Present

For as long as I could remember, I’d hated my father, but I’d never hated him more than that very moment. I sat in his office with Camryn beside me and our lawyer beside her, listening to their points as to why she’d be perfect for the contractual wife role. They had good points, I’d give them that. The reason the meeting was taking longer than usual, was because I’d spent a full hour arguing the point. Camryn just stood there, stoic, letting me say awful things about her without a care in the world, showing me why she was truly cut out for this role. I fought it as much as I could.

I said that I would never in a million years marry a selfish, bratty, mean girl. Camryn laughed at the last bit, her green eyes sliding to mine with humor and absolutely no shame.

“You don’t have to be in love with me. Have you not been paying attention? This isn’t about love or selflessness.”

That shut me up. I sat there and listened the rest of the time. We were both incapable of loving people the way they wanted to be loved, and we knew that. I listened as the lawyer lectured her about the possibility of signing the marriage contract and what it entailed. She nodded and listened intently, asking questions every so often. How much money would she get at the end of all of it? What if she wanted to end the marriage? Could we add a no-children clause in the contract? Questions that made it clear she really was perfect for this role. She didn’t want involvement; she wanted money. She wanted to keep her independence, probably screw around with the Wall Street guy, and be able to travel while cashing her check for being married to me. I couldn’t blame her for not wanting a real marriage. I didn’t either.

“You have to be sure about this Camryn,” Dad said in his warm tone that held a hint of warning. “The idea is for you to be married forever, but if divorce is something you’re dead-set on from the start, I have to warn you that you won’t be able to get out of this for at least a few years.”

She put her hand on mine over my knee. What should have been a comforting gesture felt like claws sinking into my skin. I calmly took her hand, set it on the armrest, and leaned forward, taking a set of papers from my father’s desk.

“I’m okay with that,” she said with a casual shrug. “I mean, that’s all marriage is anyway, right? A contract.”

“For some people, it can be more than that.”

My eyes rose to meet my father’s. I glared. “Let’s stick to the contracts.”

“Very well.”

The lawyer continued to explain everything, and each word felt like another cement block dragging me deeper into a bottomless lake. Sweat broke out across my brow, down my spine, and I reached up and wiped my forehead. It wasn’t a good adrenaline, not like when I was about to start a rowing meet. This was . . . I wasn’t sure what this was. It was something I definitely hadn’t felt before. I was comfortable enough with Camryn. I’d known her since we were in diapers. Sure, when we were in public, she could sometimes be a little much with the displays of affection, but in private, she was just an insecure girl trying to navigate her way through life.

“If it’s okay, I’d like to have my lawyer look at these before I sign,” she said.

We all agreed. The lawyer put copies in a folder and gave them to her, explaining that it was also imperative she understood the clauses in the pre-nuptial and noted things she wanted added before we proceeded. She said her goodbyes, stood, and left. The lawyer followed. Then it was only my father and I sitting in a cold office.

“You’re sure about this,” Dad said.

“You haven’t given me much of a choice.”

“You have a choice in whom you marry,” he said. “It doesn’t have to be all business.”

“And that was why you brought Camryn in? Because I have a choice?” I asked dryly.

He sighed heavily. “That isn’t fair, Rowan. You want to be the head of the company. You want to make the big decisions and drive it forward. This is what needs to be done. Camryn is a good candidate because she knows what’s expected, and look, she wants a three- to four-year contract, which furthermore shows you that she’s only in this for the business aspect of it. Once it’s done, you can have a shot at something real. I hope you find that someday.”

I shook my head, looking away from him. I’d grown up with two emotionless parents who didn’t give a shit about my and my brother’s feelings.

“You never gave a shit before,” I said. “We don’t bleed, remember?”

“I’m trying here, Rowan.” He exhaled heavily, shutting his eyes. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Mariah—”

I stood, done with this conversation, and reached the door before turning around and looking at him.

“Maybe you should teach your other kid the mistakes you’ve made. It’s rather late to repair the damage you caused to Sam and me.”

With that, I walked back to my office. I opened the door and took a nice, deep breath at the sight of Tessa. She glanced up quickly and went right back to her phone call and computer screen, but not before I saw the flash of agony in her expression. I sat behind my desk and alternated between staring at the back of her head and closing my eyes to listen to the sound of her voice, which was light and bubbly when she spoke to the account managers in Europe. The genuine laughter she shared with them had the crushing weight on my chest lifting a bit.

Eventually, I managed to type out an email, and as soon as I hit send, my eyes found the back of her head again, the long, soft, brown curls I’d been running my fingers through last night. I wanted to get up and run my fingers through them again, feel the lightness. I wanted to drag my lips down her neck and body. I wanted to make her feel this unsettling feeling I was harboring for her, for my situation.

My father could even go as far as making the claim that he didn’t want me to end up like him, but it was too late. I was exactly like him. I was selfish and driven by success and would marry a woman like Camryn—one that wouldn’t hold me back with feelings—in order to get it. I knew that whatever it was I felt for Tessa, I could never feel for Camryn.