Henry looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. He didn’t know what he was supposed to be wearing to this dinner. He didn’t know why he had decided to walk into this. It felt like a trap that had been sprung specifically for him, and he had walked into it without even caring. He knew he would have to meet his boyfriend’s family eventually. Most of the time, Henry didn’t have a problem impressing his boyfriend du jour’s parents, mostly because when he was a teenager, Henry had learned that working class parents loved boys who acted straight around their boyfriends.
It wasn’t like that with Stewart though. His parents weren’t working class and he didn’t even know if they were both alive. That was clearly something he should have asked before he was headed into the lion’s den.
Fuck. His clothes weren’t expensive enough, he was sure of it. He was certain that they would laugh him out of Stewart’s scary mansion, since that was where everything was happening. Stewart had made sure to tell him he wouldn’t hesitate to kick out anyone that disrespected him, but that just made Henry feel worse, like he had to brace himself to be disrespected.
He took off his red tie—the one good tie he had—and went back into his closet, wondering if there was anything else he could wear. There was already a pile of clothes on the bed and on the carpeted floor. He moved around it as swiftly as he could, grabbing some black slacks from the floor. He took off his cream-colored pants and put on the slacks. They fit nicely, he thought. They went better with the dark, long-sleeved button-up shirt he was wearing. He walked back toward his bathroom and tried to ignore the toothpaste marks on the tall mirror. That was one of the only things he really liked about his apartment, the tall mirror in the spacious bathroom, at least compared to the rest of his apartment.
His phone vibrated on the wardrobe. He walked over to it, took a look, and smiled. He picked up the phone and saw the thread he had with Stewart.
Stewart: You can still pull out. I can rescue you with a made-up stomach bug.
Henry considered that for a second. He appreciated the effort, but he knew he was going to take the plunge eventually. He might as well do it now.
Henry: No. It’s okay. I’m looking forward to meeting your family.
Stewart: Oh God. I want to apologize in advance for them.
Henry smiled.
Henry: If you get me drunk enough, I can stay over tonight. I might even be able to ignore your family.
Stewart: Okay cool
Stewart: Talk to you soon, going to make one last wine run.
Henry smiled. He almost texted him that he loved him, his fingers were on the keys and he was about to do it, but he managed to stop himself. He didn’t want to freak him out. The step they were taking made sense and he had been the one to insist that they had to wait a little. It wasn’t that he wanted to wait—it wasn’t. If it had been up to him, he would have already been living with Stewart. He wasn’t willing to be a kept man and Stewart was so naïve. If Henry had been anyone else, he was sure that person would have taken advantage of the opportunity.
He really liked Stewart, though. He wanted to be part of his life in an integral way, and the way that he had pitched it to Henry, it had made him seem peripheral. Important, but peripheral. Henry was almost afraid he would get lost in Stewart’s enormous house and Stewart wouldn’t even notice.
He wanted more than that. He wanted so much more than that. He told himself what he wanted as he looked at himself in the mirror, cocking his head as he adjusted his collar. He decided he would go sans tie, since that was clearly the more casual choice.
He then took a deep breath and walked out of his bathroom.
***
Stewart had offered to have someone pick him up and take him to his house, but Henry knew he would need time to psych himself up in the car. There was no way he was going to be able to go in there and pretend he was comfortable if he also had to do that in the car on the way over. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to these people. People, he was certain, with whom he would have nothing in common.
Then again, he had nothing in common with Stewart and the two of them seemed to get along perfectly well. Stewart might have misread things a couple of times, but once the two of them had communicated, things had been good between them… very good.
Now Henry hoped he didn’t fuck things up with his family, because he did really like Stewart and wanted to impress Stewart’s family. It was especially important because he had been the one to put a halt to the whole moving in together thing, to slow things down so they could eventually get to the point where they were going to live together. Now, though, Henry’s entire modus operandi might be blown up and he would end up having nothing with Stewart at all.
It was clear to Henry that Stewart was close to his family, but he was close to his family in a weird way, almost a resentful one. Henry was close to his parents in a different way. They were okay with him being gay, but the idea that they wouldn’t have biological children from their first-born son made them both feel a little uneasy. They were traditional people and Henry supposed he couldn’t blame them for that, considering how accepting they were and how scared Henry had been that they wouldn’t be when he wasn’t out yet.
He took a deep breath and looked at Stewart’s enormous house. He didn’t know if he could see himself living there for good, or really, at all. Henry didn’t particularly like being in Stewart’s house. In truth, it all made him feel pretty uneasy. Even the walk up to the house made him feel a little wobbly. When he was inside, he was always worried his car was going to get towed, though Stewart had given him a pass to put on his dashboard.
Even if he had been towed, Stewart had said he would take care of it… not that Henry would have let him. He looked at his reflection in the rearview mirror, checked to make sure there was nothing between his teeth, and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“You got this,” he said to himself. “You got this.”
He grabbed the bouquet of yellow mums he’d bought last minute at the grocery store and took then with him as he got out of the car. His heart was beating fast in his chest as he approached the walkway, but before he had managed to go climb one of the steps, the door had already opened.
Stewart was standing at the threshold, looking like a vision. For a second, Henry didn’t even recognize him. He had shaved—gotten rid of his beard, which was weird and made him look about ten years younger—and he had gotten a haircut. He was wearing tan slacks—they were a light color, Henry wasn’t sure what exactly—a pink polo shirt, and a leather jacket.
He looked like a fashion model, Henry thought. For a second, all he could do was stand there in disbelief at how lucky he was.
Stewart approached him, a smile on his face. He kissed his cheek and Henry felt himself melting.
“Are these for me?” he asked, his voice velvety smooth. It sent a shiver down Henry’s spine.
“They are for you,” he said. “I didn’t think there was anything else you needed for your enormous mansion, so I hope that’s okay.”
“Better than okay,” Stewart said. He grabbed the flowers from him and flashed him an even wider smile. “Thank you for coming. I wouldn’t have been surprised if you had decided to balk at the last minute.”
Henry laughed, shaking his head. “It crossed my mind,” he said, “but no. I like you too much. I wouldn’t want to do that.”
“Even with the new haircut?”
Henry looked him up and down and bit his lower lip. “I love the new haircut,” he said. “Let me show you how much I love it later, when we’re alone.”
Stewart laughed and stroked his newly naked chin. “What about this?”
Henry cocked his head. He took a step forward toward Stewart. His own cheek grazed against Stewart’s cheek, which made Stewart chuckle quietly. “I don’t know,” Henry said. “I like your beard, but I also like seeing your face. Do whatever makes you happy, babe. I could look at you forever no matter what.”
Stewart groaned. “You can’t say stuff like that when you’re about to meet my family.”
Henry moved away from him. “Or what?” he asked. “You’re going to drag me to the car and fuck my brains out?”
“I didn’t say that,” Stewart replied. His eyes were glimmering. “I mean, I wouldn’t be against it, I just want to point out I didn’t say that.”
Henry smiled. “I wish you had,” he said. “But alas. We must get through tonight.”
Stewart grinned. “I’m sure I have a spare toothbrush.”
“Stop, you’re turning me on,” Henry said. Then he cleared his throat. “Seriously, though. Is there anything else I need to know before you throw me into the shark tank?”
“Throw you? Honey, I’m swimming with you,” Stewart said. He had started to walk so Henry had started to walk with him. They weren’t holding hands—they normally always held hands when they walked—and Henry didn’t want to reach for Stewart’s hand right then. He didn’t know what level of affection Stewart was comfortable with showing around his family.
Stewart opened the door for him and let him go in first. When Henry didn’t walk any further into the house, Stewart smiled at him. “We normally have dinner in the formal dining room,” he said.
Henry smiled. “Of course you do.”
Stewart shook his head, but he chuckled lightly. “Just be yourself,” he said. “They’re going to love you.”
Henry nodded. Not because he believed him—he didn’t believe him, not in the slightest—but because being himself was the only thing he could be.
“Even if they don’t like you,” Stewart said, leaning into him to whisper the words into his ears. “Then tough luck. I like you, babe, and that’s all that matters.”
Henry should have probably resisted, but the moment that Stewart said those words, he found himself utterly at his mercy. He threw his arms around him and kissed him square on the lips, so passionately and so deeply that by the time he pulled away, both of them were gasping for breath.
“I thought you would be saving that for later,” Stewart said, laughing quietly. He kissed Henry again, this time a little more softly, and when Henry groaned as he pulled away, his laughter got louder. “I would much rather stay here in the foyer making out with you like I was fifteen years old, but…”
“I know,” Henry said. “Needs must be met, I suppose.”
“You suppose correctly,” Stewart replied. “Thank you for the flowers.”
“You’re welcome,” Henry said. “I remember you saying yellow was your favorite color.”
“It is,” he said. “My favorite color, my favorite flowers, my favorite person. You really know how to make a man feel special.”
“I try,” Henry said.
Stewart smiled at him. Their gazes locked for what felt like a very long time, then Stewart sighed. “Come on,” he said. “We can’t keep avoiding it forever.”
“Wait,” Henry said. “Who is there? Brief me first.”
Stewart chuckled. “Okay,” he said. “It’s my sisters, Bonnie, Beatrice and Alison. They have different hair colors so they’re all easy to tell apart.”
“Great,” Henry said, smiling at him. “I’ll need all the help I can get. What about your parents?”
Stewart didn’t answer for what Henry thought was an unreasonably long amount of time. “I don’t know,” he said. “I mean, my dad died when I was in college and my mom is… my mom is something.”
“She’s something?”
“We’ll need to ease her into this, let’s just say that,” Stewart said quietly.
“Even more than your sisters?”
At that, Stewart laughed. “You’re adorable,” Stewart said. The conversation seemed to have calmed him down slightly and that made Henry calm down too. The fact that he was with Stewart made things easier. He felt like he didn’t have to face these people by himself, which truly made all the difference.
The walk to the formal dining room seemed interminable. There was something sort of surreal about going into Stewart’s house. There always was. It felt far too empty for just one person. Henry had brought that up to him a couple of times. Every time, Stewart laughed it off. He seemed to think it was funny.
There was only one time when Henry remembered Stewart going quiet and not finding it at all amusing. That was when Henry had asked him, completely jokingly, why he hadn’t adopted a bunch of children. He had the space and resources for them, Henry had reasoned. He had expected Stewart to say something about how much he liked the way his lifestyle was then and there, but instead, Stewart’s expression had schooled and become almost inscrutable.
That was one of those moments the two of them had moved past, but Henry couldn’t stop thinking about. Henry knew he would eventually want children, but he didn’t think that he would be in a position to afford it ever, considering he was a gay man. He was thinking about all these things because he didn’t want to be thinking about the fact that he would soon be faced with Stewart’s family. Stewart let go of his hand as soon as they got close to the dining room and he could hear the sound of voices and laughter.
He took a deep breath and tried to psych himself up. Stewart waited for him. He put his hand on Henry’s shoulder and squeezed. “It’s okay,” he said. “You can do this. I promise.”
“At least one of us believes it,” Henry said. He took another deep breath and walked inside.
The moment he did, the entire place quieted down. He was being stared at, looked up and down, taken apart by three women who looked like they were wearing his yearly salary’s worth in rings alone. He didn’t even want to look at their clothes. He knew it would be too much, he knew this would all be too much. He took a deep breath and tried his best for a smile.
“Hello,” he said. “My name is Henry Ortega. It’s nice to meet you all.”
Stewart put his hand on his shoulder again. “This is the guy I’ve been seeing for a few months now.”
They exchanged meaningful looks between the three of them and Henry looked at Stewart. Stewart shook his head slightly, almost imperceptibly, but Henry got it. He was better off not questioning anything, not saying anything else about it.
“Please join us,” Stewart said. He pointed at a chair on the other side of the table from where Stewart himself was sitting and suddenly Henry felt very alarmed. His eyes widened. Stewart squeezed his shoulder and smiled at him, which Henry, for some weird reason, found slightly calming. “We’re about to be served our appetizers. You eat ahi tuna, right?”
“What’s an ahi?” Henry heard himself say. It made them all laugh. He could feel himself shrinking.
“See, I told you,” Stewart said to his sisters. Henry didn’t want to be standing in front of them anymore, so he had walked over to the seat that Stewart had pointed out to him and he had sat down. He watched as Stewart did the same thing across from him. “He’s hilarious.”
“Yeah,” Henry said, winking at him. “That was definitely intentional.”
They laughed again, but this time, it felt like they were laughing with him rather than at him, which made all the difference. Suddenly he wasn’t as embarrassed anymore and he managed to keep his back straight as they all smiled at him.
“I’m Alison,” the blonde one said. “That’s Bonnie and Beatrice.”
They both waved at him.
“Nice to meet you,” Henry said. “Are you all Ms. Miller or—”
“Oh God no,” Bonnie said, shaking her head. “Only our mother is Ms. Miller, but you can call us by our given names, Henry. We think there’s a chance you’re going to become someone very familiar to us.”
Henry didn’t know what that meant, but it felt like the only appropriate thing to do was answer her with a smile, shaky as it was. “Good,” he said after it was clear no one was going to do anything to fill the silence between them. “I can only say that I hope the same thing.”
There was that look.
“So,” Beatrice said. “What is it that you do, Henry?”
Shit. At least he already had a drink. While they were all staring at him, a woman wearing a crisp, white button-up shirt and black slacks, filled their glasses with what looked like sparkling wine. He took a sip before he answered, because he was sure the answer wasn’t going to go down well. “I’m a mechanic,” he said.
“How interesting,” Beatrice said quietly.
“Hardly,” he said. “What about you, Ms. Beatrice?”
“I’m an investment banker,” she said.
“That does sound interesting,” Henry replied, shrugging his shoulders. The wine had gone to his head and he thought the atmosphere could be cut with a knife with how tense it was. He needed to make sure to fix it. He could tell a joke, he thought as he looked at all the faces that were staring at him. That was the easiest way to fix everything that was going on. Bonnie had opened her mouth to ask him something else, but Henry didn’t feel like being grilled, so he turned back to Beatrice and flashed her a wide smile. “Actually, you should take a look at my portfolio, see what I can invest in. I’m sure your fees are more than reasonable.”
He expected her to laugh. He expected them all to laugh. What he didn’t expect was for Stewart to practically choke on his drink as Beatrice started to ask him just how many garages he owned around the city. Stewart was still sputtering his drink, which made everyone turn their attention to him, as Henry sunk into his chair, his cheeks bright red. He didn’t know what the fuck he had been thinking. He had really believed that it was going to be funny, that they were going to think it was hilarious, that it was going to start belly laughter in everyone.
Thankfully, everyone had turned to Stewart and Henry only had one second to think about getting up and escaping. Stewart waved his hand in front of his face. “He’s joking, guys,” he said when he was done coughing and pounding his fist on his chest. “It’s a joke.”
“I don’t have a portfolio,” Henry said. “I have a change jar which I’m afraid to look at because it’s there only in case of emergency.”
Beatrice smiled, shaking her head. “Well, don’t I feel foolish.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Henry said. “At least dressing up seems to have worked.”
“Wait until we start with the questioning,” Bonnie said, looping a strand of grayish brown hair behind her ear. She looked the most like Stewart. She was a beautiful woman but kind of scary looking. If Stewart hadn’t been there, Henry was sure he would have been scared. Well, even more scared. He was already scared.
“I have nothing to hide,” Henry said. He took another sip of his drink and looked away from them.
“Well, that makes one of us,” Allison said. “How much has Stewart told you about the family?”
“Not much,” Henry replied. A plate of food was placed in front of him. He waited until they were all eating, because he wanted to know which fork to use, and he didn’t want to make a fool out of himself. There were so many utensils in front of him he had no idea where he was supposed to start. He eyed Stewart, who nodded slightly at him, and flashed him a shy smile. Henry’s heart flipped in his chest. He focused on eating the food as Stewart’s family continued to make conversation about anything and everything.
Stewart seemed to keep catching his gaze, nodding encouragingly. Henry wished that they were closer to each other so he didn’t feel so alone in this. He didn’t know what to talk to these people about. Stewart and he might not have much in common, but they always found something to talk about. They always found something to say to each other. He focused on eating his food and not saying or doing much, but when the appetizer got taken away, Stewart’s sisters turned their attention to him once again.
“So,” Allison said. “Where did you two meet?”
“At work,” Stewart replied.
“You met at the shelter?” Beatrice asked. Henry swallowed. He didn’t want to think that there was something cruel about her question, but he was almost certain that there was. He was almost certain she was being cruel.
“No,” Stewart said. “I had blown a tire on my way home from the shelter, and I had to go to the garage where Henry works. Best accident ever.”
Henry smiled. “It was nice.”
“And he did it for free,” Stewart said.
“I did,” Henry replied, winking at him, “which was clearly a bad idea. I could be talking about investment portfolios for real if I had just charged him what I normally charge people.”
“How much is that?” Beatrice said.
Henry glared at her. He couldn’t help himself. He didn’t understand why this woman was being so hostile to him when it was clear to Henry that he made her brother happy. “Nothing. It was just a joke,” Henry said. “Consultations are always free.”
“Is that right?”
Henry shrugged. “Well, people don’t want to have to pay too much,” he said. “They want to make sure we don’t go over their budget, so we try to look at their cars for free. Plus, where we’re located, a lot of the people don’t have much money. We try our best to work with them.”
“Henry is very charitable,” Stewart said.
“I am not very charitable,” Henry replied, smiling and shaking his head. “I just know what the struggle is like. I try to help people and people try to help me. When you live in a community like mine, it’s what you have to do.”
“A community like yours?” Alison asked.
Henry swallowed. He didn’t know if he should have said anything. This was already going pretty poorly. He didn’t know what else he could say to make these people hate him more than they already did, but when he looked at Stewart, Stewart looked at him and nodded.
“That’s right,” Henry said after swallowing again. “You know, an underprivileged community.”
“Oh,” Beatrice said. “You know, I have heard that people like you are closer to their family.”
Henry raised his eyebrows, his heart beating fast. “People like me?” he asked. He didn’t know if she was going to say it was because he was a person of color or because he was poor, but whatever she was going to say, Henry was sure he didn’t want to hear it.
“You know,” she said. “People in your standing.”
Henry could feel himself paling. He went back to his drink, which was mercilessly empty. Luckily, a servant—waiter? He didn’t know what the fuck they were supposed to be—was waiting on the sidelines and realized his needs before he had even finished putting his glass down. He looked at her when she was filling his glass. She flashed him a sweet, compassionate smile, and for a second, Henry felt like he wasn’t alone in the room anymore.
When he looked at Stewart, things were a little easier, but from the way the evening was unfolding, he felt like they had ended up on opposing, somehow even competing teams. It was a little weird. He felt like Stewart was cheering for him, but he wasn’t there to back him up.
“Yes, well,” Henry said once he had managed to take another sip of his drink. “People of my standing know the importance of helping others, and of receiving help… not that someone of your standing would understand what needing help feels like.”
Stewart cleared his throat. “Are you all ready for the main entrée?”
“I’ll be right back,” Henry said. “I’m going to go freshen up.”
They watched him as he got to his feet. He didn’t realize how much alcohol he had consumed until he was no longer sitting down. He felt wobbly as he stood up and walked over to the open doorway of the dining room. He could feel his heart beating fast in his chest. He felt a little nauseous, too. He hated how far away the bathroom was, but at least he managed to get far away from the dining room, from Stewart’s sisters, and from Stewart himself.
He finally managed to get to the bathroom, opened the door, and slammed it behind him. He didn’t think they were going to be able to hear him, but he didn’t know if he cared that much. Maybe they should know he was upset. Maybe that would be better.
He fumbled as he tried to find the light switch. When he did, the small room was flooded with yellow electric light. It made him look darker than he was, the light bouncing off his skin, and Henry found it a little disorienting. He took a closer step toward the mirror and looked at his cheeks, at the skin which was darker than Stewart’s and Stewart’s family’s skin color. He took a deep breath and tried to tell himself that he was taking things too personally, that he was being oversensitive.
He was trying to impress Stewart’s family, not make them think that he was an oversensitive baby. He was sure Stewart wouldn’t have approved of him doing this. The fact that he hadn’t gone after him was enough to show Henry that.
He took another deep breath, looking into his darkened brown eyes. “You got this,” he said to his reflection. “You got this.”
He didn’t know if he did, in fact, have it. He was almost positive he was brazenly lying to himself, but he didn’t know what other choice he had. He couldn’t exactly leave, no matter how much he wanted to. He wanted to go back to his apartment and forget about all of this... forget about Stewart and forget about the fact that he wanted to impress his family in the first place. This had been a bad idea, and worst of all, it had been his own idea.
His own terrible, stupid fucking idea. He felt like crying when he thought about it. He didn’t want to be there, at least not when these people were around. He shook his head. He probably didn’t want to be thinking about Stewart’s family that way. He turned on the faucet and washed his face with lukewarm water. He turned it up so that the water would start coming out hot and washed his face again. He wasn’t sure when it started, but by the time he was done, it felt like he was trying to scrub the skin off his face.
He sighed as he put his hands under the running water in the sink. He needed to go out there, face them head on. Get through the meal and then excuse himself. He was definitely not sticking around for any more interrogations, ones which he was sure he would fail.
He walked out of the bathroom and closed the door softly behind him. He didn’t want to draw any attention to himself, certainly not from Stewart’s sisters. He waited for a few seconds as he heard the chatter coming from the dining room. He leaned back onto the wall and took another deep breath.
When he opened his eyes, he was startled to see Stewart looking at him. He was right in front of him, looking at him with concern. Henry closed his eyes again. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to Stewart right then. Soon, he realized he couldn’t hear anyone in the dining room anymore.
Henry’s eyes shot open. “I don’t—I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t know how long I was in there for.”
“As long as you needed to be,” Stewart said. He took a step forward and put his arms around him. Henry felt himself melt into Stewart’s embrace, suddenly feeling a lot better the moment that Stewart’s strong arms were around him. He closed his eyes and tried his best not to cry. He didn’t want to cry in Stewart’s arms for the first time about the treatment he had received from Stewart’s family, but he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes.
He moved away from him and swallowed. “I think I need to go home.”
“No,” Stewart said, looking a little horrified. “You don’t need to go anywhere.”
“I can’t—”
“I kicked them out,” Stewart said. “No one speaks to you like that.”
Henry stared at him, his eyes widening. He could feel the tears sliding down his cheeks. He tilted his face down to look at his shoes. They were his good shoes, he thought ruefully, as if that would have made a difference. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m sorry about how that went,” he said.
Stewart put his hand on Henry’s shoulder. “What are you talking about? That was not your fault,” he said. “You didn’t do any of that.”
“I don’t know,” Henry said. “Some of that felt like my fault.”
“Well, it wasn’t,” Stewart replied. He closed the space between them and held Henry close again. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry I put you in that position.”
“It’s okay,” Henry said, shaking his head into his shoulder. “I wanted to meet your family. You were just doing something I asked you to do.”
Stewart nodded. “I know,” he said, “but still.”
“I was an idiot,” Henry said. “I thought I could impress them. I thought I could show them how much I care about you and that meant they would like me. I didn’t expect them to be…”
“They’re normally not,” Stewart said. “And until you get an apology, they’re not coming around here anymore.”
Henry swallowed. “That’s not necessary.”
“Maybe not for you,” Stewart said. “It is for me though. I’m not going to be able to look them in the eyes until they prove to me that they’re sorry for how they acted tonight and the things they said.”
Henry smiled at him, his heart fluttering in his chest. Stewart kissed him softly on the lips. Henry laughed, because he didn’t realize how much of a wet, snotty mess he was until Stewart’s lips were on him.
“Hey,” Stewart said. “I got you. I told you, as long as I’m here, I’ve got your back.”
Henry swallowed again. “Thank you,” he said. “For everything.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” Stewart said. “In fact, I was expecting you to be angry at me.”
“Angry? Why?”
“Because I didn’t jump to your defense immediately when I should have,” Stewart said quietly. “For what it’s worth, I was trying to process everything.”
Henry nodded. “I’m not angry at you,” he said. “I was trying to process things, too.”
Stewart shook his head and sighed. “In any case,” he said. “I am sorry. I know I should have behaved better.”
“The problem isn’t how you behaved,” Henry said.
“I don’t know,” Stewart replied. “I feel like that’s part of the problem.”
Henry smiled at him.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Henry said.
Stewart wasn’t smiling back. He was looking at him curiously. “What is it?”
“It's nothing really,” Henry said. “It’s you and your sisters. It’s how alone I felt when I was in there, but you came through for me anyway. I don’t know why I thought you weren’t going to be there for me, when that’s clearly not the case.”
Stewart smiled at him. He brushed a little bit of hair behind his ear and kissed the tip of his nose. “I’m always going to be there for you, sweetheart,” he said. “I promise you that.”
“And what about your family?”
“What about my family?”
“What do you mean?” Henry asked. “Aren’t they the reason you’re dating me?”
“No,” Stewart said. “No, that’s not—”
Henry felt deflated. The way the day and night had gone was really starting to take their toll on him. He could feel how much heavier his body was than before, how tired he was, how dizzy he was. The alcohol was now doing nothing more than depressing him. Stewart might have been saying that their relationship had nothing to do with his family, but Stewart had been open and honest about his arrangement with his family from the very beginning.
Henry knew that their relationship would either have to end or turn into an engagement, but it wouldn’t happen the way it happened with most relationships. It wouldn’t happen naturally. It wouldn’t be a thing that they both wanted. Rather, it would be something that had to happen because of who Stewart was, because of who Stewart’s family was.
The whole idea just made him feel sick to his stomach. He hadn’t realized just how deep his feelings for Stewart had gotten until he was standing in front of him. He didn’t want this, he realized with growing horror. He didn't want to be a business arrangement. He wanted to be there because Stewart wanted him there, not because Stewart had made a wager with his family.
He closed his eyes again and looked away from Stewart. When he spoke, his voice was shaky. “Listen, babe, it’s just been a really weird day.”
Stewart chuckled quietly. “Yeah,” he said. “Tell me about it.”
Henry was trying very hard not to look at him. He was trying very hard to make sure Stewart didn’t see his face, because he was about to crumble at his feet, and he didn’t know if he could recover from that. This was something he needed to think about. He couldn’t just tell Stewart right then, because if he did, he was sure Stewart was only going to reassure him, and Henry didn’t want to fall into his trap.
He wanted to kiss his lips, stroke his jawline, feel his tongue on his own. He wanted to feel his breathing sharpen and quicken as they kissed, he wanted to feel his cock against his clothes when the two of them were making out.
At least they hadn’t had sex yet, he thought bitterly. He swallowed and looked up at Stewart, trying his best to make himself look strong in front of this man who knew him so well. “Stewart,” he said quietly. “I'm really tired, so I'm probably going to head home.”
Stewart’s eyes widened as his heart started to beat rapidly in his chest. He was still touching Henry and Henry was trying very hard not to shrug him off his shoulder. “No,” he said. “You don’t have to go. Seriously. They’re gone and it’s only me here.”
Henry looked him up and down. He didn’t know what the fuck he was supposed to say to this man. Of course he wanted to spend time with him, but… there was no future. That was one of his requirements. He needed a future. Spending more time with Stewart was slowly tearing at him. He knew that every other word, every other kiss, was going to hurt him even more. He knew it for a fact. There was something so tempting about staying there, something so tempting about sticking it out.
“I want you to stay,” Stewart said. Now it was his voice that was shaky. “Are you going to stay?”
Henry was crying again. Goddammit, the one thing he didn’t want to do, and he was already doing it. He sniffled and tried his best to look away from Stewart so Stewart wouldn’t try to console him. He didn’t know if he could take that. “I don't know,” he said. “I'm really tired.”
Stewart nodded. He took Henry’s hands and squeezed them. “I'm really tired too, babe,” he said. “How about we do this? We’ll blow off dinner and watch movies in my living room. Try to unwind.”
Henry swallowed. That sounded heavenly, but he didn’t know if he could do it right then. “No,” he said. “I think… it’s nothing personal, but I think I need to be alone.”
Stewart nodded. Henry was looking at him and he could tell that he was struggling too. Henry took a step forward and kissed him on the mouth. “Stewart?”
Stewart tilted his head. “What?”
“I love you,” Henry said quietly, “and I have to go now.”