Henry didn’t know what had compelled him to stay with Stewart. He knew he should have left, but there was something about Stewart which had persuaded him. It wasn’t the best course of action, Henry was pretty sure, but he wanted to stay.
He wanted to hang around Stewart. He wanted to give him a chance, despite his instincts. His instincts were something he had always tried to follow, but with Stewart, it was like his body was pulling him in one direction and his mind was pulling him in another. It was weird for him because he was someone for whom his body and his mind almost always seemed to be in sync. There was nothing about this that made any sense to him.
Stewart didn’t make any sense to him. This environment didn’t make any sense to him. He had decided to stay until he was uncomfortable, partly because he liked Stewart, but also because he was curious about this man. He had thought Stewart was a little well-off, maybe slightly eccentric. He hadn’t expected him to own the equivalent of a villa.
Stewart had given him another glass of water. After that, they had both sat in silence for a little while as Henry absorbed what was going on around him. Stewart was silent while Henry tried to look around his environment. The floor looked like it was linoleum, but Henry thought it might actually be naked wood. The living room was enormous, perhaps the size of Henry’s entire apartment, with tall windows that went all the way from floor to ceiling. There was a low-hanging chandelier in the middle of the room. The fixture was made of cast brass—at least that’s what it looked like—and there was a floral pattern on the glass bowl. The light bounced from the ceiling and down onto the rest of the room.
“They’re originally Victorian,” Stewart said. “The chandeliers. They use a ton of electricity, but my mom liked them, and I never got around to changing them.”
Henry turned to look at him. “You grew up here?”
“Yeah,” Stewart said, smiling at him. “Here for the winter, Hamptons for the summer. Sometimes Europe. You know, your standard sort of thing.”
“Sounds standard as fuck,” Henry said. There was a note of bitterness in his voice which took even him by surprise.
Stewart sighed. “I know it wasn’t,” he said, “but it was standard for me.”
“What else was standard for you?”
“Probably a lot of things,” Stewart said. “I don’t know. You can ask me any questions you like. What do you want to know?”
Henry cocked his head and opened his eyes. He had a lot of questions, but he wasn’t sure where to start. He wasn’t sure what he could ask that wouldn’t offend Stewart. “I can ask you anything?”
“Yes,” Stewart said, “and I promise you I won’t get annoyed if you ask me anything. I understand my life is pretty… out of the ordinary. You might have a lot of questions. I get that, so I’m here to answer them.”
Henry smiled, shaking his head. “How are you this nice?”
“Is that one of the questions?” Stewart said, smiling at him.
“I… don’t know,” Henry said. “Maybe. I’m sorry to say that I can’t figure out how a person like you came out of an environment like this.”
Stewart cocked his head. He frowned for a second and Henry was afraid he had offended him. Stewart pursed his lips and then he started to laugh, shaking his head.
“Sorry,” Henry said, waving his hand in front of his face. “Maybe I should—”
“No, don’t go,” Stewart said. “Don’t go, please. That was a valid question. It just took me a little bit by surprise, that’s all.”
Henry cocked his head.
“I’ve always been the weird one in the family,” Stewart said. “It’s kind of been my thing ever since I was a little boy.”
“Nice,” Henry said. “Same here.”
“See?” Stewart replied, smiling at him. His entire face lightened up when he did and Henry wanted to kiss him right then. He reminded himself he couldn’t give in to those impulses because the fact that two queer people were the weird ones in the family wasn’t that outside of the ordinary. “We already have something in common.”
Henry raised his eyebrows.
“I get it,” Stewart said. “Doesn’t really change anything.”
“I didn’t say that.”
Stewart nodded. “Yes,” he said. “But I can see it in your face, you know.”
“So… always the weird one. That’s gay culture.”
“Queer,” Stewart replied, smiling at him. “I’m not gay.”
Henry looked at him, his eyes wide.
“Seriously,” Stewart said. “I’m more like bisexual, but labels aren’t really something I do. Queer works for me. I know it’s kind of a catchall. I was always a sweet kid, not very interested in things other than reading. I liked tennis, too.”
“Tennis?”
Stewart nodded, a smile playing on his lips. “My parents always tried to get me interested in something a little more dignified, like lacrosse. Tennis was the only thing I really liked… that, and the piano.”
“The piano?”
“Well, music,” Stewart said, shrugging. “The piano was just the instrument they chose to stick me with.”
“Did you like it?”
Stewart cocked his head. “I think so,” he said. “It’s what I went to school for.”
Henry frowned. “Wait a second,” he said, looking around the living room. “You went to school for music?”
“Even though I have all this?” Stewart said, looking around with him. “Well, I figured it wasn’t going away any time soon. My parents had it, their parents had it before them, and their parents. My family made sure their descendants were taken care of. the things I was passionate about anymore.”
“Have you?”
Stewart snickered. “Yeah, that’s not a thing.”
“Good,” Henry said. He set his gaze on Stewart’s blue eyes and he was trying really hard not to close the space between the two of them and kiss him on the lips. He kept telling himself that he still didn’t have that much in common with him. Nothing had changed. “I’m glad you are still doing what you want to do.”
“Every day,” Stewart said, “which is why I asked you out.”
“Because you do what you like, when you like?”
“Because you’re gorgeous,” Stewart said. He traced Henry’s jawline with his fingertip, which was slightly rough against his skin. “And I would have been an idiot not to.”
Henry leaned into his touch, his heart almost jumping out of his chest. Stewart looked extremely confident and even a little aroused. It was turning Henry on, which was weird because Henry normally only felt turned on when he knew a person very well. “Did you know I was going to say yes?”
“No,” Stewart replied, stroking him softly. “I didn’t. I couldn’t have known. I just knew I wanted to see you again.”
Henry smiled, but he felt a little weird when Stewart pulled his hand away from him. He swallowed, his throat a little dry when he did. “So what were you doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you blew your tire,” Henry said. “What were you actually doing?”
“Oh,” Stewart said. “I was volunteering. I’m on a board to feed the less fortunate, and one of the things we do is plant things in a community garden everyone has access to. There was a board meeting after that because we try to do this after we work, to remember how hard it is.”
“Great,” Henry said, a smile on his face. “I’m glad you try to remember what it’s like for us little people.”
Stewart rolled his eyes and nodded. “Okay, that’s fair.”
Henry cocked his head. “So, you garden?”
“Something like that,” Stewart said. “I garden sometimes.”
“When you volunteer,” Henry said. “Wait. So, what’s your job? Full time rich person?”
“We say philanthropist,” he said. “But yes, pretty much.”
Henry smiled. “You take this with surprisingly good humor.”
Stewart shrugged. “I know what people think of me,” he said. “I know what people think of my family. I’m not an idiot. My family might live in a bubble, but I don’t. I try very hard not to.”
“Is that right?”
“Yes,” Stewart said. “I mean, in truth, I’ve gotten a little complacent over the last decade or so.”
Henry cocked his head. “Why?”
Stewart frowned. “I’m not sure,” he said. “Nobody ever asked and I never really thought about it.”
“Huh,” Henry said, shrugging his shoulders. “Well, I would like to know.”
Stewart closed his eyes. “I don’t know,” he said. “I guess I just thought this was it for me.”
“This was it for you? What does that mean?”
“You know,” he said. “I thought this was my life. I just thought my life was quiet, and I was going to be by myself for good. That’s what it felt like.”
Henry’s eyes widened. “That’s… horrible.”
Stewart shook his head. “No,” he said. “It’s not horrible. It’s not. It was just normal. I thought this was what my life was going to be like for good. I came to terms with it.”
Henry bit his lower lip. “So, what am I then?”
“What do you mean?”
“What am I to you?” Henry said, his voice a little shaky.
“You’re my date,” Stewart replied. “I wanted to spend time with you.”
“And then what?”
Stewart cocked his head. “I don’t know,” he said. “I never thought that far.”
Henry moved away from Stewart. He felt a little bad about it, but he also felt a little offended.
“What?” Stewart said.
“Nothing,” he said.
Stewart grabbed his hand. “Tell me,” he said. “I’ve been honest with you. You can be honest with me.”
Henry pinched the bridge of his nose. He was a little annoyed at how upset he was. He didn’t think he was supposed to care about what Stewart was doing or why Stewart had asked him out. Still, he couldn’t help but be a little angry. He couldn’t help but feel a little bit disappointed. It was stupid—he knew he was being stupid.
Stewart looked at him and waited for Henry to speak. Henry wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. Stewart raised his eyebrows. Henry sighed. He supposed the best course of action was to tell him the truth, even if the truth made him come across as far more eager than he wanted to. “I told you,” he said. “I don’t usually go out with people when I don’t think anything is going to come of it. You just told me there was no chance you and I could have a relationship because you were always going to be by yourself.”
Stewart shook his head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Henry nodded. “It doesn’t matter how you meant it,” he said. “All I know is that you said it. I wanted to stay to give you a chance but I’m pretty sure that’s my cue to leave.”
Stewart raised his eyebrows. “That’s not fair.”
“It was just one date,” Henry said, trying his best to smile at him. “One date. It didn’t work out. It’s fine. It is what it is.”
“It doesn’t seem fine,” Stewart said, his voice a little shaky.
“It is,” Henry said. “It’s fine. We tried. It didn’t work. All we could have done was try.”
Stewart shook his head and took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said. “I guess.”
Henry kissed Stewart’s cheek. “I had a good time,” he said. “For what it’s worth.”
Stewart watched him, saying nothing. “Do you want me to walk you to the door?”
Henry shook his head. “No,” he said. “That won’t be necessary. I can—okay, I might be able to find my way out of this huge maze by myself. I’m always ready to impress myself.”
Stewart smiled, shaking his head. “Fine,” he said. “I had fun too.”
“Good,” Henry said. He got off the couch and started to move toward the door. He didn’t look back at Stewart even once, but he knew he wouldn’t forget this night any time soon.