Scott put his bag down and took one last look around his bedroom. He would miss this place. He’d done his best to avoid getting attached to it, but after a year in one place a guy got used to things whether or not he wanted to. After everything, though, he still wasn’t leaving with any more than what he’d come in with - a suitcase, and a duffel bag. The clothes inside might be different. Valor Entertainment had sprung for paternity clothes, since he’d gotten pregnant in the line of duty so to speak. They were even covering the cost of his medical care up to and through the birth.

Pretty decent of them, all things considered.

“So, Scott.” Yates’ voice was like pine sap, sticky and probably toxic. Good thing Scott would never have to hear it again, after today. “I notice your bags are packed. I take it that you’ve made your formal decision.”

“What’s the matter, Yates?” Scott looked up at the ceiling. He wouldn’t cry. “Maybe I decided to go on vacation. A baby-cation. Alone.”

“Anything’s possible, I suppose. Why would you do such a thing, though? You surely don’t need to go on vacation alone. You had such a good time in Hawaii.”

Scott would never be able to think about Hawaii again without tears. Stop it, he ordered himself. His mental voice was a vicious snarl, scraping against his brain like teeth on bone. You were happier there than you’ve ever been in your life. Treasure the memories for what they are and appreciate them, you ungrateful sack of skin. “Maybe that’s where I’ll go.”

“Do you have anything you want to get off of your chest?” Yates’ voice softened. “Anything you want to share with your fans before we go out into the living room to stop taping? We’ll still be recording the follow-ups, of course, but we won’t be quite so obtrusive.”

“Thank God,” Scott muttered. Then, “I just want the public to know that even though things didn’t work out for me and Danny, Danny’s a great guy. It was a timing thing, that’s all. He was really patient, he helped me with all of my baggage and all of the drama that followed me into the marriage. He didn’t… he didn’t sign up for any of that. He didn’t have to do it. He did it anyway, because that’s the kind of guy he is.

“It didn’t work out because relationships take a lot of work, and a lot of effort. I think Danny is worth that effort, but he has a lot of other things going on that demand his time and attention. I’ve seen some of the commentary from some folks sticking up for me and saying he needs to spend more time on me and away from his company, and I appreciate that. But Danny’s been building that company for literally half of his life. He can’t just put it down, you know? You can’t ask someone to turn away from their livelihood, especially not when so many other people’s jobs and livelihoods depend on it. Not for one guy.

“And Abraham - Abraham is a child. None of this is his fault, and none of this is Brian’s fault. They were pulled into this too. The show worked really hard to track them down. And before you go blaming the show for working so hard to break me and Danny up - well, they did, but Abe is everything Danny has ever wanted. I am truly happy for them, and I wish all three of them every happiness in the world.”

Yates had his usual sneer, but the lights glittered off of something wet in his eye. Had Scott managed to elicit a tear from his nemesis? He wasn’t typically mean or vindictive, but he’d call it a win if he had. “Truly lovely. Now let’s just go and get the final formal session over with.”

Scott followed Yates out into the living room. The cameras were there. Danny was not there, not yet. He’d get there, because he had to be. It was the story of the entire second half of their marriage. He was there when he had to be, not a minute before. Or after.

Just as Scott had predicted, Danny walked in the door at the assigned taping time on the dot. He sat down for makeup and hair, not looking at anyone. His skin was white as a sheet, so at least Scott knew he felt something.

Once Danny was ready, they sat on the couch together for the last time. Scott tried not to lean in. If he was going to sit there and try to commit the scent of Danny’s body wash to memory, he should have done it off camera. Too little, too late, just like everything else. If Scott hadn’t been such a screw up, maybe he could have captured more of Danny’s heart. If he hadn’t been so damaged, maybe he could have kept more of Danny’s attention. If he hadn’t been so used, maybe Danny wouldn’t have gotten so disgusted by him.

If Scott weren’t everything his father said he was, maybe he wouldn’t have been such a failure at this.

Yates beamed at the camera. “Well, here we are with our season’s contestants, Scott Thorburn and Danny Magee. They’ve made it through close to a year of marriage, right here on camera for your entertainment. They didn’t get to choose one another, they had to live together, and they had to find a way to make it work for that one year.

“At first, it was pretty touch and go. We wondered if we might have found only the fourth couple in the show’s history to have to call it quits before their term was up! Danny is a driven executive with a specific list of goals for his marriage, and Scott was a martial arts instructor with a challenging history who only ever auditioned for the show to support a friend. He didn’t want to get married at all.

“Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right?” Yates laughed, because subjecting assault survivors to unwanted marriages was just hilarious. “In the end, though, the couple managed to stick it out. Scott got some help for the problems caused by his difficult childhood. Danny learned patience. They learned to care for one another.

“And then things got challenging. Scott’s family became an issue. Scott’s history became an issue. Danny’s job became a problem, and he learned that he didn’t need to get married to have a child as he already had one. As we stand now, Scott is pregnant but the couple’s situation is somewhat precarious. Today, the couple has to make a choice. Will they continue on as a married pair, or will they separate and continue with their single lives?”

Danny opened his mouth, but he closed it again. Scott closed his eyes. He would not cry on camera. He knew Yates wanted him to. It would be ratings gold, to reduce an omega to tears like that. He refused to do it.

Yates turned to Scott. “Scott, seeing as how you’re the pregnant one, you and your future are the most affected by this decision. Why don’t you go first? Do you want to stay, or do you want to strike out on your own?”

Scott swallowed. He’d said it a few times, to other people. It hadn’t been for posterity’s sake. It hadn’t been the final episode, the last decision. It didn’t have this nail in the coffin quality to it. There would be no going back after this. He couldn’t buy himself time. No one was going to try to convince him to change his mind. No one was going to try to convince him this was the wrong choice.

Because it wasn’t.

“Yates, that’s kind of a misleading question. I’d love to stay. I’d love to turn back the clock and put everything back to the way it was in Hawaii, or even back at Thanksgiving. We can’t do that, though.” He took a deep breath. “I might want to stay, but I can’t. I’m not… Danny has everything he wants now. He’s got the child he always wanted, and Abe’s a great kid. A fantastic kid. His company’s running smoothly again, and he can dedicate as much time to it as he needs to. Without me around, he won’t have the circus that my family brings and he won’t have all of my baggage.

“In Abraham’s father he has someone with whom he has great chemistry, who his parents will certainly tolerate having around. He couldn’t have that with me, and sex wasn’t a consideration except for one time. Which I totally don’t blame him for. It’s fine, but he’s an alpha, he’s got needs and I’m obviously not someone who can fill them.

“He has this beautiful huge home, and he hasn’t felt comfortable spending any time there at all since January. That’s not right. That’s not… that’s not okay. I took that from him. And it’s part of the contract, I couldn’t leave as long as we were still filming the show, but I knew it was wrong. He shouldn’t have to avoid his own home just because I’m in it.

“It feels like a failure, and I don’t want to do this. But I am exercising my choice to bring an end to the marriage, under the terms of the Game Show contract.” He pulled his wedding ring off of his finger and reached over to Danny.

Danny just stared at him in confusion. “You can’t - we never talked about this. We never talked about the baby. We never talked about whether or not to end it.”

“We never talked about anything, after we got back from Hawaii.” Scott let the ring fall into Danny’s lap. “I love you, Danny. And I always will. If you and Brian don’t work out, I know you’ll find someone who makes you almost as happy as you made me.”

“Scott — ” Danny frowned and looked down into his lap. Then he picked up the ring and squeezed it.

Scott grabbed his bags. He left his key on the hook and walked out the door. It shut behind him with a terminal sounding “thunk.” Scott was officially on his own now.

Regret started before he made it even a few feet down the hall. Should he have used the opportunity to fight, one last time, for their marriage? Settled in, refused to leave, argued for family and their baby? Should he have gotten down on his knees and begged, pleaded, for Danny to give him another chance, to prove he could be a passable husband?

No. The temptation was there, of course. It would always be there. He’d probably make it to ninety, and he’d still want to go find whatever nursing home held Danny and want to throw himself at Danny’s feet. Danny wouldn’t respect that kind of behavior. Scott couldn’t think of anything, within reason, he could have done then or now to keep his husband that he hadn’t already tried.

He was a failure. It was time to move on.

He headed out into the rainy New York afternoon and called a Lyft. It showed up in moments and brought him to the hotel he’d reserved ahead of time. He checked in, headed up to his room, and locked the door behind himself.

The silence had weight.

Outside the room, there was plenty of noise, plenty of life. Housekeeping bustled around putting the last touches on guest rooms. Other guests checked in, or returned to their rooms after long days at work or play. Children ran and laughed down the hall. That oppressive silence sat between him and the outside world, deadening the sounds from the hallway. He might as well have been hearing them from underwater.

He lay back on the bed and put his hand on his belly. The baby, Danny’s baby, kicked against it. He shouldn’t get used to interacting with it. This wasn’t really interacting, of course. The baby didn’t truly have a brain yet. The brain was forming. It had a proto-brain. Those kicks were just practice signals from the thing that would be its brain, responding to stimulus but not really conscious or awake. It wasn’t interactive yet.

As far as he was concerned, it never would be. They would cut the baby out of him, by mutual agreement. They usually did that with a spinal but for him, they were going to do it under general. He would never see the baby. He would never hear its cries. He would never know its gender. The baby would be handed off to someone else as soon as they pulled it out of his belly, and he would wake up sore and bloody and not pregnant anymore. That would be the end of it.

Now, alone and with no cameras anywhere near him, he could cry. He could cry in a real bed, too. He didn’t have to hide in a closet. He didn’t want to give his baby to strangers. The baby was proof, to himself if no one else, that he’d been loved once. Danny had loved him. Danny had loved him enough to hold him close, to share his bed, to make this baby with him. When the pregnancy was over, there would be nothing left. There would be only memories that hurt just as much as they helped.

He wished he could be allowed to hold the baby, just for a little while. He knew himself, though. If he held the baby, he’d never let it go. If he looked at the baby, he’d never stop grieving. He’d look for that child in every face he saw until the day he died. He was doing the right thing by giving it up, and he knew it, but knowing it was right didn’t make it any easier.

He wondered if he could convince Grant to come by, to blow off work and keep him away from his own bleak thoughts. It probably wasn’t the best idea. Grant couldn’t afford to blow off work, especially if he wasn’t sick. Scott could pay him, but that just got into seriously creepy territory. Paying your friends to hang out with you was gross.

He might be a failure at life, but he hadn’t sunk that low yet.

He unpacked his bags and settled in. He was going to have to be here for a while. The tenant in the apartment he was moving into wasn’t going to be out until the middle of the month, and then he was having the place painted. He still needed furniture, too. One of his partners in the Astoria building, Keegan Cunningham, knew an interior decorator in the area. Scott was more than happy to let this guy have his way with the place, but that still meant a whole lot of sitting back and waiting.

Scott lay down on his hotel bed and closed his eyes. Waiting was something he couldn’t screw up. Probably.

* * *

Danny didn’t breathe as he watched the love of his life walk out the door. Every muscle in his body was screaming at him to follow Scott, to chase him, to bring him back and show him exactly what it meant to love and be loved and damn it DON’T LET HIM LEAVE, but he sat and stared. Yates’ hand dug into his shoulder until the door closed behind him.

“Oh, Danny Boy,” Yates crooned. “You’re a free man now. What do you think about that?”

Yates’ fake-dulcet tones were like a needle scratching across a record. “What do I think about it? He’s my reason for living and he just walked out the door. What do you think I think about that?”

Yates scoffed and took Scott’s place at Danny’s side. “Don’t you think that’s a tad dramatic, Danny? You’ve barely spoken since mid-January. It’s almost May. I think this was the only possible outcome, don’t you?”

“As a matter of fact, no I freaking don’t.” Danny opened his fist and looked at the ring in his hand. “I think the right outcome, the outcome I was hoping for, would have been for me to get over myself, open my mouth, and work through my crap.

“Could he have done some things differently? Sure. You know, I’m still pissed that he didn’t tell me he was pregnant until last week. But I didn’t make it easy for him either. I pushed him until he stopped trying. I’m supposed to be a man of action. I’m a CEO. In business, I’m that guy, the one who definitely sits up and gets the job done. In my personal life I’m apparently the one who chickens out and shoots myself in the foot.

“I’m not doing it again. Scott walked away because he didn’t think I wanted him to stay.”

Yates sneered. Someday his face was going to freeze like that and Danny was going to laugh. “You didn’t even ask.”

“You’re right. I didn’t. I was counting on him to somehow have the understanding and the confidence to just magically and mystically ‘get’ that I needed him, and wanted him. It was stupid. I took him for granted. But I’m going to go and get him. I am.”

“No you’re not.” Yates waved a hand. “You’re going to stay right here and talk to the viewers about your future, without Scott. Admit it! If you’d wanted him, you’d have made room for him. You didn’t. You’d got bored with him and you wanted a change.”

“I could never be bored with Scott.” Danny squeezed the ring again. “Scott was everything.”

“You were sick of the drama that came with him.”

“Keep stretching. At your age it’s good for your bones.”

Yates snarled. It was fun to watch him lose his cool. Not fun enough to make up for the pain in Danny’s soul right now, but he’d take what he could get. “Admit it, Danny, he just wasn’t enough for you. He was a broken omega and you needed someone who didn’t need to be fixed!”

“Scott wasn’t ‘broken’ and he didn’t need to be fixed.” Danny curled his lip, just a little bit. “He had some baggage. So do I. So does everyone else. He’s not the one who chickened out, is he? No. He had his fears but he faced them, every time. I’m the one who couldn’t do that. I’m the one who was so afraid of hurting that beautiful, amazing man that I wound up doing exactly that.”

He turned to look straight into the camera. “Both Scott and I have made mistakes. I’m older. I should have seen those mistakes coming. And I’m going to go and fix them, right now. Don’t think, even for a moment, that I’m not.”

Yates cleared his throat, because he hated to be anything but the center of attention. “So do you have anything to say to your fans, before we take the cameras out of your home and switch to only filming the aftermath?”

“Hell yeah I do. Take a lesson from me and Scott. Talk to your partner. And if your partner is trying to talk to you, for the love of all that’s holy, let them. Don’t run away. Don’t chicken out. And don’t be an asshole.” He turned to Yates. “Are we done?”

Yates blinked. “I suppose.”

“Excellent. Go away.” Danny turned to the crew. “Thank you all for your time and your sensitivity. I’m going to go try to catch up with my husband. I trust all of your surveillance devices will be gone by the time I get home.”

Danny ran after Scott, but by the time he got to the building lobby Scott was gone. He’d gotten into a Lyft and while the doorman could tell him the car went south on Gramercy Park, it wasn’t exactly rocket science. It was a one way street.

He called, but Scott didn’t pick up. Maybe Scott had blocked the number. Maybe Yates or someone else from the show had “helped.” Maybe he was in a dead zone or a tunnel and wasn’t getting reception. Either way, Danny couldn’t reach him.

For a good, solid minute, Danny stood in the rain and panted. His hands shook while he tried to figure out his next move. He couldn’t let Scott get away, not like this. They couldn’t end like this, not like this!

He ran over to a coffee shop, one that didn’t have any cameras, and used his work phone. “Grant, buddy.”

Grant sounded irritated. “Dude, I’m on break. And I’m so not your buddy right now.”

“Fair enough. Where’s Scott?”

“No idea. And I wouldn’t tell you if I did.”

“What, you think he’s hiding from me?” Danny slammed his fist on the table and then slouched as he realized people were staring.

“He’s been super down about this whole… thing… for a while. I know he and a couple of other guys were buying an apartment building in Astoria. It’ll give him some income, since he lost his job on account of getting pregnant by you, so good job ruining his life there buddy, and it’ll give him a place to stay. But the tenant who’s been in that apartment won’t be out until mid-May, so he’s got to park his butt until June first so he can get the place set up. I don’t know where he’s staying.”

Danny slouched even further. “He lost his job?”

“He can’t work as a martial arts instructor if he can’t get hit in the belly, can he?” Grant snorted. “And the guy who owns the dojo couldn’t even afford to pay health insurance. He sure as hell couldn’t afford to hold his job open until he could come back, you know? It’s sad, but he ain’t mad. Good thing the show already paid him.”

Danny hadn’t thought about that. He paid his employees’ insurance in full, never mind this “employees’ share” crap. Of course, he ran a multi-billion dollar corporation, not a tiny martial arts studio in Astoria. “Jesus. Okay. Um, who can I call who can put me in touch with him?”

“His phone?”

“He’s not picking up.”

“It’s a subtle hint.”

“That’s not okay. I have to go and try.” A tear dripped from Danny’s eye.

Grant couldn’t see the tear and it probably wouldn’t have moved him much if he had. “Dude. You had months. At this point, all that’s left is to leave it all to the lawyers.”

Danny straightened up. “Excellent idea. Thank you so much.”

“No charge.” Grant hung up.

Danny dialed Ty Cunningham’s number. Cunningham recognized his number, of course. “Danny. I was just packing up to go home for the night.”

“Sorry. I hate to keep you late, but I’ll make this quick. Where’s Scott?”

“In a place with no cameras, no game show hosts, and no husbands.”

Danny let out a growl of frustration. “For months people kept telling me to talk to Scott. Now no one will let me?”

“He’s heartbroken, Danny. He needs to heal. I don’t know what you think he took, but all he has in the world is a suitcase and a duffel bag. Whatever it is, send me an email. If he has it, I’ll get it from him and bring it to you.”

“You mean like my baby, my heart, and my soul?”

Cunningham snorted. “Cute. You could have said that months ago. It’s a little late now.”

“Better late than never. Look, I tried to go after him during filming. I froze up when he was speaking, I tried to go after him when he was done, but Yates restrained me. If I’d punched Yates on camera I’d be in jail and I wouldn’t do anyone any good. Just - please. Let me go talk to him. If it has to end let it end better than this. Let him understand that I screwed up. Me. Let me tell him why I hid. Please.” Danny blinked back more tears.

Cunningham went silent for a long moment, and Danny wondered if he’d just hung up on him. “Okay,” he said after a deep sigh. “Let me come and get you. I’m not letting you do this on your own. For one thing, I don’t think he’ll answer the door. To anyone.”

Cunningham showed up in a town car a few minutes later - “because hey, you’re paying for it” - and they rode over to a nondescript chain hotel in southern Westchester County. Apparently Cunningham had made the reservation, to avoid any unwanted attention. “The last thing he wants is for the show to show him living out of a hotel while he’s waiting for the new apartment to be ready. He feels lousy enough without Yates trying to make him look even more fragile and pathetic.”

“He’s neither,” Danny said, gritting his teeth. “He’s neither.”

“Don’t I know it. But he’s already uncomfortable with looking that way, and then there’s the pregnancy on top of it. It’s a perception thing, a self-perception thing too. His father liked to manipulate the way other people saw him so no one would believe him, and he knows Yates does the same thing. He’s feeling vulnerable. It shouldn’t be a surprise.” He led Danny up to the front desk, where he got the spare key per what was apparently a preexisting arrangement. Then he led Danny down the elevator corridor and buttonholed him.

“Look. Do you know what you’re going to say?”

Danny squirmed. “Sort of?”

“Figure it out. Don’t just stand there and freeze up, staring at him for five minutes before I dump the ice bucket over your head. I swear to God I’ll take every asset you have up to and including your Hellion Club membership. I’m taking a huge risk doing this, and I’m only doing it because I’ve been rooting for the two of you this whole time.”

Danny leaned against the wall. His mouth went dry. Could he do this? He wasn’t prone to losing his words, but that had marked his entire relationship with Scott since January. He couldn’t honestly say he wasn’t going to lose his nerve.

“Can you maybe poke me if I do that?” he tried weakly. “Because here’s the thing. I kept chickening out because I was afraid of saying the wrong thing. I didn’t want to go too far or say it wrong, or bring up a bad memory. I froze, because of that. And I know, I know, he’s a grown man and he’s in charge of telling me when I cross the line. I know that. But he’s also Scott. He’s been hurt so often, by people who should love him and protect him, that I just want to make sure no one ever does that again. And I freeze.”

“Well, don’t do that.” Ty scowled. “Come on. Every minute you waste is time Scott spends moving forward.”

Danny trudged toward the elevator.

He was used to palatial suites and luxury hotels, not middle of the road places that made their name based on how bland they could be. He thought he could figure out what Scott was thinking. Scott was used to being frugal. Scott had come into a lot of money, or a lot of money for him. But he had no job, and the rental income hadn’t started coming in yet. He’d want to make every penny last, without sticking to a fleabag kind of place. It wasn’t a bad hotel, but it still felt wrong after the luxury of Hawaii.

Cunningham opened the door to the suite. Even though it was only six o’clock or so, Scott was already in bed. The room was dark. He was asleep. He wasn’t watching TV or reading. He’d just gone to sleep.

Cunningham cleared his throat. “Hey, Scott?” He turned the light closest to the door on. “Scott, it’s me, Ty. I brought you a visitor.”

Scott opened his eyes blearily and sat up in bed. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, and then he did a double take. “Danny? Did I forget to leave something?”

Danny almost bolted at the utter innocence of the question. Scott honestly hadn’t expected Danny to come for him. He probably hadn’t wanted him to either. He was here because he wanted to leave.

But no - Scott was in bed and asleep at six o’clock in the evening. His eyes were red and his face blotchy. Danny belonged here. He had to fix this.

“Yeah, you did.” Danny walked a little further into the room. He gestured at the suitcase. “You forgot to leave that. And that.” He gestured at the duffel bag. “And this.” He gestured to Scott himself, watching him with unfeigned confusion. “You definitely forgot to leave that behind.” He swallowed hard and reached into his pocket. “But you did leave this, when you should have kept it.”

He pulled out Scott’s ring and handed it back to him. Scott accepted it, but it looked like he was moving on autopilot. “What’s going on?” He looked over at Cunningham. “Did I fall? Get hit in the head?”

Danny sat down on the edge of the bed. He sat gingerly and watched for any sign of discomfort from Scott, but Scott just watched him with saucer-sized eyes. “Scott,” he began. He froze, but a warning glance from Cunningham got him moving again. “Scott, I was scared. I was afraid of hurting you, so I wound up pushing you away. Which hurt you, I know, but we talked about phobias back in Hawaii. They’re not rational. And I love you so much that I was terrified to say or do the wrong thing.

“I didn’t trust myself not to push you too far. Sexually. And instead of trusting you, an adult, to know your own limits especially once you knew what to look for, I panicked. And I pushed you away because I was afraid of doing too much or saying too much.

“Scott, I screwed up. But I never stopped loving you. And I don’t think you ever stopped loving me.”

“I never could.” Scott whispered. “But Danny, what about Brian? You already have a kid who doesn’t come with all the crap, the monster in the family tree, all that. You don’t need us.” He gestured to himself and his baby bump.

“I love Abe. I adore him. He’s my first born and that’s important. I missed out on a lot with him. He’s looking forward to being a big brother, by the way.” Danny took a deep breath. “And he loves his stepdad, too. He thinks you’re the coolest thing on feet. Maybe it’s because you’re young and fun, or because you can kick a mugger’s ass, but he thinks you’re everything.

“It’s a blended family,” Danny told him. He took Scott’s hand, desperately hoping it was okay. “And a weirdly blended one at that, considering I didn’t even know about Abe. Brian and I have agreed we make better friends than anything else, and by the way Brian thinks you’re awesome too.” He gave Scott’s hand a little squeeze. “Please come home. Put your ring on again. Be my husband again.”

Tears fell from Scott’s eyes, but they didn’t look like tears of sadness. “Yes.”