Stewart couldn’t help but feel nervous. They had decided to go get coffee at a coffee shop near the garage. There was something about the entire thing that was making him feel like maybe he shouldn’t go through with this talk after all. He had decided to call Henry on a whim, which meant he had decided to base his entire destiny on a whim. He had decided to bet everything with his sisters, and he knew they would make him keep the wager.
There was nothing he could say to them to get them to walk out of this deal. He had made his bed. Shit, he had, and if things didn’t work out with Henry… he had already put enormous pressure on himself. He didn’t know how Henry would react to Stewart putting pressure on him.
He didn’t know how Henry was going to take this. Maybe it would be better if he pretended this was just a normal date, but he had actually told Henry that he needed to talk to him about something, and he didn’t think there was any way he was getting out of it. He couldn’t pace around in the coffee shop, so he contented himself by rubbing his hands against each other. He looked up every time someone walked inside, trying his best not to seem too disappointed every time it wasn’t Henry. By the time it was twenty past six, Stewart was starting to lose hope. Maybe Henry wouldn’t even show up. Stewart couldn’t blame him, not after what had happened between the two of them during their first date.
Stewart turned his phone over in his hand. He wondered if he was going to get a text from Henry canceling, but as he lifted up his phone to his face, he heard the bell hanging on the door jingle. His eyes widened as he set his gaze on Henry.
He was pretty sure it wasn’t possible for the man to have gotten even hotter in the short space of time since they’d seen each other, but clearly, the world didn’t seem to care about that. His breath caught in his throat as he stared at him, wondering how it was possible that had happened. Henry caught his gaze, smiled at him and waved a little. Stewart smiled back at him, trying his best not to seem overeager.
He was sure that ship had already sailed. Stewart stood up and walked over to Henry. He extended his hand and they shook, very quickly. His touch was enough to send little electrical signals all over his body. Stewart didn’t want to come on too strong and he knew that if Henry kept touching him, he was going to wrap his arms around him and yank him forward toward him. He was going to kiss him right then and there, on the mouth, deeply… just like he had been thinking about for days.
Henry moved away from Stewart and smiled at him. “Hey,” he said. “Sorry I’m late. There was one last customer and I didn’t think it would take as long as it did. I couldn’t get my hands on a phone and—”
“It’s okay,” Stewart said. “I was worried you wouldn’t come at all.”
Henry flashed him a crooked half-smile. “I did think about not coming.”
“You did?”
“I did,” he said. “But then I thought… well, I thought how I wanted to see you.”
Stewart stared at him. They were standing next to the door and they were probably blocking the way for other people coming in.
“Let’s put a pin in this before we start disturbing people,” Stewart said. “Would you like me to get you some coffee?”
“Yes, please,” Henry said. “Latte with a splash of vanilla.”
“Fancy,” Stewart said.
Henry winked at him. “I’m always fancy, Stewart. Get used to it.”
“I’m going to try,” Stewart said, winking back. “It might be something of a hard adjustment for me.”
“I bet,” Henry said.
Stewart moved away from him and approached the line. He watched as Henry scanned the room, trying to find a place to sit. He spotted where Stewart had placed his coat. Stewart continued watching him until Henry moved to the table. The two of them looked at each other and Henry gave him a wide, goofy smile, which almost made Stewart start giggling like a little boy.
He turned around to go back into the line. He thought about what had just happened with Henry and his heart jumped. He felt like he had missed him so much, even though the two of them barely knew each other. This felt right. He was glad he had called Henry.
He smiled at the cashier and asked for another black coffee and Henry’s latte. He thought about Henry a couple of times, about how much he missed him, about how much he wanted this to work.
It was weird. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest. He felt a little lightheaded, too. He needed to speak to him, needed to tell him the truth. He took a deep breath as the barista handed him the coffee cups.
He turned around and walked over to where Henry was sitting. Regardless of how nervous he was, he could feel himself practically skip to the table. He handed Henry his coffee and sat down across from him. They didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Stewart expected that he was the one who was supposed to start talking, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
He leaned back on the chair and stared at Henry. Henry cocked his head and took a sip from his drink. “So,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” Stewart asked, as if he actually didn’t know.
“Oh, please,” he said. “Don’t get coy with me. I’m here because you wanted me to be.”
Stewart swallowed. He took a sip of his drink. “I don’t know. This is harder to talk about than I expected.”
“How easy did you expect it to be?”
“I didn’t,” Stewart said, shrugging. “I just thought I would be more prepared.”
“Stop that,” Henry said. “You might be cryptic for fun, but this is getting annoying.”
Stewart twisted his lips. “Okay, long story short, I realized that I chased you away by making you think that I didn’t have a place for you in my life.”
Henry shrugged. “It’s your life,” he said. “Not mine.”
“I know,” Stewart said. “And that’s the problem. I… I am so used to being alone. I’m so used to being lonely.”
Henry stared at him.
“Anyway,” Stewart said. “This isn’t me trying to be pathetic, though I think I’m being extremely successful at that so far.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I know you didn’t,” Stewart replied. “I had a discussion with my family where they told me that I needed to, uh, step up. Do something.”
“Do something about what?”
“Do something about… I don’t know,” Stewart said. “About my life.”
Henry cocked his head. “Okay.”
“And I realized, I didn’t want to do it on my family’s terms,” he said. “I want to do it on my own terms. I want to do it with someone I care about.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m… my family,” Stewart said after clearing his throat. “My family expects something of me. They expect me to get married, have children. Do what they do to maintain the family fortune.”
“Ah, okay,” Henry said, his eyes glimmering. “So I see this is good-bye.”
Stewart snickered. “Well, they do have a fiancée picked out for me,” he said. “She’s very nice.”
For the first time since the two of them had met up again, Henry’s face darkened entirely. It was only for a second before he schooled it into something neutral. “Congratulations.”
Stewart smiled. “No, you misunderstand,” he said. “She’s not someone I want to marry.”
Henry didn’t say anything.
“But I have to marry someone, okay?” Stewart said quietly. “That’s what my family keeps telling me. So I told them I would.”
“So why shouldn’t I congratulate you?” Henry asked.
“Because I haven’t found someone to marry yet,” Stewart said, “but I’m… I’m trying to.”
Henry choked on his drink as the realization of what Stewart had just said started to sink in. He was staring at Stewart, his eyes wide. “Excuse me?”
Stewart took a deep breath. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you,” he said. “I wanted… Look, I’m not proposing to you or anything. I’m not. I know this is coming across really strong and I might be putting you off me forever. I just wanted to tell you that there’s a future with me if you wanted one. There’s space for you in my life.”
Henry nodded. “Because of something your family wants.”
“Because of something I want,” Stewart said. “Because this is what I want. This is my way of getting what I want while I’m still beholden to what my family wants.”
Henry snickered. “Beholden, huh?”
“Listen,” Stewart said. “I know how it sounds. I know that there’s no way you’re going to be jumping at the opportunity to go out with me again. I’m just telling you, I’m interested. I’m in.”
“You’re in?” Henry asked, cocking his head.
“Yeah,” Stewart said.
“If we get married,” Henry said. “If you fulfill your… contract with your family, or whatever the fuck it’s supposed to be...”
Stewart shrugged. “I know how it sounds,” he said. “It’s not like that. I wanted to tell you, so you could make a choice. I know maybe I shouldn’t have, but things, well, they can develop if you want them to… but only if you want them to.”
“You’re putting the ball in my court,” Henry said quietly.
“Exactly,” Stewart said. “You want to go out again, we can go out again. You want us to never see each other again, that’s totally fine.”
“It’s fine?” Henry asked, a little smile playing on his lips.
“If that’s what you want,” Stewart said. “I mean, I would be pretty upset, but it’s like you said. It’s your life… not mine.”
Henry smiled at him. “This is really intense stuff, Stewart.”
“I know,” Stewart said. “Any other time, I wouldn’t even bother telling you. I already fucked things up with you once. I don’t intend to do that again.”
“And if everything goes well, we could get married?”
Stewart nodded. “Something like that,” he said, “or we could pretend we’re getting married… even if our relationship never gets that far.”
“So I would be something like your beard?”
“No,” Stewart said, shaking his head vigorously. “Nothing like my beard. We would actually be together. Sure, we might fib a little bit, but it won’t be for anything bad.”
Henry cocked his head. “What do I get out of this?”
“What do you mean?”
“You get a beard—”
“Not a beard—”
“What do I get?” Henry asked, leaning forward and getting close to Stewart. “Since this is a business transaction and all.”
“This isn’t a business transaction,” Stewart said. “I see how it could come across like that, but I want to go out with you, seriously go out with you. So here are my cards, all of them. This is what it takes to date me. If that’s too much, I totally get it. I’ll walk away. We never have to see each other again. We never have to talk to each other again. It’s as simple as that.”
Henry nodded. “What if I do want to see you again? When is my debutant ball?”
Stewart shook his head. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he said. “We certainly don’t have to do anything that might make you feel uncomfortable in the slightest.”
“Right,” Henry said.
“We can take it slow,” Stewart said.
“How slow?”
“Glacial pace, if that’s what you want,” Stewart said. “Text each other every weekend sort of slow.”
Henry chuckled. “Okay,” he said. “Let me think about it.”
Stewart’s eyes widened. He was so sure Henry was going to say no. He was so sure Henry would laugh him out of the coffee shop or tell him he didn’t want to see him again. That hadn’t been what happened at all. Instead, Henry was watching him, thinking about it. That was the outcome Stewart had hoped for. Regardless, he had not prepared for this outcome. It had seemed so impossible.
“Good,” Stewart said. “I’m glad.”
“You are?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I thought you would think this entire thing was stupid.”
“It’s definitely a little weird,” Henry replied. “Not sure if I’d call it stupid. I expect rich people to be a little bit eccentric, so you got off better than you should have, probably.”
“Thanks,” Stewart said. “So how about you take the week and think about it?”
“And if I don’t want to?”
Stewart shrugged. “Just don’t call,” he said. “I may be a bit thick skulled, but even I can get that message.”
“And if I do?”
“Then call,” Stewart said. “Ask me out. Let’s do something you like to do.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup,” Stewart replied. “Like I said. Ball’s in your court.”