offensive sand from my skin. She gave me the one-on-one attention I needed in the form of some micro polishing too and then bandaged up my leg.
“How did you get so good at playing nurse?” I asked, sticking a straw in the bottle of Jack Daniels I found in the refrigerator.
“I have two boys who managed to break every bone in their bodies and a little girl who has no fear. I’ve had my fair share of nursing experience. And don’t forget,” she pulled the leg of my pants over the bandage and kissed it softly. “I’m married to you.”
“You’re the best wife.” I cooed and she grabbed the bottle.
“Come on, champ.” She held her hands out to me. “Let’s get some food in you.”
I did get food in me but I insisted on drinking because of my pain level. No way in hell was I getting any prescription drugs in another country so I stuck to liquid.
“Give me that bottle!” Sway yelled when I told the waiter what I thought of his waiting skills.
“Okay, let’s think rationally,” Aiden suggested, stepping in and replacing my bottle of tequila I found in the bar with a bottle of water. “Someone should take that away from him.”
“Really, how would you think rationally? It took you a fucking hour to decide what you were going to drink with dinner. Fuck you. Leave my bottle alone,” I said, with no sense of rationality.
“Jameson!” Again, Sway yelled right in my face. “He’s trying to help you.”
In my mind, my very drunk and injured mind, he wasn’t helping me.
Before I knew it, I curled up in bed because apparently I wasn’t social material that evening. At least that was what I was told when I woke up on the bathroom floor at four in the morning feeling like Mardi Gras had shit on me.
Sway convinced me to go down to the lobby and eat breakfast with her, so I did, but when we got back to our room to start packing, I wasn’t excited with what I witnessed. I was mortified, yes.
Our room was right next to Aiden and Emma’s room. When we entered our room, we walked in and crashed on the bed, neither of us wanting to move. For one, my leg was sore and I had a headache that felt like someone was beating nails into my skull. Sway, recovering from her allergic reaction that turned out to be something in the water, felt the same way. “I just want to go home,” she said with a heavy sigh.
“Me, too,” I agreed, rolling to my side to face her. Even with her blotchy skin and swollen eyes, she was still incredibly beautiful. “When does our flight leave again?”
She looked over at the clock and sighed again. “We have about four hours until we should leave.”
“I can think of a few things to take up that time.”
And that was when we heard…
“Oh, baby! Oh… Jesus… yes… just like that!”
Yeah, that was my sister screaming. The next few seconds went by brutally slow and I covered my ears but heard noises I never wanted to hear.
“Not again!” I groaned covering my head with a pillow.
Sway started laughing hysterically.
Nothing is worse than hearing someone having sex, when you’re not, and then knowing it’s your sister and brother-in-law. Like battery acid, the worst fucking images get imbedded into your brain.
The noises were close to the wall and just about the time, I was ready to lock myself in the bathroom, we heard wood splintering and an ear splitting crashing noise. I wasn’t sure if the hotel was collapsing or what. Frantically my eyes darted around the room searching for the noise when I saw the adjoining door collapse about ten feet from our bed. Aiden and Emma, naked, were on top of it looking around as though they had no idea what had just happened.
“Oh my God!” I screamed like a dying feral cat. “Cover up! Cover up!”
“We’re trying!” they both screamed.
Sway, all calm and relaxed, peeked over me to look down at the floor. “You’re right Emma, he does wear his socks when you bone.”
I wanted to claw my fucking eyes out at the vision before me. My sister was naked but even worse was Aiden’s ass in my face as he tried to scramble back inside his own room.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I ran full speed toward our bathroom, smacked right into the wall and nearly knocked myself unconscious. If I was being completely honest, my plan was to knock myself out. I didn’t want to remember this vacation. I silently hoped it would be like a post-traumatic war syndrome and could I block it out, it didn’t help.
After that vacation, I was thankful it was time to go home. Still not on speaking terms with Aiden or Emma, I vowed never to fly anywhere with them again but I knew that wouldn’t last long. Much to my liking, they were a bit self-conscious over the incident and kept to themselves. Sway couldn’t stop laughing. Every time she looked at Aiden, she laughed. Every time she looked at Emma, she laughed.
They did not.
I also never planned to go anywhere that had animals of any sort. Sway was right, I wasn’t one with the nature and those evil bastards confirmed that. I was meant to be on a track and only a track.
Sway looked at her iPad when we were waiting for the plane to take off and gasped, “Uh, well, apparently the kids set the street on fire.”
“Kids,” I sat up straight in the seat adjusting my sore leg that would need to be looked at when we returned. My head felt like someone hit me with an ax and I could barely walk on my leg this morning. It wasn’t me just being a baby either. It was red and swollen and that shit wasn’t looking good, “My kids?”
“Uh-huh.”
“How’d they manage that?” I wasn’t all that interested because it wasn’t the first time they had set something on fire. But a street… that was a first. Despite all of that and the disastrous vacation from hell, it felt good sitting here beside Sway. It felt good being disengaged for a few days and provided a distraction. One hell of a distraction, but regardless, it was nice.
“Oh look,” she pulled up the local news website, “it made the news and there’s a video.”