Chapter Three
Brynn
" a great summer!" the secretary called brightly.
I smiled and waved, but I was already out the door. The last day of the school year still brought me that same sense of release and freedom that it brought when I was a student myself.
And just like it did when I was a kid, I saw the whole of the summer stretched out before me, with nothing going on.
This was the first summer since I started teaching that I'd allowed myself to take off completely. And the prospect of so much down time had me both giddy with promise and terrified with possibility.
"You want to go grab a drink?" Myra Gibbons called. She was new this year, teaching the second grade special ed program. I liked her well enough, but she had a tendency to stare directly into your eyes as she spoke to you, mouthing along with your words, a habit I found completely disconcerting.
I smiled brightly. "You know?" I said, trying to keep the lie out of my voice. "I think I might just head home. Relax," I sighed.
Myra nodded, her lips already moving along with my words. "I get that, enjoy it."
I backed up a little. "I will." I waited as she headed out to her car. Maybe I would go home, and just veg out a little. This last day, with all its frantic goodbyes and final projects and hugs and kisses and wiped noses had my head spinning. In particular, there was Grace, the little girl who had come in only a month ago. She'd hugged me so tightly before walking out the door that I wondered what exactly it was she thought she was clinging to.
Then I shook my head. Maybe I did need a drink after all. But I wasn't going to go where Myra was headed, to one of the trendy bars along the waterfront that had just opened with the new development. No, I was going to go to my second home.
*****
I walked into my father's bar like I owned the place. Which I guess I sort of did, a little bit. Reese's Pub was my father's by way of ownership, but it was mine by right of having basically grown up inside of these wood-paneled walls. I felt as at home here as I did in my own little Cape Cod on Gibson Street.
And after last night's disturbance, maybe even more.
I walked in with my head held high and took a quick survey of the place. A few scraggly clumps of locals huddled in the corners, looking like they were battening down to survive the onslaught of tourists that would be taking over our town starting this weekend. The last week of school was also the first week of the busy season, and all the shop owners in Reckless Falls were ready, my father included. Reese's Pub wasn't a tourist hangout, but it was definitely a place the locals retreated to when fleeing the tourists.
As I strode across the wide-planked floor, I took in a great lungful of that scent that is peculiar to dive bars. The sharp tang of the lemons my father was cutting now, the strangely enticing aroma of spilled beer soaked into the floor boards and that dusty whiff of cigarettes smoked long ago, haunting the air like restless ghosts.
I was a queen and this was my castle.
"Hey Pop," I called to my father as he turned to lift a case of liquor onto the shelf.
"Hey Brynn-Bee," my dad called back, smiling. His ruddy, red nose looked even redder in the low light. "Last day at the coal mines, right?"
I nodded, then jumped up onto a stool. "Sweet sweet freedom," I sighed, giving him a big grin. "This is why I went into teaching after all."
My father arched a bushy eyebrow. It was always amazing to me that he could grow hair on every other place of in his body except for his head. "You went into teaching because you love teaching," he sighed at me, wiping down the bar in the same tight circles he always used. "Don't give me that lazy crap."
I shifted in my seat, basking in his roundabout praise. "Maybe I am lazy, and you just have to have the wrong opinion of me," I pointed out.
My dad lowered his arched brow, then arched the other one. It was one of his favorite party tricks and it never failed to make me snort. "Maybe you're right," he grinned.
I laughed out loud and then turned to see the door swinging open. "I knew I'd see you here!" Autumn Melton-Granger called across the room.
I stood up and clapped my hands, and then did a quick little jig. "Free free free," I chanted as my friend and co-teacher came up to give me a relieved hug.
"Yeah, you're not doing anything now are you?" Autumn said, sliding on to the stool next to me. Her red hair fairly glowed in the low light.
Without a word, my father plunked down two bottles of the local cider mill's latest offering in front of us. I nodded my thanks at him. "How was your last day?" I asked.
Autumn shrugged. "It's going to be more of the same tomorrow for me. I don't know why I signed up to work in the day care center. I must've been out of my mind."
"Paying off wedding costs?" I teased her. Autumn's wedding in February had been an over the top celebration of her finally, finally marrying Cole Granger, her high school sweetheart.
She rolled her eyes. "I'm probably going to be paying those off for the rest of my life."
"You should have let your grandfather pay," I reminded her. Earl Melton used to own the marina in town before he sold off the land around it for a small fortune. "He would have."
"He needs that money for the assisted living program, as much as he tries to tell me otherwise," Autumn huffed, lifting her glass and taking an expert sniff of her drink before sipping it carefully, then rolling it around in her mouth. She fancied herself a beer expert. Me, I just liked drinking. "No," she went on, setting her glass back down. "Cole and I were determined to pay for it ourselves. We just, sort of let it get away from us." She shrugged and lifted her drink again, this time taking a much healthier swig. "Oh well," she said brightly. "At least you don't have to work!"
I grinned. "It feels weird, but kind of delightful too," I sighed happily. Then I wrinkled my nose. "I mean, it was bittersweet leaving the kids, that's for sure." I went quiet for a moment, thinking back to this morning and little Gracie. "You're going to have Grace Moore in your class, right?"
Autumn thought for a moment. "Yeah I think I saw her on the rolls."
I sighed. "She gave me this hug this morning and I swear it took Lettie and Val both to peel her back off again," I said, naming two of the one-on-one aides in my classroom.
Autumn arched her eyebrow. "She's the new girl right? How did she end up?"
"Still quiet," I sighed again. Grace was just one of those kids that gets under your skin. "Still not really playing with her peers," I fretted. "I feel like I was just starting to draw her out of her shell, but then the school year was over." I sighed and finally took a swig of my cider, then wrinkled my nose. It was way too tart.
"Well I saw her on my attendance list for the summer enrollments," Autumn soothed. "We'll be sure to work on some of the same skills you are working on."
"Why are you so good?" I teased her.
Autumn rolled her eyes. "Tell me that again. I feel like I can't get a handle on anything."
"You're still adjusting to newlywed life," I reassured her. "Sharing your life with someone else has gotta be weird."
"He pees with the door open," she said leaning forward and whispering excitedly. "I don't think I'm ever going to get used to that."
"You will," I said. "Before long you both can be going to the bathroom with the door open." Autumn made a scandalized noise and pressed her hand to her heart. I laughed all the harder. "I really don't know how you share your space like that," I said loftily. "This summer is going to be all about me. And I know that sounds completely self-serving," I said, swirling my cider idly in my glass, "but fuck it, that's what I mean."
The good thing about Autumn was she always supported me, even when my ideas were complete shit. She leaned forward excitedly. "What have you got planned?"
"So many things," I declared, my mind already rushing off at a gallop. "I'm thinking first off, I'm going to start doing some journaling." I nodded and started ticking off my goals on my fingers. "Daily yoga practice, trying my hand at meditation, training, really figure out what's inside of me, you know?"
Autumn, good friend that she was, nodded sagely. "That sounds wonderful," she said. "But make sure you leave some room for girl-time in with all that me-time too, okay? We need to have our wine and dessert nights." She leaned forward and whispered like she was imparting state secrets. "I found a new cheesecake recipe you're going to die for."
I swallowed back a retch. I hated cheesecake, but somewhere along the line Autumn had become convinced that it was my absolute favorite, probably because she was so proud of her baking and I was trying to be nice. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the texture made me gag.
The upshot of this was that wine and dessert nights with my best friend were something I dreaded rather than looked forward to.
I smiled brightly and tried to deftly change the subject. "I was thinking I should hike more too," I mused, twirling my bottle around. "We've got all these trails around here, and I rarely ever hike."
It seemed Autumn's support only extended so far. She raised her eyebrows. "You hate hiking," she reminded me.
She caught me. "Yeah," I sighed. "But maybe I'm wrong, you know? Maybe I say that, but I don't really know for sure because I haven't tried it enough. I do that a lot, you know?"
"I guess so," she said, sounding slightly confused.
Not being certain about what you want was something that Autumn would never understand. From a very young age she had her entire life mapped out. Marrying her high school sweetheart was just one more tick off the checklist of things that she'd lined up to accomplish, and she was checking them off one by one, in perfect order.
But my life seemed to be nothing more than a series of fits and starts. Every time I tried to figure out what it was I really wanted, something else came along to derail me entirely. "I'm thinking about this new motto," I told Autumn. "It really resonated with me. If you want to fly, let go of everything that leaves you down."
"That's really profound actually," Autumn said.
I nodded, warming to the subject of mottoes, which was a personal favorite of mine. "Yeah, so, I'm trying to let go of clutter. You know all the time wasting I manage to do."
"You mean like that weekend when we were supposed to go up to my aunt's place and you spent the entire weekend binging The Office on Netflix?" Autumn interjected
I looked down. "Pretty much exactly that, yeah," I deadpanned.
"If you like it, why do you hate yourself for doing it?"
"I don't hate myself," I protested. "I'm just... exasperated with myself, if that makes sense."
"It makes perfect sense," Autumn said. "Because you always are."
I grabbed my cider off the bar. Too tart or not, I needed that drink just then. Because she was totally right.