Chapter Twenty-Three
Brynn
Cole and Autumn had spent most of the year renovating one of the beautiful old Victorians in Rett's neighborhood. It was only a short walk over there from his house, but every step felt fraught with meaning.
Oh, don't mind us, just your basic every day couple, going over to a dinner party like a completely normal people. No one can tell he ties me up in the bedroom. No one can tell how much I like it.
When we got there, Autumn was her typical bubbly self, almost maniacally so. She had overcooked, as if Rett and I were an army of thousands rather than just two guests.
"How much did you expect we were going to eat?" I demanded, eyeing the groaning table wide-eyed.
"Well, when you said you were—" She shot a glance at Rett who was sitting next to me, a picture of studied calm compared to Autumn's bubbly mania. "Bringing someone," she finished, capitalizing the word someone with her voice again, "I had to add to the menu."
"I appreciate it," Rett interjected smoothly. "I'm a growing boy."
Everyone laughed and I shot him a grateful glance for saving me from running my mouth again. The corner of his lip curved up and then he turned to Cole. "How's the big project coming?" he asked.
Cole owned a company that was working on a big redevelopment project down at the site of the old marina.
Cole drummed his fingers on the table. "You know, I was trying to explain to my old company before I left about how this town was going to be a destination pulling in from a lot wider area than it used to, but nobody listened to me." Autumn shot him an admiring smile and reached for his hand. "But I think my theory is going to prove correct, because I've had a lot of interest from companies based outside of the area."
"Like who?" Rett asked.
"Mostly restaurants, actually. And get this, Jackson Nye wants to open up an Indigo satellite location.”
"Fancy," Rett said with raised eyebrows.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I piped up.
Cole laughed. "Jackson Nye owns a bunch of restaurants in New York and one of them, Indigo, just got a Michelin star." Cole looked very pleased with himself. "Getting something like that? Here? That's huge."
"It is," Autumn agreed, looking at him worshipfully for a moment. Then she sort of snapped out of her trance like she'd just remembered we were here. "How about you? How is your ‘summer of self’ going?"
I looked down at my hands, winding my finger around my wrist. I'd done a lot of learning about myself so far this summer, but it was nothing I wanted to tell Autumn about, that was for certain. "Oh hey, before I forget to ask you," I said, deftly sidestepping the question. "How is little Grace Moore doing at daycare?"
"Oh Gracie?" Autumn sighed. "She's such a love. She's doing... okay." Autumn blinked for a moment, deep in thought. "You know she goes in these weird little cycles, have you noticed that?"
I nodded slowly. "Now that you mention it, yeah. Like she—"
"Fades in and out," Autumn finished my sentence as I nodded. "Like bad radio reception or something. Some days she's fully there and present and doing all the work and playing with her friends. And then other days it's like she's—"
"Completely lost," I nodded.
"Right." Autumn trailed off again. "I haven't figured out any pattern to it. It's not like she's sick or anything."
"No, she seems pretty healthy," I ventured.
"Yeah," Autumn sighed.
"I wonder if there's something going on at home?"
"Well I know her mother works odd hours. She's mentioned mommy working nights and having sitters and stuff."
"Maybe it's stress over that?"
"I don't know."
I leaned back in my chair and looked over at Rett. He was listening intently. "Sorry, work stuff."
"It's fine," he said with a small grin. "I like hearing about what you do."
I blushed and looked down. When I looked back up again, Autumn was sitting practically at the edge of her chair, smiling so wide her face looked like it would split. "What?" I said.
"Oh nothing," she singsonged, then suddenly let out a loud screech. "Shit! I almost forgot! I made dessert too!"
"How on earth do you expect me to fit dessert in here too?" I groaned, patting my bulging stomach.
"I know you'll find a way," she said with a big grin. Then she stood up and pressed her hands together. "We've got two choices tonight," she trilled in an expert imitation of a snooty maître d’. "I made a pan of brownies, or, and I know this is what you'll go for Brynn, a chocolate cherry cheesecake."
I winced, as Rett murmured appreciative noises. Autumn was just about to turn to head into the kitchen when I cleared my throat. "Hey Autumn?"
She stopped in the doorway of the dining room and looked at me quizzically.
I cleared my throat. "Hey uh, I actually don't like cheesecake."
"Oh my God you're such a liar," Autumn laughed. "I've seen you eat it like a million times."
I felt like I was sinking into a hole, drowning under her disappointment. But I also could feel Rett watching me and with his gaze on me I could also feel the ropes around my wrists and his voice in my ear, saying tell me what you like. Tell me what you want...
"I know," I said slowly. "I was just trying to be nice."
Autumn looked between all three of us, like she expected to be caught on candid camera. "Are you kidding me?" she said tightly. "I always thought it was your favorite."
I winced again, wanting like hell to backtrack, to say I really was joking, to play nice like I always had. I traced the circle around my wrist again, and somehow, as if he could read my mind, I felt Rett reach over and press his hand on my knee. "I guess," I exhaled. "I felt like... if I didn't like it, it would make me a pain in the ass."
"Why on Earth would you think something like that?" Autumn exploded.
I pressed my lips together, then opened my mouth, finding the words in my head even as I spoke them out loud. "I guess, I felt like if I was less of a pain in the ass, my mom might have stayed," I said slowly.
Autumn let out a small gasping sound, and slid back into her chair directly across from me. "Brynn," she said reaching over and grabbing my hand between hers. "Your mom was mentally ill."
"I know," I said harshly. "I know," I repeated because I finally, suddenly did.
Rett squeezed my thigh. I cleared my throat. "I know that," I said. "But it took me a while to figure it out."
I forced myself to look up at Autumn, to meet her eye and there was nothing but love and concern there. She didn't hate me for speaking my mind. She didn't hate me for telling her what it was that I liked and didn't like.
Something inside of me that had been stretched too tight for far too long suddenly gave way, no longer containing me inside its bounds. Relief like cool water flooded my chest. I smiled, and I felt like I could do so freely for maybe the first time in my life. "Yeah, so," I went on. "I think I'll have the brownies."