Chapter Forty-Four

Callum

 

The earliest the OB/GYN could see us was three agonizing weeks away. And by the time all three of us were together again, sitting in the waiting room, there was no mistaking the small rise in her tummy. Seeing that rising swell did something to me. Something that was so old and primal I wasn't sure it had a name.

She was swinging her feet. Around and around in these hypnotizing little figure eights. I figured it was better to stare at them, rather than think about what we were doing here in this office.

Gray cleared his throat and closed his hand over her knee. "You okay?" he asked her.

I heard her inhale sharply through her nose. He'd been asking her that pretty much nonstop since she'd told us. It had to be getting irritating.

But she took a deep breath. "I'm okay," she said and the level grit in her voice was much more convincing than the expression on her face. She looked wide-eyed, absolutely freaked out. I slid my hand over her knee. "Do you want..." I cleared my throat. "Want us to come in there with you?"

She leaned back and sort of stared at the ceiling and I got the feeling she was trying not to look me in the eyes. "No," she said. "I need to do this alone."

"Why?" asked Gray.

I nodded. "Yeah. You're not alone."

A faint ghost of a smile twitched at the corner of her lips, and she finally, finally stopped staring off into space and looked at me. She looked at both of us, then looked over her shoulder. Then, in the quickest, sweetest little motion in the world she kissed our cheeks, first Gray's, then mine.

At that moment the door opened. "Harper McCabe?" called the nurse, not even looking up from her chart.

She took a deep breath, nodded once and then slung her legs out, pointing her toes like a dancer before landing on them. "I'll be right back." She told us both.

We both nodded and sat back. Gray started bouncing his leg up and down, up and down, up and down. So fast that it was almost a vibration. I could feel it through the floor. He was rattling the entire row of chairs, sending out a faint metallic clinking sound. I looked at him, significantly, but he kept bouncing that leg, up and down, up and down, then leaned over and rested his elbow on his knee, so that his whole body was vibrating now and it was driving me absolutely up a wall and...

"Stop it," I hissed.

Gray looked up sharply, then down at his leg. He placed his hand deliberately on his knee, like he was trying to stop it, like he couldn't stop it on its own. "Sorry," he sing-songed.

I leaned back, feeling tense. Feeling pissed off, feeling like I wanted to stand up and start knocking things over. All the stupid posters of happy families, happy couples, and all of them, all of them there was only one guy. One guy. This was so fucked up. That might be my baby in there, or it might not be, but I had a hand in its existence, no matter what. Regardless of the outcome, I was still involved.

Could I walk away? I leaned over and put my head into my hands and Gray started vibrating his knee again. But this time I didn't even bother to chastise him. I almost found the vibrations to be soothing, at least it made me think of something other than the fact that I had a hand in making that baby in there. But what if it wasn't mine? What if it was Gray's?

I looked over at Gray. By the rapidity of his vibrating, I knew he was probably thinking the same thing. What if the baby was mine? If it was mine, would he be angry? Hurt? How did I feel? About all this?

If it were any other girl, any other girl in the world and Gray was suddenly a father? Hell, I'd be in that baby's life so fast it would get annoying. I'd teach the kid all the stupid shit that Gray was terrible at. Like how to pick up your fucking towel off bathroom floor, and how to organize your life. But Gray would be a great father too, teaching his kid how to be random and fun and whatever baking skills he chose to pass on. If it were any other girl, I'd be the uncle that remembered every birthday, went to every baseball game, or every gymnastics meet. I’d fucking be there.

And if I had a baby, Gray would be the same way.

I leaned back in my chair. But it wasn't any other girl. It was Harper. And if the baby was Gray's... well I'd be in that child's life no matter what. And since it was Harper's baby... What would be the difference?

I looked up at Gray. He had stopped vibrating. He looked up at me and I willed him, for once in his life, to just get it without needing it spelled out for him. I closed my eyes and hoped like hell he'd just know that I was in this. For real. That the baby inside Harper's belly wasn't his or mine. It was...ours.

Just like Harper herself.