A ringing cell phone jolted Tristan awake. Next to him, someone snuffled and grumbled. He sat up, taking in the unfamiliar bedroom walls covered in movie posters.

Shit, I’m naked.

His bedmate rolled over and grabbed a phone off the nightstand, hit something, then put it back. Tan. Muscles. Familiar. He turned toward Tristan, face creased from the pillow and still half asleep.

Gabe.

Relief rolled over him. “Morning. I think.” Bits of sunlight were peeking through the navy blue curtains.

“It’s early. Come here.”

Tristan let Gabe wrap him up in a full-body hug. His legs ached a little from what he could only imagine had been a very active night before. He clenched his hole, and yeah, active night. “How many times did we go at it?”

“Three. Twice in bed, and one time that started in bed and finished in the shower.”

“Ooh, shower sex. Fun.”

“Do you remember any of it?”

Tristan pressed his nose into the hollow of Gabe’s neck and inhaled. He loved the way Gabe smelled, especially with the scent of his soap lingering on his skin. Shadows of the night before lingered, knowledge of having sex with Gabe without real memory of their time. “Yes and no. It’s kind of how déjà vu feels. It’s like you know something is familiar, but you aren’t sure if it’s because you did it or you read about it or saw it on TV.”

“That makes sense. How about I send you the details in a very sexy email later?”

“Works for me. It will give me something fun to jerk off to.”

Gabe dropped kisses on his forehead and cheeks. “I hate that this can’t last.”

“No one gets to stay in bed forever.”

“True.”

Tristan’s stomach rumbled. “Feel like breakfast?”

“Definitely. I don’t have to be at the restaurant until eleven, so I have some time.”

“Cool.” Tristan rolled out of bed, amused to find his clothes all over the place. “Guess we got down to it pretty fast last night.”

“You were a tad eager.” Gabe leaned against the dresser, arms folded, his soft cock still an impressive thing to see. Tristan wanted to take a photo of him like that so he could always remember it.

“I don’t know how you are not a model,” Tristan said. “Seriously. Have you looked at yourself in a mirror?”

Gabe shrugged. “Fashion model is not my thing.”

“That’s okay. It means your hunky body is all mine to enjoy.”

Instead of agreeing with him, Gabe opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of briefs. The ungraceful ending to the conversation stuck with Tristan while he got dressed. He couldn’t put his finger on why it bothered him. Okay, sure, other guys got to enjoy Gabe’s body at the gym, but only Tristan was having sex with him.

Did we have that conversation?

“Gabe?”

“Yeah?” He paused in putting on a pair of socks and looked up.

Tristan bit his lip, unsure why he was nervous about asking. “We’re exclusive, right?”

“Of course.” Gabe’s lips twisted briefly, almost into a frown, as if he realized he was wrong about something.

“What?” Tristan sat on the bed next to him, a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. “You do want to be exclusive, right?”

“I do. I don’t want to be with anyone other than you, Tristan, I swear. I meant it last night when I said I love you.”

The familiarity of the words made Tristan’s heart flutter, even though the buildup had his gut in a knot. “I love you too. Did I say it back? I think I did.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

Gabe shifted to face him more directly. His brown eyes were full of something Tristan didn’t like seeing—anxiety. “There is one thing I haven’t told you about myself, and now that we’re at a place where I see a future for us, I need to tell you. Because it affects you, and I should have been honest after the first time we had sex.”

Tristan’s heart nearly stopped. “Are you positive?”

“What? No. No, it’s not that.”

“Then what?”

“Waiting tables and working at the club bar aren’t my only jobs.”

The dancing around was making Tristan sick to his stomach. He preferred people being direct with him. It saved stress and aggravation. “Just fucking tell me already.”

Gabe blinked. “About twice a month I film gay porn scenes for a local filmmaker who posts them on his Internet site.”

Tristan allowed those words to roll through his head for a few moments, while he struggled to understand them. Gabe watched him closely, as if he expected Tristan to spontaneously combust or something. Tristan couldn’t imagine the look on his own face, because he couldn’t get his thoughts to latch onto any one thing other than confusion.

“You’re serious?” he asked.

“Perfectly. I wouldn’t lie to you, Tristan. I promise.”

“Why? I mean, not why wouldn’t you lie to me, but why do you do porn?”

“I like sex, and I like the guys I work with. The money is good, and I need it. My mother is…not well.” Gabe closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again, they were glistening. Real grief settled around him, slumping his shoulders and drooping his mouth.

Tristan grabbed his hands and held tight. “Tell me.”

“She’s an alcoholic. Has been most of my life. We had some really good years when I was in high school, but then she started deteriorating. She was drinking again. She started…well, hoarding, I guess. Buying all kinds of shit she didn’t need and never used. She maxed out her credit cards and took out unsecured loans. I moved in with her to help her out and try to control her bills.”

“Shit, that sucks so much, Gabe.” Tristan ached for Gabe’s obvious pain. He wanted to take it away from him, but he didn’t know how. “Is it okay to say I’m sorry?”

“Sure. I’m sorry every single day, because she doesn’t want to get better. I’m moving back here, away from her, because I can’t do it anymore. I can’t watch her kill herself.”

“I don’t blame you. There’s only so much you can do before you have to put yourself first.”

“I know. And it’s time I do that, because I have you now, and you are the best thing I’ve ever had. I don’t want her to hurt you too.”

“So you work two jobs and do porn to support her.”

“Yes.”

The whole thing was just weird to Tristan. “How do you even get into porn? Is there like an open casting call or something?”

“I met a guy at the gym who models for them too. He got me an interview with the producer.”

“How long?”

“A little over two years.”

“Damn. You’ve been getting laid twice a month for two years?”

Gabe blinked. “I guess you could put it like that. There is work involved. It can take four or five hours to put together a twenty-minute video.”

“Really?”

“Chet’s a good director. He makes high quality stuff. It’s a small house, but he’s building a reputation for solid work and sexy videos.”

Tristan had seen enough porn in his lifetime to know some of it was really good, and some of it was just plain awful. “You don’t do, like, whips and leather and being tied up, do you?”

“No, that’s not my thing and Chet knows it. He’s been experimenting with harder stuff, but only with models who want to go there. He’s a decent guy, respects our limits.”

“What’s your limit?”

“Bottoming.” He flinched. “Well, except once.”

“Really?” The idea of someone bending big, bulky Gabe over and fucking him sent happy signals to his cock and balls.

“Deb—my mother had just taken out another unsecured loan, and I knew it would sell well. I picked someone I trusted to be careful with me.”

“But you didn’t like it.”

“No.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I made the decision, and I can’t believe we’re sitting here talking about this like it’s perfectly normal.”

Tristan grinned. “Will you think I’m crazy if I say it’s kind of a turn on?”

Gabe’s lips parted. “Really? The idea of me having sex with other guys is turning you on?”

“A little bit. I mean, you don’t love them, right? And you’re safe, right? Shit, please tell me—”

“Yes, I’ve always used condoms, and everyone is tested regularly. But that’s also why I wouldn’t go bare with you last night. I can’t take that risk while I’m still working, because there will always be a risk.”

Tristan’s heart skipped a beat. They’d almost gone bare. Holy hell, it must have been some night.

He also loved Gabe even more for being so thoughtful when the lure of no condom had to have messed with his head a little. “Is porn something you want to keep doing?”

“Not forever. Honestly? Besides the money, I got into it as a way to get off without risking a casual hookup. And the guys I work with are mostly really cool. But I don’t want to do it until I’m thirty, and I also don’t want to wait tables forever.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I have no idea. So much of my focus is on keeping Debbie under control, and now that I’m getting away from her, I’ll be able to focus on myself. Maybe find a career that lets me keep my clothes on.”

Tristan wiggled his eyebrows. “I like you with your clothes off.”

“I know you do. One day I want you to be the only person I’m having sex with for any reason.” Gabe kissed him. “I really can’t believe this doesn’t bother you more.”

“Honestly? Yes, it’s a little weird. But if it’s something you need to keep doing, I understand. And maybe it isn’t sinking in because it’s all words and I haven’t seen actual proof that you’ve done it. I don’t know. I can’t promise not to become jealous at some point in the future, though.”

“I know, and I’m not asking you to promise anything. You’re taking it all way better than I expected or probably deserve.”

“Hey.” He curled his fingers around the back of Gabe’s neck. “You deserve the world.”

“I’ve got everything in the world I need right here.”

If Tristan could have melted into a pile of goo, he would have in that moment. Instead, he hugged Gabe because, yeah, porn was kind of a weird career choice in central Pennsylvania, but Gabe had good reasons. And he loved Gabe too much to judge him for it.

“Do your parents know?” Tristan asked.

“My dads do. They support me like they always have. I can’t tell my mother. She’ll have a fit.”

“Do you think knowing you’re doing porn to pay her bills might prompt her to get help?”

“No. Probably the opposite. She’ll wonder where she went wrong, how she failed me, how she’ll look if other people find out. It won’t be about me at all.”

“That sucks.”

“I don’t care. She doesn’t need to know. It’s not as if it’s a career I tweet about.”

“Do you ever get recognized?”

Gabe’s cheeks pinked up. “Once in a while. I’ve even signed a few autographs.”

“Really?” Tristan wasn’t sure why he loved that so much. It was kind of like dating a celebrity. “What site do you work for?”

“Uh-uh, not today.”

“Why not?”

“Because if I tell you, you’ll go back to Benfield and look me up, and I want us to be together when we look at my work.”

“So let’s look now.”

Gabe seemed to consider it for a moment. “Not today. I have to be at work in a few hours, we still need to eat, and if we watch porn together I’m going to end up fucking you again.”

Tristan’s dick twitched. “And that’s a bad thing?”

“It is when I’d have to sneak into my dads’ bathroom to get more condoms. I need to invest in my own now that this is going to be a thing.”

“Your dads still use condoms?” He couldn’t remember how long they’d been together, but he knew it was a long time.

“Yes.” Sadness flickered in Gabe’s eyes. “Richard is positive.”

Tristan’s stomach churned. “Shit, really?”

“Has been my whole life.”

“He’s your non-bio dad, right?”

“Right. Bear’s my bio dad.”

“That can’t be easy on them.”

“It isn’t sometimes, but they love each other. They’ve overcome a lot and they’ve never given up on each other.”

“Now I see where you get your strength from.” Tristan startled. “Is it okay that you told me? I don’t want to say the wrong thing by accident.”

“It’s fine. Richard doesn’t wear a sign, but he doesn’t hide it. Every year my dads hold a fundraiser at Big Dick’s to support HIV awareness, especially for young people.”

“When’s the fundraiser held?”

“February.”

“I’ll help.” Tristan wanted to get involved in something that was important to Gabe. He wanted to be part of something again.

Gabe grinned. “We’re always looking for volunteers.”

“Awesome. Porn site?”

“No.” Gabe kissed his nose. “Just think of the anticipation.”

“For a few hours, until it’s gone. Poof.”

“I’ll remind you. Besides, you need to write all this down. Why don’t you do that while I go downstairs and see what we’ve got for breakfast. Bear should be up.”

“Your other dad sleeps in?”

“Oh yeah. He considers noon to be early.”

Tristan laughed. After Gabe left, he took his time recounting every detail he could remember since he woke up, including Gabe’s references to the previous night. He couldn’t wait for Gabe’s inevitable email detailing the three times they’d had sex.

I wonder if we can break that record next time I stay over.

It hit him that he’d spent the night somewhere other than Benfield for the first time since the accident, and he hadn’t freaked out. Sure, he’d had a brief moment when he woke up, but he’d known Gabe immediately. Some of the details had come back. He didn’t know if it was his brain getting better, or Gabe being there, and he didn’t care. He was overjoyed to have slept all night with another guy for the first time in more than three years.

He wanted to do it as often as possible.

And then there was the fact that Gabe was a porn star. Okay, so maybe not a star-star, but he got recognized. He probably had fans. He got to fuck other hot guys on a regular basis. Hot guys with muscles and perfect memories and a lot less baggage than Tristan. Guys who were way less complicated. Gabe had no reason to have chosen Tristan over any one of them, but he had. For whatever reason, Gabe loved him.

For now, that simple fact mattered more than anything.

* * *

Bear occupied his usual spot at the counter when Gabe hit the kitchen. He helped himself to coffee before scouting the fridge.

“Didn’t think you boys were staying the night,” Bear said.

“We didn’t plan to.”

“Tristan okay this morning?”

Gabe grabbed eggs, mushrooms and butter, then closed the fridge door. “Yep. I think he was startled at first, because my phone woke us up. But he acclimated really fast. He recognizes me almost immediately now, which is fantastic.”

“That is good news.”

He grabbed a frying pan and scooped some butter into it. “Yeah. I also told him about the porn, and he barely blinked. He wants to watch it.”

Bear’s startled expression was priceless. “Yeah?”

“I know. I mean, I didn’t think he’d freak out and dump me, but I thought he’d react more strongly than he did.”

“Did you tell him about Debbie?”

“Yes. Not too many details, but he understands why I need the extra money.”

Gabe chopped up mushrooms then added them to the melted butter to sauté. As soon as they began to sizzle, it occurred to him he had no idea if Tristan had food allergies. He’d never asked. But mushrooms had been in the sauce Dad used in the lasagna last night, so that soothed his fears. He’d hate himself if he accidentally poisoned Tristan.

“He joining you for breakfast?” Bear asked.

“In a little while. He wanted to write everything down to remind himself later. He still uses the notebooks, but he refers to them less and less.”

“Good to hear.”

Tristan came downstairs right as the mushrooms were soft enough to add four eggs and scramble it all together. “Good morning,” he said to Bear. “That smells good.”

“I guess I should have asked if you liked mushrooms before I started cooking,” Gabe replied.

“I love mushrooms. Never had them with eggs.”

“It’s my favorite way to eat scrambled eggs.”

Tristan joined him by the stove and watched with his chin on Gabe’s shoulder. So easy and domestic. “This might become my favorite way to eat scrambled eggs too.”

“Help yourself to coffee.”

“I don’t really drink it. Caffeine messes with my meds.”

“The trial meds?”

“No, the ones I take for depression.”

Gabe scraped his spatula on the bottom of the pan. He’d forgotten that Tristan took medication for depression and anxiety.

“It was the absolute worst for the first six months,” Tristan continued. “I’ve reread those notebook entries enough for that to have stuck pretty hard in my brain. I probably spent more days doped up than otherwise. Noel told me I tried to hurt myself a couple of times.”

“I can’t imagine how hard that was for you, losing everything that you were.”

“I didn’t really lose me, though. I know that now. I went away for a while, but you’ve helped me come back out and play. So thanks for that.”

“You don’t ever have to thank me for making you happy.” Gabe grabbed two plates and divided the mushrooms and eggs. “You like ketchup on your eggs?”

“Ew, no. You have any mayo?”

Gabe blinked.

Tristan started laughing. “I’m kidding. Gross.”

“Something to drink, Tristan?” Bear asked. “We’ve got cranberry juice and sweet tea.”

“Juice is fine. Thanks.”

They occupied the other two stools at the counter. Gabe blew over his black coffee, desperate for it to cool enough to gulp. He wasn’t quite awake yet, and he still had Debbie’s missed call to deal with. She’d woken them, probably screaming to know where he’d been all night. He didn’t want to go back, but he’d left his work apron there and needed it for his shift.

Fun times.

Tristan yum-noised his way through his eggs. Gabe loved watching him eat, because he truly seemed to enjoy the experience of tasting food. The eggs weren’t exactly fine dining but he was glad to make Tristan smile. Tristan had spent too many years locked away, existing in small pockets of time without really taking pleasure in anything.

“Might as well say it so you know it,” Bear said. “You’re welcome over anytime, Tristan. Haven’t seen my boy smile so much in a long while, so you keep making each other happy.”

Tristan flushed bright red. “Thank you.”

“You boys enjoy the day.” Bear put his coffee mug in the sink, then shuffled out of the kitchen.

“I agree with Bear,” Gabe said. “You can visit anytime, as long as I’m free to come get you.”

Tristan moved his arm so their elbows touched. “You know I’ll be taking you up on that as often as possible.”

“Good. Because the more you’re here, the more this will be familiar to you.”

“I want that.” Tristan speared a piece of mushroom but didn’t eat it. “Did we talk about your birthday last night?”

Gabe made a mental fist pump for that question. “Yes, we did. It’s December eighth.”

“Are you having a party?”

“Don’t usually. Bear’s trying to trick me into coming to Big Dick’s that night, because it’s a Monday this year. He’s already planning a tiki theme night with dancers in grass skirts and everything.”

“That sounds like fun.”

“Yeah, but Richard will inevitably find a way to embarrass me.”

“How?”

“Goading me into getting up on the risers with the dancers, usually. He’ll dare me, and I’ll do it, because he knows I hate failing a dare.”

“Oh yeah?” Something wicked danced in Tristan’s eyes. “I dare you to take me to Big Dick’s on your birthday. I want to go to a tiki party.”

Gabe laughed out loud. He’d walked right into that one. “Fine, we’ll go. And you’ll get to see Shane dance. He’s our newest Monday night draw.”

He watched Tristan’s eyebrows scrunch, then smooth out as he placed the name. “Right, Noel’s boyfriend. They live together.”

“Yes. Do you remember where?”

“Um, Stratton? I think I’ve been to their place. It makes me think of blue.”

“The trim is blue. It’s a single-story house.”

“Right. Yes.” Tristan finished off his eggs, then chugged his juice. “So when can we do this again?”

Gabe mentally went through his schedule for the rest of the week. Wednesdays he usually worked eleven to seven shifts. Tomorrow was the same. Friday he had two to ten, then straight over to the club to help behind the bar. Saturday he had off—his boss was good about trying to give everyone at least one Saturday a month, and they had the staff to manage it—and he hadn’t promised to bartend. He also didn’t want to wait that long to see Tristan.

“How about tomorrow night?” Gabe asked. “I work until seven, so it won’t be until late that I can pick you up.”

“What if Noel and I hang out in the city until then? We can meet where you work, and it will save you both a trip to Benfield.”

“If Noel’s down for that, so am I.”

“I’ll make sure he is. So can we watch a scene of yours tomorrow?”

“We’ll see.” Gabe glanced at the clock on the stove. “As much as I hate to say it, we have to go.”

“Already?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.” He really, truly was sorry to have to take Tristan back to Benfield. He’d much rather leave him here, so he’d be waiting when Gabe came home. Only that wasn’t how it worked.

Not yet.

And as reluctant as he was to leave Tristan behind, he was even more reluctant to return home to face Debbie’s wrath.

* * *

Picking up his work uniform from home had been a nightmare for Gabe. More accusations from his mother, more guilt trips over not being there last night. It stuck with Gabe all during his work shift, like a sliver of glass he couldn’t get out from under his skin. The need to end this cycle with his mother once and for all was what had him knocking on Chet Green’s door at nine thirty on a Wednesday morning.

Chet answered with a glass of something amber in his hand. “Well, this is a surprise.”

“I’m sorry for not calling first,” Gabe said. Now that he was there, the idea felt idiotic. Chet had no good reason to help him.

“Well, it’s obviously important. Come in, please.”

Gabe was used to heading straight downstairs to the set. Following Chet down a short hallway and into his living room felt a little strange.

“Would you like something to drink?” Chet asked.

“No, I’m good.”

Chet relaxed into a wide-armed chair, so Gabe perched on the edge of the sofa across from him. “Is this about the Puppy Farm shoot?”

“No, it’s not.” Gabe really wished he hadn’t come here. He hated asking anyone for favors, and this one was huge. But he didn’t see any other way to make sure Debbie got the treatment she needed to get and stay sober. “It’s actually pretty personal.”

“All right.”

“My mother’s an alcoholic.” Gabe launched into a brief retelling of the last ten or so years of his life, up to that morning’s battle. “I need to be able to give her an ultimatum when I move out, but rehab is expensive, and I don’t have enough to cover all of it.”

Chet’s expression was both sad and sympathetic, not a hint of judgment. “You want to put her in the best position possible to get better.”

“Exactly. I hate coming to you about this, but I don’t have any credit, so I doubt I’d qualify for a bank loan.”

“How much do you need?”

Chet didn’t even blink at the figure Gabe quoted. “It’s yours.”

“Seriously? That’s a lot of money, Chet. I mean, I’ll obviously pay you back when we start selling some of the crap she’s hoarded away, but it might take time.”

“We’ll work out the details of repayment, but the money is yours.”

Gabe was still too stunned by the easy yes to say anything else.

“I’m actually very flattered that you trusted me enough to come to me,” Chet continued. “So I’ll tell you something not many of the boys know. I didn’t create Mean Green to pay me. I created it to pay the models.”

“To pay us?”

“I know what it’s like to grow up being told your sexuality is something sinful and gross. I know what it’s like to live on the streets with nothing but the clothes on your back and a few dollars in your pocket. I built Green Enterprises from nothing, and now I live quite comfortably off my investments.

“Mean Green was my way of creating something that would give young gay men a way to embrace and celebrate their sexuality in a safe, healthy way, and get paid well to do it. It’s why I set up the royalty program. You’re the ones doing the work, so you get the bulk of the profits. I keep enough to pay the crew and maintain the website.”

“Wow.” Gabe wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Every young man who comes to me for work comes for a different reason.” Chet swirled the liquid in his glass around. “I try not to judge anyone for their past mistakes, because I’ve made a boatload of my own. I do what I can to give them steady employment and to never exploit the trust given to me. I am more than able and willing to help you with your mother’s sobriety, Gabriel.”

Chet so very rarely said his given name that Gabe thought he was speaking to someone else. “Thank you. I can’t begin to tell you how much this means. If she can get sober and finally stay that way…”

“I know.”

Gabe’s entire life would change for the better.

And that was everything.