Chapter Thirty-Five
The bad news was my little fainting spell was being played out over all forms of media, and Joan watched it repeatedly on several outlets in my presence to make sure it was being reported correctly. It was so embarrassing to hear the gasps and even screams from the audience when I went down. LH Ink had responded by saying it was due to exhaustion and low blood sugar. They added in that I was resting comfortably and would be back on my feet to finish out the remainder of the conference.
The good news was I was resting semi-comfortably on the couch and Sam knew some tricks to beat morning sickness, or all-day sickness, as it was. Peppermint tea, chicken noodle soup, and saltines were on the menu. She also sent Fiona out for lemon and ginger drops.
It was Sam’s presence that helped more than anything. She held me like a child on the couch for a good portion of the day. We hardly spoke a word. I took comfort in knowing she was there, and I was loved and noticed for me, not Autumn, who was unfortunately infamously noticed. I wished Sam could stay with me for the entire conference, but she had to get back to her own life the next day.
I was so exhausted, I slept on and off through the afternoon and evening. I was in pajamas and back on the couch by eight. I did myself a favor and allowed myself to fall into a deep sleep instead of staring at my manuscript all night long, banging my head against a figurative wall. I couldn’t afford anymore fainting episodes.
I wasn’t sure what time it was when I woke up in the middle of the night, but someone was sitting on the coffee table watching me. In my grogginess, I first assumed it was Sam or maybe Joan who had come to check on me. Or perhaps they hadn’t ever left, but I could have sworn they had. I lifted my head off the pillow and blinked a few times, trying to make my eyes adjust in the dark. It didn’t take long to realize the figure and outline was not that of a woman. I sat up, alarmed.
A hand I recognized more than my own reached out and touched my leg. “It’s me. Sam let me in. I didn’t mean to wake you.” That voice. I knew that voice. I loved it.
My eyes came into focus and there he sat in his clothes like he’d just come home from work. I made out his suitcases nearby. The smell of grass and earth filled my senses. His eyes were no longer cold, they were warm instead, but unsure.
I pulled my blanket up around me, suddenly feeling vulnerable, though I had thought I was past that particular feeling. “What are you doing here?”
“Hating myself for not being here with you.” He scooted toward the edge of the coffee table, drawing closer to me. “How are you feeling?”
Oh, of course, I understood now. There was a traitor in my midst who told him I was pregnant. No wonder it looked like he rushed here straight from work.
He reached out to touch my cheek.
I turned from his touch. “Go home.” I didn’t want his disingenuous concern.
“Delanie, I’m so sorry,” he choked out.
“All I want to know is who told you?”
“Told me? No one had to tell me. It’s all over the news.”
I threw my blanket off in a panic, looking for my phone. Why didn’t anyone tell me? “They know about the baby already?”
Peter took my hands, trying to calm me. “No, baby, that’s not what I meant. No one knows about the daughter you gave up for adoption. At least I haven’t heard anything. And I haven’t said anything to anyone about her.” He paused and peered into my eyes. The wheels were spinning behind his. “Wait . . . you said baby. Your daughter isn’t a baby.”
I pulled my hands away from him and leaned back against the couch. There was no keeping it from him. I never imagined telling him this way. I was never going to be cute about it even when we were together, but for a long time I’d dreamt of how excited I would be when I finally got to tell him he was going to be a father. Now all I felt was sorrow.
“I’m pregnant, Peter.”
His eyes widened, and he took a moment to let it sink in. Tears welled up in his eyes. “You’re pregnant?”
“I just found out, so I wasn’t keeping it a secret from you. And the baby is yours, in case you’re wondering.” I grabbed a pillow to hold onto for comfort.
“Delanie, I would never think—”
“Didn’t you, though?”
His entire body sagged. “I shouldn’t have. I’m ashamed that I did.”
I shrugged. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now.”
“That’s not true. It matters to me. You matter to me more than anyone. I had no right to treat you the way I did. These last few days without you have been the worst of my life.”
I closed my eyes. “You had every right to be upset with me. I should have told you about my daughter.”
He took my hands again and gripped more firmly. “Don’t excuse my behavior. I don’t deserve it.”
I opened my eyes to see his staring right back at me, pleading.
He pulled my hands to his lips and kissed them. His tears fell on them. “I love you.”
“I used to think so, but I don’t think you want someone like me. You’re only here because you saw me faint on TV.”
He shook his head, refusing to let go of my hands. “I know that’s what it looks like, but that’s not true. Delanie.” He caressed my hands between his. “I needed to get my head on straight for both our sakes. I’m sorry it took me so long.”
I took my hands back, though I longed for his touch. “You don’t want this life.”
“I want the one where you and I and . . . our baby,” he said it like he could hardly believe it was true, “are in it together. Beyond that, I don’t care what it looks like.”
I leaned my head back against the couch cushion and let out a heavy breath. “I’m tired,” is all I could say.
He stood up and leaned down to kiss my head. He lingered, breathing me in. “I’m sorry I woke you. I can carry you to the bed.”
I shook my head. “You can take the bed. I’ve been sleeping here.”
He looked down at me and tilted his head. “Why?”
“Because you weren’t there.”
The downcast look he gave me said I had never said anything more hurtful. That was not my intent. I was only being honest.
“I’m here now,” his voice cracked.
“For how long? Until the next story about me appears?”
I take back my previous assessment. This was the most hurt he had ever looked, like I had knocked the wind right out of him. And maybe this time I meant for it to.
His eyes drilled into mine. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I wasn’t so sure about that.
Peter took one of the chairs and propped his legs up on the table, determined not to leave my side. I curled back up on the couch, now wide awake. I didn’t think I could take much more of this bumpy road Joan warned me about. She had forgotten to mention the man-sized potholes and that the car had no brakes. I felt like I was careening down a hill, waiting to crash and burn at the end. I had been trying to wrap my head around a life without Peter and being a single mother, and now here he was. Did I love him? With all I was I did, but I couldn’t stay on the yo-yo, worried about the next salacious story to come out. I felt like he was in denial about where we were headed, and he was only feeling guilty. Probably even more so now that he knew I was pregnant with our child.
I held my abdomen and tried to go back to sleep, knowing both the baby and me needed the rest, but I found it difficult. I felt Peter watching over me. It brought both comfort and confusion.
I managed a few winks of sleep here and there, but by 6:00 a.m. my bladder was calling the shots. This baby was making itself known and it had been, but I’d been too stressed to notice. I grabbed my phone and turned it back on as I tiptoed past Peter to the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom. A notification popped up on my screen that I had an email from Anna and Henry. I wasted no time pulling it up.
Name the time and place. We can’t wait.
With shaky hands and a full bladder, I responded, How about today? I can meet you in Savannah, preferably somewhere private. I wasn’t trying to hide her, but no kid deserved the kind of crazy that would come down on her if the press found out about her now. And today would be the perfect cover as everyone thought I was resting. But how could I rest knowing she was so near? If I left soon, I could be back for the meet and greet I was supposed to attend tonight. First though, I needed to pee.
Though it was early, I called Joan, Sam, and Fiona and asked them to meet me in my suite. They must have been really worried about me, because they were all there within minutes, dressed in various articles of nighttime apparel. Sam matched me in flannel, Fiona was wearing Wonder Woman pajamas, and Joan was wearing someone-who-shall-go-unnamed’s button up. The only reason we didn’t name him was because we all valued our lives and Joan hadn’t had any caffeine yet.
Their arrival made Peter jump up.
Everyone looked between him and me, waiting and hoping for some insight, but I had none to offer.
“I’m going to meet my daughter today and I need your help.”
Everyone stood stunned, including Peter.
I headed to the bedroom to pick out some clothes. Delanie clothes, not Autumn’s. My daughter was going to know me.
They all followed me.
“Do you even know where they live?” Joan asked.
“In Savannah. I’m waiting to hear where we should meet.”
Four sets of eyebrows raised.
Joan shut my suitcase lid. “Del, you can’t run off by yourself half-cocked and meet old acquaintances in strange places.”
“I’m not. I’ve given this plenty of thought and they are more than acquaintances.” They were raising my flesh and blood.
“Still,” Joan wasn’t giving in, “you shouldn’t go by yourself.”
Peter stepped by my side. “She’s not. I’m going with her.”
I looked up at his disheveled figure. “No, you’re not. You’re going back to Chicago.”
He moved closer to me. “Only when you do.”
I glared at him. “I’m not going back.”
The room and everyone in it seemed to hold their breath after my announcement.
“Um . . . I think we better leave them alone.” Sam grabbed the other two women and backed out of the room, closing the double doors on their way out.
Peter shook his head out of the daze I’d put him in. “What do you mean you’re not coming home?”
I threw open my suitcase and started rifling through it. “Peter, I can’t get into this right now with you. I need to get ready.”
He gently took my arm. “I’m going with you.”
I met his eyes. “I don’t need you to protect me.”
His eyes narrowed. “You think that’s why I’m going?”
“What other reason do you have?”
He pulled me closer to him and leaned in as if he were going to kiss me, but he stopped an inch from my lips. “The second biggest mistake I ever made was letting you leave without me. I’m not doing that again.”
I had to catch my breath from his touch and intensity. “What was your first?”
“Letting my pride get in the way of what I’ve always known about you . . . us.” He brushed my lips before letting me go. “I love you and I want to meet your daughter,” he said it with absolute finality.
He had my senses buzzing and emotions swirling. I stood frozen, not sure what to say or do.
He took off his shirt and headed toward the bathroom. “You should get ready.”
“Okay,” I whispered.