“I wish I had a car,” Tristan said. “Then you wouldn’t have to pick me up all the time.”

Noel shrugged from his spot in the driver’s seat. “I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, you do, you’re just too polite to admit it.”

“I really don’t mind. It’s not like you’re an hour away from Stratton.”

“I know, but still.”

“Don’t ‘but still’ me, pal. Besides, your allowance is nowhere near enough to use for a car payment.”

Tristan watched the rolling hills and homes along the turnpike blur past. “Not right now. But one day maybe I can get an actual, you know, job or something. Make my own money.”

“I think that’s a good goal to set for yourself.” Something in Noel’s tone was off. Almost patronizing.

“I don’t want to live off my parents forever.” Tristan hated that the most about his situation. Hated that he relied on parents who’d written him off for being gay, but he still took their money every single month because what choice did he have? None.

Not yet.

“I know you don’t,” Noel said. “But let’s see how this drug keeps affecting you before you make too many grand plans for the future.”

Tristan grumped and sank down in his seat. He didn’t want to be reasonable about his future. He wanted to plan. He hadn’t been able to plan for years. He’d missed out on so much sitting in his room at Benfield, and as much as Noel wanted to understand, he simply didn’t get this. He didn’t get how freeing his life was now, or how much he needed to hope for new things.

“Who knows?” Tristan said, mostly to mess with Noel. “Maybe in a few months I’ll be living with Gabe.”

Noel’s hand jerked the wheel. Thankfully they stayed in their lane. “Why would you do that?”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. You guys barely know each other.”

“Dude, we know each other way better than you think. We email every single day. We Skype. We even had a real, official date Saturday night.”

“You did?”

“Yup.” More than forty minutes had passed since his call with Gabe, but Gabe’s recitation of their date was still fresh in his mind. “And holy shit, does he have a dick he knows how to use.”

Noel didn’t react to that at all, which was weird. He stared at the road ahead, his jaw a little tight.

Maybe he’s jealous because Shane’s been holding out on him.

“You two had sex?” Noel asked after a few minutes of awkwardly silent driving.

“Oh yeah. He picked me up, we went out to dinner, and then we went back to his dads’ house and spent some very quality time naked in his room.” Noel wasn’t big on sharing details of his sex life, but Tristan had never, ever been shy about it. “You should see his abs, Noel. Oh-em-gee. And the man knows how to suck cock.”

“He should,” Noel said, quiet and growly like he hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

Tristan frowned. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing. Just, you know, he’s gay and he hangs out at Big Dick’s. He probably has experience.”

“He’s not a slut, Noel. What gives? You’re not usually so judgy about people.”

“Sorry. I don’t want to fight over Gabe, okay?”

“Good, because I’m going to keep seeing him and keep fucking him, thank you very much. I really like him. I mean, really like him.”

“Do you think he feels as strongly about you?”

“Yes.” He knew it in his gut. “We made it official today.”

“Made what official?”

“We’re boyfriends.”

Noel glanced his way, both blond eyebrows arched high. “Okay, I have to admit that I never thought I’d hear you say that. You were so commitment-phobic in college.”

“I know. But that me is gone. I can’t be him again, all free to be me and fuck everyone else if they don’t like it. I understand what I have to lose.”

“I hear that. I came face-to-face with it the night we were bashed.”

He means the accident. He was there. He was hurt too. And he’s the one burdened with the memories of that night.

Tristan squeezed Noel’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“None of it was your fault, Tris. All you can do is fight to get better and to have the life you deserve.”

“That’s what I’m doing.”

Noel took the turnpike exit for Stratton, and in less than ten minutes they were pulling into the driveway of a small, single story home, painted white with blue shutters. A car was parked in the driveway, along with a blue van.

“This your house?” Tristan said. Noel had told him that was their destination when he picked Tristan up. Asking was more for Tristan, so he could cement that fact into his brain. “It’s nice.”

“Thanks.”

“What’s with the van? Having some work done?”

“Something like that.”

The front door opened, and two very familiar faces popped out onto the stoop. Billy Meeks and Chris Sherman were a little older and dressed in paint-splattered gym clothes, but they both ran toward Tristan with big old smiles.

“You guys!” Tristan squealed. He had no idea when he’d last seen his old college roommates, and he buzzed with the excitement of seeing them again. The three of them ended up in a group hug.

Billy, who’d played basketball and was six foot four, lifted Tristan right up off the ground. “Dude, it’s good to see you.”

“You too.” Tristan laughed with utter delight. “You guys look exactly the same. Well, Chris’s hair is longer, but whatever.”

“You haven’t changed,” Chris said. “Except for the guyliner. You were the only guy I know, gay or straight, who could pull that off.”

“That was totally a phase, and I am very over it.”

“Good.”

“So what are you guys doing here?”

“Helping Noel and Shane paint,” Billy replied. “It was the only day where our schedules all worked, so we made Noel promise to kidnap you for a few hours so we could all hang.”

Tristan shuddered. “And do manual labor?”

“I’ll feed you pizza and chips,” Noel said.

“Deal.” For free food and time with his friends, Tristan could paint a wall or two.

“Come on, slacker,” Billy said. He cuffed the back of Tristan’s neck. “I wanna hear about this miracle drug that’s fixing your crazy brain.”

God, I’ve missed my friends.

* * *

While Debbie was mostly comatose on the couch watching game show reruns, Gabe moved around upstairs as quietly as he could. He packed his clothes in the only suitcase he owned, and in his assorted gym bags. He went through his room and set aside the things he wanted to keep, leaving the things he didn’t really care about. If Debbie started drinking early enough, he could take his bags down to the car before he went to sleep.

Alone.

He’d spent most of his life sleeping alone, but it was bothering him more and more recently. He wanted to wake up with Tristan in his bed, preferably naked in his arms, and that hadn’t even happened for real yet.

Reliving Saturday’s date on Skype and then jerking off with Tristan had been beyond sexy. Hearing that he had plans with Noel had hurt a little, but he couldn’t begrudge Tristan time with his best friend. It gave him something to look forward to tomorrow. Today had sucked enough, and all he wanted was to get through it and get to their next date.

A few minutes after nine p.m., Debbie had passed out in her room, which gave him a window to move some crap downstairs. Naturally, that’s when his phone rang.

Noel’s name on the screen sent his heart right into his throat. “Is Tristan okay?”

“He’s fine so far,” Noel replied.

“What do you mean so far? Did something happen?”

“Look, Gabe, I don’t want to be the asshole here, but I need to know what it is you’re doing with Tristan.”

Gabe stared at his own reflection in his dresser mirror, unsure how to take the question. “What do you mean?”

“He told me about Saturday.”

“Okay.” If Noel was waiting for some kind of explanation as to why two consenting adults had had sex, he wasn’t getting it from Gabe. His sexual relationship with Tristan was not Noel’s business.

“Okay? Tristan has been locked inside of his own head for over three years. And now that he’s starting to get out from under that, now that he’s starting to have a life again, there’s you.”

“Yes, there’s me.” Gabe still wasn’t seeing the problem. “I’m part of the life that he’s having again, and I really like him. We get along great, and we have fun together.”

“Yeah, Tristan said something similar.”

“So what’s your deal?”

“My deal is you. Yes, Tristan is better now, but what if the drugs stop working? What if he has bad side effects and has to stop them? If things get bad again, and you can’t handle it, and you decide to bail, it will destroy him.” Noel’s voice cracked a bit. “You weren’t there with him those first six months after the bashing. You didn’t get him through severe depression and crying fits. You didn’t cry for his pain. You didn’t see his face every single time I had to tell him his parents had written him off, because he kept forgetting.”

Gabe’s throat closed and his eyes stung. He had no idea the depth of pain Noel had suffered while watching his best friend adapt to a new, much more difficult life. He did understand Noel’s protectiveness, though, and his need to keep protecting Tristan.

He also couldn’t shut off his feelings for Tristan over a what-if.

“I’m sorry,” Gabe said. “I know you guys went through hell, and believe me, I know there’s a chance Tristan could regress. I talked this out with one of my dads this morning.”

Noel cleared his throat. “And?”

“And I can’t promise you anything. I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s all I’ve got. No one can say for sure what we’ll do five days or five years down the road. Circumstances can change in an instant. You know that.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“The only thing I can promise is that I will always be a part of his life, whether as a friend or a lover. I’d never abandon him.” And for someone who didn’t make close friends easily, Gabe treasured the promise he’d just made. Because he treasured Tristan.

Christ, I am so whipped.

“For whatever it’s worth,” Gabe added, “I am so sorry for the pain you two have gone through. And I’m even sorrier they never caught the bastards who did it.”

“Thanks.”

“So are you done playing the overprotective parent?”

Noel snorted. “Just one other question. Have you told him about your side job yet?”

Some people had issues saying porn. “Not yet.”

“When will you?”

“When it feels right. I’d rather not have to explain it multiple times, if I can avoid it.” And because Noel was Tristan’s best friend, it felt okay to ask, “How do you think he’ll react?”

“Honestly? Knowing Tristan, he’ll probably be really excited by the idea at first.”

“At first?”

Gabe swore he heard Noel shrug. “Yeah. Tristan doesn’t judge people very harshly, unless they do something to directly hurt him or the people he loves. But how he’ll feel about you doing porn? No idea.”

“How did you take it when Shane told you?”

“I was shocked as hell. He had it in his head that I was going to think he was a horrible person and dump him on the spot, but I didn’t. I asked questions and I listened. Eventually I figured out how to separate his character of Colby from the Jody McShane I know and love. Hopefully Tristan will do the same with you and Tony.”

Tony. Noel knew his screen name. “Did Shane show you our scenes?”

“I kind of found them on my own after he told me. I was curious.”

Normally being recognized for his videos didn’t bother Gabe, but knowing that Tristan’s best friend had seen filmed evidence of Gabe having sex with Shane made Gabe’s insides squirm. People really shouldn’t know that much about their best friend’s boyfriend.

Gabe didn’t care if Tristan eventually wanted to see his videos, but no way in hell was Shane ever seeing Tristan naked.

Tristan’s mine.

“The real difference,” Noel said, “is that Jo wanted out. You’re still in.”

“Yes, I am. It wasn’t what I’d have picked on Career Day but I enjoy the people I work with, and it pays the bills. I won’t do porn forever, though.”

“Whether you’re working or not, Tristan deserves to know that you’re fucking other guys.”

Gabe hated it when people phrased his scenes that way, like he was going out and hooking up with random strangers for sexual thrills. Porn was work. Did he get off? Sure. But Chet kept a clean house, and Gabe wasn’t fucking anyone else off set. “Is that how you saw Shane’s scenes? He’s out fucking other guys?”

“At first, a little, but not now. And Jo never promised to be exclusive until he got out of porn.”

He hadn’t made that promise to Tristan, either. Boyfriends, yes, but not exclusivity. It was a dangerous loophole. “Look, Noel, I get that you want to protect Tristan, and I swear the last thing I ever want to do is hurt him. But none of this is your business. It’s between me and Tristan, and we’ll work it out.”

“Fine. Just maybe do it sooner rather than later.”

“Nice talking to you too.”

Gabe hung up, and then tossed his phone onto the bed. Good thing Noel had done that over the phone, rather than in person, because Gabe kind of wanted to throttle the man. His patience and understanding only stretched so far, and Noel was pushing the limit.

He’d tell Tristan about doing porn when the time was right for them.

First he had to get the hell out of Debbie’s house.