Karaoke was all Tristan hoped for and more. Big Dick’s had been packed with more than just hot gay men. Drag queens and quite a few women—gay or straight, he wasn’t always sure—were among the throng. Gabe said it wasn’t unusual, and quite a few really good singers got up on the platform.

A bunch of stinkers too. Tristan didn’t care. He was spending time with Gabe, and nothing else mattered. A friend of Gabe’s had come out too. A hot blond named Jon—the best friend Gabe told him about, and a fellow model.

Meeting him had made Tristan even more insistent on learning the secret of Gabe’s porn experience, and on the ride back to Gabe’s house, he decided he wasn’t letting Gabe put it off any longer.

He waited until Gabe pulled alongside the curb in front of the house before saying, “I want to see one of your porn videos tonight.”

Gabe’s slow, deliberate head turn made Tristan squirm in the best possible way. Gabe’s dark eyes glittered from the streetlights. “Oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah.”

“You’re really sure you want to see me fucking other guys?”

“Positive.” Tristan clasped his hands tight. “It’s just sex. It isn’t like what we have. You love me, not them.”

“You never stop amazing me, do you know that?”

He ducked his head, cheeks hot. Gabe touched his chin, urging him to look back up. Gabe smiled in the dim light. “Let’s go inside,” he said.

“Yes, please.”

The house was dark, no one home. Because of the karaoke special, both Bear and Richard were closing up the club. Tristan could have jumped Gabe right in the entryway, but he wanted to see a scene more. He’d never—to his knowledge—given much thought to the idea of dating a porn star. Hell, he never imagined meeting a porn star, gay or straight, let alone falling in love with one. And he really wanted to see his boyfriend in action.

Does that make me kinky or downright insane?

Gabe closed his bedroom door. His hand hovered near the lock briefly—a moment that Tristan caught. He didn’t lock it. Tristan imagined his dads were really good about personal boundaries.

He kicked off his shoes and socks, then bounced up onto Gabe’s big bed while Gabe booted up his laptop. Tristan had half a mind to simply skim down to his briefs, but he didn’t want to seem overeager. Not that he thought Gabe would mind, so he did strip off his shirt and belt.

Gabe quirked an eyebrow at him. “Getting comfortable?”

“Yep.” He settled back against the pillows, ready and excited.

After he found what he was looking for, Gabe also skinned down to just his jeans. The bare-chest-and-denim look worked for him, especially combined with that delectable black scruff. He joined Tristan against the pillows then balanced the computer’s lap tray on both of their thighs.

Tristan looked at the URL. MeanGreenBoys.com. He’d never heard of them. Then again, he wasn’t exactly a porn connoisseur. Dozens of studios had probably popped up since his college days surfing free sites, and even back then he didn’t pay much attention to who made which clips. All he cared about was the sex.

Tonight he cared about the sex, but he also cared about Gabe. He wanted to see Gabe perform, see how he interacted with the other models, and to understand what he liked about porn.

“This is one of my first scenes,” Gabe said. “I shot it with a guy named Ricky. He left for a different house about a year ago.”

A little thrill shot through Tristan. He did the honors and pressed play. After a moment’s pause, the scene opened with Gabe and Ricky sitting on a couch somewhere, bare-chested and grinning. The edited bits of the interview were kind of cute, as they talked about each other and what they liked to do in bed.

Tristan concentrated on Gabe. He looked almost exactly the same. His hair was a little longer and it curled around his ears. He wasn’t bashful like Ricky. He answered the questions with a genuine smile, but something seemed…fake. Maybe because he knew Gabe so well he could see that he was very definitely acting. Saying the words the audience wanted to hear him say.

They segued right into making out and rubbing cocks over denim. Tristan’s own dick took notice, slowly thickening as the scene progressed. Gabe devoured Ricky like a predator—testing him to see what made him squirm and squeal the most, attacking those erogenous zones with vigor, making Ricky putty in his hands, until he was begging to be fucked.

Gabe made him suck his cock instead.

Tristan rubbed his own cock through his jeans, kind of wishing he’d taken the fucking things off before sitting down. A quick glance showed Gabe’s tented too, and he was glad that Gabe was getting turned on by this.

Watching another guy suck on Gabe’s balls made Tristan gasp out loud. It didn’t go unnoticed by Gabe, who slid closer until they were hip to hip, thigh to thigh. Shoulder to shoulder.

In the video, Gabe ordered Ricky to put his knees on the couch cushions and bend over.

Heat coursed through Tristan, warming his chest and gut. He placed a flat palm on Gabe’s stomach, needing to touch him somewhere. Real Gabe pushed the laptop tray over onto Tristan’s stomach, while Video Gabe pushed into Ricky.

Ricky moaned.

Real Gabe undid Tristan’s fly and pulled out his hard cock. He spit on his palm, and then began a long, steady stroke. Tristan wanted to close his eyes and revel in the hand job, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the screen.

His body knew what it felt like to be fucked by Gabe. Gabe was intense but always loving and tender—a perfect combination of things that made Tristan feel treasured. Video Gabe fucked like all he cared about was getting off. Sure, he was touching Ricky, kissing his neck, jacking his dick. All the usual things to keep a partner in the moment. It was different, though. Distant.

And sexy as all fuck.

Tristan trailed his fingertips down Gabe’s abs, then right under the waistband of his jeans. Into his underwear to clasp hard flesh. Gabe grunted and pushed into his hand. The restriction of his clothes made it even more fun to tease. To pinch the tip and tickle around the crown. To trace lines along his length. To drive Gabe fucking nuts with the pressure.

The performers switched positions several more times, ending up with Gabe fucking Ricky over the arm of the sofa. Ricky came all over the place, and then dropped to his knees to suck Gabe off.

Real Gabe stopped stroking him the moment Video Gabe came all over Ricky’s face, and goddamn, Tristan was so close to coming himself. His balls buzzed with the need. His chest was tight. A few more solid strokes.

Except Gabe didn’t let him. He closed the laptop and put it on the floor, then tackled Tristan with a growl. He rolled him so Tristan ended up on his stomach, cock trapped between the bedspread and his belly. Gabe stretched out on top of him, hard cock riding the crease of Tristan’s ass.

Tristan turned his head for a sloppy sideways kiss, nipping at Gabe’s lips and chin. Gabe bit his shoulder then began a slow journey down Tristan’s back. Gabe’s tongue left a cool, damp trail along his spine. He paused to play around the small of his back, laving the skin and waking all of Tristan’s nerves. He wanted their pants gone so they were skin to skin, but Gabe seemed to have ideas of his own.

Gabe slid down until his chest was resting on Tristan’s legs. He tugged Tristan’s jeans farther down, baring his butt. Anticipation tightened Tristan’s belly, and the first swipe of Gabe’s tongue across his ass cheek made Tristan jump. He tried to see what Gabe was doing, but it hurt his neck, and then Gabe licked his other cheek. Tristan dropped his head to the mattress and gave in to Gabe’s explorations.

Long, slow licks across his ass. Light nips and bites that barely stung and made his nerves sing. A single swipe from behind his balls, all the way to the top of his ass. With Tristan’s legs pressed closed, Gabe didn’t have a lot of room, but he wasn’t making an effort to free up space.

Tristan figured out why when Gabe pulled his cheeks apart and licked at his hole. Gabe’s unshaved skin created a delicious abrasion that slowly drove Tristan nuts, while Gabe’s very talented tongue worked his entrance. The combined sensations echoed in Tristan’s cock, which desperately needed friction of its own.

The onslaught continued, creating a burn that turned into bliss as Gabe worked his tongue inside. Just the tip, but it was enough to make Tristan whimper with need.

“Please,” Tristan said.

Gabe stopped, and Tristan immediately wanted that burn again. “Please what?” Some of the forceful top from the video was in Gabe’s voice.

Goose bumps prickled down his spine. “Fuck me.”

“I am so down with that, sunshine.”

Gabe climbed off. Tristan scrambled up long enough to shuck the rest of his clothes. Instead of going to his hands and knees, he waited for Gabe to strip and glove up. Taking his cue, Gabe stretched out on his back. Tristan sat on his thighs, knees braced on either side of his hips. Gabe grinned up at him, dark eyes gleaming with desire and love. Two things Video Gabe hadn’t shown.

This was all for Tristan.

This was all them.

“Here,” Gabe said. He pumped some lube onto Tristan’s fingers. “Prep yourself.”

The naughtiness of fingering himself while Gabe watched made Tristan gasp. He rubbed the lube around a bit on his fingers, getting it warmer, adoring the way Gabe watched him so intently. Tristan planted his left hand next to Gabe’s shoulder and bent forward, opening his cheeks so he could press a slick finger against his already wet hole. The familiar touch sent his heart galloping. The first breach broke sweat on his neck and shoulders.

“Fuck yourself on your fingers,” Gabe said. “Just like that, sunshine.”

Tristan did, reveling in the sensation of being filled, pumping in and out until he could work a second finger in. He humped his own hand, stretching himself for Gabe’s dick, aware that Gabe was watching and enjoying every single second. Each part of Gabe was amazing, and Tristan went nuclear when he finally bore down on Gabe’s cock. That first, eye-watering stretch that became an addictive fullness. The heavy slide in and out of his body. The faint sting of sensitive skin against Gabe’s coarse hair. The way his balls rubbed against Gabe’s belly had Tristan’s release edging closer and closer.

He needed the moment to last forever, to imprint itself on his heart because it wouldn’t stay in his memory.

And then Gabe started jacking his cock, and Tristan gave in to the pleasure coursing through his body. His stomach tightened, his balls drew up, and then he shouted out his climax. Gabe slammed into him, fucking him through it, while he splattered Gabe’s chest and chin with come.

“Oh fuck,” Tristan said, gasping for air. “Fuck.”

“So gorgeous,” Gabe whispered.

A tremor of emotion surprised Tristan into rising up, off of Gabe’s cock. His ass gave a twinge at the abrupt withdraw, but it was the best kind. The twinge of a well-used, satisfied ass. Tristan swung a leg over Gabe so he could kneel next to him, tugged off the rubber, and sucked him into his mouth. He tasted Gabe over the harsher flavors of lube and latex. Hot skin rolled over his tongue and nudged into his throat.

“Fuck, Tristan. Coming!”

Tristan stayed put, milking Gabe’s orgasm for all it was worth, swallowing down every bitter drop and loving it. He licked and kissed Gabe’s cock as he quieted. Nosed the dark thatch of hair he loved so much. Then slid up to lick his own come off Gabe’s chest, dipping his tongue into every plane and angle, leaving nothing behind.

So fucking good.

Gabe tugged him up so they were chest to chest, sticky and sweaty and so perfect. Gabe’s cheeks were flushed, his mouth still open, his face a picture of surprise.

“We should watch porn together more often,” Tristan said.

Gabe chuckled, then tapped Tristan’s chin. “I didn’t want you to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Swallow.”

“Why not? I love to swallow. You taste great.”

“Porn, remember?” Gabe kissed the tip of his nose. “We’re as safe as humanly possible on set, but—”

“Hey, stop.” Tristan put a finger over Gabe’s lips. “I didn’t forget. I know there will always be a tiny risk, but I am of sound mind and body when I say it’s an acceptable risk for being able to feel you coming in my mouth.”

Gabe shivered. “God, when you say shit like that…”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I love you.”

“Love you back.” He dropped kisses all over Gabe’s neck and upper chest. “Can we take a shower? As much as I like this, I feel all sweaty and gross from dancing earlier.”

“Sure thing.”

Gabe paused with his head out the bedroom for a beat, probably listening for his dads so they didn’t flash the pair on their way across the hall to the bathroom. The brief moment of shyness from a porn star was all kinds of cute.

He watched Gabe’s ass on the quick walk, admiring the taut globes and smooth skin. Eyes, mouths, abs and cocks were all sexy as hell, but Tristan’s biggest downfall was a hot ass, and Gabe definitely had the best.

Despite the last few years and his struggles, Tristan couldn’t help but think all the pain had been worth it because it led him to Gabe.

He’s mine. Please, God, don’t take him away from me.

He’d lost enough already.

* * *

Gabe waited until breakfast the next morning to bring up his Puppy Farm news. He hadn’t told Tristan about the offer yet. He’d been waiting for the exact details from Chet, and he’d gotten them yesterday afternoon. Bear had wandered into the den, and Dad was still asleep. He and Tristan were alone in the kitchen eating pancakes.

“So you know how you’re into the fact that I do porn?” Gabe said. He’d barely eaten thanks to a knot of anxiety currently residing in his gut.

Tristan looked up with a piece of pancake stuck on his fork. “Yeah.”

“A few weeks ago my producer got an offer from another studio for me to do a video for them.”

“Really?” The look of surprised delight on Tristan’s face made the knot of worry unfurl. “Which studio?”

“Puppy Farm. They’re pretty new, and they do a lot of artsy stuff, but they’re winning awards and getting noticed.”

“Porn has awards?”

Gabe laughed. “Yes, the adult industry has awards like other industries. Ours just aren’t televised live on ABC.”

“Well that’s kind of awesome that you specifically were requested.”

“It is. And now I finally have the details. Their studio is in New York State, and they’ll pay for me to take a train from Ardmore. It’s the nearest station outside of Philadelphia. The only thing is I leave Thursday afternoon, and I won’t be home until Sunday.”

“It takes that long to film a scene?” Tristan finally ate the piece of pancake.

“Their director is known for being a bit of a perfectionist, so he always plans in time for reshoots and getting extra footage.”

“Do you know who you’ll be shooting with?”

“They want me with one of their hottest stars. A kid named Aaron Troy.”

Tristan’s eyebrows popped up. “Can we search him online? I want to see what he looks like.”

“I had a feeling you’d ask that.” Gabe found the promo shot he’d saved to his phone. Aaron was nineteen, slim and twinky, with a head full of curly blond hair and a long, uncut cock. Not that said cock was getting anywhere near his ass, but he’d have to work a bit to suck it.

“He’s cute,” Tristan said.

“Notice anything else?”

He plucked the phone from Gabe’s hand to study up close. “Eyebrow stud?”

“Nope.”

“Is there a scar somewhere I don’t see?”

“He looks like you.”

Tristan squinted at the photo. “Oh. Oh! Damn, that’s going to be hot to watch.”

“I guess I have a type.”

“That’s not a bad thing.” He gave the phone back. “So will you still be able to Skype while you’re away?”

“I don’t see why not. I’ll miss not seeing you in person, though.”

“It’s only for a few days. We don’t see each other every day as it is.”

Gabe very badly wanted that to change in the future. The biggest question was when. He couldn’t invite Tristan to live with him here. He definitely had to wait until the Debbie issue was sorted out, so Gabe had his own place again. Be it the house or an apartment, he wanted a home for himself and Tristan.

“What?” Tristan asked.

“What what?”

“You got all distant and dreamy for a second. Thinking about the hot ass waiting for you in New York?”

“Thinking about the hot ass sitting next to me.”

“Anything in particular about it?”

Gabe decided to go for broke. “I’m thinking one day I’d like to do this all the time. Sleep with you. Wake up with you. For us to have a real life together.”

“You mean that?” Tristan’s blue eyes went watery. “For real? You want your life to be with me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Even with all of the other hot guys you work with that don’t come with built-in health issues and frustrating memory blips?”

“Hey.” Gabe squeezed Tristan’s hand. “Stop. I don’t want any of the guys I work with. Never have, never will. And I went into this knowing full well about your baggage. I’m in, Tristan. Please stop doubting that.”

“I’m sorry. Am I ruining this? Was this a moment?”

“It is a moment, and you’re not ruining anything. Yes. I think about our future together a lot. I think about you being able to leave Benfield behind for good.”

“I think about that too. Sometimes living anyplace else feels like a dream I’ll never get to experience. Moments like this are vapor. Too thin to last for long, because what’s real is that room covered in paper and my bad memory.”

“Your memory is getting better. I remind you of things so rarely now, because you’re able to figure it out yourself.” Gabe didn’t want to think about last week’s seizure. He wanted to believe it had been an isolated incident, never to be repeated.

“It’s a scary move. I mean, my parents pay for my care. What happens if I leave, and then I suddenly get worse? I can’t afford a place like Benfield on my own, considering I’ve never had a job in my life.”

“Really?” A tidbit about Tristan that Gabe hadn’t known. “Not even in high school? Summers at college?”

Tristan blushed. “No. My parents are loaded, remember? They wanted me to focus on studying and shit, so they didn’t make me get a job. They did, however, make me take summer classes, which kind of sucked.”

“Summer school? Gross.”

“Helped me learn how to speak fluent French and Spanish.”

“You’re kidding.” The depth of things he still didn’t know about Tristan kind of shocked him.

“I was supposed to start learning German the summer of the accident. I didn’t retain much from the few classes I managed.”

Accident.

“Tristan, why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Call it an accident.” It bothered Gabe every single time he heard it, and he was done keeping quiet. “It wasn’t an accident.”

Tristan shrugged and leaned back in his stool. “Because I don’t remember anything about it. It’s like I wasn’t even there. I could have been in a bad car wreck for all I really know.”

“Noel would never lie to you about what happened.”

“No, I know that. He knows it was a deliberate attack, and in my heart I believe him, but I don’t know it. I guess thinking about it as an accident is easier than admitting someone intentionally tried to kill us both.” Tristan’s voice broke, and those big eyes were shining again.

Gabe stood up and tugged Tristan into his arms. He hated upsetting Tristan with the subject but he wasn’t sorry he’d brought it up. “It wasn’t an accident. You were bashed.”

Tristan nodded, his face pressed against Gabe’s neck. Warm breath came out in short pants, heating his skin.

“I need you to say it.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

Tristan made a soft, strangled sound, followed by a sob.

Shit.

“I’ve got you, sunshine,” Gabe said. “You’re safe. It’s okay to say it.”

“It wasn’t an accident,” Tristan whispered. Tears dampened Gabe’s neck. “I was bashed. Goddammit.”

“It’s okay.”

Gabe held on while Tristan got it all out, hating himself for bringing his boyfriend to tears, and hoping they were cathartic tears. Some terrible truths needed to be acknowledged and spoken out loud in order for a person to really heal. Tristan had more healing to do than most, and Gabe wanted him to have every possible tool to do so. Even if those tools hurt once in a while.

He whispered support and rubbed Tristan’s back until he settled.

“You guys must be so sick of me sobbing like a girl all the time,” Tristan said as he pulled back. His face was blotchy and his eyes were swollen, but he looked…different. A little more assured.

“Never. Tears don’t make you weak. They make you human.”

“Yeah, well, when was the last time you were seriously human through tears?”

Gabe didn’t even have to think. “The second time Andrew broke my heart.”

Tristan frowned. “Andrew?”

Thinking about Andrew didn’t hurt like it used to, and Tristan deserved this story. “I met him when I was eighteen. He was thirty-three. I thought we were in love, but I was just sex to him. We’d been seeing each other for a year when I had a particularly nasty confrontation with my mother. I went to Andrew and told him about her. A few days later he dumped me over email.”

“Fuck.” Tristan grabbed his hands and squeezed. “What an asshole.”

“Yes and no. I wasn’t out yet, and I wanted so badly for someone to love and accept me that I saw more into our sex than was there. He wasn’t out, either, and I was only ever a booty call to him. Anyway, a few years ago I ran into him at Big Dick’s. We ended up fucking at my place. It was great, just like I remembered. Considering where I’d found him, I thought he’d finally come out. Afterward he took a phone call from his wife.”

“Shit.”

Gabe shrugged. “My own fault. But after that I was so upset I did some risky things, and ended up with a case of oral gonorrhea. That woke me up to what I was doing. I met Jon and started porn not long after. Sex without the same risk.”

“But that’s not why you do porn now.”

“No, now I do it so I can keep our bills paid. Helps with what waiting tables doesn’t cover.”

“Does your mother know? That you do porn?”

“Hell no. If anything is guaranteed to make her flip the fuck out, it’s that. Besides, she’d find a way to make it about poor her, somehow. She’s always the victim.”

“I hate that you’ve had to deal with her for so long.” Tristan ran a palm up his arm to his bicep. “But you did something, right? That seems familiar. You moved here?”

“Right. I moved here and I gave her three weeks to go to rehab or she’s out.”

“Good. You need to live for you.”

“I am now.” Living for himself and for Tristan.

Gabe was finally ready to believe in a happy future—the kind they both deserved so fucking much.