18
Ben is hosing down the court yard when Bart races through the door and starts jumping on him, tail wagging, and drool flying in every direction. He pushes him down with a laugh and the Labrador starts sniffing around at his feet, following the rivulets of water around, occasionally slurping it up.
“Dork dog,” Ben says with a fond smile. He can hear his mother talking to Alex who has set the dishwasher to run and is preparing vegetables. Focused on spraying down each tile, Ben waits to see who will come out to him first – Allie or Polly.
“Ben,” his mother’s voice is still cold, “we brought back some sandwiches for lunch.”
“Okay,” he says. He clicks off the hose, hangs it on the hook, and turns to face her. Neither of them speaks, they simply stand and look at one another. Ben clears his throat.
“Mom, I’m sorry,” he says, “I was an asshole and –”
“Yes, you were,” Allie replies. She folds her arms and leans against the door jamb. “But I’m not the one you need to be apologizing to.”
Hands stuffed in his pockets, head lowered in disgrace, Ben approaches. Swallows hard, aware Alex is standing behind Allie, watching them in silence.
“I know,” he says. “And I’ve apologized to him and I’m going to keep apologizing to him for the rest of my life. I am really sorry, mom. Please, please believe me.”
“Ben, you are one of the smartest, kindest men I know,” Allie says, “and I know that what’s happening is hard for you but there is no excuse for what you did this morning.”
“I know and I’m not trying to excuse it, I swear. I was a total asshole and I know sorry doesn’t cut it for any of you, but I am sorry.”
Allie seems to consider this a moment, then nods and opens her arms. Gratitude pushes him forward and he hugs her to him in relief.
“Kid,” she says, “do you understand how lucky you are to be so loved?”
Not trusting himself to speak without crying, he nods, eyes locked on Alex’s. Yeah, he understands. He pushes back from her and gives her a hopeful smile and is relieved when she returns it.
“Let’s have some lunch.”
#
Alex smirks when he sees Polly unpack another box from Melinda’s bakery and hurry to put it in the fridge for dinner before Ben sees it. He slides the prepared ham into the oven.
“You know what I think this calls for?” H shuts the oven and turns to find them all looking at him,.
“Scrabble. And cocktails.”
Polly agrees, puts the sandwiches on the table and goes in search of the board. Allie disappears to find the drinks trolley and Ben fills Bart’s food dish.
As Alex watches all of this unfold he’s filled with relief that he isn’t going to lose it. He sees confusion flicker in Ben's eyes when he stands and leans forward to kiss him.
“Oh, are we playing sexy Scrabble?” Polly asks and Alex can’t help blushing. “Do winners get kissed by gorgeous men? Because if we are, I’m in.”
“As fun as that could possibly be, old lady, I think we’ll stick to conventional for today,” Ben tells her.
Allie puts a tray of cocktails – Alex notices hers in a small glass and there's beer for him – on the table and they all sit. They each draw a tile each to see who starts. As Alex drops his tile back in the bag, Allie captures his hand and turns it so the scar is visible. He bites his lip, realizing his watch is still upstairs. He’s never forgotten to put it – or the cuff – on before. Allie runs the pad of her thumb over the scar and scabs.
“I want you to promise me something, Alex,” she says.
“Okay, though I seem to be doing a lot of that today.” Alex’s mouth feels dry and he’s grateful when Ben takes his other hand and squeezes it.
“Don’t ever believe that you don’t deserve to live or to be happy again. Because I think this world would be a much sadder place without you.”
Touched, Alex curls his fingers around hers and smiles.
“Thank you,” he whispers.
“Want me to grab your watch?” Ben asks.
Alex looks around the table and shakes his head.
“No, I’m okay. This is family.”
He picks up a sandwich and bites into it, aware of Ben watching him.
“Now, it’s time we crowned a new champion at this board. Polly, you’re going down.”
It takes two cocktails and the sandwiches from Melinda for Polly to win the first round. Crowing she sets the board up again while Alex gets himself another beer and checks the ham. Smiles when Ben asks for beer as well. He sits back down and starts lining his tiles up, eyes lighting up when he sees he has a seven-letter word. When the game moves to him, he places ATRESIA on the bottom of Ben’s word JUMP to score seventy-three points.
“What the hell is an atresia?” Ben asks over the top of his beer bottle.
“It’s when a baby is born with a missing or malformed orifice,” Alex says, groping in the bag for a new set of tiles.
“Ew, that’s a thing?” Ben asks, face screwed up in disgust.
“Oh yeah – it’s not common but it’s not super rare either. Anal atresia, billial atresia – I’ve seen both at the hospital a couple of times. And one little girl with vaginal atresia.”
“Wait, vaginal? Anal? How is that even possible?”
“Sometimes things go wrong in utero,” Alex says with a shrug. “Conditions like anal and vaginal atresia are usually more about the orifice in question being closed or malformed rather than absent, so there’s generally surgery fairly early in the piece and as long as they’re monitored properly, everything goes well after that.”
Ben mulls this over, seemingly deep in thought, drinking his beer in silence. Polly plays her tiles, takes her score, and turns to Alex.
“I’ve never asked you, but what made you choose pediatric nursing?”
He thinks for a moment, then shrugs.
“My parents wanted me to be a doctor and when I was little so did I, but as I got older I realized I was more interested in helping people with day to day stuff than diagnostics.”
“And pediatrics?”
Alex takes a deep breath
“How about we let the poor boy be,” Allie says but Alex shakes his head.
“No, I’m fine, honest. It’s just nobody has ever really asked that before,” he says and looks at Ben, “and we’ve never really talked about it either.”
This is nerve wracking, he doesn’t want to trigger any more misunderstandings with Ben who is already frowning, sitting back in his chair, watching and waiting. Alex takes a breath.
“Well, I really like kids but after…” Alex pauses and licks his lips, “after everything that happened, when I tried …you know… I figured I wasn’t ever going to have a family of my own. No babies, no children. The closest I might get would be if Matt got married and had children but even then, he didn’t like the idea, so working with them seemed like a good idea.”
Alex plays his tiles, watching Ben out of the corner of his, aware of how quiet he is.
“And why specialize in rehabilitation rather than say straight nursing?”
Ben snorts and Alex kicks his ankle.
“Five-year-old,” he mutters. “I love what I do because it feels like I’m helping kids get their lives back, helping them achieve something. I sometimes get terminal kids but I feel like I’m giving them something they can do. And it sounds kind of selfish when I say it like this but I just find what I do is a better fit for me.”
Everybody is looking at him, scrabble board forgotten. Alex squirms and sips his beer, embarrassed by the speech. Ben leans over after a moment and gives him a gentle kiss.
“You really are an unusual man, Alex,” Allie says.
“Yes, you are,” Polly agrees, then continues with an impish smile, “I can see why Ben loves you so much. But for the life of me I can’t understand what you see in him.”
“Hey,” Ben protests and throws a tile at her.
“Well I’ve kind of got used to having him around,” Alex says and then remembering what happened upstairs earlier, adds with a grin, “and, also, he does this thing with his tongue that… oh man...”
He’s bright red and he can’t believe he just said that out loud but he’s pleased by their reactions.
“Okay, three is your limit,” Ben says, wiping up the beer he’s just spluttered everywhere, and trying to grab Alex’s bottle. “Give me that.”
“Finally,” Polly screeches, “after two years, he’s playing you at your own game, child.”
Allie is slumped back in her chair, head thrown back howling with laughter. When the laughter turns to coughing, Polly sits her up and rubs her back until she stops. Aware of Ben’s fingers digging into his knee, Alex asks if she’s okay.
“I’m fine,” she says. “Just fine.”
#