“When is it the right time to tell a woman that you’re in love with her?” I ask Alex one Friday afternoon when we’re eating lunch in his office.

His hands holding a sandwich stop halfway to his mouth and his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“You’re asking me that? How the fuck would I know?”

I sigh and take a sip from my water bottle.

“Look,” he starts after he’s taken a huge bite, “I’m clearly no expert, but I’m thinking that if you love someone, you should tell them the minute you realise that you’ve gone mental.”

My lips turn down in an unhappy frown.

“Just like that, yeah?”

“Fuck, yes. If you’re so sure of your own feelings, why keep them locked away? I’ve never understood that.”

I shrug.

“Probably because most people don’t simply blurt out their wayward thoughts like you do.”

He swallows his food on a low chuckle.

“Well, maybe you’re right.” The amusement fades from his eyes and he frowns at me. “Honestly, though? If you know you love her, why wait?”

He does have a point, but baring my heart is a risk. Placing it on a platter, handing it over, when I don’t even know if Laura feels the same way makes me vulnerable. Exposed. I’m not used to that. Sometimes, it feels like she does, but until I hear the words fall from her sweet lips, I won’t know for certain.

As we finish our lunch, I can’t help but wonder if the way Laura looks at me sometimes is her way of telling me that she feels the same way but is too scared to say the words. Given her past, I can’t say I blame her.

I thought I knew what love was before I met her. First, there was Rebecca, and then Emma—why else would I have felt so hollow and broken when she turned me down? But the feelings I harbour towards my Scottish sweetheart are so much stronger, I’m starting to think that maybe I was never really in love with Emma. Not completely. Maybe only half in love…but is there even such a thing?

I feel so much more when I’m with Laura. Maybe too much. These feelings are too intense. Too overwhelming.

As if she knows I’m thinking about her, my phone pings with a text. I pick it up and swipe the screen, unable to wipe the foolish grin off my lips when I read her text.

My grin turns into a full-blown smile, and I text her back like an overeager teenager.

Fuck. It hits me straight in my cock every single time she calls me that.

“Fuck, lad, you’re so far gone, it’s not even funny to tease you about it,” Alex grumbles beside me. He gives me a soft jab on my shoulder with his fist, but I just shake my head at him.

All I can think about the rest of the afternoon is seeing Laura again.

* * *

“Mummy, can we keep Thunder?” Ailith asks me as I glide down from his back, careful not to startle him.

My lips pull up in a confused smile.

“That’s a strange question coming from you. You know we don’t keep the horses once they’re fully rehabilitated, sweetie.”

The flare of hope in her eyes dies down, making me feel wretched, but it’s just the way it’s always been. I gather the reins in my right hand before I motion Ailith closer. Slowly, her head hanging down, she walks towards me and I hug her to my side. Thunder turns his head and I can’t help but notice his eyes appear sad, too.

But he can’t be sad. He’s just a horse.

I look down at my daughter and give her a gentle squeeze.

“Listen, it’ll be a long time before this guy will be able to trust anybody else but us. So let’s talk about it again when we reach that point, okay?”

She heaves a sigh but nods.

“Okay.”

“Come on.” I turn us around and head for the stables. Thunder snorts once, but follows me placidly. “I have to get ready for my date with Kristian.”

Just thinking about him sends a swarm of delicious butterflies through my tummy.

“Can I ask you a question, Mummy?”

I cluck my tongue at her.

“Of course. You can ask me anything, you know that.”

“Well…” Ailith squints her eyes at me before she takes my outstretched hand. “I was just wondering if Kristian makes you happy?”

Warmth settles in my heart and I smile gently at her. She’s taken to my new relationship status really well—better than I’d expected—but I’ve known it wouldn’t be long before she started grilling me.

She’s a smart girl.

“Yes, he does.”

When her smile breaks through, I almost have to catch my breath at the sheer happiness in her eyes.

“I’m glad. I’m happy you’re not so sad anymore.”

“Oh, sweetie.” I take a deep breath as we enter the stables. “That means a lot to me.”

“Are you going to get married?”

I almost stumble and suppress a nervous laugh.

“We haven’t known each other for that long, Ailith. It’s way too soon to think about marriage. Plus, I’m not sure I ever want to get married again.”

“Why not?”

I stop next to Thunder’s stall, and turn to unstrap the girth on the saddle as I think carefully about how to answer that. I remove the saddle and place it on the ground before I turn to face her.

“People don’t always get married even though they love each other,” I answer, keeping my voice soft. “It doesn’t mean they’re afraid to commit—it’s just not for them. I respect and understand that.”

“I don’t understand.”

I can’t contain my chuckle, and tap lightly on her nose, amused at the small frown that appears between her eyes.

“Don’t you worry about it. When you’re older, I’ll try to explain things to you. You just concentrate on being a child for now, please.”

She nibbles on her lips, nodding slowly as I turn back to remove Thunder’s harness.

“Do you love him?” Her question throws me for a loop and as I feel the blush creep up my neck underneath my turtleneck, I’m relieved she can’t see it.

Oh, crap.

Feeling cornered, I glance down at her. The way she looks at me, so serious and old beyond her years, makes me sad. My baby is growing up way too fast.

But at the back of my mind, I know she deserves the truth. She always has and she always will.

I hang Thunder’s tack on the peg on the door to his stall and then lead him inside, sliding the door closed behind me, before I take a deep breath. Finding my courage, I turn around, walk the few steps separating us, and crouch down. I don’t want to hide from her, but at the same time, this isn’t exactly the kind of conversation I’d thought we’d have a mere month ago. Heck, I never thought we would before I met Kristian, yet here I am—thirty-three years old and with a boyfriend who’s seven years younger than me.

Feeling way out of my depth here, I wipe my suddenly sweaty palms on my thighs and muster up the courage I need for this kind of conversation. Nerves dance in my belly as I meet her gaze. She tilts her head to the side, eyes wary yet curious, and I take both her hands in mine and wait until she shuffles closer.

“Sweetie, Kristian and I are just enjoying ourselves.” Crap…I have no clue if she understands what I’m saying, so I wet my lips and try again. “When two grown-ups really like each other, they take the time they need to get to know each other properly. So, while we’re dating, it’s a little early to talk about love. Let’s leave it at that, yeah?” I give her a crooked smile. “But I promise you this—whatever happens between us, you’ll be the first to know about it. Deal?”

Ailith nods slowly, but the usual openness that always stares back at me from her blue eyes is vacant. A sinking feeling settles in my stomach at the shuttered look in her eyes. When she opens her mouth to speak, I smile encouragingly at her.

“I like him,” she whispers. I squeeze her hands gently, somewhat happier that she does. “But I don’t want him to hurt you.”

Ah, bloody hell.

I release her hands and cup her small face in my hands. I close the distance between us until the tips of our noses are so close, they almost touch.

“Listen to me,” I whisper fiercely, willing her to understand. “Kristian will never hurt me like your father did, Ailith.” I force the big lump that’s settled in my throat back and blink furiously at the tears that are misting in my eyes. “I promise you that. It’s not in his nature to be cruel. Trust me on this, please?”

She sniffles but nods again.

“I’m so sorry I ever let our lives spin so out of control, sweetie. You know that, don’t you?”

Another nod. Another twinge in my heart.

“Do you think he likes me, too?” she asks then.

“Oh, I have no doubt about that,” I smile. “Remember the Disney movie marathon we did a while back?”

Light is brought back to her eyes at the memory, and I breathe a small sigh of relief when she giggles.

“That was so much fun, Mummy.”

I kiss her nose and nod as I lean back from her.

“It was epic,” I whisper. “We must do it again some time.”

“Oh, can we?”

“We’re the Turley girls, remember? We can do anything and everything we want to do.”

When she flings her arms around me, I topple right on my arse, but I couldn’t care less.

“I love you, Mummy,” she laughs in my ear.

I kiss her cheek and hold her even tighter, almost overcome with emotion. I force the tears that’s threatening to spill down on my cheeks away, feeling a little silly. This is not a sad moment—quite the opposite—and there is no room for tears in our lives anymore.

“I love you, too, mi agra,” I whisper. My love. I hold her a while longer in my arms, but when my phone starts ringing, I release her and get up from the ground. I manage to pull it out from the pocket on my fleece sweater and a frown settles between my eyes when it just then stops ringing. I swipe the screen to ring back whoever it was, but when the word Private Number stares up at me, unease runs down my spine. I glance at Ailith who doesn’t seem to have noticed anything about the tenseness I’m feeling.

“Wrong number,” I explain.

It’s not a lie—but I don’t know if it’s the truth, either.

She shrugs, and when I hear Mum’s voice calling from outside, we both turn and walk out from the stables to meet her. My eyes bulge when I watch her running—actually running—towards us.

The alarm on her face makes the blood in my veins turn cold.

“What is it?” I whisper as she stops in front of me, putting her hands on my shoulders.

“Kristian’s boss, Alex, just phoned me, honey,” she huffs. “Now, I don’t want you to panic, but Kristian has been in an accident, and he’s in hospital.”

I gasp and wrap my arms around my middle, trying to keep the overwhelming tightness in my chest at bay.

“No,” I whisper as I feel debilitating fear rising up in my throat.

Mum’s hands tighten on my shoulders.

“Don’t, Laura. Breathe.”

“Mummy…” Ailith’s scared voice gives me the strength I need to push the panic away, and I gulp, taking deep breaths.

“What happened?” I ask her and take Ailith’s hand in mine. I need to feel her skin against mine, or I’ll break apart.

Mum grimaces.

“According to Alex, Kristian was leaving the shop to get them something to drink and didn’t see a speeding car as he crossed the street. Alex did, though, and managed to run to him just as the car was about to hit him straight on. He grabbed his T-shirt and pulled him back, but Kristian fell flat on his back and hit his head on the asphalt. He lost consciousness for a spell.”

I push a hand to my mouth as anguish washes over me.

“Oh, God.”

Trembles course through me as I picture Kristian lying on the ground, helpless.

“Gan-Gan, will he be okay?” Ailith pipes up next to me.

I stare hard at Mum, and when she hesitates, I bite down hard on my lip. I try to read her eyes, to see the kind of assurance I so long to see. Worry, and uncertainty, however, are all that meet me, and my mouth turns completely dry. She turns her head to Ailith beside me.

“Yes, lass, he will be fine.”

How I wish I could believe her, but with the uncertainty in her voice, all I can think about is that I need to go to him—I need to see him.

“Come. I’ll drive us to Glasgow.” Mum takes my hand, and flanked by her and my daughter, I force my legs to start moving in the direction of my Beetle.

“Mummy?”

I squeeze Ailith’s hand, letting her know that I can hear her, but I’m afraid that if I start talking now, I’ll burst into tears. As I open the door to the backseat and help her get inside, she tugs on my hand. I raise my eyes from the ground and swallow hard, keeping the tears at bay.

“You heard what Gan-Gan said. He’ll be okay, Mummy,” she whispers.

It’s impossible for me to smile, but I nod once before clearing my throat.

“Buckle up, sweetie,” I whisper and hurry to shut the door before I round the car to get in beside Mum.

“He will be fine,” she mutters grimly as she turns the ignition.

I grind my teeth, still forcing my lips to remain tightly shut.

I pray to every God that exists and hope she’s right, but until I’ve seen him, I know I won’t fully believe her words.

The drive to the city has never felt as endless as it does now. As Mum takes us closer to the hospital, I try to stop myself from thinking the worst. The pessimist in me is hard to tamp down.

Still I pray, because there is a bigger part of me—the one that refuses to believe my newfound happiness has ended so soon—that will not accept it.

I refuse to believe that tragedy has struck down on me again.

I can’t lose him now that I’ve finally found him.