Chapter 19
Caleb
My stomach is in knots, and for the first time in a while I’m glad I haven’t been drinking today. A part of me wants to run. It’s in my nature to act like fool and run from my mistakes. Another part of me sees this as a reason to finally grow up and change my ways. I’m not saying I want to be with Kadence, but we obviously have to be friends if we want to make this work. I know in my heart I won’t be able to live with myself knowing I have a kid out there and have nothing to do with them. It won’t work for me, and certainly not my family. We’re a tight knit group, and another kid will only add to that.
Right now I think Kadence is more upset than I am. It took a lot of guts to tell her parents about being pregnant after one night with me. She does her best to explain as much as she can while we walk to Oyster Cove. She said she needed to go somewhere quiet. I know for a fact that no one is home there, so we’ll be able to talk and try to calm down to figure out what happens next.
Being an uncle already, I’m not shy around babies, or even nervous. I even have experience changing a diaper or two. Even though it’s disgusting, I would do it again if it was my own kid.
Kadence doesn’t know me enough yet to trust me though. The fact remains, I hardly know anything about her either. Now we’re stuck in this situation. As much as I wish this wasn’t happening, I won’t ask her to change her mind. Truth be told, I don’t think I could live with the guilt of knowing if she ended the pregnancy now. I might say and do things that make me an asshole, but she says that’s my kid, and for some reason I want to believe her. The more I think about it, the easier it is to make sense. I’m sure anyone else she’s ever been with had the means to take of the situation, way more that I would. Pegging the paternity on me doesn’t benefit her. We lived too far apart, and she barely knows anything about past or future.
I know for a fact that she’s got money, or at least her parents do. They could easily care for her without my families’ help. I appreciate her telling me, and for that I’m going to do whatever necessary to make sure we have a cordial relationship.
When we arrive at Dad’s house, Kadence stares at the front of the home and turns to me. “Where are we?”
“This is the house I grew up in. Don’t worry. No one is home. They won’t be until late tonight. Pony week gets crazy at the diner.”
“Are you sure it’s okay?”
A guffaw comes out as I answer. “Yeah. It’s fine. We all still here from time to time.”
Not even realizing I’m doing it, I take her hand and lead her inside. I’m sure compared to her home this is small. She scans the space and smiles. “Wow. I like it.”
“It’s nothing fancy, but it’s home. Come in, have a seat. I’ll get you something to drink and then we can talk.”
Kadence sits down on the couch just as a lazy dog comes out of one of the bedrooms. The lab goes right over and smells her clothes then walks right back in the room like he doesn’t care. He’s getting old. His watch-dog days are a thing of the past. “Sorry about him. Old man.”
“I love dogs. I was never allowed to have them growing up. My parents didn’t have normal hours, so it wouldn’t be fair to the animal.”
I answer her from the kitchen, while pouring two teas and hoping it’s something she drinks. It’s so weird not knowing anything yet. Dad is going to flip his lid. At some point they’re all going to find out what’s going on, and I don’t even want to think how and when it will happen. “My sister-in-law is a vet. Their house is full of fur. I house sit when they vacation. Talk about a zoo.”
“I loved going to my friend’s houses when I was a kid so I could play with their pets. “My friend Steph had a Saint Bernard who slept in bed with her. His name was Sampson. I loved that dog.”
I come out of the kitchen with two glasses of tea and present one to her. “Tea okay?”
“Sure. I love it.”
After taking a couple sips I sit down and wait for this to be less weird, even though I expect it’s going to get worse.
“Thanks for bringing me here, and being so understanding. I figured you’d cuss me out and call me a liar.”
“Goes to show that you don’t know me at all.”
“That’s true. It’s what makes this so hard.” She rubs her face and leans back on the sofa like her neck aches. “I’ve always been safe and smart about things. It’s like everything I ever stood for is broken, and I’m so messed up over it. I had a plan. I knew exactly where I was going to be and how I was to get there. If you could have seen my parents when I told them. I know I broke their hearts. I devastated them. They just stared at me and then walked away. They couldn’t even look at me.” She starts to cry again. I take her drink and sit it on the coffee table in front of us before turning to face her more. My hand reaches over and touches her knee, but I don’t dare move it around. “It’s going to be okay. They’re in shock. It’s expected.”
“I failed them, Caleb. I looked at both of them and told them I slept with a stranger and got knocked up. I basically confessed to ruining my future.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I’m studying to be a lawyer. I’m so close to being done. I was accepted to a three year law program in the city. I start this fall, or I’m supposed to. My parents have their own firm, and for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a part of it. I sacrificed social events, friends, and even my own happiness to be the best I could be. I’ve never disappointed them, not one time.”
“Holy shit, you’re a nerd,” I tease. “That’s so hot.”
She lets out an amused sigh. “How is that hot?”
“Trust me, it is. I knew you were different, but it keeps getting better.”
She playfully pushes me. “Shut up. Be serious.”
“So you’re studying to be a lawyer. So, does that mean you already have an associates degree?”
“Bachelors.”
“Impressive.”
“Did you go to college?” She asks while looking at me with those puppy dog eyes.
“I took a few classes. Work sort of took precedence. The family business is all I’ve really ever known. It’s all I need.”
“You’re lucky. My parents would never see it that way.”
“So I’m assuming you have a prelaw degree?”
“That’s correct. I graduated this past spring.”
“So right now you could go to work as a paralegal or something along those lines, right?”
“True.”
I’m trying to reassure her that life isn’t over if she can’t go to school in the fall. “I’m sorry this messed up your plan. I guess you probably blame me for not being prepared that night.”
“We were prepared, just not for more rounds. It’s fine. I don’t blame you at all. We were there.”
“What now?” I’m unable to hold it in any longer. I need to know what the plan is going to be. I even want to ask about a paternity test, because I know my family will be skeptical given my track record with women. “Where do we go from here?”
She shrugs. “I’ll head home after vacation and find a doctor. I guess I’ll keep you informed as to the progress of the pregnancy and then hopefully you’ll be able to visit once the baby is born.”
She’s emotionless as she says it, like she’s played it out in her head so many times that it just sounds like it will work. “Will we talk? I mean, shouldn’t we form some sort of relationship for the baby? We can’t be strangers and raise a kid.”
“Do you even want that?” Kadence plays with her hands. “Listen, I know the kind of life you live. I’m not asking you to change because of this, or pretend you want to be friends.”
“If you knew me at all, you’d know I would. We need to be friends, no matter what. What you or I do in our free time doesn’t take away the fact that we’re going to have a kid together. Lots of people do this.”
“Neither of us is ready, if we’re being honest here.”
I nod. “Maybe, but who can say they’re actually ready? It’s time to get ready. It’s time to grow up and take responsibility. I can be responsible. If that child is mine then I’m going to do whatever it takes to be around. If it means missing booty calls and wild parties it’s worth it. Being a dad will come first.”
I can tell she’s shocked. “Do you mean that?”
It’s time to tell her something about me to help her know I’m serious. “My mom had cancer when I was teenager. She died too young. The most important thing in her life was us kids. Our family. Dad lost it after she passed. He was a heavy drinker and couldn’t even take care of himself for a while. We all had to pitch in and help with my sister. Things changed. He’s remarried to a wonderful woman who brought him back from being lost. I can be responsible, Kadence. Family is everything to me. You need to know that.”
She covers her face in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. When I met you I thought you were someone completely different.”
“This face gets me in trouble.” I point to myself and smile. She needs to be positive about this, because being depressed will only make things worse. “But I promise I’m a good person. Just don’t ask my dad.”
Kadence takes my hand and squeezes it. “Thank you for bringing me here and talking to me. You don’t know how difficult this has been for me. I feel like I’m ruining everyone’s lives.”
As soon as she says it I hear the front door opening and know we’re no longer alone. Kadence looks to me with panicked eyes, while I struggle to come up with a reason I’m sitting in a semi-dark living room talking to a chick in tears. This isn’t going to be pretty if it’s Dad. He’s going to want to know what’s up, and at this point, I need his support, because on the inside I’m losing my shit.