Sad Goodbye
It was after two in the morning when Tracy came home and found Meghan waiting for her.
“Not now,” she said wearily. “I can’t deal with anymore arguments.”
“I’m not here to argue,” Meghan replied. “I just thought you might need someone to talk to.”
“About my being a disgrace to the family?”
Meghan shook her head. “I think Mama and Aunt Phoebe have already beaten that horse to death. Anyway, I don’t think you’re a disgrace. You’re simply a woman following her heart.”
Meghan stretched out her arms, and Tracy fell into them. For a few moments they sat without a need for words, soaking in the bond of sisterhood.
Tracy was the one who spoke first. “I suppose Mama is pretty disappointed in me, huh?”
“I doubt that. She really loves you; it’s just that she’s worried Dominic won’t give you the kind of life you deserve.”
Tracy gave a cynical chuckle. “Maybe it is the kind of life I deserve.”
“Why would you say that?”
Tracy shrugged and turned away, but Meghan took her by the shoulders.
“Tell me why you think you deserve a life that’s less than wonderful,” she demanded.
“I’m not you, Meghan,” Tracy said. “I’m not smart like you. I can’t set my mind to doing something and follow through the way you do. Look at us; we’re as different as night and day.”
Meghan shook her head emphatically. “We are different, but that doesn’t mean one of us is less and the other is more. Yes, we’re like night and day, but nobody wants to live a life that’s all night or all day. Both have their place in the world.”
“Maybe being with Dominic is my place.”
“What about your job at the bank? What about the promotion to head teller?”
Tracy stretched her mouth into a tight line. “Ellen Bales got it.”
“Is that why you’re doing this? Because of a job?”
“No. I’m doing it because I love Dominic, and I believe he loves me.”
“Then get married before you go. Do it here, where Mama and I can stand beside you and see the happiness on your face.”
Tracy turned away and lowered her eyes. “Dominic’s not ready yet. He said he wants to be sure of his job before we get married.”
“Sure of his job?” Meghan’s words were wrapped in irony. “That seems like a pretty lame reason. If you’re married and he loses his job, you deal with it together like Mama and Daddy did. That’s the ‘for better or worse’ part.”
“Mama and Daddy didn’t deal with it together. In case you’ve forgotten, when Daddy needed help with the Snip ’N’ Save, you were the one who stepped in to help him.” Tracy gave a weighted sigh. “I’m not you, Meghan, and I never will be.”
“Why would you want to be? You’re not the only one with problems. I wish I had some of the qualities you’ve got.”
“Oh, come on, you’ve got to be kidding.”
“No, I’m not. Everybody likes you. You’re open and friendly. Even more important, you’re not afraid to let yourself fall in love.” Meghan’s voice had a quality of sadness woven through it when she added, “That’s something I envy.”
That night she crawled into bed alongside Tracy. As they lay there in the dark talking of a shared past and an unknown future, Meghan realized what a huge hole would be left behind.
“Promise me one thing,” she said. “Promise me that if you ever need help, any kind of help, you’ll come to me.”
“I promise,” Tracy said, then she turned and kissed her sister’s cheek.
That night they slept in the same bed, which was something they hadn’t done since the year they were six and seven. Back then it had been exciting for each of them to have their own rooms. Now, being together as they were, Meghan wondered why they’d ever wanted to be apart.
The days that followed were like sitting on a time bomb, knowing it could go off at any minute. No matter how hard Meghan tried to keep peace in the Briggs household, the slightest thing erupted into a full-scale shouting match between Tracy and Lila. It generally started over something small, like a dish left sitting on the table or the last cup of coffee gone from the pot, but in a few minutes they’d circle around to the heart of the matter: Tracy’s move to Philadelphia.
It didn’t help that Phoebe called nearly every day with another suggestion on how to handle things. First she told Lila to lock Tracy in her room, then she suggested packing away her shoes, because the girl couldn’t go running around town barefoot. When it got to the point where she railed about finding a reason to have Dominic arrested, Lila claimed she’d heard enough and said it would be better if Phoebe didn’t call.
“Not call?” Phoebe said in a breathy voice. “When my brother’s family is in need of—”
“You’re not your brother!” Lila said, and slammed the receiver down.
She had come to the realization there were only two alternatives, like it or not. She could accept Tracy doing what she was going to do anyway, or she could watch her daughter disappear from her life. Perhaps there would come a time when Tracy would have a change of heart, a time when she needed a family to turn to, and Lila wanted to be there.
With the weight of this decision in her heart, Lila climbed the stairs, rapped on Tracy’s bedroom door, and asked if she might come in.
“Not if you’re going to yell at me again,” Tracy replied through the door.
“I’m not going to argue. I just want to talk.”
Given the bitterness of the past few days, Tracy found that hard to believe, but she opened the door anyway. For the first time, she noticed the lines of sadness in her mama’s face as she stood there looking contrite.
“I’m sorry,” Lila said. “I’ve been selfishly thinking of how much I’m going to miss you when I should have been thinking about you going off on your own and starting a new life. Please forgive me and let me continue to be a part of your life.”
“Jeez, Mama, you’re always gonna be a part of my life. You’re my mama.”
That afternoon, Lila sat on the bed and watched as Tracy pulled things from the closet and emptied out the dresser drawers, sorting what was going to Goodwill and what would be carried off to Philadelphia. Lila thought things like Tracy’s pom-poms and the teddy bear she’d had for fifteen years would be left behind, but, no, they were tossed in the boxes marked PHILADELPHIA.
Two days later, when there was barely a glimmer of pink in the sky and the sun had not yet crested the horizon, Dominic pulled into the driveway and beeped the horn. Tracy gulped down one last mouthful of coffee and hurried to the door.
Meghan came behind her. “I’ll help load the car.”
Lila followed them out and handed Dominic the cooler she’d filled with sandwiches and soda.
“Be careful driving,” she said. “And call when you get there.”
“Don’t worry, Mama,” Tracy replied as she shoved a collection of boxes and bags into the trunk.
Meghan had spent the night dreading this moment; now it was here. She stood there feeling as useless as a single bookend. The bitter chill of the early November morning settled around her, and she tugged her robe tighter.
“I’m going to miss you,” she said in a whispery thin voice.
“It’s not like I’ll be in Alaska,” Tracy replied, laughing. “We can still talk on the phone and text each other.”
“I know.” Meghan swiped her palm across her right eye to brush back a tear. A text was a pitiful replacement for sharing a cup of coffee together, and a phone call could never be the same as having her sister in the next room.
They hugged each other one last time, then Tracy tossed her tote onto the floor of the front seat and climbed into the car. As Dominic backed out of the driveway, Tracy turned with a happy smile and gave one last wave.
Then they were gone.
Long after the old car with a blue fender that Dominic never got around to painting disappeared into the misty morning fog, Meghan and Lila stood looking down the road.
“Do you think there’s a chance she’ll be coming back?” Lila asked.
“Not anytime soon,” Meghan answered solemnly.