Past

It was hard to concentrate on what Camryn’s dad was saying when I had to fight off his daughter’s hand on my leg every five minutes. It didn’t matter how many times I’d made it clear that I wasn’t interested in her like that, it was as if she didn’t hear my words clearly. Or maybe it was rejection that she didn’t know how to handle.

The last place in the world I wanted to be was at the dinner table with all of them, but Dad had told me earlier this week that I needed to be there, that it wouldn’t look right if Sam and I didn’t show. Yeah, well, if that were the case, where was Samson? He seemed to get away with everything—not being present at dinners like this, not having to go into the office with Dad, not attending meetings, and picking and choosing what gala he wanted to go to instead of having to go to them all. Most of the time, I didn’t care. The oldest son was the one with all the responsibility, after all, but this one got to me because I knew he was over at Freddie’s house while I was stuck, waiting for the time to tick by. Sunday nights were pizza night at the Monte house, and a group of us always went over. I pushed Camryn’s hand away – again – and shot her a look. She smiled saucily, batting her eyelashes at me like I was going to fall for it.

If that hadn’t been enough, her mother was looking at me weird, in that way the women at the grocery store looked at me nowadays. Sam said it was happening more and more to him as well. At least he still had a year left. For me, it was as though turning eighteen had put a stamp on my forehead that said, “Hey, I’m not exactly jailbait anymore.”

“Why don’t you take Camryn over to Tessa’s tonight?” Dad asked. “Isn’t that where you kids disappear to on Sundays?”

Camryn yanked her hand from my lap and sat upright beside me. “That’s okay. I’d rather just stay in.”

“I promised the guys I’d go over there after dinner. You can stay here and watch a movie if you’d like,” I said. I didn’t have to look at Camryn to know she was brooding. She probably wanted to stay in because it was better than seeing Tessa and I together. Not that we were official or anything, but we were definitely more official than I’d made any of the other girls I’d dated. I held hands with her, I took her out to dinner and movies, we hung out and talked. We weren’t just about fooling around or having sex. I hadn’t had that before. Not like this anyway.

After a long, silent moment, Camryn sighed and said, “I’ll just go. There’s probably nothing interesting on television anyway.”

“We’ll pick you up there when we’re ready to go,” her mom said with a smile.

Normally, I took an ATV over there, but she didn’t need another excuse to have her hands all over me, so I opted for Dad’s golf cart.

“Is Wilmer going to be there?” she asked as I drove.

“Maybe.”

She sighed. “He’s the only friend you have that I can stand.”

Translation: he was the only friend I had whose trust fund exceeded mine and Sam’s. I hoped he would be there. At least it would take her attention away from me for a while. We parked and walked up the steps to the door, all the while Camryn commenting on how quaint their house was. I’d never really noticed. But over the last year or two, this house had started to feel more like home than my own did. I knocked and waited. Celia opened the door, her wide smile completely vanishing when she saw Camryn. She greeted us nonetheless.

“I hate these bitches,” Camryn muttered under her breath as we followed her in. “They have nothing, yet somehow, they think they’re better than me.”

I kept my mouth shut and kept walking, knowing that responding would make Celia turn around and probably punch her, which would lead to a lawsuit, no doubt. Camryn’s parents were about that lawsuit life. Her mother had pressed charges on a pregnant woman who accidentally let her grocery cart go and scratch her car in the parking lot. I spotted Sam and Tessa beside him, looking up at him and laughing as he told a joke. I envied my brother so much, but never more than in those moments, when he was with her while I’d been tied down to doing something I didn’t want anything to do with.

Lately, it seemed like most women were paying a little more attention to me, and then there was this girl who lived up the block with the naturally tan skin and almond-shaped eyes, who I knew wouldn’t have even given me a second glance if she didn’t know me. It was weird that I noticed it, all these years later. Weird that she was so quick to call me on my bullshit when everyone else stayed quiet. Weird that I was vying for one girl’s attention when I had it coming at me from all corners. It was hard to explain, but that was how it was. It was like a color splash effect on a black-and-white print, everything muted except for Tessa, with her wavy locks and bright smile. And there she was, turning all that magic to Samson.

I felt a hand on my arm and remembered Camryn. Fucking Camryn. I exhaled and said hi to a few of the guys before making my way over to my brother. I said hi to Freddie first. He’d just come back from a three-month boot camp and was waiting to hear where he’d be sent next. By the time he finished telling me about drills and sergeants, I looked up and noticed Tessa was no longer sitting by Sam.

“Missed you at dinner,” I said.

“I’m sure you did.” My brother smirked. “Mom made you bring the princess along?”

I looked over to where Camryn was flirting with Wilmer, looked back at my brother, and cocked my head in a what-do-you-think motion. He shook his head, his lips twisted in distaste, but he didn’t say anything. I looked around the room. There were more people here than usual and a lot of unfamiliar faces, mostly guys.

“Who are all these people?”

“Freddie’s Air Force buddies.”

I gave a nod, scanning the room for Tessa and finding her talking to two guys I’d never seen before. She said something they both laughed at, looking equally as interested in tearing off a piece of her. I scowled and looked around for Freddie. Was he not seeing this? Not that he’d ever interfered with her past boyfriends, and thankfully, he didn’t interfere with me either, but they’d been nothing like these two. The two talking to her were men, and even though I was bigger than one of them, they both had that soldier thing about them that made them look badass. I chalked it up to the tattoos. I stopped by the kitchen, grabbed a cold Stella and made my way over there, catching the tail end of a conversation. One of them was inviting Tessa to visit him in Chicago, and she was being wishy washy about the invitation, the way someone did when they knew they weren’t going to go through with something but didn’t want to be rude about it. I wished she’d say flat-out no, but I couldn’t demand such a thing, especially since it was my idea for us not to be too serious.

She was still smiling when she glanced over and saw me walking over. Her eyes widened slightly, but her smile stayed intact. My heart did a little gallop.

I do not bleed. I do not feel stupid emotions that won’t propel me in life.

I thought of my dad’s mantra and tried to stick to it, but when I reached her and she wrapped an arm around me in a sideways hug and I inhaled her scent, I forgot about responsibilities and mantras and military guys with tattoos. I only saw Tessa. She introduced me to the guys—Dante and Billy. We made small talk for a bit. They’d joined when Freddie joined and went to the same boot camp. Like Freddie, they were waiting for their call and would more than likely be overseas by Christmas. I asked them what I asked every soldier I’d ever met thus far.

“Why’d you enlist?”

One said he wanted to serve his country, while the other told me he hadn’t gotten into college and didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, so he went with this.

“Both my grandfathers are veterans,” I said. “I never felt inclined to join. My brother thought about it a few times, but I don’t think he will either.”

“Who’s your brother?” One of them, Billy, asked.

“The one with the Mets cap.” I pointed over.

They gave a nod and turned back to me.

“You play football?”

I shook my head. That was the first thing people thought when they looked at me. “I row.”

“Rower,” one said nodding. “Sure you don’t want to enlist?”

I laughed. “Pretty sure, but don’t count me out just yet.”

We small talked a little longer before I walked away and followed Tessa, who was refilling the beer cooler. Her eyes snapped up when she felt someone walking near.

“You brought Camryn.”

“She was in my house.”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course she was.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I tossed my beer into the recycling and picked up another. Tessa got her own, shook her head, and walked out the back door. I followed. “Tess, I’m confused.”

“Confused about what?” She stopped and faced me. “You know she hates me, yet, you bring her over. For what? So she can disrespect me in my house?”

“She doesn’t hate you.” I flinched at the face she shot me before walking farther into the forest. “She won’t disrespect you. I won’t let her. I didn’t have much of a choice.”

She stopped and turned around again. “You always have a choice.”

“Not with this.”

“You say that about everything when it comes to her. Let me guess, she doesn’t give you a choice every time she sticks her tongue down your throat either?”

I searched her face, heart hammering. She was jealous. This girl that normally acted like she didn’t give a shit about who I hooked up with in the past, was actually jealous. Did it make me an asshole to feel this excited over it? To think maybe this affected her the way it did me? When I wasn’t around her the only thing I thought about was being around her. At night, I lay awake thinking about her lips, the mischievous look in her eyes, her small hands on me, and I stroked myself using every one of those images. I stepped closer, completely up in her space. Her eyes widened a little. Her mouth parted slightly.

“People can see us, Ro,” she whispered, and even that made me hard. I brought my hand up and brushed her hair back, cupped her chin.

“So what, Sprite?”

She laughed lightly. “Why do you insist on calling me that? My ears are not that pointy.”

“Because you weave some serious magic.” I put my other arm around her, letting my beer hang a little as I walked her deeper into the trees, pushing her against a bark. “The kind that makes a guy forget his name.”

“You’ve never forgotten your name around me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I’ve known you too long for your lies to work on me.” She tilted her chin up, and I leaned in, bringing my lips down to her exposed neck. She moaned, bringing a hand up to my hair and tugging, my name a delicious gasp from her lips, “Rowan.”

God. What I would do to hear her say that over and over again. My lips didn’t stop, couldn’t stop moving against her neck, her jaw, her cheeks, her eyelids, her forehead, her nose. I stopped just before I reached her lips, pulled back slightly to look into her eyes so that she’d know that this would change things. People seeing us like this would make us more official than we’d initially intended on being, mostly because both of us were scared of the consequences, of the heartache that this may lead to. There was something about putting this out in the open that intensified that fear. I needed her to be okay with that. Instead of answering, she pulled my lips to hers and kissed me. It was soft and tentative at first as we reacquainted our mouths, and soon, the kiss turned hot and frenzied, all teeth and tongue and growls. I knew that night that there was a slim chance things would end well between us. I knew I needed to stick to the boundaries I’d set for myself with her, because crossing lines with Tessa would be disastrous. She had the kind of magic that turned me inside out. The kind that would make me believe that maybe I did bleed.