After his date with Henry, Stewart felt like he couldn’t get enough of him. He didn’t want to come on too strong, but he had practically memorized Henry’s work schedule. He knew when Henry would text him the moment he went for his lunch break and he knew when he would send him his text good morning.
He had been there, in his bed, waiting for Henry to text him more times than he liked to admit. He hated feeling like a teenager, but it felt like that was exactly what Henry had reduced him to. If it had been up to Stewart, they would have been going on dates almost every day of the week. He craved seeing Henry, being around Henry, touching Henry.
It had been a long time since he had felt like this about someone. He was almost positive, in fact, that no one had quite gotten to be as important as Henry. He usually ended up pushing people away when they got too close, mostly because he didn’t want them to know what his life truly was like.
Henry knew and he didn’t even seem to care that much. He just liked spending time with him. It was real and it was uncomplicated. He could see the way Henry looked at him, the way he would trace his finger across Stewart’s face, the way he kissed his lips when they would say goodbye after a date.
Stewart felt his heart skip a beat as he stopped himself from calling Henry. He didn't want to be a strain on Henry's resources, and he knew that he would become that if they started to see each other every day. Dating was expensive. Not for him, but for Henry, who Stewart could tell tried his best not to complain about money around him. Stewart would have happily taken over. He also knew that Henry wasn't comfortable with Stewart paying for all their dates, though he truly didn’t mind. He didn’t know what other ways he could tell Henry about this though, and he didn’t think Henry wanted to hear how much better off Stewart was than him. Not that they talked about money in general. Henry didn’t bring it up, and Stewart didn’t bring it up. It worked for them.
It was finally Friday, and that meant that the two of them would be seeing each other. Stewart showered and got the clothes he was going to wear and laid them out on his bed. He looked at himself in the mirror, at the soft parts of himself. He stayed fit by running in the morning, but age was catching up to him, and he was starting to find himself slightly rounder in the belly area.
He shifted to his side and looked at his profile. Despite his slightly soft stomach, he was still a big guy with muscles and arms. He was still stocky. He tried to focus on the parts of himself that he did like. He was excited to see Henry, and Henry did like him.
Henry made him feel like he was the most attractive man in the world. He was so young and it made Stewart feel like he knew exactly what he wanted when he looked at him with those gorgeous brown eyes of his. He made him feel like he was young. The two of them hadn’t done anything but kiss yet, though Henry had made sure that Stewart knew he wasn’t a virgin and that he did want to take things further with him.
Stewart was the one who didn’t. Stewart was the one who made sure to pull away every time they were about to start going too far, because he wanted to make sure that Henry was ready.
Henry pushed for it a little, but not much. Mostly he shook his head and told Stewart that he was being ridiculous. Stewart didn’t necessarily disagree with him. He would have loved to have had sex with Henry. He just didn’t want to do it without a concrete future which tied them together, which was exactly why he was going to ask Henry to move in with him that Friday.
It might have only been a few months since the two of them had started dating each other, and they wouldn’t move in together immediately—at least he didn’t think Henry was ready for that. They would have to talk about things like finances and Henry’s work. It would have to be a slow adjustment… and of course, he would have to meet Stewart’s family first.
Fuck. Stewart was really not looking forward to that. At least Stewart had upheld his part of the deal. He just hoped the rest of his family would.
***
“It was so bad,” Henry said as the two of them climbed into Stewart’s car. “Ridiculously bad.”
Stewart laughed along with him. “Yes,” he said. “That was very bad.”
“Why did we go?”
“I heard that it was good,” he said. “Plus, if things go horribly wrong tonight, at least that’s not the worst part of our date.”
Henry looked at him and shook his head. “Why did you take me to go see that musical then?”
“I don't know,” he said. “I thought you'd appreciate it. You’re always talking about supporting local artists, what’s more supportive than going to the community playhouse?”
Henry snickered. “This was a bad idea,” he said. “I still don’t understand what you could possibly have been thinking taking me to see that.”
Stewart shrugged. “I read a newspaper review that said it was something to behold.”
Henry snickered again, shaking his head. “That was definitely something to behold.”
“Hey,” Stewart said. “You like Spider-Person; you like musicals. I thought you would be into this.”
Henry looked at him, his mouth agape. “I don’t understand!” he exclaimed, waving his hands in front of his face. “I like fish and I like chocolate. That doesn’t mean I want both of them together.”
“Don’t give me any ideas, young man,” Stewart said, glaring at him. Henry flashed him a huge smile and Stewart could feel himself melting when Henry set his gaze on him.
He put his hand on Stewart’s shoulder and squeezed it. “Thank you,” he said.
“For what?”
“For a really fun night,” Henry said. “I mean, yes, it was weird, but whatever. I had fun with you, and I’ll never stop belting that From Up Here song in the shower.”
“‘From up here, all I hear is vandalism,’” Stewart crooned. “‘From up here, all I hear is rage.’”
“Amazing,” he said. “Hey, if those people can make it…”
“Right?” Stewart said. Henry smiled at him as the two of them quieted down once they were done laughing. “Listen, do you want to go get a drink?”
“I thought that was the plan,” Henry said.
“No,” Stewart said. “Somewhere new. Somewhere… quieter. I want to talk to you about something.”
“That sounds serious,” Henry said, cocking his head and frowning. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes,” Stewart replied. “Everything is fine. More than fine, actually. That’s what I want to talk to you about.”
Henry swallowed. “So I shouldn’t be nervous?”
Stewart shook his head. “I doubt it,” he said. “I think I’m nervous enough for the both of us.”
“Oh, God,” Henry said. “Now you are making me nervous.”
“Good,” Stewart replied, winking at him. “Now I don’t feel so alone.”
The trendy bar that Stewart wanted to take Henry to in order to have this discussion wasn't too far from the community playhouse in which the two of them had just watched that musical disaster. It worked out, because Stewart didn’t think he was going to be able to keep what he needed to say to himself for much longer. There were only so many things to be said about the musical, chief among them how ridiculous it was, and once that well had run dry, Henry had no reason to be patient with Stewart. Maybe Stewart shouldn’t have told him that he needed to talk to him about it, but he needed to unburden himself and he usually told Henry everything. It would have been easier if Henry had been patient with him, if he had waited until they had gotten to the bar. Of course it didn't help that Henry kept pushing him on it, asking him what he was going to tell him, trying to get it out of him, both with his touch, by using his hand to get very close to his crotch, and with his words, using both begging and bargaining. By the time Stewart finally parked—he usually never drove, but he preferred to drive rather than bring his driver on his dates, considering that Henry wasn’t comfortable with a third party being around during their dates. He knew exactly all the filthy things that Henry would have done to him to get the information out of him… not that he hated those things. He very much liked the majority of those things. He just needed to make sure to get everything out in the open before he let Henry do any of them. He had wanted to be respectful of his boundaries and that was exactly what he was going to do, even if sometimes, the little shit made it way harder for him—and for his cock—than it should be.
“Shut up,” Stewart said.
Henry looked at him and raised his eyebrows. “Was that hostility I detected in your voice?”
Stewart swallowed. “No,” he said. “It wasn’t… necessarily hostility in my voice.”
“Not necessarily, huh?” Henry said. He had seemed amused, but he didn’t seem nearly as amused now. He seemed to realize that things were serious just as Stewart began to realize that this was a horrible way to start the conversation and he might have just made a horrible mistake.
He swallowed again. He didn’t like it, but he wanted Henry to know everything, including how nervous he was. He took a second to steel himself before talking and looked ahead. He was trying to avoid looking right at Henry, because those brown eyes could get him to do anything. “It was more like I'm going to end up telling you in the car, when I have a whole speech planned.”
“A whole speech?” Henry echoed.
“That’s right,” Stewart said. “A whole fucking speech. One which, if I do say so myself, might go completely wrong.”
“It’s not going to go wrong,” Henry said.
Stewart chuckled. Henry had no idea what he was talking about and he was already doing his best to reassure him. There was no way not to have feelings for this man, no way at all, at least not as far as Stewart was concerned. He was so sweet and kind and gorgeous…
“Stewart,” Henry said, touching his shoulder lightly. “I promise you that whatever it is, it’s going to be alright.”
“What if it’s not?”
“What do you mean?”
Stewart shook his head. He leaned forward and his forehead touched Henry’s. Stewart closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “The truth is,” he said, his voice trembling. “I'm scared of it going wrong, so give me a break here?”
Henry moved away from him and held his hand. “Okay, I'm sorry I was being a dick. I'm just excited to know what this is. If you’re this nervous about it, you don’t have to worry. I’ll stop pushing you. You can just tell me whenever you’re ready.”
“I have to be nervous,” he said. “What if you say no?”
Henry looked at him and blanched. “You’re not, like, proposing, are you? Because I really like you but I’m…”
“No,” Stewart said. “No, no. Not proposing. Shit, come on. Let’s go into the bar. That’s a better place to have this conversation than the car. If you want to, that is.”
Henry nodded, but he seemed a lot more skittish than he had before. “Fine,” he said, closing his eyes a little bit. “Fine, let’s go.”
Stewart leaned forward and opened the door for him. He walked around and held his hand out for Henry to grab. Henry did, but it took him a little while longer than it normally would have and Stewart felt a little bit strange about the fact that Henry was hesitating. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up after all, but he hadn’t been able to help himself. He needed to talk about it, because if he didn’t talk about it, he felt like he was going to explode. If Henry felt like he was moving forward too fast or if he didn’t want to do it, well, then Stewart trusted Henry to tell him that. He couldn’t put a rejection on himself. He wouldn’t be surprised if Henry did think it was too fast. Stewart was aware that his infatuation with Henry was a little excessive, but part of him couldn’t help himself, and he didn’t even know if he wanted to.
He was lost in his feelings in the best sort of way. He was delirious with something he hadn’t felt for a long time, maybe since he was a teenager and he had discovered what having feelings for people felt like. Henry was a lot; this was all a lot… but it was a lot of things that he wanted, which made his life easier, made his life better. He wanted to have Henry in his life for good. He had waited a long, long time to meet someone he cared about that much and now he had. The thought of losing him scared the shit out of Stewart, but the thought of things stagnating was equally terrifying. He needed to ask Henry to stick around for good.
He wasn’t stupid enough to ask him to marry him—at least not yet—but he wasn’t going to make it a secret that was what he wanted with him. In fact, that was all he wanted with him.
They walked hand in hand to the entrance of the bar, neither one of them saying anything to the other. Stewart wondered if Henry wanted to say something but was simply stopping himself from asking him any more questions. He thought he had to have been thinking about something and he appreciated the fact that he was saying nothing at all, making Stewart feel more at ease.
They found a booth near the back of the bar, somewhere relatively quiet. After a pretty girl in her late twenties came to get their drink orders—Henry, a stout, Stewart, a sangria—the two of them were sitting across from each other, their legs touching, and Stewart had no reason to keep him waiting before he spoke.
Henry watched him. He hadn’t taken his phone out and he hadn’t prompted him anymore. He was simply waiting, which both helped to put Stewart at ease and allowed him to get far more nervous at the same time.
He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel about all this.
“Listen,” he finally said. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
“I gathered,” Henry said, a little smile playing on his lips.
“You’re… so great,” Stewart said quietly. “You’re wonderful. I’m grateful every day that you gave me the opportunity to get closer to you, that you asked me out again. I know now how much I would have missed out on.”
Henry cast his gaze down and blushed a little. It was very cute, Stewart thought, his heart jumping in his chest. What he was about to say was the most nerve-wracking part. He grabbed Henry’s hand and squeezed it. When he spoke, his gaze was right on Henry’s face. “Now, whenever I close my eyes and picture my future, you’re always there,” he said. “Whatever I’m picturing myself doing, you’re always there.”
Henry swallowed. Stewart watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down, a clear show of nerves. Stewart wanted to put his hand on Henry’s cheek and tell him it was all going to be okay, but he didn’t want to do that quite yet. He didn’t want to do anything that might freak Henry out.
“So I want to ask you something,” he said, “and you don’t have to say yes or no. You don’t have to say anything yet.”
“Yet?” Henry asked, his eyes wide.
“Yes, yet,” Stewart said. “You can take as long as you need to think this through. Okay? And if your answer is no, or not yet, or maybe not ever… I won’t hold it against you. I’ll get it. I’m probably not what you pictured when you were a little boy.”
Henry licked his bottom lip. “I should show you the porn I kept under my bed.”
Stewart smiled. “You should,” he said, “but that’s not what this is about. This is about… you’re… so gorgeous and wonderful. Every morning, when I wake up, the first thing I want to do is hear from you.”
Henry smiled, cocking his head. “Same here.”
“And when I roll over and you’re not in bed with me, it breaks my heart,” Stewart said, completely ignoring him. “Every single day, when I wake up and you’re not there, I just think about how much better my day would be if I started it with you there next to me… if we lived closer to each other.”
Henry furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”
“I’m getting to that,” Stewart replied. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I don’t think you can move to my neighborhood—”
“You should definitely not move to my neighborhood—”
“That was never the plan,” Stewart said with a smile. “But listen to me, okay?”
Henry nodded. “I’m listening.”
“I want you to move in with me,” Stewart said. “Not… not right now. I know you’re probably not ready for that right now. I know there are a lot of things we need to talk about before you decide you want to do something like that.”
Henry blinked. “Excuse me?”
“I want you to move in with me,” Stewart said. “The house has plenty of room for both of us.”
“Yeah, both of us and a small army.”
“Hey,” Stewart said. “Think about it. It could be fun.”
Henry leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. Before he could say anything in response to Stewart’s proposal, the waitress was there putting their drinks in front of them. It was the perfect few seconds for Stewart to start freaking out about what Henry would say. He hadn’t taken this the way Stewart had expected him to. In fairness, he wasn’t sure what he had been expecting—he just knew it wasn’t this. This kind of quiet contemplation wasn’t like Henry. He was exuberant, usually, in both his likes and dislikes.
Stewart took a sip of his sangria. He wasn’t very thirsty—in fact, he felt a little nauseous—but that would help him not talk, which was clearly what he needed to do right now. Talking at all would have been a bad idea when it was clear Henry still didn’t know what to say himself.
“Okay,” Henry said when the waitress had walked far enough away. “You want me to move in?”
“Yes,” Stewart said. “I would love it if you would.”
Henry snickered. “And how do you expect me to be able to afford rent at your place? I can barely make rent for my shitty apartment.”
“Rent?” Stewart said, furrowing his brow. “No, no. There is no need to pay rent.”
Henry shook his head. “I don’t understand,” he said. “So, you would be paying my rent?”
Stewart furrowed his brow. It was his turn to shake his head. He had been an idiot. Of course Henry would be thinking about something like that. “No,” he said. “No, rent is… there is no rent. There is no mortgage. The house is mine, full stop. Nothing has to be paid toward it.”
Henry blinked. “You don’t pay anything for rent or a mortgage or anything like that?”
Stewart shrugged his shoulders. “No,” he said. “I mean, why would I?”
“I… don’t know,” Henry said. He took a deep breath. “Okay. Say I move in. What is expected of me?”
Stewart cocked his head. “You let me know when you’re going to be late from somewhere and ask me what I want from the store?”
Henry smiled. “That’s not what I meant,” he said. “Financially. Like what do I have to contribute? I bet your electricity bill is enormous, considering the mansion you live in. What about your gas? Your water?”
Stewart smiled back at him. “You don’t have to worry about any of that,” he said. “Seriously.”
“Seriously?” Henry asked as his expression schooled. “But I do. I have to worry about it. So what would I do with my money?”
Stewart looked at him, his eyes wide. “I don’t know,” he said, “and I’m pretty sure it’s none of my business.”
Henry waved his hand in front of his face. “So, let me just get this straight real quick,” he said. “You want me to move in with you, not pay for anything, and do whatever I want with the money I earn. If I wanted to quit my job, you would be okay with it?”
Stewart shrugged his shoulders. “You can do whatever you want,” he said. “You know, it’s your life.”
“Yeah, it’s my life, but that doesn’t matter,” Henry said. Stewart realized, with a little bit of horror, that he seemed mildly offended. He couldn’t figure out why. “I’m not going to move in with you, quit my job, and feed you grapes while you’re dressed in a curtain.”
“Do you mean a toga?”
“Do I mean a toga,” Henry echoed quietly, rolling his eyes.
“In any case,” Stewart said. “It doesn’t matter. Seriously. I just want you around.”
“To do what?”
Stewart shook his head and bit his lips. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m afraid I don’t understand the question.”
Henry’s expression softened. He straightened his arm and touched Stewart’s wrist. “First of all, this is a very sweet offer,” he said. “Stupidly sweet.”
“Thank you?”
“Think about it, babe,” he said. “Imagine if I wasn’t me, right? If I was just some random guy who thought having a sugar daddy sounded awesome. You do realize that’s the arrangement you’re offering me, right?”
“I’m offering you more freedom,” Stewart said. “So yeah, money, I’m sure, would help you. It helps everyone who doesn’t have much. This isn’t about that for me. This is about having you close. This is about seeing you next to me every morning when I wake up. This is about you and me being together for good.”
“Oh, honey,” Henry said. He traced Stewart’s jawline with the tips of his fingers. “You’re very sweet and I like you a lot. I don’t just like you, Stewart, I have feelings for you… but I’m not doing that.”
Stewart swallowed. “Ever?”
“I’ll think about it,” Henry said, “but honestly, we’re not there yet.”
Stewart closed his eyes. He swallowed again. “I’m sorry I asked.”
“No,” Henry said. “Don’t be sorry you asked. It’s totally fine that you asked. I like that you asked. You just haven’t thought this through.”
“What haven’t I thought through?” Stewart asked. He was starting to get irritated, too. He didn’t mind being rejected so much, but the fact that Henry was trying to tell him exactly what he had done wrong was starting to get on his nerves.
“This, Stewart,” Henry said. “You and me.”
“Are you going to come out with a cliché about—”
“No,” Henry said. “I want to be with you. I do. I want to be with you for good.”
Stewart’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Seriously, babe,” Henry said. “I want to be with you until the day I die. But that’s the problem, right?”
“I don’t understand,” Stewart said. “I guess it doesn’t seem like a problem to me.”
“You’re trying to rush it,” Henry said. “You know how you’ve been so patient with sex and stuff?”
“I guess,” Stewart replied.
“You want to jump right into everything else,” Henry said. “You haven’t met my family though. I haven’t met your family. I haven’t met anyone important to you. I haven’t even spent the night over at your house.”
“I’ve invited you to,” Stewart said quietly.
“I know,” Henry said, “and I haven’t wanted to say yes because it’s all a little uncomfortable, you know?”
“Because of my house?”
Henry smiled. “Because we haven’t had sex, you bonehead,” he said. “I mean, I don’t mind. I can wait until you’re ready. Seriously.”
“I am ready,” Stewart said. “I have been since the moment I saw you. I just wanted to make sure… I don’t know, I wanted to make sure that you knew I was as serious as I said I was.”
“I know,” Henry said, “and that’s the thing. I know very well just how serious you are.”
“You do?”
“Yes,” he said, “but now we have to do the other things people do in relationships before they move in together.”
Stewart groaned. “But why?”
“So we’re not thrown off our groove,” Henry said. He took a sip of his dark beer. “Listen, Stewart, we almost had a false start there. You don’t want another false start, do you? You don’t want things to start going well for us only to suddenly realize, oh, yeah, no, they’re not actually going well anymore because neither one of us has had their expectations met?”
“Is that what you think is going to happen?” Stewart asked.
“Not necessarily,” Henry said, shrugging his shoulders. “I would rather avoid that possibility if it’s at all possible.”
Stewart nodded. There was a silence between them as he drank the last of his sangria. Henry’s mood seemed to have darkened slightly, but he still smiled at Stewart when they caught each other’s gaze and his hand was still touching Stewart’s skin every now and then.
Stewart knew Henry wasn’t angry at him. It was all still a little weird, though. Stewart knew he would be thinking about this conversation a lot as the days went by. He wanted to make sure that this happened. He wanted to secure a future with Henry as soon as possible. “So,” he said. “Does that mean that you want to meet my family?”